Why request friends if you're not going to interact?
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If I see you across my news feed then I will comment or like. But I don't go looking at all my friends unless I haven't seen them across my news feed in awhile and we are close friends enough for me to care.0
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1st I keep my profile private because I have a calendar of events that I have to remember, to weigh/measure myself for because my current weight/size, determines if or how much; I'll indulge & those events include people, whom I respect might not desire; someone else to know whom they are/when their birthday is, etc.
2nd I have had numerous accounts on here & I'd always fail because I tried to change my entire lifestyle in a day, which included logging my calories & exercise, it just overwhelms me; so I currently don't log or pay attention to someone else's logging either but I'd like to eventually.
I do like other's day streaks though but don't comment about them. I do comment on major life events & I love to read comments, that're like essays & I also help other's when I am able to. For instance I recently helped a friend of a friend, after reading their comment; to a mutual friend of ours & now we're friends.
As for my own news feed, I haven't posted any comments but I don't like to clutter it either, so once my new day streak posts; I erase the previous 1 regardless of receiving likes and/or comments about it & I also erase my previous weight loss, when a new 1 posts. Since my weight has been fluctuating, I even erase new weight loss posts once they post; until I'm at or less, than my lowest weight posted here.0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »@thorsmom01 I am selective in who I pick. I keep my list to no more than 50 people and constantly decline requests. I probably only accept 10% of my requests. And rarely do I request anyone.
I work 50-60 hour weeks. I don't have time to sit on mfp all day. I designate 10-20 mins daily to log my food and exercise and comment on friends posts. Some days I spend more time, some days less. I have been on mfp since March 2011. So I am sort of bored with the whole thing sometimes.
But my question was why request someone to be your friend if you're silent. I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
I also don't mind when they haven't logged in and that's why they aren't commenting. It's when they are actively posting about themselves and never encourage or support anyone else that I wonder why add any of us. But I guess the reason is some people like to just lurk. I wish there was a way to indicate if you were only a lurker!
For once, we agree about something! Lurking! I also know some people just lurk, and that's fine with me. In fact, that's how some people learn. They read and read and read until they get the information they are looking for. So , it really would be sad to delete someone who was just reading and too shy to comment.
But as far as the others go, if they aren't active at all then it does feel like they are just taking up space . if there was a way to see if someone was lurking, it would make the decision not to delete them easier . surely you wouldn't want to delete someone who was just too shy to share or ask questions.
So yes , we finally agree. ( don't expect it to happen often though. Lol !)
Lol the heavens have parted. SERIOUSLY! Not only do we agree but I also walk away feeling like okay, you taught me something. No shade thrown there. Just saying you're providing feedback that I had not thought of.
You're right, it would be a shame to delete those that are shy. I thought I could tell who that is, but maybe some of them that I think are rude may be shy. I thought my commenting on their updates and occasionally randomly posting on their wall would be enough to break them out their shell but yea, it might not work for all.
Okay agreeing and a productive convo between us, lol, not holding my breath on a repeat. But for now, I'll store it that we at least see this one issue the same!
When I first joined mfp ( my first acct ) I was too scared to post anything on the forums. I thought people wouldn't understand my questions or wouldn't reply. So I lurked. Sometimes I would stay up half the night searching threads to try to get the info I needed. So I would feel awful deleting someone who was just lurking my feed to try to learn. Next time I'll also give them more of a chance before deleting so quickly, just in case they are a lurker! Lol! ( I have this unspoken rule in my head sometimes that goes like this- if I don't even know your name and you've been on my list for months then its time to go! But maybe I'll rethink that now. )0 -
I only delete those who have been inactive more than 30 days. And even then, if we've chatted a lot, I give some space and grace. Life happens.
Just how I work it. I try to take a few minutes a couple times a day to like posts and/or comment. Due to time zone issues, there are some folks I don't see post often. But we're still all in it together.0 -
I totally agree with you. I used to comment daily on my friends' newsfeed and they sort of ignored me.
I'm willing to offer encouragement and I wish others would do the same.
I recently deleted a few friends that never post or respond.
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I totally agree with you OP. I love interactive support and encouraging words from time to time. I have met some really good hearted people from around the world. This is my 2nd account but I added a handful of people from my 1st acc coz those friends really stand by me when the going gets tough. Others choose to be wallflowers but I still give them a hint by liking their posts that I'd like the favour returned, but they dont
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I rarely read my FL
I rarely interact on there..I also don't look at friend requests tbh
I don't actually need people saying woot cos I've hit the gym and assume others don't need the same..I don't see it as supportive just a reflex social conditioning
I think this is a cultural thing tbh, it's very american to like a "you go girl", other cultures are far more self-sufficient and don't actually even like that as a type of "support"...I actually see it as a social convention peculiar to certain cultures with no deep resonant meaning.
If someone posts something of interest, or funny, and I happen to be around I may add to the conversation for entertainment
I find this differentiation, and the lack of appreciation for other cultural norms, interesting (generic not specific comment)
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I think some people get a team to spur *them* on, and aren't necessarily looking to return the favor.
One issue I've run into is when someone has hundreds and hundreds of friends. I'd normally like to participate in their conversations but I have the "email me when there's a response" activated. I'd be getting dozens of emails just from one status update. So I just don't comment
I do try to find other ways to interact, though, but sometimes, regardless of who friend requested who, we just don't have too much in common and don't interact much, but can still be inspired reading each other's progress and knowing that we're out there getting it done.
Still. We're all adults and certainly have the ability to throw a like or encouraging word someone's way. If you feel someone is just a taker and offers no support ever, despite multiple opportunities, you know what to do0 -
I maintain about 20 or so friends, do not accept friend requests from people with over 50 friends (and then monitor response rate), only accept friend requests accompanied by a message or relevant comment in the request, open diaries only and reasonable profile picture, don't accept requests from men.
I've been on this website (or the app) every day for the past 3+ years. I'm maintaining and my friends are either maintaining or working hard at changing their relationship with food and fitness. Sometimes my newsfeed is very quiet and sometimes not. Someone usually acknowledges a significant number on my streak, but I simply am showing up each day for my own reasons.
Each person has a reason for being here. We are not responsible for anyone.
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wonkywendy wrote: »I think there's lot a of lurkers here and I also think it's ok to be a lurker. I am one myself. To be totally honest when I first requested friends it was to simply look through their diaries and see if the person was on the same calorie allowance as me and to see if they were eating the types of foods that I liked too. It was simply to get myself started on MFP and to try and emulate their way of life in respect of food and exercise in a hope it would kickstart my journey too. After all if it was working for them then hopefully it would work for me! I only have a few friends here in MFP and I do little comments here and there and little well dones to my friends when they have a great day and maybe a word of encouragement when they fall off the wagon, but on the whole I am relatively silent and I don't think that's me beings a bad friend, not everyone has a lot to say and a lot of people are very shy and wary to comment as they are only here a short while and don't feel that they should comment. Personally I would be happy if people just lurked on my friend list, we all have to start somewhere and it's a great way to find your feet and learn by watching others, i think it's really flattering and I will always take it as such.
One thing I thought the OP to have said was that these individuals comment on their own statuses. So to me, that means they're making updates (and not necessarily just the automatically generated ones), and therefore not that shy. But still, this concept of lurkers on a friend list is quite new and intriguing to me, so I will try to watch out for it
On a different note, i kinda kicked myself a little when I discovered I could have just searched MFP or even Google for "open diaries" (full Google search phrase "open diaries site:community.myfitnesspal.com") which were totally public and I didn't have to be on a person's friend list to view. To me, just wanting to be able to view diaries was not the same as wanting to be their MFPal, with all the giving and receiving of support that would entail. Something I find a bit strange, to be honest, is when those posts Come up and some respond with "add me to view my diary!" I'm like uh... You're missing the point. The OP was asking for totally public diaries without any additional access needed to view
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Agreed I read and like just about every post, I'm her to motivate and be motivated. I'm thankful to find a community that's into fitness as much as I am. #fitfam add me, I accept all. #Motivation
Ps people keep asking me if I'm a fake account
My IG is @domlnlc
Hope to follow your fitness journey!
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i guess only the people who do this can truly answer but it could be.
1. they are friend collectors and then have too many too manage
2. could be the lurker thing people mentioned before
3. Started off with good intentions then lost interest
4. They just dont want to comment as dont think its necessary
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47Jacqueline wrote: »I maintain about 20 or so friends, do not accept friend requests from people with over 50 friends (and then monitor response rate), only accept friend requests accompanied by a message or relevant comment in the request, open diaries only and reasonable profile picture, don't accept requests from men.
I've been on this website (or the app) every day for the past 3+ years. I'm maintaining and my friends are either maintaining or working hard at changing their relationship with food and fitness. Sometimes my newsfeed is very quiet and sometimes not. Someone usually acknowledges a significant number on my streak, but I simply am showing up each day for my own reasons.
Each person has a reason for being here. We are not responsible for anyone.
I agree with this.
Its been great having this site, and my friend list but at the end of the day i am in this on my own.0 -
I agree with the OP 100%. That's why I don't "collect" friends and only add people whom I have something in common with. I don't need nor expect everyone to like or comment on every status...that's just ridiculous, but I do expect to at least notice the person from time to time.0
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I don't normally send out requests, but I take them and I'm not too concerned how interactive others may be with me.
There's a lot of reasons people may friend someone and not be super interactive. Maybe they've read things posted on the forums and agreed with the post; or they have a similar weight loss/gain goal; could be they have similar eating habits or dietary restrictions and want to access your diary or recipes; friending would be an easy way to keep tabs for anything like that.
I could definitely see how all the 'xxxx lost lbs since whenever' or 'xxxx logged for 250 days', et al moving through their home page could be inspiring; if you constantly see you are not alone and there's success all around you that could help to keep you afloat.
Personally, I am my own light in the darkness, but if others want to use my light to make theirs brighter they are welcome to do that in whatever way it helps and I need no acknowledgement from them. As long as they log in, what they do/don't do beyond that is their struggle; even if it's something as simple as just having 900 friends that keeps them coming back, I'm glad my salad eating cat could help.
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I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
Well the streak increases every 5 days. Over the course of a year, that's 73 times. For some people (I'll use me as an example), have logged for a long time. I've been logging for 875 days. I can understand it being novel seeing triple digits to newer friends/members and whatnot, but as time goes on, it's like "Yeah, you've been here a long time, cool. I don't need to "like" it every 5 days now though. With my own streak, that's 175 times a friend could have potentially liked. That's alot. I certainly don't expect a like that many times. Maaaaybe on large round numbers (like 365, which would be a 1 year anniversary, I'd hope would be noticeable and celebrated).
As for exercise, same thing. For me, I only like them when there's a particularly interesting workout or an increase in weights on a progressive load type deal.
Same for diaries. I typically don't even look at them unless I'm trying to get meal ideas. Or if I see something that looks ridiculously yummy I might comment. But I'm not going to "like" it everytime someone closes their diary.
This is just my own experience though.
This is exactly my approach and probably why we are friends!
I'm nearing my 1000th day logging. I don't expect atta girls for continuing to do the things that have just become part of my daily life. I log in, exercise, and close out my diary daily. I don't need/expect external encouragement to keep doing those things. It's fine if people do like my updates but I don't expect it. Similarly I rarely "like" other people's updates that I feel are just part of their routine. If someone is starting Couch To 5K or a new strength training program I will definitely encourage them while they are getting going but if this is something they do daily then I don't think I need to give them a gold star for every status update.
I prefer to comment and kid around with people on my FL on actual updates about their lives, or to interact in groups.
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I rarely read my FL
I rarely interact on there..I also don't look at friend requests tbh
I don't actually need people saying woot cos I've hit the gym and assume others don't need the same..I don't see it as supportive just a reflex social conditioning
I think this is a cultural thing tbh, it's very american to like a "you go girl", other cultures are far more self-sufficient and don't actually even like that as a type of "support"...I actually see it as a social convention peculiar to certain cultures with no deep resonant meaning.
If someone posts something of interest, or funny, and I happen to be around I may add to the conversation for entertainment
I find this differentiation, and the lack of appreciation for other cultural norms, interesting (generic not specific comment)
I'm not sure if wanting comments or "woot" on your feed is cultural... Definitely not just an American thing. As I have and know tons of people that don't care for it. In addition, the friends that were not supportive and have not been are American. However, outside of that point, I want to elaborate.
I do not need the encouragement. Especially at this point when I've reached my goals. My main curiosity is why have friends if you don't interact. Support comes in all forms on here. I have friends that just send PMs occasionally. I have friends that I'm friends with and interact with on other forms of social media. I have friends that just pop up to say hey on my feed every now and again. I have some that just post funny things to keep others entertained.
I have enough friends on here. I don't want anymore. I just am/was perplexed by those that seek me or others out just to sit on my FL and I never interact with them. If I'm posting fitness related stuff and you never say anything, what's the point? If I post about sports or my life and you never say anything, what is the point? If you never respond when I'm cheering you on, what is the point? I delete these people but I just wish I didn't waste my time adding them if they are going to be silent.0 -
I personally don't have the time to comment daily. I do when I can, and am genuinely interested in and supportive of my friends, but I work full time, am a mommy to a 5 year old, and hit the gym hard 5-6 days a week.0
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I definitely understand that my success was not and is not dependent on others from this site. This is my life so I have to be accountable for it. Again, don't need their words to move forward. My question was only what's the point if you're not interactive or silent. Kidding around on others page is fine. That's interaction.
I don't think it's fair to imply that because some find it perplexing to send a friend request and never interact with you that you're dependent.0 -
I really hope that's not what you got from my post; I just meant if others friend me but stay silent I assume they feel they get something from it so best of luck to them.
If that came off as judgey I apologise, I truly wasn't trying to imply anything like dependency on responses.0
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