Do men secretly want a more traditional housewife?
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My fiance and I work form home, but my work is part-time--the rest of my time is as a homemaker
I love it but that's our dynamic and definitely not for everyone. 0 -
What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).
I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?
I would have to hear the wives' side of the story before coming to any conclusions. A lot of men seem to think that seasonal yard work and occasional auto maintenance is equal to daily chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping and child care) that have to be done every single day. It's not. I completely agree that if one spouse doesn't work then that person should be responsible for the daily tasks, but when both work full time then chores should be split equally, or at least in a manner that's acceptable to both parties. It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.
On the term babysitting your own kids...this has gotten women in an uproar at the office, which I just tell them to STFU. So, what do you say, "I have the kids",. The kids are here, my kids are under my supervision (that's lame), I am playing with my children, I'm baby sitting my kids, I'm baby sitting, I'm watching the little f*ckers... What's the proper terminology. I still don't have an answer to that. If you can't do something as a result of having to supervise your children, what do you say to explain why you can't go do something with your friends?
To a guy, it's just the way we say it. It doesn't mean what you think it means. It's the same thing.
IT IS CALLED BEING A FATHER YOU NITWIT0 -
It's possible, though I don't think so.
I'm not bitter about my traditional role being chipped away. In fact I do pretty much all the cooking, a lot of the cleaning, all the yard work, all the car maintenance and care, AND am the sole bread winner. My wife is a stay at home mom.
What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).
I learned from watching my Dad as well who worshipped the ground my mom walked on, did most of the work around the house when she went back to work as well as being in a high stress job in the military, and then a highly profitable change to civilian life. He was paid back by her cheating and divorcing him as soon as my sister left the house (she was the youngest). My Mom will even admit that things were better when she was staying at home and not working, and there were more traditional roles and expectations. He still worshipped the ground she walked on, but their was a clear separation of roles and it just worked.
I've started training myself to be the opposite of what people expect these days. While my wife doesn't like it much right now, it is obvious there is more respect when she asks me to do some mundane chore she had all day to do and I just say "Nope, I worked all day, that's your job." instead of jumping through my *kitten* to get it done or get the stink eye from the wife. I view her as my equal, my partner, but we need clearly defined roles so I am not shouldering all the burden, which easily happens when you let things get out of whack.
I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?
There is quite a bit of resentment against women in this post. Much anger and bitterness about what they have turned your friends, your Father into. And a clear expectation that were not the roles clearly defined, YOU (the male) would end up shouldering all of the work while your wife carries none.
Why so much anger against the vajay?
agreed on the anger against women here.
And I will say that relationships I see where the woman is abusive and controlling and the man is being treated like a doormat are ironically ones in which the woman doesn't work. That's not a statement about "traditional roles" so much as a personal observation which I'm sure doesn't support any general statements at all about the level of abuse in relationships based on traditional gender roles.0 -
What I get annoyed about is not about the traditional roles being chipped away, but rather more and more of the load is being pushed off on the men. I'm not saying this happens everywhere, but a lot of the men of my generation (35 btw) were raised to be the doting boyfriend/husband and have a healthy amount of respect for whatever our female partner wants to do. These things in of themselves are not bad at all, but things have morphed where now we are expected to do all we can to support the desires and whishes of our wives/girlfriends and fear the wrath when they feel that we're not doing that. I have friends that appear to live in near constant fear of their wives and do all they can not to anger them. These men DO IT ALL and their wives very little, but they are the ones getting blasted for not doing enough (both make great wages and their wives want for nothing).
I wouldn't dream of asking her to change the oil in the car (not that she would anyway), so why should I vacuum after working all day?
I would have to hear the wives' side of the story before coming to any conclusions. A lot of men seem to think that seasonal yard work and occasional auto maintenance is equal to daily chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping and child care) that have to be done every single day. It's not. I completely agree that if one spouse doesn't work then that person should be responsible for the daily tasks, but when both work full time then chores should be split equally, or at least in a manner that's acceptable to both parties. It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.
On the term babysitting your own kids...this has gotten women in an uproar at the office, which I just tell them to STFU. So, what do you say, "I have the kids",. The kids are here, my kids are under my supervision (that's lame), I am playing with my children, I'm baby sitting my kids, I'm baby sitting, I'm watching the little f*ckers... What's the proper terminology. I still don't have an answer to that. If you can't do something as a result of having to supervise your children, what do you say to explain why you can't go do something with your friends?
To a guy, it's just the way we say it. It doesn't mean what you think it means. It's the same thing.
I will say that I respect a man more that says to people "Nah, cant go, I am going to go do that daddy thing". Unless, of course you are indeed babysitting your kids and you would rather be out doing things with the friends. We also have a name for those kinds of dads, all of which will get me banned from the forums of MFP.0 -
It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.
Yes. I wonder how these wives must restrain themselves from swooning when their husband decides to generously involve himself with the upkeep of the home he lives in and the children he created as if it's some grand gesture.
If a partner acted like that towards (and a few of them have), then they can find out how much of a grand gesture it is to wash their own dishes, do their own laundry, fix their own toilets (which I generally do), etc etc all on their own.
LOL seriously? In the gran scheme of life is it really a huge deal that men say these terms? I mean COME ON. Id honestly rather get all up in arms about cheating or something on that level but to say when a man says "babysitting" he somehow has this ridiculous idea in his head that he is going out of his way for you is ridiculous. Men do not think the same way as we do, and honestly i cant even imagine thinking someone would be thinking that if they used said term for their own kids.
However if he then says "LOOK HONEY I WAtCHeD THE KIDS NOW I GET TO GOLf!" By all means shank the man, at that point it is very much a "favor" out look and that **** isnt OK!0 -
It makes me crazy when men say they "help" around their own house or "babysit" their own children like they're doing their wives a favor.
Yes. I wonder how these wives must restrain themselves from swooning when their husband decides to generously involve himself with the upkeep of the home he lives in and the children he created as if it's some grand gesture.
If a partner acted like that towards (and a few of them have), then they can find out how much of a grand gesture it is to wash their own dishes, do their own laundry, fix their own toilets (which I generally do), etc etc all on their own.
LOL seriously? In the gran scheme of life is it really a huge deal that men say these terms? I mean COME ON. Id honestly rather get all up in arms about cheating or something on that level but to say when a man says "babysitting" he somehow has this ridiculous idea in his head that he is going out of his way for you is ridiculous. Men do not think the same way as we do, and honestly i cant even imagine thinking someone would be thinking that if they used said term for their own kids.
I know dads who say this. And yes, they think they are doing mom a favor. Babysitting is not equal to parenting. It's derogatory IMHO to imply that it is. Maybe you don't care. That's fine. There are also people who don't care when someone says something totally racist. It's just terms after all and in the big scheme of things, doesn't matter all that much.
I happen to care. And I find it indicative of a value system that lacks recognition of how important the father's role in parenting is.0 -
Marriage is a partnership between adults. You work out which duties and responsibilities are fair in a calm controlled conversation. If you need help with your duties and your feel the other person can or should, you ask nicely.
My husband I both work. He has the kids a few week days if he's off. I have them weekends when he works (or if he's off we both have them). He does the outside chores and some of the inside chores (master bathroom, cooks occasionally, does dishes about half the time, laundry about a third). I do the remaining inside chores, all the family "secretarial duties", and the shopping and meal planning. If I need him to go to the store, I ask and he does if he can. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you communicate like adults without getting resentful and butthurt about silly things like house work.0 -
Marriage is a partnership between adults. You work out which duties and responsibilities are fair in a calm controlled conversation. If you need help with your duties and your feel the other person can or should, you ask nicely.
My husband I both work. He has the kids a few week days if he's off. I have them weekends when he works (or if he's off we both have them). He does the outside chores and some of the inside chores (master bathroom, cooks occasionally, does dishes about half the time, laundry about a third). I do the remaining inside chores, all the family "secretarial duties", and the shopping and meal planning. If I need him to go to the store, I ask and he does if he can. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you communicate like adults without getting resentful and butthurt about silly things like house work.
My son's dad and I do everything 50/50 with as much respect as possible.
My boyfriend and I split household chores mostly along gender lines, which I wouldn't normally do but that was the pattern mostly. We shared yard work (though it was more his than mine). We both washed dishes (but I did more than him). I normally cleaned common areas and the bathroom. We each do our own laundry. We pretty much made dinner every night based on what we wanted to eat and worked it out each day. He always took out the garbage. He taught me how to fix my own car.
between me and both of these men, there have never been any fights over housework. With my son's father, we haven't fought over parenting responsibilities in about 9 years.
Seems to me like communication and fairness can work out pretty easily.0 -
That is more of a Leave it To Beaver type definition. I think the reality was a division of labor in running a family. My great-grandmother and grandmother were both housewifes, and if you think for one second they took any crap from my grandfathers you would be sorely mistaken. They didn't try to pretty up and didn't make the man the number #1 priority. Kids and keeping the family running and together was top priority.
I'm not meaning dressing up like a 50's house wife, but more in spirit : making the man the #1 priority, centring your day around his comings and goings, hot meal on the table, house clean, wife all prettied up...0 -
LOL seriously? In the gran scheme of life is it really a huge deal that men say these terms? I mean COME ON. Id honestly rather get all up in arms about cheating or something on that level but to say when a man says "babysitting" he somehow has this ridiculous idea in his head that he is going out of his way for you is ridiculous. Men do not think the same way as we do, and honestly i cant even imagine thinking someone would be thinking that if they used said term for their own kids.
I know dads who say this. And yes, they think they are doing mom a favor. Babysitting is not equal to parenting. It's derogatory IMHO to imply that it is. Maybe you don't care. That's fine. There are also people who don't care when someone says something totally racist. It's just terms after all and in the big scheme of things, doesn't matter all that much.
I happen to care. And I find it indicative of a value system that lacks recognition of how important the father's role in parenting is.
This.
It's not about what words they use, it's about how they view the time spent sharing household duties. Do they view it as a favor? As an aside? As something that they are soooo generous in giving, despite being an adult who helped created the lives and home themselves?
If some babydaddy thinks they are doing you a favor by babysitting for a few hours a week - honey, get out of there. If some boyfriend thinks he should be praised for cleaning the toilet every few weeks while you bust your *kitten* cleaning the rest of the house - honey, get out of there.
That's not a relationship. That's a little boy expecting Mommy to give him an allowance for cleaning his room.0 -
That is more of a Leave it To Beaver type definition. I think the reality was a division of labor in running a family. My great-grandmother and grandmother were both housewifes, and if you think for one second they took any crap from my grandfathers you would be sorely mistaken. They didn't try to pretty up and didn't make the man the number #1 priority. Kids and keeping the family running and together was top priority.
I'm not meaning dressing up like a 50's house wife, but more in spirit : making the man the #1 priority, centring your day around his comings and goings, hot meal on the table, house clean, wife all prettied up...
and, on the flip side, I would get pretty, build a fire, and let him kick back while I grill a steak for my man after working an 8 hour work day myself not because i'm some 1950's stay at home wife, but because I love the *kitten* and want to make him happy.0 -
and, on the flip side, I would get pretty, build a fire, and let him kick back while I grill a steak for my man after working an 8 hour work day not because i'm some 1950's stay at home wife, but because I love the *kitten* and want to make him happy.
I like steak.0 -
and, on the flip side, I would get pretty, build a fire, and let him kick back while I grill a steak for my man after working an 8 hour work day not because i'm some 1950's stay at home wife, but because I love the *kitten* and want to make him happy.
I like steak.
I'm a fricken vegetarian!!! LOL!0 -
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NO!
My wife of 32 years is a full-time surgical RN-BSN. We both work all day. We raised two great kids together. We BOTH did homework with them all through grade school.
We share all the duties at home. The kids are gone(so we can afford the lawn-care guys and twice a month cleaning lady), but I make breakfast and lunches. She makes dinners and WE BOTH CLEAN UP.
We have always felt, "If you made the mess, you clean it up." Our grown kids are the same way.0 -
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No.
I want my woman to have a full time job, come home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, satisfy me sexually, and then let me go and hang out with my friends all day.
^^^^^ AND you would be doing WHAT????
Over here sounding like my ex-fiance......Key word is EX
I don't think it's a secret especially if you are raised in the south like TEXAS, ALABAMA, or GEORGIA from my experience.
I need a blend of it all. I would like to clean, iron, dress my man, and take care of the kids but I need him to want to spoil me when I come home from work by allowing me to only really have to cook two times a week. So either he will cook the other days and/or take us out to eat.
I would like to keep some type of employment that satisfies me like working with the Military Veterans.0 -
I was a 50s housewife for a couple weeks. My husband got frightened and called an exorcist. It took some work, but she's gone now.0
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Do men secretly want a more traditional housewife?
No, not at all. I don't keep it a secret. I tell my wife every day how much I love her staying home.
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Thanks. That's what I'm looking for. So, it doesn't matter what I say. Then STFU. Back to my original idea. I'm watching my kids. It doesn't matter how I express it. Sometimes, I say I have to babysit my kids, Sometimes, I say I'm spending time with them, sometimes, I just say I'm busy. It's not a big deal. the words I choose are irrelevant. Stop putting so much emphasis on the words being said, and listen to the intent and tone.
Rar, sir. If you and I both agree that it's not the words that matter, but rather the intent behind them - why are you so upset with me? It seems odd.0 -
to answer the OP's question: No. Not at all.0
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I was unaware I wanted this. I'm still unaware I want that.0
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I have been married for 16 years, I would love a wife who does "something" in the house.
I do all the cooking, which is a good thing, because she can't cook.
I do the cleaning, the washing, take kids to sport/ friends etc.
She is a nurse and says she is always tired and can't be bothered. Mess doesn't faze her, but it drives me nuts. I am embarrassed to have people come to our house if it's untidy, so, I clean it up.
The only thing I won't do is the ironing, but I tend to iron my own shirts and school uniforms every week because the Missus forgot.
So now I use MFP and exercise to burn away my frustrations.0 -
One portion of that is women who expect their husband or 'significant other' to maintain his traditional male role of providing and doing the manly chores, yet she expects to be able to do whatever she wants. I think its a small portion of society, but I have seen it out there. I think its all fostered by the idea of the 'perfect wedding' or the 'fantasy wedding'. It starts the whole marriage off on a path that is difficult to recover from.
I dont know about that. My boyfriend if anything wants me to be independent and have a job, yet make sure dinner is cooked and the house is clean. He kinda hints at it - but I am not a 50s style wife lol
And I dont want him paying for everything, makes people act like they own you.0 -
I'm really looking for a sugar mama, but I'd settle for this.So here's my question: in this modern society do men secretly (or sub subconsciously) want a 1950's doting housewife?
I'm not meaning dressing up like a 50's house wife, but more in spirit : making the man the #1 priority, centring your day around his comings and goings, hot meal on the table, house clean, wife all prettied up...
If guys do like that is it just a novelty and they get bored with it or is it something deep down they want but dare not say so?
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Im a sahm myself and I do all the cleaning, cooking, baking everything basically , except my husband takes out the trash mows the lawn , hauls the laundry downstairs for me on occasion and cooks every once in awhile. He works about 60 hours a week so I try and not give him to many things to do outside of work except of course be a loving husband and a great father to our little girls which he is , never seen a man so happy to his children, he jumps over the baby gate our kids are little and runs over to give them hugs when he gets in the door after work, its beautiful .He takes them places with them because he loves spending time with them .
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Im a SAHM mostly because of day car costs and party because I love spending time with my daughters while they are small. Even though it is a financial struggle on us all for me to be a SaHM , me going to work part time isn't enough to truly help it would all go to daycare. So for now I stay home, my husband would love for me to stay at home without the money issues though hoping that changes sooner than later, it is highly important to him that he provides for us well.
I'm fine with him being the sole provider for now and one day I want to return to work when our daughters are older, I was in college for 5 yrs and would like to return one day .
I don't think my husband would care if I was the bread winner because as long as our daughters are taken care of it does not matter who works.
Being a SAHM is a job just not one you get paid for in momentary value but in intrinsic value . life experience, kisses, hugs so on .0 -
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Nope. I'm daddy househusband and take care of everything at home. Oh and I never have a headache.:laugh:
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Haha, love it!0 -
Is it bad that I secretly kinda wanna be that type of housewife?
it is not bad at all. if it works for you then great. If you can stay at home and not go bored out of your mind then great. It just does not work for everyone.
No honey, its not bad at all. Its actually quite nice. And when we get bored, we take a nap. Simple as that.
Right? :laugh:0 -
I'm a SAHM in my second marriage. I think we do well as a family. I do freelance in graphic design and ghost writing. It's all good.0
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