I'm trying to eat healthy but my Spouse isn't??
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MommyMeggo wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.
Uhm, ok. Sure.
"Babe, I bought you some cookies n cream"
"Babe, I see you're tired tonight, want to order chinese food?"
At the movies- "here got you some sour patch kids."
Obviously sabotage does not equate to force feeding, thats silly. And of COURSE im responsible for what I eat. But offering me things to derail my efforts is what im talking about.
Between a couple its not true sabotage as in "here is this low fat yogurt" when knowing damn well its full fat. That is not the sabotage Im referencing. More like, dont temp me.
It would be different if both were making an effort as my husband and I do. We motivate and encourage. When he has 1200 cals left for dinner and says "chinese?" - I jokingly call him a saboteur.
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.
Uhm, ok. Sure.
"Babe, I bought you some cookies n cream"
"Babe, I see you're tired tonight, want to order chinese food?"
At the movies- "here got you some sour patch kids."
Obviously sabotage does not equate to force feeding, thats silly. And of COURSE im responsible for what I eat. But offering me things to derail my efforts is what im talking about.
Between a couple its not true sabotage as in "here is this low fat yogurt" when knowing damn well its full fat. That is not the sabotage Im referencing. More like, dont temp me.
It would be different if both were making an effort as my husband and I do. We motivate and encourage. When he has 1200 cals left for dinner and says "chinese?" - I jokingly call him a saboteur.
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
No need to pick apart my response to OP to argue what sabotage means to you vs what I mean when I use the term.
<this is hypothetical and not personal to me>
Re: Ice Cream
Why buy someone ice cream who does not buy it for themselves and is watching calories? Why even offer?
Why not say I got you some low fat frozen yogurt ? I even checked the calories for you.
Like me asking my overweight coworker who just ate a Healthy Choice frozen lunch and walked the rest of her lunch break if she wants some thin mints? I just wouldnt, but thats me personally0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
If it were that easy MFP would be a ghost town.
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ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.
Uhm, ok. Sure.
"Babe, I bought you some cookies n cream"
"Babe, I see you're tired tonight, want to order chinese food?"
At the movies- "here got you some sour patch kids."
Obviously sabotage does not equate to force feeding, thats silly. And of COURSE im responsible for what I eat. But offering me things to derail my efforts is what im talking about.
Between a couple its not true sabotage as in "here is this low fat yogurt" when knowing damn well its full fat. That is not the sabotage Im referencing. More like, dont temp me.
It would be different if both were making an effort as my husband and I do. We motivate and encourage. When he has 1200 cals left for dinner and says "chinese?" - I jokingly call him a saboteur.
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
Buying ice cream for someone who is trying to avoid it is sabotaging them. Of course, the response is "no thanks." But I see the offer as passive aggressive.2 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
If it were that easy MFP would be a ghost town.
I never said it was easy. It's definitely learned. But it's also something that a lot of people don't consider - that they can have ice cream, or Chinese food, or sour patch kids, and they can still lose weight.0 -
If your spouse was trying to give up smoking would you leave packs of cigarettes laying around?
Sorry, I had to comment on this because my husband smokes and I quit, and he didn't stop smoking around me at all. I wanted to quit, so I did. When or if he ever wants to quit he will but because I wanted to wasn't a reason for him to be all sneaky with it. Same with food. If he wants to eat it, he shouldn't have to lock it away somewhere so I don't see it. If I am not strong enough to handle my own food decisions, that's not his fault. We are partners in life but that doesn't mean we are the same person or that everything we do has to be a mutual thing.0 -
My husband used to bring a bag of crunchy chips to bed sometimes, and chips are my absolute favorite. I feel your pain, OP.
One thing that really helped me succeed was PLANNING. I used to plan out my meals to fit my goals the night prior. If I wanted a treat, I planned it ahead of time. That was really half the battle. It takes a lot less energy and willpower to stick to a plan you've already committed to. Sheer stubbornness will carry you through until the healthy changes become habit. Best of luck to you!0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
If it were that easy MFP would be a ghost town.
I never said it was easy. It's definitely learned. But it's also something that a lot of people don't consider - that they can have ice cream, or Chinese food, or sour patch kids, and they can still lose weight.
Restricting is not the same as eliminating. Just because people dont want someone buying and offering them ice cream doesn't mean they think they cant lose weight *and eat those things. Or that they cant ever have them again* Moderation and portion control is the most difficult part of changing ones lifestyle. So if they buy the ice cream or chinese food its because they are making the room for it. There is a difference. It may be negligible to you but it is not one size fits all.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.0 -
My fiancé eats nothing but junk food. Sometimes I want to indulge but I have gotten myself healthy alternatives. Instead of a candy bar I'll have a protein bar, sweet enough to calm the craving and helping me get my protein for the day which I always fall short on. If it's something special and I want to partake I do in moderation. And I try to get him to partake by making smoothies instead of getting ice cream. It's all about choosing what's best for you.0
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endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
Because this is a public forum and I'm allowed to post my opinions? I'm also allowed to challenge other people's opinions? Because maybe something that I say will cause someone to open their potentially closed mind a bit and consider changing their views on a topic? Because my views may be challenged by the experiences and opinions of others and help shape my views moving forward?
I could go on.0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
And you missed the point, it was about being compassionate to another human being........
I must have, yes. If being compassionate means that the inability to resist a cookie should be treated as the same problem as an alcoholic resisting alcohol, I have definitely missed the point entirely. Clearly I am a heartless cow.
I apologize for derailing the thread. Back to the OP's point, if you chat with your spouse about your wish to remove or hide things that tempt you, and she's okay with that, everyone wins. But for the sake of keeping peace in your house, please do not make an issue of it. This whole weight loss thing is a mental game and people are sometimes weird about it. All you can do is set a good example and hope that eventually she will follow suit, but she has to be ready in her own time.
The problem with the compassion argument is that it assumes the only person who deserves compassion is the person trying to avoid certain foods. If the OP's wife is waving it in front of him and laughing, they have an issue with compassion. If enjoying a treat at the end of a hard day (or whatever) is something she feels she has to hide or not do in her own home when she wants to, it's not fair to put that expectation on her rather than learning to be strong and resist the things the OP doesn't want to eat.
My husband has been bringing gummy candy home lately for some reason. I had no idea that gummy candy was so hard for me to resist, but apparently it is. I just can't imagine telling him he can't bring gummies into his own home because I have a problem with them. Yes, it's harder to resist things when they're in front of our faces. But I think that's part of the growth. The first couple of times, I ate them (he offered). After that, I realized it wasn't part of my daily plan, and I resisted.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm sure he does care. He posted because he cared. Your post seems to be chip bearing. Grace us with his presence? Did op do something wrong?
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm guessing he has read all these helpful comments and decided there was no benefit to engaging further. But that is just a guess.
I would add that most of us who have responded, including me, posted things not of much help to anyone.....0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm guessing he has read all these helpful comments and decided there was no benefit to engaging further. But that is just a guess.
I would add that most of us who have responded, including me, posted things not of much help to anyone.....
He got tons of helpful responses on the first page. This is a discussion board and there are topics that tend to spark more "discussion" than other topics. There is nothing wrong with that.0 -
MommyMeggo wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm sure he does care. He posted because he cared. Your post seems to be chip bearing. Grace us with his presence? Did op do something wrong?
That was said tongue-in-cheek.
He posted a controversial topic with basically no information with which to help him. He got responses on the first page that were helpful and never came back to offer more information or join in the discourse.
I'm sorry, but I have been on the forums for a long time and I just find it funny when people post a vague "question" about an inflammatory topic and then sit back to watch the madness.0 -
How about helping them to deal with it directly, rather than have it hidden to so they don't have to deal with it? Isn't it like the ostrich head in the sand scenario?cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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How about helping them to deal with it directly, rather than have it hidden to so they don't have to deal with it? Isn't it like the ostrich head in the sand scenario?cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Exactly.
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