Criticised by a gym professional...

245

Replies

  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    jemhh wrote: »
    Don't listen to gossip and don't assume the story is true unless you saw/heard it happen. I question the motivation of the person who passed along this story to you. In what way did s/he think it was going to help you?

    Absolutely this. Information gets twisted on the grapevine..

    And screw negativity. Use to to fuel your workouts.
  • sohifirefly
    sohifirefly Posts: 55 Member
    kerrydensmore wrote: »
    summamumma wrote: »
    Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony! The only time I have felt good there is when I was already in shape. I would never go there in my current state (60 pounds to lose). I don't workout outside for the same reason. People are mean and as hard as you try not to let it get to you, it still will be in the back of your mind. Getting in shape is hard and you need only positive voices around you, either at home or at a small gym with other overweight people.

    If I don't go to a gym I will not work out period. I'm to lazy at home. I can't get motivated at home


    I'm in the same boat - I won't do it at home so I have to go to the gym. Plus the variety of classes makes it fun. I have no rhythm but I LOVE Zumba and Cardio Kickboxing. Who cares what people think when they see me offbeat and sweaty? GO and MOVE YOUR BODY!

    OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. Chin up, buttercup! Take in all the love you are getting here and be invincible!

    ***singing: Shoot me down but I don't fall....I am titaniuuuummmm!***
  • kerrydensmore
    kerrydensmore Posts: 15 Member
    sohifirefly wrote: »
    kerrydensmore wrote: »
    summamumma wrote: »
    Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony! The only time I have felt good there is when I was already in shape. I would never go there in my current state (60 pounds to lose). I don't workout outside for the same reason. People are mean and as hard as you try not to let it get to you, it still will be in the back of your mind. Getting in shape is hard and you need only positive voices around you, either at home or at a small gym with other overweight people.

    If I don't go to a gym I will not work out period. I'm to lazy at home. I can't get motivated at home


    I'm in the same boat - I won't do it at home so I have to go to the gym. Plus the variety of classes makes it fun. I have no rhythm but I LOVE Zumba and Cardio Kickboxing. Who cares what people think when they see me offbeat and sweaty? GO and MOVE YOUR BODY!

    OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. Chin up, buttercup! Take in all the love you are getting here and be invincible!

    ***singing: Shoot me down but I don't fall....I am titaniuuuummmm!***

    Thank u for the encouragement!! I thot about doing Zumba but I have NO COORDINATION whatsoever. Lol
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
    Sorry about that happening to you - but don't you dare stop going to the gym. I started going at 244 lbs, 5'2" ! One day while walking to gym in my workout clothes this lady laughed at me while pointing and talking to her friend. I held my head high and kept stepping - but honestly even as I am typing this, the hurt is still there. But here is the flip side, I still see this woman, we work in the same building, I smile at her and to this day she will still hold her head down when we make eye contact.

    Please use that energy from that hurt in the gym, or doing what every activity is going to make you a better and healthier person.

    I won't pass judgment on the person who made the comment, there may have been more to that conversation, like .... but it's really good to see them still coming - who knows! But the person that shared that no help comment with you is the one to watch.

    Stay strong, it is totally worth it!!!!
  • kerrydensmore
    kerrydensmore Posts: 15 Member
    Thanks to all y'all. It really helps to know I'm not alone in this!!
  • luluinca
    luluinca Posts: 2,899 Member
    Sued0nim wrote: »
    summamumma wrote: »
    Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony! The only time I have felt good there is when I was already in shape. I would never go there in my current state (60 pounds to lose). I don't workout outside for the same reason. People are mean and as hard as you try not to let it get to you, it still will be in the back of your mind. Getting in shape is hard and you need only positive voices around you, either at home or at a small gym with other overweight people.

    I think this is not good advice

    Overweight people should go anywhere and do anything they damn well please, especially if that something is going to help them achieve a healthier life

    I went to a gym overweight and now I'm not, I went knowing nothing and now I'm a regular ...I see overweight people at the gym and I think good on you, stick with it, you'll work it out and it's worth it. I see fat people killing it and I think feck the effort it takes to move that mass through space ..it would kick a fitter persons *aardvark*

    So I have to say this approach would have been detrimental to my ability to succeed

    Know you have as much right to be anywhere you damn well please as the next person

    Agree 100%. Having been a fat person at the gym 3 years ago, and yes....it was intimidating......you shouldn't let anyone stop you. I admire others now who are in the position I was 3 years ago and try to smile, be friendly and offer help if and when they ask for it.

    It's a gym. It's there for people to get in shape not only for people who are already in shape.

    I admire you for sucking it up and going back. Who knows what or if anything was even said..........let it go!

  • ziggy2006
    ziggy2006 Posts: 255 Member
    I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.

    The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.

    There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.
  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,991 Member
    What a jerk. You keep going and in a year make him eat his words. He obviously has insecurity issues.
  • sunnybeaches105
    sunnybeaches105 Posts: 2,831 Member
    Go back, keep working out, and focus on what you want out of the gym. You need to learn to get over small slights by people who don't matter to your goals. The world is full of them.
  • GiddyupTim
    GiddyupTim Posts: 2,819 Member
    Wait. So you're new to the gym and it is a challenge for you? And, he's making fun of you for that?
    News flash: Everyone struggles when they start doing something new. There's nothing remarkable or shameful in that.
    Most people talk disparagingly about others behind their back because they are trying to show off their knowledge and appear superior. Poor guy has self-esteem issues, not to mention a lack of compassion for others. You should be pitying him. Not being upset by him.
    Nah. He probably doesn't deserve pity. He is probably stirring up all kinds of trouble and distress with his insecurities and bad behavior.
  • Nikion901
    Nikion901 Posts: 2,467 Member
    katelyndillier wrote: »
    ziggy2006 wrote: »
    I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.

    The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.

    There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.

    You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.

    Are you also the helpful person who told her about the comment?
    When I first read this, I thought the trainer made the comment in the business setting ... now it seems that he made that comment to his family member, who happens to be related to the OP .... people talk differently, more openly and straighforward to their close family that they do to business clients or the general public ... so ... who is the skunk who told what was said in private? That's the person who needs a talking to. What's said in the privacy of your own home should perhaps stay there?
  • sunnybeaches105
    sunnybeaches105 Posts: 2,831 Member
    katelyndillier wrote: »
    ziggy2006 wrote: »
    I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.

    The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.

    There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.

    You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.

    Seeking advice without telling the whole story is a recipe for bad advice. As someone who has had a fair amount of obstacles let me say again, the OP must buck up and keep driving on. We can cry, we can whine, and we can complain, but other than venting our emotions none of that helps, removes the obstacles, or gets us closer to our goals. That takes learning to let things like this go and continuing to drive forward. If the comments are from family members or close friends then the solution is sometimes to lose these people as family members and close friends and/or professional counseling, but dwelling on the comments will not help. Also, using the comments as a source of anger to drive us may help in the short run, but in the long run it is also often a recipe for anger issues and other problems. It sucks but she needs to keep going.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    Nikion901 wrote: »
    katelyndillier wrote: »
    ziggy2006 wrote: »
    I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.

    The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.

    There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.

    You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.

    Are you also the helpful person who told her about the comment?
    When I first read this, I thought the trainer made the comment in the business setting ... now it seems that he made that comment to his family member, who happens to be related to the OP .... people talk differently, more openly and straighforward to their close family that they do to business clients or the general public ... so ... who is the skunk who told what was said in private? That's the person who needs a talking to. What's said in the privacy of your own home should perhaps stay there?

    I'm interested in the answer to this question.
  • katelyndillier
    katelyndillier Posts: 3 Member
    Nikion901 wrote: »
    katelyndillier wrote: »
    ziggy2006 wrote: »
    I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.

    The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.

    There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.

    You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.

    Are you also the helpful person who told her about the comment?
    When I first read this, I thought the trainer made the comment in the business setting ... now it seems that he made that comment to his family member, who happens to be related to the OP .... people talk differently, more openly and straighforward to their close family that they do to business clients or the general public ... so ... who is the skunk who told what was said in private? That's the person who needs a talking to. What's said in the privacy of your own home should perhaps stay there?

    We were both told about the comment. I do not know where he made the comment, nor do I care. He could have made it in private, but who he told it to, told other people, who are not encouraging to us in the first place, and they told us. It's not the fact of who he said it to, but the fact that he said it and we have to see him everyday wondering if he is snickering behind our backs while we struggle to get into shape.
  • shadowfax_c11
    shadowfax_c11 Posts: 1,942 Member
    What other people think or say about you is not your problem. It is a reflection of who they are. It isn't about you at all. And the kind of person who runs to tell others what someone else has said, especially when they know it might be hurtful, is no kind of a friend.

    Get back to working on you and don't let anyone get in your way or trip you up.

  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    edited August 2016
    zamphir66 wrote: »
    summamumma wrote: »
    Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony!

    The overwhelming majority of people in a gym are there to do their own thing and are not paying any attention to anyone else. The irony is that if you're worried about people observing you, then you're likely paying a lot more attention to them than they are to you.

    As for the tiny handful of people who are kitten heads, well I just don't allow nasty people to dictate where I will and won't go. Otherwise, they win.

    I used to think like you. But after a few years in these forums I know that not to be true half the time. I have seen many thread after thread of posters talking *kitten* on people at the gym, judging peoples workouts, food, makeup, whether they should eat food at the gym, etc. People will always talk *kitten* but the trick is not to let it matter.

    Best advice OP, let it roll off your back. Don't let someone derail you with stupid words probably spoken offhand. You are here for you and no one else will benefit from your success more than you.
  • Charis50
    Charis50 Posts: 181 Member
    kerrydensmore wrote: »
    sohifirefly wrote: »
    kerrydensmore wrote: »
    summamumma wrote: »
    Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony! The only time I have felt good there is when I was already in shape. I would never go there in my current state (60 pounds to lose). I don't workout outside for the same reason. People are mean and as hard as you try not to let it get to you, it still will be in the back of your mind. Getting in shape is hard and you need only positive voices around you, either at home or at a small gym with other overweight people.

    If I don't go to a gym I will not work out period. I'm to lazy at home. I can't get motivated at home


    I'm in the same boat - I won't do it at home so I have to go to the gym. Plus the variety of classes makes it fun. I have no rhythm but I LOVE Zumba and Cardio Kickboxing. Who cares what people think when they see me offbeat and sweaty? GO and MOVE YOUR BODY!

    OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. Chin up, buttercup! Take in all the love you are getting here and be invincible!

    ***singing: Shoot me down but I don't fall....I am titaniuuuummmm!***

    Thank u for the encouragement!! I thot about doing Zumba but I have NO COORDINATION whatsoever. Lol

    I hear you, believe me! I have two left feet.

    Fortunately, you don't need to be "coordinated" to have a great time at Zumba. It's not about being a professional dancer; it's about getting out there, having some fun, and being active. If you're still thinking about it, give it a go!

    As for the gym, I agree with other posters who are urging you not to give up. You have as much right as anybody else to work out at the gym. So go. And hold your head high! You've done absolutely *nothing* here to feel embarrassed about; in fact, I think that you should feel proud that you get out there and exercise, even when it's a struggle.

    You inspire me.
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    Dude. Dude...are you stronger than somebody's 'hurtful words'? Grab your woman-bits, double-down on your hard work and who gives a crap what some dbag thinks? Seriously. Don't complain to the Gym. Grow up and own that stuff - and move on. You got this.
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