Why request friends if you're not going to interact?
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emhunter
Posts: 1,212 Member
I am satisfied with the friends I already have, but occasionally I receive friend requests and accept the request, only to find out that the friend is silent on my posts all the time. Or that they never bother to be social and comment on anyone's post besides their own. It seems counterproductive to me.
I comment on all of my friends' posts almost every day, but inevitably end up with friends that never comment on my posts, or exert any energy towards supporting anyone else. I feel bad deleting the person, but eventually I do. My question is for those that do this, is why? Why send a friend request if you don't bother to read that persons profile or interact with them or return the support they are giving you? It seems like it would be easier to save your energy and not request someone just to end up getting deleted.
I comment on all of my friends' posts almost every day, but inevitably end up with friends that never comment on my posts, or exert any energy towards supporting anyone else. I feel bad deleting the person, but eventually I do. My question is for those that do this, is why? Why send a friend request if you don't bother to read that persons profile or interact with them or return the support they are giving you? It seems like it would be easier to save your energy and not request someone just to end up getting deleted.
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Replies
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I totally delete agree with you. I've noticed that there are some members who have 100's of friends . How in hell can anyone communicate and give support with all those people. I think these are the people who you are referring to. I only have 3-4 friends and they are all family members with the exception of 1.0
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Yea, I have yet to see a person with over 100 friends really be supportive to everyone. Maybe it can be done. But still, I honestly don't see the point in having all the friends if you don't want to keep up with them at all. I don't expect a comment every day, but occasionally seems like not a lot to ask. If you have no intention on doing that, what do you want friends?
I try to keep my list to no more than 50. And I get when others "fall off" or stop posting all together. I don't delete them provided them come back within the year, but those that posts all the time on only their page, baffle me.0 -
Some people are just inspirational in themselves and others want to have their daily activity and accomplishments appear in their feed to draw motivation from. Maybe you should feel flatter they are inspired by just your daily logging, or let them know before you accept the FR that you expect interaction to stay on your FL.0
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@rtp_slg52181 that's a good point. Perhaps I should feel flattered. I've not been angry when the person doesn't support others, just totally confused at the reasoning for being so one-sided in their journey.
I've also thought about messaging back but then I thought it might come across a bit intense. But you're right, I probably should try to find a way to do that. It can be a bit of an awkward exchange though
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@rtp_slg52181 that's a good point. Perhaps I should feel flattered. I've not been angry when the person doesn't support others, just totally confused at the reasoning for being so one-sided in their journey.
I've also thought about messaging back but then I thought it might come across a bit intense. But you're right, I probably should try to find a way to do that. It can be a bit of an awkward exchange though .
I don't know if your wall is public or not but you can post something about it there. If they don't take the time to read it than they aren't worth keeping anyway and you shouldn't feel bad giving them the boot from your FL.0 -
I communicate with my friends. Only a few are active. You can pick me as your friend.0
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How do you know they aren't reading your status'? I read all of the status feeds on my wall but I don't post or like on many of them. Doesn't mean I don't care. I just don't say anything is all.
Some people prefer to "lurk".
I personally enjoy reading all of the status feeds. And sometimes I do interact with my friends or interact in other ways. But I don't have the time nor do I want to reply to every little thing.
Same with Facebook. I read everything, I just don't post too much unless I have something meaningful to say.0 -
Maybe they don't agree with what you have to say? Maybe they just haven't logged on or don't care enough to comment?
I have over 100 friends and Have been on here for years. For me, I only accept requests from people that I have something In common with . I have a full time job, and all the other busy type of stuff going on. So I don't comment on each of my friends status updates , I just have a busy schedule and better things to do then sit on mfp all day and comment. I also don't expect them to comment on all my stuff. I know life doesn't revolve around mfp for most normal people.
So just be selective as to whom you accept and delete those you don't like( or don't comment)0 -
Add me0
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@Ninkyou I never said that I think they are not reading them. I also don't want or need them to reply to everything. I do expect them to occasionally comment though.
But I think you're right some people do prefer to lurk. I still don't consider mfp like facebook bc facebook is a way to keep in touch with many people throughout the course of their life. Mfp seems to encourage more interaction and stimulation to help each other with their fitness journey.0 -
@thorsmom01 I am selective in who I pick. I keep my list to no more than 50 people and constantly decline requests. I probably only accept 10% of my requests. And rarely do I request anyone.
I work 50-60 hour weeks. I don't have time to sit on mfp all day. I designate 10-20 mins daily to log my food and exercise and comment on friends posts. Some days I spend more time, some days less. I have been on mfp since March 2011. So I am sort of bored with the whole thing sometimes.
But my question was why request someone to be your friend if you're silent. I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
I also don't mind when they haven't logged in and that's why they aren't commenting. It's when they are actively posting about themselves and never encourage or support anyone else that I wonder why add any of us. But I guess the reason is some people like to just lurk. I wish there was a way to indicate if you were only a lurker!0 -
@thorsmom01 I am selective in who I pick. I keep my list to no more than 50 people and constantly decline requests. I probably only accept 10% of my requests. And rarely do I request anyone.
I work 50-60 hour weeks. I don't have time to sit on mfp all day. I designate 10-20 mins daily to log my food and exercise and comment on friends posts. Some days I spend more time, some days less. I have been on mfp since March 2011. So I am sort of bored with the whole thing sometimes.
But my question was why request someone to be your friend if you're silent. I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
I also don't mind when they haven't logged in and that's why they aren't commenting. It's when they are actively posting about themselves and never encourage or support anyone else that I wonder why add any of us. But I guess the reason is some people like to just lurk. I wish there was a way to indicate if you were only a lurker!
For once, we agree about something! Lurking! I also know some people just lurk, and that's fine with me. In fact, that's how some people learn. They read and read and read until they get the information they are looking for. So , it really would be sad to delete someone who was just reading and too shy to comment.
But as far as the others go, if they aren't active at all then it does feel like they are just taking up space . if there was a way to see if someone was lurking, it would make the decision not to delete them easier . surely you wouldn't want to delete someone who was just too shy to share or ask questions.
So yes , we finally agree. ( don't expect it to happen often though. Lol !)
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I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
Well the streak increases every 5 days. Over the course of a year, that's 73 times. For some people (I'll use me as an example), have logged for a long time. I've been logging for 875 days. I can understand it being novel seeing triple digits to newer friends/members and whatnot, but as time goes on, it's like "Yeah, you've been here a long time, cool. I don't need to "like" it every 5 days now though. With my own streak, that's 175 times a friend could have potentially liked. That's alot. I certainly don't expect a like that many times. Maaaaybe on large round numbers (like 365, which would be a 1 year anniversary, I'd hope would be noticeable and celebrated).
As for exercise, same thing. For me, I only like them when there's a particularly interesting workout or an increase in weights on a progressive load type deal.
Same for diaries. I typically don't even look at them unless I'm trying to get meal ideas. Or if I see something that looks ridiculously yummy I might comment. But I'm not going to "like" it everytime someone closes their diary.
This is just my own experience though.0 -
I'll comment
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I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
Well the streak increases every 5 days. Over the course of a year, that's 73 times. For some people (I'll use me as an example), have logged for a long time. I've been logging for 875 days. I can understand it being novel seeing triple digits to newer friends/members and whatnot, but as time goes on, it's like "Yeah, you've been here a long time, cool. I don't need to "like" it every 5 days now though. With my own streak, that's 175 times a friend could have potentially liked. That's alot. I certainly don't expect a like that many times. Maaaaybe on large round numbers (like 365, which would be a 1 year anniversary, I'd hope would be noticeable and celebrated).
As for exercise, same thing. For me, I only like them when there's a particularly interesting workout or an increase in weights on a progressive load type deal.
Same for diaries. I typically don't even look at them unless I'm trying to get meal ideas. Or if I see something that looks ridiculously yummy I might comment. But I'm not going to "like" it everytime someone closes their diary.
This is just my own experience though.
Yes I agree about the streak thing. That gets old fast ! I have 1000 days on this acct and had 280 on my first acct. So yeah, every 5 days saying " congrats! Keep logging " does get old. Lol ! They should make the streak count update every 50 days instead of 5.0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »@thorsmom01 I am selective in who I pick. I keep my list to no more than 50 people and constantly decline requests. I probably only accept 10% of my requests. And rarely do I request anyone.
I work 50-60 hour weeks. I don't have time to sit on mfp all day. I designate 10-20 mins daily to log my food and exercise and comment on friends posts. Some days I spend more time, some days less. I have been on mfp since March 2011. So I am sort of bored with the whole thing sometimes.
But my question was why request someone to be your friend if you're silent. I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
I also don't mind when they haven't logged in and that's why they aren't commenting. It's when they are actively posting about themselves and never encourage or support anyone else that I wonder why add any of us. But I guess the reason is some people like to just lurk. I wish there was a way to indicate if you were only a lurker!
For once, we agree about something! Lurking! I also know some people just lurk, and that's fine with me. In fact, that's how some people learn. They read and read and read until they get the information they are looking for. So , it really would be sad to delete someone who was just reading and too shy to comment.
But as far as the others go, if they aren't active at all then it does feel like they are just taking up space . if there was a way to see if someone was lurking, it would make the decision not to delete them easier . surely you wouldn't want to delete someone who was just too shy to share or ask questions.
So yes , we finally agree. ( don't expect it to happen often though. Lol !)
Lol the heavens have parted. SERIOUSLY! Not only do we agree but I also walk away feeling like okay, you taught me something. No shade thrown there. Just saying you're providing feedback that I had not thought of.
You're right, it would be a shame to delete those that are shy. I thought I could tell who that is, but maybe some of them that I think are rude may be shy. I thought my commenting on their updates and occasionally randomly posting on their wall would be enough to break them out their shell but yea, it might not work for all.
Okay agreeing and a productive convo between us, lol, not holding my breath on a repeat. But for now, I'll store it that we at least see this one issue the same!0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
Well the streak increases every 5 days. Over the course of a year, that's 73 times. For some people (I'll use me as an example), have logged for a long time. I've been logging for 875 days. I can understand it being novel seeing triple digits to newer friends/members and whatnot, but as time goes on, it's like "Yeah, you've been here a long time, cool. I don't need to "like" it every 5 days now though. With my own streak, that's 175 times a friend could have potentially liked. That's alot. I certainly don't expect a like that many times. Maaaaybe on large round numbers (like 365, which would be a 1 year anniversary, I'd hope would be noticeable and celebrated).
As for exercise, same thing. For me, I only like them when there's a particularly interesting workout or an increase in weights on a progressive load type deal.
Same for diaries. I typically don't even look at them unless I'm trying to get meal ideas. Or if I see something that looks ridiculously yummy I might comment. But I'm not going to "like" it everytime someone closes their diary.
This is just my own experience though.
Yes I agree about the streak thing. That gets old fast ! I have 1000 days on this acct and had 280 on my first acct. So yeah, every 5 days saying " congrats! Keep logging " does get old. Lol ! They should make the streak count update every 50 days instead of 5.
You could turn that feature off0 -
I find I only comment on an auto generated post if the person first posts a reason why it should be exciting.
Ex
Random workout post but person comments "first time I ran a full mile with out stopping to rest" or any other victory this particular auto generated post is a milestone representation of.0 -
I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
Well the streak increases every 5 days. Over the course of a year, that's 73 times. For some people (I'll use me as an example), have logged for a long time. I've been logging for 875 days. I can understand it being novel seeing triple digits to newer friends/members and whatnot, but as time goes on, it's like "Yeah, you've been here a long time, cool. I don't need to "like" it every 5 days now though. With my own streak, that's 175 times a friend could have potentially liked. That's alot. I certainly don't expect a like that many times. Maaaaybe on large round numbers (like 365, which would be a 1 year anniversary, I'd hope would be noticeable and celebrated).
As for exercise, same thing. For me, I only like them when there's a particularly interesting workout or an increase in weights on a progressive load type deal.
Same for diaries. I typically don't even look at them unless I'm trying to get meal ideas. Or if I see something that looks ridiculously yummy I might comment. But I'm not going to "like" it everytime someone closes their diary.
This is just my own experience though.
Agreed I don't need a comment on login streak every 5 days.
I have friends that pop in and out of mfp all the time. They post on my wall a few times a month and that's it. I don't consider that just a lurker. But I know her name and we occasionally send PMs (maybe twice a year) and I feel like we have gotten to know each other a bit. So the fact she rarely comments now doesn't bother me at all.
Again, simply talking about those that you never get interaction from. I can't decide exactly where you fall on the spectrum of only lurking and supportive so can't say if you are just a lurker. But it sounds like you are still not one of the people that im talking about. Some people are silent. And there is no interaction ever.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't lurk though. If that's what you like to do, then I understand. Hadn't crossed my mind that people send friend requests just to lurk. But I do feel like maybe lurkers should tell people that upfront! Lol or something...because it feels like such a waste of my time.0 -
I agree with the OP. I now have 98 friends - only maybe 3 of which I sent the request - yet maybe 10-15 are actively interacting with me. I log daily and I like and comment and interact with everyone who posts. So where are the other 85 people??? Why friend a person if you're not trying to support and encourage them? It shouldn't be a one way street, IMHO.0
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