WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JANUARY 2016

megblair1

KJLamore: prayers to you and your family.

barbiecat

Heather, after going from size 16 and extra large to size 6 and small, I got rid of a closet full of clothes and cried as I packed up ones that had brought me great joy.....I hope that they brought great joy to the women who found them at the thrift shop. Right now I have only one "sentimental" thing in my closet and it's the right size but not really my style.

Alison, counting your blessings is a great thing to do.....I write in a gratitude journal every morning and it puts good thoughts in my mind instead of things that aren't so good.

I'll write more later...I'm expecting a phone call.

lhannon062709

Tweaked my back while I was putting on my boots last night, can't walk without pain this morning. Sitting on the heat/massage chair pad that I bought for my husband's Christmas gift. I exercise like a maniac and come out unscathed, but bend to put on a boot and get sidelined for days! Ah well, there are worse things. Back to watching crap tv with the hubster.

Love y'all,
Peaceful Sunday to all
Lisa in West Texas

GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS

Grandmallie – Custody of dogs and visitation – part of a settlement agreement (like children). I think you have to weigh how what is financially at stake to how much your well-being is at stake. Retirement is for both of you; hopefully, to enjoy. Best thing I could offer here, is to find something you really like doing, a hobby or class, or something if you decide to stay for, like the chances of him (and you) having a financially secure retirement; other benefits of a job (assuming you don't work and are on his insurance). Especially, if he decided to COBRA it so that along with SSI, you probably would not have to pay a deductible (or anything if you go to a MD who accepts Medicare). DH and I have always done things, independently from the other, that we enjoy doing and neither of us mind the other doing their thing. I know what bills I have to pay out of my checks (income); and, he knows that, too. Any big ticket thing we've bought, other than me buying my own car ... we discuss it; and, usually at Christmas we decide what we want to get and it represents all birthdays, anniversary, and holidays that we would both like to have. This year, soon, we are going to get a new DVD player. Ours is shot; but, we just have not had the money. DH likes to hunt and fish; I’ve gone and have no interest in either (especially hunting). He now goes hunting with the boys and spends a week in Louisiana with both of them in early December. I spent that time, going through some things without worrying about the mess I was making. I’ve always liked to draw and paint, and, that is something he has encouraged, too. I might spend a day or two shopping, not buying anything; just looking (usually at the little stores in a small town in the same county). You say he has never hit you; and, for the last 6 months or so – no yelling. Maybe he is getting tired of the yelling. They do that (something unfortunately, my DFnL did more of and he was a pack rat/hoarder to boot). Unfortunately, my DMnL did not have many years left to have peace from it. When a man doesn’t hit you, you’re truly blessed. My DH has never hit me either. For one, I would have never stayed with him. If they will hit you once, that is only a warning of what is to continue and the next time or so, you might not come out of it. I think you have to decide what it is that is really keeping you in the relationship; and, to decide ‘is it worth it to ME’? IMHO!
I agree with most of what cityjaneLondon has said; it does take a lot of ‘good will and friendship’ between both of you. I’m not sure what she meant by ‘see other people if they choose’. I’d have a problem with that – not for ‘open marriage’ … if that is what she meant by her comment. Having each have a separate part of the house, where they can retreat to, if they want … but, knowing that certain areas are communal. You can’t deny the kitchen is a communal area; but, both have to decide if each is going to prepare their own food and clean up after themselves. Especially if one is very neat and the other one is a slob or doesn’t think having the place look presentable could make for other issues, not associated with money; but, make you feel stuck or put upon if you had to pick up after him to achieve having a neat house.

I have a friend who feels ‘stuck’ in her marriage; but, I also told her that ‘she needed to look at him in a different light’. Like when you took your vows of marriage; the WWJD theory comes into play, in everything; from picking up a mess and moving it, putting something back in the spot it is stored in, even in your sexual life (whether is it existent or not). Look at it (or him) as you would look or feel if you were looking at Jesus/God or some other Higher Power you might believe in. My friend started looking at that, that way and mentioned the things that really bothered her – no flooring in the kitchen, a leaking ceiling from a leak in the upstairs bathroom; and he finally started doing those repairs when she stopped ‘nagging’ him about it. Some men don’t like to be ‘nagged’ (or in our eyes, ‘reminded’) of doing things they need to do and don’t have the money to pay to have someone else to do it for them (or are unwilling to spend the $$$ because they know they can do it themselves). She’s said that he is now working on all those things; first having to make sure the bath is fixed before being able to address the kitchen. When her daughter and grandchildren, who are living with them because of money issues of the daughter’s … she went through the $#*T they left all over; and, threw it all in their respective bedrooms. When they got home, the rest of the house was to her liking; and as for her grandchildren, she helped them go through all of their things; giving away some clothes they had outgrown and toys they no longer played with. I’m not sure about her daughter; but, she set rules about how the rest of the house was to be kept. If she were my daughter, she'd put it away or else IT would go away. "Gee, I don't know what happened; look in the closet," Actually, whether it was clothes, toys, or make-up - it'd go into a trash bag and up into the attic. After a while it'd go into the trash. Do that 3 or 4 times, I bet she'd learn not to leave it hanging around or where she started taking it off.

cityjaneLondon - I’m the one who is probably the most laid back insofar as the house work; but, I do ‘kill myself’ to get it ready and neat when company is coming over. I do keep it 'picked up' for any time I have someone drop in on me - rare, since we live out in the country. In 43 years of marriage, I know to put things that belong to DH back where I found them, which is where he had put the last. I’m planning on getting the book(s) written by Marie Kondo and look into the Gretchen Rubin one. Marie Kondo has written a second book which is an illustrative version of her first one. Examples of how to fold clothes was one of the things she illustrated. I have folded my clothes (except for that final step); but, never thought to put them into the drawers, front to back, so you could see them all. I need to go through all my stuff and try it on, to make up my mind if I keep it (if it fits) or take it to be altered (if it can be), or give it to Goodwill. I know I have shoes that I will never wear again, because of the style of them, so they are going so I can get most of the rest of them off the floor and into the shoe keeper. Got one pair of slides that I’ve got to get my DH to re-glue the soles back on them. I’ve tried to tell my DDnL#1 that if she woke up and got out of the bed 5 minutes earlier, she could make her bed, and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and if it if full, turn it on; and the bedroom and kitchen would ‘feel’ clean, even if it really wasn’t. Her comment to me was ‘why should I make up the bed, we’re just going to get back in it at night’. Well, to me, nothing feels better than climbing into a bed where the wrinkles had been smoothed out – makes me feel like the sheets are clean. I wash them on Saturdays or Sundays; and, change them, too. I hate to ‘unload’ the dishwasher and most days my DH does it, unless I have more to go in it than will fit in it on Sundays. It usually takes me 2 days to fill it enough to warrant using it. I usually wash my pots and pans in the sink and go ahead and hang them up on the rack that DH made me because we really don’t have enough cabinet space. I’d really like to have more cabinets to be made around the window and next to the refrigerator; but, he just sort of ‘ignores’ me on that. I’m tired of the wire racks in my kitchen and in my utility room. IF we could rebuild the house, there’d be a lot of things I would do differently; but, that’s not going to happen, so I need to make the best of it.
DH sleeps on his side and doesn’t move even if I am not in the bed; when he is gone … I am all over the bed. I think it is because I am trying to ‘find’ him. He finally painted my kitchen, inside long overdue for a paint job and color change. Of course, that meant that 2 room got messed up moving stuff. Another thing I've got to do (hate it) is washing down the front of my cabinet doors because they get greasy and things get spilled down them. I wish they were Shaker style, so they'd be flat and easier to do; but, they're not. I'd like for him to paint them actually the same color as the trim in the house (Velvet White) and put knobs on the doors and drawers. "We'll see" is the answer I get; which probably means 'over my dead body'.

bwcetc

KJ and Penny ....I do know that rinsing is important and I get kind of obsessive with things like that ... But maybe I haven't been rinsing well enough? Do you think brand/quality could be a factor? Both of your recipes sound delicious. Thanks!

Pip ... Not pats on the back ... More like acknowledgment that you've been through tough times ...

Alison ... You have a lot on your mind with your situation and your brother's. Try to slow down today, ok?

Beth

GodMomKim

Hi gals,

KJ – sending your sister and your family good thoughts

Heather – interesting about you working at a table today - you mentioned a dodgy thumb/wrist a bit ago and at the time I wondered if ergonomics played any part of it, forgot to mention that idea, but this made me think of it again.

Alison – I am so glad your DB is taking on this big challenge. It will be hard for him, and hard for you and his wife too, Alcoholics once sober have a lot of emotional growing to do, they have to figure out ways of dealing with the tough things in their lives without drink – and many times the tough things may not be things we think of as tough – and that changes them, which affects our relationships with them, many times for the better – but sometimes they are not the person we liked and the commitment to being sober puts distance into relationships that were based on who the person was BS (before sober).

I am also really glad you are counting your blessings, taking stock, and looking to find some professional help in how to cope in (or out of) your marriage.


I had a wonderful thing happen – I joined a hiking group about a year ago for 2 reasons, one was just for the exercise, the other was to meet some new people. My counselor and I have been working on replacing the toxic folks with new friends that fit with who I am, how I see friendship. Well last week the hiking group decided to meet at a “new” (probably 2 years old) historical center in my town to see it. So while we were walking about one of the gals asked me how getting orders done for Christmas had gone and then what had I done for Christmas. Well, I told them that orders went fine, and I did find a friend to have Christmas with but that it is a tough time for me as I have a dysfunctional family that I do not spend time with. And 2 of the gals were fussing with each other over who’s home I would go to for Christmas this year… It made me feel so wanted and like 2016 holidays will not be so hard.

And unlike Heather with her ONE pesky pound I have more than one (in fact 6) that came to stay over the holiday time and once I get rid of them there is the 20+ more pounds I want to lose in 2016, but this morning the scale said ½ of a pesky pound gone…. Finally it is moving in the direction I want it too!!!


Kim from rainy, foggy, damp N. California

cityjaneLondon

Beth - I've never heard of rinsing quinoa, but maybe the stuff I buy is already rinsed. I mix mine with equal parts brown rice and puy lentils, cook 20 mins, then I use it as a salad ingredient with lots of nice chopped things in it. You can freeze it once it's cooked so you can make a lot and freeze portions before you add the chopped salad. Lemon juice always helps things along. Adding a lot of oil adds too many calories IMHO.
I weigh the raw ingredients and count 100 for each oz. Then portion appropriately when cooled. So, 6oz combined weight would be 3 portions. 200 cals per portion + whatever you add. Carefully weighed feta cheese perks things up a lot. Or Philly Light.
I have got very lazy these days and often use the Merchant Gourmet packs of mixed grains. A half pack is 258 cals I think.

My Tandoori Monkfish was to die for. 420 cals with rice and peas, tomatoes, grilled red peppers and a yogurt and cucumber dip. :bigsmile:

Heather UK

GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS

- to all!

fanncy0626

Cheri - Happy Birthday! Great picture! It looks like you really had a great time celebrating!

Mia - I'm glad that the BLC has been helpful for you! My team is really supportive and we have been getting to know each other. Congratulations on the 1.5 lbs loss! Keep up the good work!

I woke up feeling yucky this morning from my Day Off yesterday. When I was eating sugary and processed foods it made me feel bloated and I didn't feel well this morning! It really shows how that type of food affects my body. On the other hand I really looked forward to eating my favorite foods. I also have no desire to cheat during the rest of the week I just write down what I crave then on my Day Off I will choose from the list. Yesterday was donuts and Chinese! Now to get my exercise done!

Have a great day everyone!



Mary from Minnesota

margaretturk

KJ prayers

Cheri Happy Birthday :flowerforyou:

Meg good to see you!

Mary hope you feel better.

pipcd34

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nccarolb

Good afternoon! I'm feeling somewhat depressed today (and yesterday) so I need to pull out the gratitude journal and get busy. FYI: I know that I am clinically depressed but that doesn't mean I can't still work on my attitude.

Beth - I have quinoa in my pantry and have used it a couple of times. I made a "salad" with it that was kind of like a vegetable and pasta salad with quinoa instead of pasta. I gave some to a friend and explicitly told him that it had to be refrigerated overnight before eating. I got a text about an hour later that said the dish wasn't good and that he wouldn't be finishing it. Grrrr!! I reminded him that he was not supposed to eat it until the following day and dropped the subject. He called the next evening and asked if he could have some more!! Silly men!

I need to call my ex and remind him that he is also responsible for his son. My depression is stemming from having lost my privacy and alone-ness so I either need to have his help or increase my meds yet again. I do keep reminding myself that other folks would give the world to have their child with them but mostly I just feel helpless and hopeless.

Since I'm whining, I will sign off for now.

Carol in NC

grandmallie

Hidee Ho all~
well sitting down for right now..
Lenora~ I know what you are saying, and believe it or not he is the neat freak, I wont call myself a slob, but I do leave papers and junk mail hanging around more than I should..
We have the main bedroom, and i usually sleep with him and the puppies, if it gets to hot,pellet stove running or just dogs piled on top I will go in my bedroom where it is cooler and I have more room ... and I am making a point to do things on my own, looking to go away for a girls weekend sometime in the next couple months
I will bet I spent probably 45-50 dollars on fruits and vegetables for me..
I know beets are a starchy vegetable but might saute them in a little EVOO and have that for dinner, I have really only had a Lara bar, 2 cups of tea and a large glass of water so far today.. and I am not especially hungry..
will see what I might fix.. did find a nice oatmeal recipe in my clean eating magazine.. that you put dried cherries ,unsweetened coconut, and coconut milk in and banana, and you can keep in the fridge and heat it up.. waiting for the banana's to get ripe and will make that for breakfast..
the only thing lacking I guess I should say in our relationship is physical contact, though he does give me a quick kiss before he goes to work.. he still calls me dear or honey, not just in the affectionate way..

GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS

HA! I bought a few bananas the other day, thinking that DH would eat them in cereal. Still on the counter; and I do not like ripe banana, maybe he'll eat more than 1/2 of them once they get ripe. To me, the greener the better; don't like the mushy texture.

grandmalllie - Hope you did not get the impression that I was a 'slob' ... it's just that DH is more of a 'neat freak'; growing up in a military house where he Dad was so 'anal' he labeled and dated everything he bought. IF it had a coupon, regardless whether he needed it or not; he'd buy it. When he died and we went through his medicine closet in the hall - we found toothpaste that he had bought back in 1972 and paid less than a $1 for. Like I said, he was very 'anal'. I'd take his coupons for baby diapers and a few others but, not for things I did not use or want. He'd drive to 3 stores or more to use is coupons; MnL shopped at the Commissary for most of their food. She was a great cook; and every time we went down, she had rice and beef tips and small white navy beans on that first night. I never could make fluffy rice with regular rice like she could. She'd cook it in a special small little pot; and once she fluffed it up; there was plenty to go around, even for seconds. She always fixed my FnL's plate first and he'd put 'hot sauce' on everything. I know that I do the same (now). I don't like ketchup on anything. I eat a few French Fries with a bit of mustard on them.

GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS

GodMomKim

grits - your comment about ketchup made me smile as I don't use ketchup at all... growing up my mom (who is an excellent cook) would not allow ketchup on the table except if she made french frys (which were made from scratch). Her belief was if you put ketchup on her cooking you were insulting the cook, and she would not set the table with an insult to the cook on it. I think she is the only one on the planet that sees it her way, but I never got the ketchup flavor desire...

Kim

Katla49

:flowerforyou:

margaretturk

klanders30

Beth a friend of mine says that she uses faro like pasta, cooks like pasta then she sautees with evoo, garlic and mushrooms. I think I will try that, for me the texture of quinoa is just not my favorite. I am a huge fan of lentils though, they are by far my favorite healthy grain. the NYTs has the best red lentil with lemon soup recipe that is simple and tasty, been eating it for lunches throughout January.

Karen from ny

pipcd34

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