Why request friends if you're not going to interact?
Replies
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FatSwatter wrote: »
I would say that many of us that ask for friends that reciprocate positive energy don't REQUIRE encouragement. My initial concern was the perception that they were only takers and thought it was just not polite to not acknowledge your "friends." And initially thought those people were rude. Now others have pointed out why they do it and it makes sense to me now.
Honestly, I used to think the same thing which is one of the reasons I was drawn to this thread. I guess after reflecting on myself a bit, I tried to put myself in their shoes. Of course, I definitely want to keep up the positive energy. I used to have a couple of friends who were constantly negative and no matter what anyone said in the way of encouragement (or whatever), they would have a rebuttal. It got to the point where I decided deleting was the way to go after realizing my mood changed as soon as I logged on. That said, if someone wants to vent, I don't mind. It only gets overbearing if it's constant especially if it's over the same thing. It's all about the way people frame their thought.
I think this was a good question to get out there in the open even with all the of opinions on the subject. I enjoy a healthy debate although admittedly it can get a little hairy in a public forum like this since presumably, we don't know each other. But remember you are doing this for you so decide what will help you in the long run.
Thank you. I agree with your posts totally and thank you for it.
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See I dont use facebook for personal reasons, but I feel like I'm trying to make my feed kind of like a facebook page. I want my friends to know i see their successes and struggles and I try to comment on their posts often. I want to feel like there are people here who would notice if I stopped posting and would reach out to pull me back! Im paying attention to my friends for the same, if one disappears Im sending a message and trying to get them back on track. I would want them to do the same for me.
Absolutely...I think it's just kind to do so. I understand if others aren't willing to do this, but then please don't request me as a friend.0 -
No I asked why did the people that do this, do it. No speculation there.
Well, to be fair, you asked here in the forums, and not the people on your friends list. So people answering here in the forums who are not on your friends list cannot do more than speculate. When people are speculating in this thread and you ask them to stop doing that and get back on topic, that's not fair. They can hardly do anything else.
I didn't ask people on this thread to tell me why my former friends behaved that way. I want to hear from people that do this to others, what their reasoning is. That's not speculation.
When you post in a public forum, you're going to hear from everyone who has access to those forums. That doesn't keep the responses exclusive to only those who fit into the category of 'those who do this to others'. People who read the original post are going to weigh in with opinions and speculation, and they have the right to do that. It's the nature of the forums.
I know that I can't exclude others but my post was not speculative nor did I ask others to speculate. Others can answer my question without speculating. You said people can only speculate to reply to my post which is simply not true.
If you want to know why certain friends of yours don't interact with you, the only way to not speculate would be to ask them directly.
If you only want friends that will be very active and interactive, then put it in your profile, and make that part of your profile public. It's not like you have to make much public. Leave it blank except for a message that friends must like and comment on all your posts.0 -
I comment on actual posts made by my FL where I feel I can contribute. I rarely comment on exercise, because I figure they're here to track it, not to get pompoms for it, and I never comment on diaries because mine isn't open, and I don't check anyone elses.
I guess I give the kind of interactions I expect to receive. I don't have my diary public, and have turned off the wall notification when I close it out, and I don't log my exercise on MFP so by not expecting or getting that kind of feedback, I don't feel the need to give it.
Result - I may have a lot of friends, but I have a lot of friends I actually interact and converse with, rather than a FL full of "way to go!" or "great day!"0 -
blankiefinder wrote: »No I asked why did the people that do this, do it. No speculation there.
Well, to be fair, you asked here in the forums, and not the people on your friends list. So people answering here in the forums who are not on your friends list cannot do more than speculate. When people are speculating in this thread and you ask them to stop doing that and get back on topic, that's not fair. They can hardly do anything else.
I didn't ask people on this thread to tell me why my former friends behaved that way. I want to hear from people that do this to others, what their reasoning is. That's not speculation.
When you post in a public forum, you're going to hear from everyone who has access to those forums. That doesn't keep the responses exclusive to only those who fit into the category of 'those who do this to others'. People who read the original post are going to weigh in with opinions and speculation, and they have the right to do that. It's the nature of the forums.
I know that I can't exclude others but my post was not speculative nor did I ask others to speculate. Others can answer my question without speculating. You said people can only speculate to reply to my post which is simply not true.
If you want to know why certain friends of yours don't interact with you, the only way to not speculate would be to ask them directly.
If you only want friends that will be very active and interactive, then put it in your profile, and make that part of your profile public. It's not like you have to make much public. Leave it blank except for a message that friends must like and comment on all your posts.
Yup. This.
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WinoGelato wrote: »blankiefinder wrote: »No I asked why did the people that do this, do it. No speculation there.
Well, to be fair, you asked here in the forums, and not the people on your friends list. So people answering here in the forums who are not on your friends list cannot do more than speculate. When people are speculating in this thread and you ask them to stop doing that and get back on topic, that's not fair. They can hardly do anything else.
I didn't ask people on this thread to tell me why my former friends behaved that way. I want to hear from people that do this to others, what their reasoning is. That's not speculation.
When you post in a public forum, you're going to hear from everyone who has access to those forums. That doesn't keep the responses exclusive to only those who fit into the category of 'those who do this to others'. People who read the original post are going to weigh in with opinions and speculation, and they have the right to do that. It's the nature of the forums.
I know that I can't exclude others but my post was not speculative nor did I ask others to speculate. Others can answer my question without speculating. You said people can only speculate to reply to my post which is simply not true.
If you want to know why certain friends of yours don't interact with you, the only way to not speculate would be to ask them directly.
If you only want friends that will be very active and interactive, then put it in your profile, and make that part of your profile public. It's not like you have to make much public. Leave it blank except for a message that friends must like and comment on all your posts.
Yup. This.
No not that. Because I don't want to know why my past friends did it. And I don't want a public profile so that doesn't help me. I don't want my profile blank.
If you read the thread in its entirety you will see I was satisfied with the info I got in this thread a long time ago.0 -
Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
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Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
Yes everything gets a comment unless they post more than 4 things that day. I allow a response on the diary, a workout, login streaks, and one random personal post per friend. Of course all my friends don't always put up something. I have a small friends list so it doesn't take me much time at all. If you read the entire thread I say how I make it work. I designate 10-20 mins each day to comment on posts. If I'm sick or miss a day, I catch up on everything the next day. This does not cut into my family time or my professional time in any way that is detrimental to me. I'm close with my fit friends and I want to support them.
Some comments are longer others are just a short acknowledgement letting them know I see them working.0 -
Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
Yes everything gets a comment unless they post more than 4 things that day. I allow a response on the diary, a workout, login streaks, and one random personal post per friend. Of course all my friends don't always put up something. I have a small friends list so it doesn't take me much time at all. If you read the entire thread I say how I make it work. I designate 10-20 mins each day to comment on posts. If I'm sick or miss a day, I catch up on everything the next day. This does not cut into my family time or my professional time in any way that is detrimental to me. I'm close with my fit friends and I want to support them.
Some comments are longer others are just a short acknowledgement letting them know I see them working.
You allow them? Wow, that's generous.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »
Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
Yes everything gets a comment unless they post more than 4 things that day. I allow a response on the diary, a workout, login streaks, and one random personal post per friend. Of course all my friends don't always put up something. I have a small friends list so it doesn't take me much time at all. If you read the entire thread I say how I make it work. I designate 10-20 mins each day to comment on posts. If I'm sick or miss a day, I catch up on everything the next day. This does not cut into my family time or my professional time in any way that is detrimental to me. I'm close with my fit friends and I want to support them.
Some comments are longer others are just a short acknowledgement letting them know I see them working.
You allow them? Wow, that's generous.
Ok not sure if you intentionally add words or if you're just naturally imprecise. Again I will help point out the inaccuracies. I did not say I allow THEM. I said I allow. That's what I allow myself to comment on. 4 posts/day per person. They can post how much they want. I just won't respond to more than 4 in that day. I've only had this happen a few times where someone posted 5 or more times in a day.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »
Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
Yes everything gets a comment unless they post more than 4 things that day. I allow a response on the diary, a workout, login streaks, and one random personal post per friend. Of course all my friends don't always put up something. I have a small friends list so it doesn't take me much time at all. If you read the entire thread I say how I make it work. I designate 10-20 mins each day to comment on posts. If I'm sick or miss a day, I catch up on everything the next day. This does not cut into my family time or my professional time in any way that is detrimental to me. I'm close with my fit friends and I want to support them.
Some comments are longer others are just a short acknowledgement letting them know I see them working.
You allow them? Wow, that's generous.
Ok not sure if you intentionally add words or if you're just naturally imprecise. Again I will help point out the inaccuracies. I did not say I allow THEM. I said I allow. That's what I allow myself to comment on. 4 posts/day per person. They can post how much they want. I just won't respond to more than 4 in that day. I've only had this happen a few times where someone posted 5 or more times in a day.
Actually I was referring to the types of posts as the "them". Thank you for clarifying that you allow your friends to post as many times as they like.
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WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »
Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
Yes everything gets a comment unless they post more than 4 things that day. I allow a response on the diary, a workout, login streaks, and one random personal post per friend. Of course all my friends don't always put up something. I have a small friends list so it doesn't take me much time at all. If you read the entire thread I say how I make it work. I designate 10-20 mins each day to comment on posts. If I'm sick or miss a day, I catch up on everything the next day. This does not cut into my family time or my professional time in any way that is detrimental to me. I'm close with my fit friends and I want to support them.
Some comments are longer others are just a short acknowledgement letting them know I see them working.
You allow them? Wow, that's generous.
Ok not sure if you intentionally add words or if you're just naturally imprecise. Again I will help point out the inaccuracies. I did not say I allow THEM. I said I allow. That's what I allow myself to comment on. 4 posts/day per person. They can post how much they want. I just won't respond to more than 4 in that day. I've only had this happen a few times where someone posted 5 or more times in a day.
Actually I was referring to the types of posts as the "them". Thank you for clarifying that you allow your friends to post as many times as they like.
There you go adding words again. Guess you can't help it. My friends are not my slaves or workers. They post as much as they like. I can't allow them to do anything and never said I do. I allow myself to respond to 4.
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All,
There's something like 35+ reports on this topic and it's only 7 pages long. I'm going to politely remind everyone that this is a public forum, and as long as people post within the guidelines, they may contribute to a topic. But I'm also going to remind everyone that contributions should be respectful, to please post in keeping with the topic, and to please not allow past interactions or impressions of others to color our interpretations of what is actually being said.
Dance, magic!
kgeyser
MFP Moderator0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »
Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
Yes everything gets a comment unless they post more than 4 things that day. I allow a response on the diary, a workout, login streaks, and one random personal post per friend. Of course all my friends don't always put up something. I have a small friends list so it doesn't take me much time at all. If you read the entire thread I say how I make it work. I designate 10-20 mins each day to comment on posts. If I'm sick or miss a day, I catch up on everything the next day. This does not cut into my family time or my professional time in any way that is detrimental to me. I'm close with my fit friends and I want to support them.
Some comments are longer others are just a short acknowledgement letting them know I see them working.
You allow them? Wow, that's generous.
Ok not sure if you intentionally add words or if you're just naturally imprecise. Again I will help point out the inaccuracies. I did not say I allow THEM. I said I allow. That's what I allow myself to comment on. 4 posts/day per person. They can post how much they want. I just won't respond to more than 4 in that day. I've only had this happen a few times where someone posted 5 or more times in a day.
Actually I was referring to the types of posts as the "them". Thank you for clarifying that you allow your friends to post as many times as they like.
There you go adding words again. Guess you can't help it. My friends are not my slaves or workers. They post as much as they like. I can't allow them to do anything and never said I do. I allow myself to respond to 4.
Out of curiosity, do you keep track of which 4 so you can respond evenly? Or could there possibly be people who have fallen through the cracks and wonder why you don't interact with them?0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »
Like ... what sort of comments? "Awesome burn" and that sort of thing ... or more detailed?
And every post? Like when MFP automatically generates the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" ... you comment on those?
And this ^^ ... family, full time job, part time grad school, my own training for cycling events, travel, photography, etc., etc. etc.
I have to wonder who has the time to comment on everything.
Personally I don't "like" or comment on any of the "This poster has logged on 25 days in a row" type of posts. Why? So you've opened MFP. Great. I'm one who would like to reduce those to more significant milestones like every 100 days or something.
And I will only comment if a particular post contains something that attracts my interest. As I glance through them, I may be thinking, "That's a decent bicycle ride you did" or "Hiking ... cool, I'd like to do that again soon" or whatever, but chances are I won't actually comment unless there's something about the bicycle ride or hike that really catches my attention. That's just me. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring the person ... just that I don't have anything to say.
Yes everything gets a comment unless they post more than 4 things that day. I allow a response on the diary, a workout, login streaks, and one random personal post per friend. Of course all my friends don't always put up something. I have a small friends list so it doesn't take me much time at all. If you read the entire thread I say how I make it work. I designate 10-20 mins each day to comment on posts. If I'm sick or miss a day, I catch up on everything the next day. This does not cut into my family time or my professional time in any way that is detrimental to me. I'm close with my fit friends and I want to support them.
Some comments are longer others are just a short acknowledgement letting them know I see them working.
You allow them? Wow, that's generous.
Ok not sure if you intentionally add words or if you're just naturally imprecise. Again I will help point out the inaccuracies. I did not say I allow THEM. I said I allow. That's what I allow myself to comment on. 4 posts/day per person. They can post how much they want. I just won't respond to more than 4 in that day. I've only had this happen a few times where someone posted 5 or more times in a day.
Actually I was referring to the types of posts as the "them". Thank you for clarifying that you allow your friends to post as many times as they like.
There you go adding words again. Guess you can't help it. My friends are not my slaves or workers. They post as much as they like. I can't allow them to do anything and never said I do. I allow myself to respond to 4.
Out of curiosity, do you keep track of which 4 so you can respond evenly? Or could there possibly be people who have fallen through the cracks and wonder why you don't interact with them?
I interact with all of my friends. I only respond to up to 4 posts/per person per day. That's what I am talking about above...I explain in more detail in 2 or 3 prior replies.0 -
I am totally the comment or check in type. Lately I have been wondering why majority of the interaction I receive is just likes. Comments or just a simple hey would make it feel more personal.0
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I am totally the comment or check in type. Lately I have been wondering why majority of the interaction I receive is just likes. Comments or just a simple hey would make it feel more personal.
Totally agree. Are you reaching out too, though? Basically extending the same kind of interactions you'd like to see to others? Also having people on your list that you have things in common with may mean more discussion points as you see their status updates (and they yours)
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@rtp_slg52181 that's a good point. Perhaps I should feel flattered. I've not been angry when the person doesn't support others, just totally confused at the reasoning for being so one-sided in their journey.
I've also thought about messaging back but then I thought it might come across a bit intense. But you're right, I probably should try to find a way to do that. It can be a bit of an awkward exchange though
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Hi, when I accept a request I usually send a short message telling them about me a nd asking about them. Sometimes I get no reply, and sometimes we exchange a couple of short messenger which Peter out quickly. It's like we have nothing else to say to each other, ha!0 -
Hi. Your more than welcome to add me. I'm looking for more Inspiration and always comment on my friends posts 0
This discussion has been closed.
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