Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???
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Pretty sure it wasn't just my sense of wanting to better myself. My ex used to say I was going to leave him. Tried my best to reassure him. I wanted him. I wanted our marriage. As a way to reassure him i stopped doing a lot of things..it got to the point I didn't look people in the eye. I gained weight which he said didn't bother him but it always felt like he never wanted to touch me. He would say it was because he knew I deserved better. Our marriage got to be 80/20. He wasn't supportive of being healthier. He became very negative about it. He even sabotage my workouts. I realized enough was enough.1
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ndnwonderwoman wrote: »Pretty sure it wasn't just my sense of wanting to better myself. My ex used to say I was going to leave him. Tried my best to reassure him. I wanted him. I wanted our marriage. As a way to reassure him i stopped doing a lot of things..it got to the point I didn't look people in the eye. I gained weight which he said didn't bother him but it always felt like he never wanted to touch me. He would say it was because he knew I deserved better. Our marriage got to be 80/20. He wasn't supportive of being healthier. He became very negative about it. He even sabotage my workouts. I realized enough was enough.
I just don't get it -sometimes people are so resistant to change.... It seemed like you couldn't win in that situation. Hope you are finding yourself and peace after that....1 -
My friend believes that they are headed down this rode. Her guy is naturally an average weight for a male. Since meeting him she has picked up 65 lbs...and every time she states that she is going to lose it, he purposely buys all the foods (and her favorite snacks) that she states that she is not eating....0
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ndnwonderwoman wrote: »Pretty sure it wasn't just my sense of wanting to better myself. My ex used to say I was going to leave him. Tried my best to reassure him. I wanted him. I wanted our marriage. As a way to reassure him i stopped doing a lot of things..it got to the point I didn't look people in the eye. I gained weight which he said didn't bother him but it always felt like he never wanted to touch me. He would say it was because he knew I deserved better. Our marriage got to be 80/20. He wasn't supportive of being healthier. He became very negative about it. He even sabotage my workouts. I realized enough was enough.
Change requires one to admit that they have control and power over their own situation. It is currently en vogue to play the victim. Unfortunately there are many who prey upon the victims and reinforce this narrative for personal gain.2 -
ndnwonderwoman wrote: »Pretty sure it wasn't just my sense of wanting to better myself. My ex used to say I was going to leave him. Tried my best to reassure him. I wanted him. I wanted our marriage. As a way to reassure him i stopped doing a lot of things..it got to the point I didn't look people in the eye. I gained weight which he said didn't bother him but it always felt like he never wanted to touch me. He would say it was because he knew I deserved better. Our marriage got to be 80/20. He wasn't supportive of being healthier. He became very negative about it. He even sabotage my workouts. I realized enough was enough.
Change requires one to admit that they have control and power over their own situation. It is currently en vogue to play the victim. Unfortunately there are many who prey upon the victims and reinforce this narrative for personal gain.
I totally agree....I've been a relationship where a person was insecure and felt they needed to control me for their shortcomings and insecurities. It gets old fast. Sometimes I wonder if they even know they are doing this....but oh well, it feels good to be free of that nonsense.1 -
just a quick update on my marriage. after being separated 5 months now I decided to try counciling with my wife as she has been asking to attempt to save our marriage for 3 months now. we have gone 3 times and it has helped a lot. we are giving it another shot to save our 20 years of marriage. it hasn't been easy but seems to be getting better as we go. im praying it works because I never stopped loving her, just was bitter and hurt at her leaving. its day by day but so far so good... oh and I had to change my username on here because I deleted my account. I was brianbgboy before....8
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2017VETTEZO6 wrote: »just a quick update on my marriage. after being separated 5 months now I decided to try counciling with my wife as she has been asking to attempt to save our marriage for 3 months now. we have gone 3 times and it has helped a lot. we are giving it another shot to save our 20 years of marriage. it hasn't been easy but seems to be getting better as we go. im praying it works because I never stopped loving her, just was bitter and hurt at her leaving. its day by day but so far so good... oh and I had to change my username on here because I deleted my account. I was brianbgboy before....
Good luck Brianbgboy @2017VETTEZO6 I'm praying it works out for you. 20 years is a long time, but ultimately you deserve happiness. I'm happy you understand that being bitter and hurt wasn't helping your situation. I think counseling is a great avenue. Make sure you keep us updated....
On another note...how have you been doing with your weightloss journey???2 -
2017VETTEZO6 wrote: »just a quick update on my marriage. after being separated 5 months now I decided to try counciling with my wife as she has been asking to attempt to save our marriage for 3 months now. we have gone 3 times and it has helped a lot. we are giving it another shot to save our 20 years of marriage. it hasn't been easy but seems to be getting better as we go. im praying it works because I never stopped loving her, just was bitter and hurt at her leaving. its day by day but so far so good... oh and I had to change my username on here because I deleted my account. I was brianbgboy before....
That's great news! I hope it works out for you guys.
I've been trying with my husband.. I guess it's getting better but I'm still not sure about my feelings at this point, which is what makes it hard.2 -
2017VETTEZO6 wrote: »just a quick update on my marriage. after being separated 5 months now I decided to try counciling with my wife as she has been asking to attempt to save our marriage for 3 months now. we have gone 3 times and it has helped a lot. we are giving it another shot to save our 20 years of marriage. it hasn't been easy but seems to be getting better as we go. im praying it works because I never stopped loving her, just was bitter and hurt at her leaving. its day by day but so far so good... oh and I had to change my username on here because I deleted my account. I was brianbgboy before....
Any positive motion helps - good for you man. Welcome back!1 -
I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.5 -
I hope that losing weight will help us. I know my weight is hurting me so bad. It's causing me to have insecurities. When we have sex and I see him looking at me... I don't know. It hurts me. I don't want him to see me naked. I've found myself crying after sex more than a few times.
I want to feel attractive and I want him to want me. I'm doing this for health and for the career I want. But I want him. I want him to get hard (lol sorry) every time I get naked for him.
Wow that's a lot off my chest. Please don't troll.
I understand wanting him to be very attracted to you. But I just wanted to mention that even when both parties think the other is very attractive, he may not get hard every time you're naked in front of him. Not everyone is "on" all the time or at the drop of some pants. My husband and I are happily married but he is only hard when I'm both naked and we already know we're going to do the deed. But it would be tiring if he got hard every time I got changed or showered or just didn't feel like wearing clothes haha. It goes both ways too. If the hubs is running around the house naked just because he feels like being "free" it doesn't necessarily mean I'll be in the mood.2 -
I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
If a made-for-TV movie hasn't been made yet featuring this theme, it's high time it has. I'd totally watch it. On a serious note though, ex-wife's story is kinda sad
I totally agree. This could be a best seller book or def a Lifetime Story. But I'm not sure if ex-wife's story is sad or not....truly it should be a lesson learned if anything else.2 -
I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
High five for freeing up the ex for you! And congrats to the weightloss and this journey. Keep the lines of communication open with Hubby and don't be afraid to let him know that he is "it" for you
Also, invite him on this journey with you. You two can get fit together!!! 3 -
I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.4 -
I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.
Exactly. I can understand falling out of love, obviously, and I don't think it's something we have control about IMO... but most of the people I know who cheated ended up doing it to the new person down the line too... I can't imagine ever doing that.1 -
I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.
Hmm, well my parents have been married for over 40 years and are just as in love as they always were. My mom left her ex for my Dad because she made a mistake and married the wrong person.
I'm not excusing cheating within a marriage but there are many different circumstances and outcomes.0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.
Hmm, well my parents have been married for over 40 years and are just as in love as they always were. My mom left her ex for my Dad because she made a mistake and married the wrong person.
I'm not excusing cheating within a marriage but there are many different circumstances and outcomes.
However 1's able to leave someone, for someone else; without cheating 1st!0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.
Hmm, well my parents have been married for over 40 years and are just as in love as they always were. My mom left her ex for my Dad because she made a mistake and married the wrong person.
I'm not excusing cheating within a marriage but there are many different circumstances and outcomes.
However 1's able to leave someone, for someone else; without cheating 1st!
Well that's just semantics. If you leave someone for someone else that's cheating. You love someone else while you're still married, regardless if you sleep with them or not.
I've been cheated on and it was awful but I still maintain you can't always blame someone for cheating.
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.
Hmm, well my parents have been married for over 40 years and are just as in love as they always were. My mom left her ex for my Dad because she made a mistake and married the wrong person.
I'm not excusing cheating within a marriage but there are many different circumstances and outcomes.
However 1's able to leave someone, for someone else; without cheating 1st!
Well that's just semantics. If you leave someone for someone else that's cheating. You love someone else while you're still married, regardless if you sleep with them or not.
I've been cheated on and it was awful but I still maintain you can't always blame someone for cheating.
I don't mean being in love, with someone else; otherwise I'd agree that that's cheating. I mean choosing to leave before, showing any interest; in the person that they'd like the potentially date. I disagree with someone not being to blame, for cheating. If someone's spouse wouldn't choose to have sex with them, if they knew that they were involved sexually with someone else but the cheating spouse engages sexually with their spouse, how's that not rape; since their spouse wouldn't knowingly consent to that? Also how's risking the life of their spouse by possibly exposing them to obtaining, a life threatening STD; not attempted murder?0
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