Do men secretly want a more traditional housewife?

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I don't know about what men want, but I wouldn't mind a housewife of my very own. :flowerforyou:

Me too!

MyChocolateDiet

Secretly? LOL

I guess it's better to keep it on the down low or face the feminists wrath?

I will always believe it's better to have 1 parent at home when the children are young. When they reach school age, have a parent actively involved in all the activities involved with that. By the time they hit middle school, you've instilled YOUR values, morals and expectations...not some daycares. It's a poor way to live, but rewards your children immensely. After that you can worry about the money.

But honestly, it could be either parent.

Inorite. My husband made it no secret these were his desires much to the dismay of his aunts, sisters, and female cousins, friend's wives who were all trying to set him up with everyone. Imagine their surprise when he walked in one day with the me. And I turned out to not only look like I do but think his way as well. Ahahahaha. Now they love and accept us but it was wide eyes and quiet stares for the first year or two. Once they realized, I do speak my mind, and have an education but these are just our priorities/values they became nicer. I still sometimes feel like an animal at the zoo at family events, but less and less now that the economy has forced everyone to re-examine their roles with an eye for flexibility and survival.

GurleyGirl524

The Good Wives Guide circa 1950!

Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away clutter.
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children.
Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise all noise.
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him.
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his.
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal.
Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone throught that day.
Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.
You have no right to question him.
A good wife knows her place

Thank you. I needed a good laugh.

I will admit, I "dote" over my husband at times. Not because he expects it, but because I like doing things for him. He is terminally ill and lives a fairly restricted life while I am at work and the kids are at school. I know that he does not feel the role of the provider so I try to make sure he feels appreciated and important. Most days I feel like I play the role of the traditional housewife as well as the modern wife. I do 99% of the household chores as well as work full time. Every day is not a perfect utopia by any means. My house is not always at its tidiest but I do make sure that we have a meal together as a family every day. That is very important to me. My husband understands that working, taking care of him, and taking care of our special needs child (we also have a teenager, but he is pretty independant) takes a toll on me and he never complains if I don't clean or if I pick up take out instead of cooking. He likes that I work and that I can be independant, and that gives him a sense of security if something bad did happen to him. I like working, I also like taking care of my family. I guess I want it all and am pretty close to having it.

MyChocolateDiet

I don't know about what men want, but I wouldn't mind a housewife of my very own. :flowerforyou:

Me too!

Me three! Wait...what?

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I don't know about what men want, but I wouldn't mind a housewife of my very own. :flowerforyou:

Me too!

Me three! Wait...what?

What I really want is a full time house-keeper/ nanny/personal-chief who is on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and lives less than 5 minutes away.

mister_universe

Yes, I secretly want a more traditional housewife.

I also secretly want a harem.

Which is more acceptable? I understand that I will get neither, so it's all very neither here nor there. Still, we should discuss. Perhaps start my own pointless thread.

I secretly want my own pointless thread.

VpinkLotus

I really have no clue what men want. :laugh: Personally I am a very modern girl living a sort of traditional life. I told my husband when we married that I was from a home with a work a holic mother who never had time or energy for me. So, for me it was important that if I couldn't afford to stay home and care for our children (and take care of household duties) that I would rather not have them at all. It was that important to me. So now we have 3 small children and I am home with them, cleaning, cooking, and haven't had a real paying job in about 7 years because of it. My husband has never given me his opinion either way, it's just our reality. I say our relationship is modern because he doesn't just let me take care of everything. He is very hands on with the kids and helps with the house whenever he can. He takes all 3 kids so I can go to work out every day. But he doesn't need to worry about paying a bill, grocery shopping, or scrubbing a toilet becuase those things are my domain. I think he must be happy with how things are, he's never said otherwise.

Capt_Inzane

I didn't read all the responses but I would want a woman who has her own life. If something were to happen to me and I were to pass away I'd want my wife to have a skill she can fall back on so that she can survive.

I've seen too many women who honestly didn't know how to live without a man dictating their every movement.

PapaverSomniferum

No.

I want my woman to have a full time job, come home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, satisfy me sexually, and then let me go and hang out with my friends all day.

This has been the actual attitude of every man I've ever dated.

The_Enginerd

Hell no!

In every circle I belong to (ie. work, home, church, etc), I believe everyone needs to play to their strengths/passions first. There are other factors of course, but let me explain. My wife is naturally a better cook than I, so she'll usually make 70% of the meals we eat at home. I'll still help her prepare and we have the unspoken rule that whoever cooks, the other will do the dishes. If she's busy with work and I'm free, I'm not going to let the dishes sit there and make her stay up late to wash them, that's ridiculous. She likes to be in the garden, taking care of the plants and making sure the lawn looks good. I personally, don't care and would rather hire someone to do that. For some reason I know how to iron, well I might add. So I'll do most of the ironing should it be needed.

My wife usually does:
Mopping
Gardening (the actual planting and choosing of plants and such)
Cooking
Taking out the Trash

I usually do:
Laundry
Ironing
Dishes
Sweeping
Cleaning bathrooms
Lawn mowing

We don't really have set chores and it's not like if I'm out of the house for a week the dishes just sit there or laundry doesn't get done. The other person just picks up the slack. I do however like when she goes on vacation, then I can make whatever my heart desires.

July 10, 2013 5:53 am

A man that cleans the bathrooms?????
Are you kidding?????

I think I love you. wink

I may lose a man card on this one, but I do the bathrooms exclusively, almost all of the cooking, and most of the dishes and kitchen cleaning. I also do the mowing, gardening, tree trimming, and house and car repairs, so hopefully that lets me keep it :laugh:

The_Enginerd

Depends on the guy. Myself and among most of my friends, nope, prefer a woman who has a job and is independent.

You can't be a working woman while doting on your husband?

But of course you can. My personal preference is for someone who is independent. Just my own preference.

babyblues4

I consider myself pretty old fashion. I gave up my career to stay home and raise my kids, but I also run a home daycare and bring in a pretty good income myself.
I do all the cooking and laundry. My husband does the outside work and he will clean up the dishes after dinner. As for cleaning the house we share the job. I do the bathrooms, tidying and floor washing and he does the dusting and run the vacuuming (thankfully, because I HATE dusting!!) He does this, not because I expect him too, but because he wants to
I also make lunch for him everyday

We work as a team, sometimes he does more sometimes I do but we don't keep score. I don't think my husband would appreciate me be a lazy *kitten* prima donna who didn't want to do any domestic chores

RivenV

after careful google perusal of the many and varied definitions of the word "dote"

I am puzzled by the non-doters as I thought that this was what people in love wanted to do to one another? I suggest the lady posting this in her office print out the link provided as it makes prettier artwork for the office and more thought provoking. The end.

My thoughts exactly--I love him. Why would I not dote on him?

I wish I could post the link, but I don't have the image on a photo sharing website, nor do I have access to doing so at this time, unfortunately. I can say that a google image search will turn up hundreds of different copies in many different formats from modern to the original print.

In the same vein of thought, did anyone else find the life of a Stepford Wife appealing? (Excepting, of course, not having free will.)

devan33

As a stay at home mom of 4, and wife to a guy that commutes over an hour to work and then again to come home...I'm happy to do all the stuff around the house! Most likely he or the kids (who do have chores) won't do things the way I want them anyway! HA!

He will however help bath the little guy or occasionally clean the downstairs bath and he also puts his laundry away after I wash/dry and fold it. Our teen boys take care of the yard work most of the time, and I do have a meal on the table every night.

He is a great provider and it has been wonderful for me to be home with the kids for the last 8 years. (and cheaper than daycare!) I don't know how I worked full time when the teens were little and still able to keep up with everything!

Hubby does coach a lot of the kids sports, too. I have no desire to work outside the home till the last one is in school, and I have no idea what I would want to do at that time. What we have works great. We are all happy and it runs smoothly If he were an *kitten* about it..maybe this would read differently...LOL

edited to say that sometimes I am a total wreck when he gets home..and he will still tell me I look cute!! hehe

TwinkieDong

no secret about it. Yes most men want this, it is in our DNA from the cave man days. Society has been at war against men and trying to train men to think differently.

the only secret is men want men to be men!! I always hear women talking and wanting REAL MEN. Where are all the real men at, etc.

Well I am glad we have the freedom to be whom we want to be, even if it is going against the grain.

penelopezbitch

Many men want a wife who earns money and will wait on them hand and foot.

Trueray

No thank you get out the house and get a job . I can cook, clean, and take care of the kids before and after work. So a woman staying at home will be useless.

chunkydunk714

No.

I want my woman to have a full time job, come home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, satisfy me sexually, and then let me go and hang out with my friends all day.

and this is why me and baby daddy didnt work out...

HannahJDiaz25

The Good Wives Guide circa 1950!

Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away clutter.
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children.
Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise all noise.
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him.
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his.
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal.
Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone throught that day.
Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.
You have no right to question him.
A good wife knows her place

For the record, I would like to say that I have this posted on my office wall at work. Some of the bullet points are little over the top--I'm not going to take off his shoes or arrange a pillow for him--but I think most are within reason. Who doesn't want their home to be a tranquil place? Who doesn't want to present a clean home? Who doesn't want to look good for her husband? We both work full time, so having dinner ready when he's home isn't an option, obviously. But I still consider making a wholesome and healthsome dinner (and lunch and breakfast) my responsibility. He didn't brow beat or shame me into it. Being a 1950's style housewife who also works isn't a role that was forced on me; it's a mantle I willingly took up out of the mutual love and respect that's between my husband and myself.

People forget that there is reciprocity at play here. I may do all the housework and have a dated set of responsibilities, but that does not mean that my husband is not without his duties, as well. He makes about twice as much as I do, which makes his job more profitable and beneficial to our household, which in turn means that we often rely more on his paycheck than on mine. Say what you will, but if the roles were reversed and I became the bread-winner, I would immediately feel more pressure. He also has duties at home like yardwork and home maintenance/repairs. We both tend the garden, but I would say he does the lion's share of the work on it.

Do I dote on him? Yes. Does he dote on me? Absolutely. People like to look at "The Good Wife's Guide" and ridicule it, but they're forgetting about the give and take between the husband and the wife. This is not a one-sided relationship with all of the work delegated to the wife; husbands have responsibilties that go hand-in-hand with these.


To actually answer the OP's question, my husband was delighted to find me so old-fashioned. A woman who's head over heels for him, is genuinely excited by domesticity--including cooking the meals, cleaning the house, keeping up with the laundry, etc.--and is willing to entertain pretty much anything he would suggest, from attending tractor pulls to spur of the moment road trips. It helps that I actually enjoy this particular role, but I can make room for the fact that not everyone would take joy in it.

This is me too! :-) My husband does all the "man" work (I never take out trash, mow, clean cars or anything) Generally I do all the traditional wife work. I never ask him to help, but because he is awesome he usually sees me cleaning, doing laundry or other chores and just starts helping if he doesn't have other chores to do. We never have to bicker about who does what. If he sees I'm tired he will grill dinner and clean by himself and "make" me nap :-) SO in the end we are a team no matter what.
We know what needs to get done and we do it, but I take pleasure in "housewife" work and enjoy presenting him with healthy meals, packing healthy lunches, and keeping a clean house so I generally am in charge of this aspect of our life. When we have kids (if ever) I hope to be in financial position to be able to stay home and raise them like I was raised. In the end I am a wife/mom first and a career woman second (I am also the resident nutritionist and trainer haha)

Its nice to see other women who don't see being a traditional wife as demeaning. If I could stay at home and keep a perfect house and cook every meal etc I would do it in a heartbeat!

solarpower03

Jill of trades!