Why request friends if you're not going to interact?
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MondayJune22nd2015 wrote: »1st I keep my profile private because I have a calendar of events that I have to remember, to weigh/measure myself for because my current weight/size, determines if or how much; I'll indulge & those events include people, whom I respect might not desire; someone else to know whom they are/when their birthday is, etc.
2nd I have had numerous accounts on here & I'd always fail because I tried to change my entire lifestyle in a day, which included logging my calories & exercise, it just overwhelms me; so I currently don't log or pay attention to someone else's logging either but I'd like to eventually.
I do like other's day streaks though but don't comment about them. I do comment on major life events & I love to read comments, that're like essays & I also help other's when I am able to. For instance I recently helped a friend of a friend, after reading their comment; to a mutual friend of ours & now we're friends.
As for my own news feed, I haven't posted any comments but I don't like to clutter it either, so once my new day streak posts; I erase the previous 1 regardless of receiving likes and/or comments about it & I also erase my previous weight loss, when a new 1 posts. Since my weight has been fluctuating, I even erase new weight loss posts once they post; until I'm at or less, than my lowest weight posted here.
This is a very interesting approach.
Keeping your profile private is definitely your prerogative. You have found the friends that don't mind it. That's a good thing.
Can I ask how many friends you have or do you get deleted a lot? Just curious.
When someone views my profile, they can see that I have it set to private, rather than it being set; for friends to view. So they know before they request me as a friend, that they still won't be able; to view my profile.
I only have 3 friends & none have deleted me yet, I didn't request my 1st 2 but I accepted 1 because we had some nice dialog between us; on this message board. So since we had a previous conversation, I accepted their friend request; even though no message was sent with the request. It wasn't necessary because I it was an immediate request, so I remembered them. My 2nd didn't send a message & I had no previous dialog with them, so I searched their User Name & came across, the thread that we both commented on. I normally don't accept these friend requests but assumed I was sent 1 because I answered that "Losing weight" (is my passion). I requested my 3rd because they PMed me, to thank me for helping them & they invited me to friend request them. I have friend requested a 4th but don't know if they know or declined my request. I requested them because after reading 1 of their comments, I thought "I couldn't have said it better myself" & I always leave messages, when I friend request someone regardless.
Until I accepted my 1st friend request, I wasn't going to accept or seek friends & I had declined many & all of them were without messages or previous dialog, so I had to search for how they knew of me & found them to be friend collectors. On a previous account, I had some great friends but I also had some that were overly critical & not in a constructive criticism type of way either. They were most critical of my food choices, even though most of the time; I was within my caloric deficit but I also explained why my food choices were, what they had been. 1st I had "unhealthy" leftovers from the Christmas/New Year's holidays, I guess I was just suppose to throw them away. My 2nd incident happened when, I had gone grocery shopping & forgot to buy the lunch meat, for my 2 loaves of rye bread because the weather was awful, I didn't know when I'd be able to go get the lunch meat; so I just ate the bread for approximately 4 days. I guess I was just suppose to let them go to waste. I decided to accept my 1st friend because since we had a pleasant interaction, it felt mean; to decline them.0 -
I am referring to showing support when a diary is logged or exercise is logged or when your login streak updates. There's nothing to agree with about that. If you don't care about those things, then why have friends on mfp?
Well the streak increases every 5 days. Over the course of a year, that's 73 times. For some people (I'll use me as an example), have logged for a long time. I've been logging for 875 days. I can understand it being novel seeing triple digits to newer friends/members and whatnot, but as time goes on, it's like "Yeah, you've been here a long time, cool. I don't need to "like" it every 5 days now though. With my own streak, that's 175 times a friend could have potentially liked. That's alot. I certainly don't expect a like that many times. Maaaaybe on large round numbers (like 365, which would be a 1 year anniversary, I'd hope would be noticeable and celebrated).
Yeah, I didn't need the pats on the head from my friends either just for logging in here. I turned off that feature (plus a bunch of other ones!) and now my news feed doesn't auto post anything, and I like it that way. If I have something I want to share with my friends I'm perfectly capable of posting it all on my own.
For anyone wanting to change theirs, go to Settings/Automatic News Feed Update Settings and un-select all of the items you don't want auto-posting on your news feed.
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I hate to admit it but I am one of those people. I am not very active on my profile and I rarely comment or like friends statuses. I do however log daily whether I am keeping up with my diet or failing. The reason I add friends is if I notice in the forums they have something in common with me. I like to see other peoples diaries: how they are eating, what kind of foods, calories, exercise, etc. Occasionally I exchange private messages with those people to discuss whatever it is we have in common or to discuss our updates, etc. I didnt even realize that I might be a bad friend on here lol. I have so many other things to read somedays which makes me not really pay attention to the newsfeed on here. Maybe your inactive friends are similar to me, I assumed my friends were mostly interested to see my diaries as well.0
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I have too many people on the list to keep up with, so I quit trying. There really are a handful of people whose stuff I like to see and I miss it because the "feed" or whatever it's called is cluttered with stuff I don't want to see.
It just seems rude to not accept requests, so I accept them all and never interact. I post almost nothing, ever. It's not the way I want it. I'd like a smaller list of people that I do interact with.
I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.0 -
I have too many people on the list to keep up with, so I quit trying. There really are a handful of people whose stuff I like to see and I miss it because the "feed" or whatever it's called is cluttered with stuff I don't want to see.
It just seems rude to not accept requests, so I accept them all and never interact. I post almost nothing, ever. It's not the way I want it. I'd like a smaller list of people that I do interact with.
I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.
I hate declining requests, but I know if I accept anymore that I will become a less interactive friend with my current friends that I already have. So I usually decline with a message. If they sent a message with the request, occasionally I'll give in and accept.
I do encourage some deleting. Those that never login or those that seem to ignore you. That's an easy way to trim the list . But if you don't want to delete yet, you can "hide" posts from the friends you're not interested in instead of deleting. To do so, if you're on the full website and not the app, on your newsfeed, just click the "x" in the right hand corner next to the posts you don't care about. It will hide all of that persons updates and help declutter your feed.
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LastingChanges wrote: »I hate to admit it but I am one of those people. I am not very active on my profile and I rarely comment or like friends statuses. I do however log daily whether I am keeping up with my diet or failing. The reason I add friends is if I notice in the forums they have something in common with me. I like to see other peoples diaries: how they are eating, what kind of foods, calories, exercise, etc. Occasionally I exchange private messages with those people to discuss whatever it is we have in common or to discuss our updates, etc. I didnt even realize that I might be a bad friend on here lol. I have so many other things to read somedays which makes me not really pay attention to the newsfeed on here. Maybe your inactive friends are similar to me, I assumed my friends were mostly interested to see my diaries as well.
This is mostly how I am but I will go through my home page and like posts except ones like "My 17 year old cat died today. She was flattened by a runaway steamroller in downtown Yuma". Someone invariably will like it. Why would you like a post where something terrible happened?
I got a chuckle from some of these posts. I think I'll make strict new standards before complete strangers I'll never meet (ie 1s and 0s) can have their picture show up on my profile: You must have more than 7 but fewer than 42 friends, no females or males...hermaphrodites only between 5'7'' and 5'10'' tall, etc.
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Maybe they don't like your posts and have nothing to say.0
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I have too many people on the list to keep up with, so I quit trying. There really are a handful of people whose stuff I like to see and I miss it because the "feed" or whatever it's called is cluttered with stuff I don't want to see.
It just seems rude to not accept requests, so I accept them all and never interact. I post almost nothing, ever. It's not the way I want it. I'd like a smaller list of people that I do interact with.
I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.
I hate declining requests, but I know if I accept anymore that I will become a less interactive friend with my current friends that I already have. So I usually decline with a message. If they sent a message with the request, occasionally I'll give in and accept.
I do encourage some deleting. Those that never login or those that seem to ignore you. That's an easy way to trim the list . But if you don't want to delete yet, you can "hide" posts from the friends you're not interested in instead of deleting. To do so, if you're on the full website and not the app, on your newsfeed, just click the "x" in the right hand corner next to the posts you don't care about. It will hide all of that persons updates and help declutter your feed.
When I had done what you suggest, on a previous account; it also deleted that person as a friend. It might have just been a glitch.0 -
@TheBeachgod usually on the sad posts I've seen the poster will say something like "but I won't quit" or im working through it" or "I have a great support system" and I will like that posts along with post a comment.
Also some people use the like feature to signal to their friends that they did read and see the posts. Just an acknowledgment of what's going on in their world.
Perhaps some of this is what you see!0 -
@arditarose we sort of covered that in prior posts in the thread.
But fitness updates, like weight loss, logins, logging food or workouts should occasionally be something that interests friends on the site.0 -
MondayJune22nd2015 wrote: »I have too many people on the list to keep up with, so I quit trying. There really are a handful of people whose stuff I like to see and I miss it because the "feed" or whatever it's called is cluttered with stuff I don't want to see.
It just seems rude to not accept requests, so I accept them all and never interact. I post almost nothing, ever. It's not the way I want it. I'd like a smaller list of people that I do interact with.
I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.
I hate declining requests, but I know if I accept anymore that I will become a less interactive friend with my current friends that I already have. So I usually decline with a message. If they sent a message with the request, occasionally I'll give in and accept.
I do encourage some deleting. Those that never login or those that seem to ignore you. That's an easy way to trim the list . But if you don't want to delete yet, you can "hide" posts from the friends you're not interested in instead of deleting. To do so, if you're on the full website and not the app, on your newsfeed, just click the "x" in the right hand corner next to the posts you don't care about. It will hide all of that persons updates and help declutter your feed.
When I had done what you suggest, on a previous account; it also deleted that person as a friend. It might have just been a glitch.
Hmm probably was a glitch. I know it will show on your profile that you have less friends but when you look at your FL on the full website, the friends are still there. And you can still communicate or see their wall.0 -
I think some people get a team to spur *them* on, and aren't necessarily looking to return the favor.
One issue I've run into is when someone has hundreds and hundreds of friends. I'd normally like to participate in their conversations but I have the "email me when there's a response" activated. I'd be getting dozens of emails just from one status update. So I just don't comment
I do try to find other ways to interact, though, but sometimes, regardless of who friend requested who, we just don't have too much in common and don't interact much, but can still be inspired reading each other's progress and knowing that we're out there getting it done.
Still. We're all adults and certainly have the ability to throw a like or encouraging word someone's way. If you feel someone is just a taker and offers no support ever, despite multiple opportunities, you know what to do
Yes you're right. It's as simple as that. Some really just want the team cheering them on with no intention of returning the support.
I did read your profile and I like that you are upfront about what type of support style you have right now. That is helpful and can respect that.
I am private so I can't indicate what I'm looking for upfront. However, once I've added you, if you read my profile you will see what I am looking for. Many don't read that. And if I can tell they haven't taken the time to read it, I do delete them. Because I specifically state in my profile that if you don't interact with me, I will delete you.
The private profile does present a bit of a unique challenge. I don't really FR people who have private profiles since that's where certain information is kept - much like what you've described, some might state there that they're not accepting any friends. I think you might have a higher likelihood of receiving friend requests from people who don't read profiles at all, since yours is private. For me, reading a profile helps with the decision of whether or not to send a friend request. If I'm already friends with someone, at that point I feel like I know enough about them to have requested them to begin with, and generally would probably not go read their profile after the fact
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I had a friend that I deleted because all she ever talked about was a web page on dieting that she was always trying to get people to buy so if that is all she wants friends for she got deleted . I like commenting on people if its something interesting or something i can help with0
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I haven't sent many friend requests and keep my friend list somewhat small. I don't accept requests from people who have 100+ friends. I delete people who haven't at least logged in for 3 months.
I have friends because I find it inspiring to see what other people are doing. They don't have to interact with me at all for me to be inspired by them. I don't post comments to people every day. The last couple of months I haven't even looked at what people are posting much because I've been busy with my own stuff. If someone wanted lots of cheering and comments then I would be a poor friend choice. Different styles.
If you expect/desire regular interaction from your friends you should send a message to that effect before you accept a friend request. Delete friends who don't interact the way you want.0 -
New to this area of site. I have accepted friends but can't figure out how to talk to them or comment. Can you direct me so that I can figure it out please?
Thanks!
Susan0 -
New to this area of site. I have accepted friends but can't figure out how to talk to them or comment. Can you direct me so that I can figure it out please?
Thanks!
Susan
Hi Susan. I couldn't quite find a link to an MFP article explaining how the friends list interaction works. I wrote this in response to someone asking what the friends list was:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/33671160/#Comment_33671160
If you have active friends, there will be a number of status updates visible on your newsfeed or homepage. You could hit the "Like" button, or click where it says "Comment" to post a response. You could also setup your email notifications or app push notifications so that you know when your friends have made comments you may be interested in. This helps me follow additional responses or a conversation, in some instances
Link to setting up email notifications and app push notifications:
https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/en/portal/articles/13641-how-do-i-change-my-email-notification-preferences-
https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/en/portal/articles/848709-how-do-i-set-up-push-notifications-0 -
Add me because I will interact with everyone0
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That's it, exactly. I love to hear what people say, but all the completed diaries and days of being on MFP and all that...plus, some people log EVERY SINGLE THING they do, including sleeping, under exercise.I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.
Yep, I did it last year and haven't looked back. I'm friend-free and happy to be. I chat with whoever I want on the main forums and open groups and that's enough for me. I liked almost all my friends when I kept a list but there were a few lurkers who were completely silent and that did creep me out a bit.
Mostly it was me who was the inactive friend though. I tried to keep up with the woo hoos!, and the way to gos!, and the excellent progress! and the congratulations! and the that looks so yummy! narratives but I got tired and could no longer keep up with that. Also I found it stressful.
After awhile I just didn't want to see a hundred daily updates of people who completed their diary for the umpteenth time, who logged in for the 57th consecutive day, who burned 800 calories on the eliptical or who burned 5 calories farting into a sofa cushion while posting stupid zombie references from gory, violent TV shows I never watch.
I also didn't understand only wanting to converse on a "wall" or a "feed" with the belief that it is somehow an exclusive, members only club - invisible to the rest of the site, since I don't think any website conversations are really private anyway.
Then again, I don't have a Facebook account or any other social media account- which I think is where the friend list idea was copied from anyway...
Bottom line is, who are these online friends anyway? Anonymous avatars who appear and disappear in the blink of an eye. And nothing more than words on a screen, ultimately. I like to keep that reality check.
I cannot keep up with all that stuff for 200 different people, most of whom I barely noticed on the boards.
If MFP had a thing where we could pick what we saw, that would be okay, but they don't and I cannot skim though all that stuff on my iPad.
I've already begin declining new requests and deleting people. I accidentally deleted one I wanted to keep, lol. I'm paring that thing down to something reasonable that works for me. 0 -
I decline every day now, lol. I want to see the people I actually enjoy seeing, you know.I have too many people on the list to keep up with, so I quit trying. There really are a handful of people whose stuff I like to see and I miss it because the "feed" or whatever it's called is cluttered with stuff I don't want to see.
It just seems rude to not accept requests, so I accept them all and never interact. I post almost nothing, ever. It's not the way I want it. I'd like a smaller list of people that I do interact with.
I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.
I hate declining requests, but I know if I accept anymore that I will become a less interactive friend with my current friends that I already have. So I usually decline with a message. If they sent a message with the request, occasionally I'll give in and accept.
I do encourage some deleting. Those that never login or those that seem to ignore you. That's an easy way to trim the list . But if you don't want to delete yet, you can "hide" posts from the friends you're not interested in instead of deleting. To do so, if you're on the full website and not the app, on your newsfeed, just click the "x" in the right hand corner next to the posts you don't care about. It will hide all of that persons updates and help declutter your feed.
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That's it, exactly. I love to hear what people say, but all the completed diaries and days of being on MFP and all that...plus, some people log EVERY SINGLE THING they do, including sleeping, under exercise.I'm always saying, "One of these days, I'm going to go on a deleting spree!" but I never do. Maybe that time is near. Reading this makes me think I really should.
Yep, I did it last year and haven't looked back. I'm friend-free and happy to be. I chat with whoever I want on the main forums and open groups and that's enough for me. I liked almost all my friends when I kept a list but there were a few lurkers who were completely silent and that did creep me out a bit.
Mostly it was me who was the inactive friend though. I tried to keep up with the woo hoos!, and the way to gos!, and the excellent progress! and the congratulations! and the that looks so yummy! narratives but I got tired and could no longer keep up with that. Also I found it stressful.
After awhile I just didn't want to see a hundred daily updates of people who completed their diary for the umpteenth time, who logged in for the 57th consecutive day, who burned 800 calories on the eliptical or who burned 5 calories farting into a sofa cushion while posting stupid zombie references from gory, violent TV shows I never watch.
I also didn't understand only wanting to converse on a "wall" or a "feed" with the belief that it is somehow an exclusive, members only club - invisible to the rest of the site, since I don't think any website conversations are really private anyway.
Then again, I don't have a Facebook account or any other social media account- which I think is where the friend list idea was copied from anyway...
Bottom line is, who are these online friends anyway? Anonymous avatars who appear and disappear in the blink of an eye. And nothing more than words on a screen, ultimately. I like to keep that reality check.
I cannot keep up with all that stuff for 200 different people, most of whom I barely noticed on the boards.
If MFP had a thing where we could pick what we saw, that would be okay, but they don't and I cannot skim though all that stuff on my iPad.
I've already begin declining new requests and deleting people. I accidentally deleted one I wanted to keep, lol. I'm paring that thing down to something reasonable that works for me.
I skim through it on my iPhone all the time. I don't view diaries (though I do hit the like button) or read updates on diet or fitness philosophies that I don't fully subscribe to. I would also love a setting to pick what is displayed on my newsfeed, but right now I can just scroll past things0 -
I want some friends of people looking to lose 100-120 pounds. Please and thank you!0
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I interact with all my friends...I have seven or so who are an amazing inspiration to me daily. I hope I provide them the same! Room for more.
Im trying to lose 50 by my 50th....doing good so far!
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rtp_slg52181 wrote: »Some people are just inspirational in themselves and others want to have their daily activity and accomplishments appear in their feed to draw motivation from. Maybe you should feel flatter they are inspired by just your daily logging, or let them know before you accept the FR that you expect interaction to stay on your FL.
Agreed
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I agree. And additionally, I wonder why someone with 174 friends on MFP is still adding more.
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47Jacqueline wrote: »I agree. And additionally, I wonder why someone with 174 friends on MFP is still adding more.
Well I'm still under 174 so I'm sending you a friend request ASAP
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Personally, in the beginning, I request friends, if I want to learn from THAT person. I rarely reply to status updates. Instead, I want to want gage their daily calorie count against mine (if our goals are the same) against something I may be doing wrong. I just want to see how they did it. If I find something they've said that rings true with me... About how much weight they've lost. Maintained weight, exercised, etc . I'm looking for guidance in that person's diary. Plain and simple. Is that wrong?
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Personally, in the beginning, I request friends, if I want to learn from THAT person. I rarely reply to status updates. Instead, I want to want gage their daily calorie count against mine (if our goals are the same) against something I may be doing wrong. I just want to see how they did it. If I find something they've said that rings true with me... About how much weight they've lost. Maintained weight, exercised, etc . I'm looking for guidance in that person's diary. Plain and simple. Is that wrong?
Nope not wrong. There are plenty of people on MFP that are ok with that. There are also a lot that aren't. I still think being clear about your expectations would save some people getting deleted.
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I have over 100 friends and I try to interact with most of them. I cherry pick the friend requests I get, finding the people who I enjoy reading their posts, food journals, or very active. Over the year I have been on MFP I accumulated quality friends, it didn't all happen at once. Proud to say that almost 40 of my friends are people I started with when I signed up for the site and they are still active!0
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I totally agree!! I love motivational support and I like to give the same!! I totally get what ur saying. If u want add me id love to go through our journey together!!0
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I have to admit I'm a lurker. I accept all friend requests and I do have a quick scan through the news feed but never comment on things. I'm not being rude, I just genuinely don't have anything to say to statuses like 'Caved and had some chicken wings today' or 'Smashing it in the gym!'. I also find it pointless commenting on a post to say well done when there's already 20 'well dones' from other posters.
I always appreciate it if people post words of support or encouragement, but they make no difference to my success or motivation.
However I still accept all friend requests because why not? I don't have any personal info except my weight so makes no difference to me. I also never respond to PM's either unless I am specifically asked a question.0
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