Criticised by a gym professional...
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I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.
The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.
There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.4 -
What a jerk. You keep going and in a year make him eat his words. He obviously has insecurity issues.2
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summamumma wrote: »Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony! The only time I have felt good there is when I was already in shape. I would never go there in my current state (60 pounds to lose). I don't workout outside for the same reason. People are mean and as hard as you try not to let it get to you, it still will be in the back of your mind. Getting in shape is hard and you need only positive voices around you, either at home or at a small gym with other overweight people.
I am the girl that goes with her to the gym and had this comment said about me. When we heard that he said this comment both of us were dismayed but I convinced her to continue going to the gym. We live in a very small town out of the way and drive 30 minutes to the closest gym every morning. At home we do not have the support from many and do not have the motivation to exercise outside considering the temperatures reach well over 100 degrees during the day and we do not have the money to buy all kinds of equipment for in the house. The gym is the only place we really have to go and get excercise. I completely disagree with your statement that overweight people not supposed to be at a gym. There are plenty of larger people at the gym and plenty of skinny people. We know most of them due to our town being so small. Regardless if someone is overweight or skinny, we should all support each other as human beings.18 -
Go back, keep working out, and focus on what you want out of the gym. You need to learn to get over small slights by people who don't matter to your goals. The world is full of them.2
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Wait. So you're new to the gym and it is a challenge for you? And, he's making fun of you for that?
News flash: Everyone struggles when they start doing something new. There's nothing remarkable or shameful in that.
Most people talk disparagingly about others behind their back because they are trying to show off their knowledge and appear superior. Poor guy has self-esteem issues, not to mention a lack of compassion for others. You should be pitying him. Not being upset by him.
Nah. He probably doesn't deserve pity. He is probably stirring up all kinds of trouble and distress with his insecurities and bad behavior.2 -
rankinsect wrote: »I'd report it to the gym. If he is doing this to you, what's he saying about other patrons?
This. I'd also be upset with the person that informed you of him saying that. They don't care about you. They told you something that they knew was hurtful in order to sit back and enjoy all of the juicy drama they knew it would and did cause. If they did care about you, they would have confronted that person the moment they heard it.
Gossips are terrible people. Get rid of the one in your life.9 -
I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.
The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.
There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.
You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.9 -
katelyndillier wrote: »I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.
The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.
There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.
You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.
Are you also the helpful person who told her about the comment?
When I first read this, I thought the trainer made the comment in the business setting ... now it seems that he made that comment to his family member, who happens to be related to the OP .... people talk differently, more openly and straighforward to their close family that they do to business clients or the general public ... so ... who is the skunk who told what was said in private? That's the person who needs a talking to. What's said in the privacy of your own home should perhaps stay there?2 -
katelyndillier wrote: »I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.
The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.
There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.
You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.
Seeking advice without telling the whole story is a recipe for bad advice. As someone who has had a fair amount of obstacles let me say again, the OP must buck up and keep driving on. We can cry, we can whine, and we can complain, but other than venting our emotions none of that helps, removes the obstacles, or gets us closer to our goals. That takes learning to let things like this go and continuing to drive forward. If the comments are from family members or close friends then the solution is sometimes to lose these people as family members and close friends and/or professional counseling, but dwelling on the comments will not help. Also, using the comments as a source of anger to drive us may help in the short run, but in the long run it is also often a recipe for anger issues and other problems. It sucks but she needs to keep going.2 -
katelyndillier wrote: »I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.
The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.
There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.
You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.
Are you also the helpful person who told her about the comment?
When I first read this, I thought the trainer made the comment in the business setting ... now it seems that he made that comment to his family member, who happens to be related to the OP .... people talk differently, more openly and straighforward to their close family that they do to business clients or the general public ... so ... who is the skunk who told what was said in private? That's the person who needs a talking to. What's said in the privacy of your own home should perhaps stay there?
I'm interested in the answer to this question.0 -
kerrydensmore wrote: »The person who told me was my mother in law. She's pretty reliable. But I'm keeping my head up and not gonna let him or anyone else keep me from getting to my goal. Gonna focus on me and do me. Like all y'all said I need to ignore that kind of talk and just keep on track.
You might want to share with your mother-in-law how much this hurt you so she will think twice next time.7 -
katelyndillier wrote: »I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.
The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.
There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.
You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.
Are you also the helpful person who told her about the comment?
When I first read this, I thought the trainer made the comment in the business setting ... now it seems that he made that comment to his family member, who happens to be related to the OP .... people talk differently, more openly and straighforward to their close family that they do to business clients or the general public ... so ... who is the skunk who told what was said in private? That's the person who needs a talking to. What's said in the privacy of your own home should perhaps stay there?
We were both told about the comment. I do not know where he made the comment, nor do I care. He could have made it in private, but who he told it to, told other people, who are not encouraging to us in the first place, and they told us. It's not the fact of who he said it to, but the fact that he said it and we have to see him everyday wondering if he is snickering behind our backs while we struggle to get into shape.
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katelyndillier wrote: »katelyndillier wrote: »I wonder why you let this bother you to such a degree that you got upset, cried, and had to be on the receiving end of a big speech before going back to the gym. And you state that you are continuing to worry about what other people are thinking.
The comment was rude and mean. Is it possible that you reaction was a bit out of proportion? The thinking you describe in your post does may not be totally clear and based in reality - it sounds like your perceptions could be a bit distorted.
There are rude and mean people who say and do rude and mean things. You can't control or change their behavior. You can change your response to their behavior and you can control your thinking. You can choose to stop focusing on this negative comment and instead focus on the positive changes you are making to improve your health and fitness.
You do not personally know the OP, I do. I have watched her come home every day and talk about how more than one person has asked her if she was pregnant or tell her how big she has gotten. Having that happen on a daily basis is hell. When we started going to the gym, we were both excited, we were happy that we were going to change ourselves. We knew the man that made the comment and he told it to our close family members. It hurt more than the usual daily comments because we were actually trying to change the way that we looked and avoid all of the rude comments made. I am the one that gave her the speech, I realized how much it hurt her and how close she was to just giving up. You can say whatever you want about the OP, but to me she is the strongest person I know. I would have broken long ago with all the comments she has received in the past months, but she is overcoming them. Everyone has a breaking point, and that was hers. Say what you want, but you don't know the whole story.
Are you also the helpful person who told her about the comment?
When I first read this, I thought the trainer made the comment in the business setting ... now it seems that he made that comment to his family member, who happens to be related to the OP .... people talk differently, more openly and straighforward to their close family that they do to business clients or the general public ... so ... who is the skunk who told what was said in private? That's the person who needs a talking to. What's said in the privacy of your own home should perhaps stay there?
We were both told about the comment. I do not know where he made the comment, nor do I care. He could have made it in private, but who he told it to, told other people, who are not encouraging to us in the first place, and they told us. It's not the fact of who he said it to, but the fact that he said it and we have to see him everyday wondering if he is snickering behind our backs while we struggle to get into shape.
So the unencouraging people passed this info along and you chose to believe it at face value.
Again, don't get caught up in gossip. It's a waste of time and worry and completely unproductive.6 -
Is there anyway you can turn this negative into a positive as you see him constantly?
It would definitely make the situation more comfortable.
Let him know, in conversation, that you heard about the comment and were wondering if he would like to volunteer some time setting you up in the gym. It could help you get passed the awkwardness that has arisen IRL.
He shouldn't have said what he did, MIL shouldn't have passed it along, be the big people and work it out to your advantage.
Cheers, h.
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What other people think or say about you is not your problem. It is a reflection of who they are. It isn't about you at all. And the kind of person who runs to tell others what someone else has said, especially when they know it might be hurtful, is no kind of a friend.
Get back to working on you and don't let anyone get in your way or trip you up.
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At my gym there was a guy who was training people, but he was not even showing them the right way to do things! and he also talked about others. Me, being a larger girl, felt self-conscious, but I kept going back and eventually I became less fun to talk about or stare at because I always came back and became better. You got this. Keep going back and ignore him.5
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summamumma wrote: »Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony!
The overwhelming majority of people in a gym are there to do their own thing and are not paying any attention to anyone else. The irony is that if you're worried about people observing you, then you're likely paying a lot more attention to them than they are to you.
As for the tiny handful of people who are kitten heads, well I just don't allow nasty people to dictate where I will and won't go. Otherwise, they win.
I used to think like you. But after a few years in these forums I know that not to be true half the time. I have seen many thread after thread of posters talking *kitten* on people at the gym, judging peoples workouts, food, makeup, whether they should eat food at the gym, etc. People will always talk *kitten* but the trick is not to let it matter.
Best advice OP, let it roll off your back. Don't let someone derail you with stupid words probably spoken offhand. You are here for you and no one else will benefit from your success more than you.3 -
kerrydensmore wrote: »sohifirefly wrote: »kerrydensmore wrote: »summamumma wrote: »Just my opinion, but I don't think overweight people should go to the gym, especially not those mega-gyms. Oh, the irony! The only time I have felt good there is when I was already in shape. I would never go there in my current state (60 pounds to lose). I don't workout outside for the same reason. People are mean and as hard as you try not to let it get to you, it still will be in the back of your mind. Getting in shape is hard and you need only positive voices around you, either at home or at a small gym with other overweight people.
If I don't go to a gym I will not work out period. I'm to lazy at home. I can't get motivated at home
I'm in the same boat - I won't do it at home so I have to go to the gym. Plus the variety of classes makes it fun. I have no rhythm but I LOVE Zumba and Cardio Kickboxing. Who cares what people think when they see me offbeat and sweaty? GO and MOVE YOUR BODY!
OP, I'm sorry that happened to you. Chin up, buttercup! Take in all the love you are getting here and be invincible!
***singing: Shoot me down but I don't fall....I am titaniuuuummmm!***
Thank u for the encouragement!! I thot about doing Zumba but I have NO COORDINATION whatsoever. Lol
I hear you, believe me! I have two left feet.
Fortunately, you don't need to be "coordinated" to have a great time at Zumba. It's not about being a professional dancer; it's about getting out there, having some fun, and being active. If you're still thinking about it, give it a go!
As for the gym, I agree with other posters who are urging you not to give up. You have as much right as anybody else to work out at the gym. So go. And hold your head high! You've done absolutely *nothing* here to feel embarrassed about; in fact, I think that you should feel proud that you get out there and exercise, even when it's a struggle.
You inspire me.3 -
Well, you could give up and let the unsupportive asshats win. And then they can turn round with glee and say I told you so.
Or you pick yourself up, keep going and show them you are serious about this. In about a year you'll be the one others are intimidated by and you'll prove everyone wrong.
I know which scenario I'd prefer.
As my own anecdote. I went to full-time dance school. I was overweight. I did everything everyone else did. I did it without fuss. I wore everything everyone else did even though I was self conscious very often but I didn't show it. There was another girl who was smaller than me but felt fat and let everyone know regularly and vocally. One of the other students disclosed to me one day that she thought I was awesome with my attitude and how I just got on with it like everyone else. So be the inspiration, I guarantee you it feels awesome.5 -
Dude. Dude...are you stronger than somebody's 'hurtful words'? Grab your woman-bits, double-down on your hard work and who gives a crap what some dbag thinks? Seriously. Don't complain to the Gym. Grow up and own that stuff - and move on. You got this.3
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