Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???
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I feel like my marriage may do the opposite. If we both actually lost weight, I think things would be great! But, he refuses to give up Dr. Pepper. Flat out refuses. I try to make healthy decisions but if I throw out picking dinner up he doesn't stop me. I feel like we're both in the beginning phases of weight loss though. Honestly, if I lose the weight, and he makes no effort to join me, that would be a deal breaker. Because I know I'd eventually be influenced by his bad choices. We'll see what happens.
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coleryan11 wrote: »I went from 257lbs to 143lbs, and then my husband insisted I was cheating on him, even though I worked from home, and went no where without him. So he walked out. So yeah it does happen. I was just so much happier than I had ever been before, I guess he was insecure. Oh well I am really happy now.
That's really sad, but now you're happier anyway.0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.
Hmm, well my parents have been married for over 40 years and are just as in love as they always were. My mom left her ex for my Dad because she made a mistake and married the wrong person.
I'm not excusing cheating within a marriage but there are many different circumstances and outcomes.
However 1's able to leave someone, for someone else; without cheating 1st!
Well that's just semantics. If you leave someone for someone else that's cheating. You love someone else while you're still married, regardless if you sleep with them or not.
I've been cheated on and it was awful but I still maintain you can't always blame someone for cheating.
I don't mean being in love, with someone else; otherwise I'd agree that that's cheating. I mean choosing to leave before, showing any interest; in the person that they'd like the potentially date. I disagree with someone not being to blame, for cheating. If someone's spouse wouldn't choose to have sex with them, if they knew that they were involved sexually with someone else but the cheating spouse engages sexually with their spouse, how's that not rape; since their spouse wouldn't knowingly consent to that? Also how's risking the life of their spouse by possibly exposing them to obtaining, a life threatening STD; not attempted murder?
Wtf are you talking about? People don't usually leave their spouse because of someone they haven't yet met or 'might' like to date in the future. They either fall in love with someone else OR decide to have sex with other people behind their spouses back with no intention of leaving.
Rape is having sex with someone without their consent. As someone who has been raped I hate it when people play the 'it's rape' card to back up ridiculous backwards arguments. Somebody sleeping with his wife and his mistress is NOT rape unless either of them don't consent to having sex and he forces them to do it.
And yes, i do think people that refuse to have sex at all with their spouses generally do it to force their spouse to cheat.
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Boyfriend became very insecure and needy after I lost weight and ended up cheating on me when I got pregnant. It was a bitter pill to swallow but in hindsight it made me a lot stronger.2
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »I am married to a man whose wife left him after she lost weight. Long and twisted story, but she weighed around 350, had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 200lbs. She decided he was cramping his style, so she started an affair with a man who had absolutely hated her when she was overweight. After she lost the weight he began paying attention to her and she loved it. Believe me, I have met this man and he is no prize at all. But she left a 13 year marriage to be with him. Whatever.... it freed up her ex to meet me, and we've been together 10 years.
Now I'm losing weight and sometimes I wonder if my husband is afraid that I will leave him. I have no desire to be with anyone else and am quite happy with our marriage, but I'm sure on some level that fear is present.
If you are wondering, his ex wife has gained back about 75% of the weight she lost and her marriage is in shambles from what we hear. And she has expressed to some of their mutual friends that she made a huge mistake taking up with this guy and wishes she could go back in time. That's karma for you!
I hope everyone here finds happiness. Sometimes it might be with your current partner, or it might be with someone else, or you might be happy on your own for a while.
Good for you! I'm a believer in karma as well as it always comes around at some point.
I will never understand the cheating mindset. Maybe I just don't have that big of an ego, but I could never get past the thought - "You're going to leave your SO for me, so how long until you're bored with me?". People like that never look down the road or consider the damage to others.
Hmm, well my parents have been married for over 40 years and are just as in love as they always were. My mom left her ex for my Dad because she made a mistake and married the wrong person.
I'm not excusing cheating within a marriage but there are many different circumstances and outcomes.
First of all congrats for your parents. 40 years is something to be proud of.
There are always going to be variations thanks to human nature. In all these statements I'm assuming that both people in the relationship are good people with good intentions. Still the decent thing to do is to end an existing relationship before beginning a new one. If anyone is acting abusive or manipulative it's time to GTFO - set yourself free.2 -
I feel like my marriage may do the opposite. If we both actually lost weight, I think things would be great! But, he refuses to give up Dr. Pepper. Flat out refuses. I try to make healthy decisions but if I throw out picking dinner up he doesn't stop me. I feel like we're both in the beginning phases of weight loss though. Honestly, if I lose the weight, and he makes no effort to join me, that would be a deal breaker. Because I know I'd eventually be influenced by his bad choices. We'll see what happens.
So much of this comes from lack of communication and what each person responds to. It's not as simple as male/female, but getting to what motivates your partner. There's nothing wrong with soda - I lost 60 lbs and drank beer throughout, just as long as it fits in the caloric budget. Try to find something that he enjoys and incorporate this with fitness goals.3 -
Communication is key. And Dr Peoper shouldn't break your marriage up. Communicate with your husband of your goals and how you need hisI feel like my marriage may do the opposite. If we both actually lost weight, I think things would be great! But, he refuses to give up Dr. Pepper. Flat out refuses. I try to make healthy decisions but if I throw out picking dinner up he doesn't stop me. I feel like we're both in the beginning phases of weight loss though. Honestly, if I lose the weight, and he makes no effort to join me, that would be a deal breaker. Because I know I'd eventually be influenced by his bad choices. We'll see what happens.
Support.2 -
I did after losing 45 pounds but for different reasons.
That being said, she wasn't thrilled about my weight loss. Anytime I hit a milestone and shared it with her she would get upset and say that I was "leaving her behind" (she was around 20-30 pounds over my starting weight). When I won my work's biggest loser contest (28lbs in 90 days) I didn't even bother telling her.1 -
I did after losing 45 pounds but for different reasons.
That being said, she wasn't thrilled about my weight loss. Anytime I hit a milestone and shared it with her she would get upset and say that I was "leaving her behind" (she was around 20-30 pounds over my starting weight). When I won my work's biggest loser contest (28lbs in 90 days) I didn't even bother telling her.
@yusaku02 That's sad that when you reach a milestone or something great in your life that you can't share it with your loved one b/c they might get jealous or because they can't see your hard efforts b/c of their lack of success. I don't understand it and I don't get it. We can't compare our success to other people...we just have to continue to figure out what works for us and trust the process while we are cheering others on! Good luck on your weight loss.1 -
checking in.....how is everyone holding up????0
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »checking in.....how is everyone holding up????
Still the same here. We had a better week, but I still feel out of sync right now...0 -
same here. its a work in progress. lot of stuff to still overcome but trying is at least taking place!0
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I actually got together with my SO and after we committed to each other I kind of fell off the wagon and have gained about 16 lbs back. I feel self conscious that a gain might cause him to be not attracted to me the same, although he says he is and that he finds me sexy. It is a motivator tho, and makes me want to keep going, while he supports me either way. There is no weight issue on his side, hes rather thin and can eat anything, and lots of it. It makes meals together difficult. Since my gain I'm more insecure than I was. I hate that feeling.1
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JuneGem6471 wrote: »I actually got together with my SO and after we committed to each other I kind of fell off the wagon and have gained about 16 lbs back. I feel self conscious that a gain might cause him to be not attracted to me the same, although he says he is and that he finds me sexy. It is a motivator tho, and makes me want to keep going, while he supports me either way. There is no weight issue on his side, hes rather thin and can eat anything, and lots of it. It makes meals together difficult. Since my gain I'm more insecure than I was. I hate that feeling.
I meant we got together after my biggest loss ever.0 -
I rapidly lost a lot of weight several years ago and my girlfriend at the time dumped me soon after. She did seem to become insecure about herself and she'd get extremely jealous even after the breakup.0
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no_russian wrote: »I rapidly lost a lot of weight several years ago and my girlfriend at the time dumped me soon after. She did seem to become insecure about herself and she'd get extremely jealous even after the breakup.
I'm sorry.
I just don't get this. I'd be so happy if my husband lost weight.0 -
no_russian wrote: »I rapidly lost a lot of weight several years ago and my girlfriend at the time dumped me soon after. She did seem to become insecure about herself and she'd get extremely jealous even after the breakup.
Do you think that was because of the weight loss, or her own insecurities? Wouldn't she want and even hotter you?0 -
JuneGem6471 wrote: »I actually got together with my SO and after we committed to each other I kind of fell off the wagon and have gained about 16 lbs back. I feel self conscious that a gain might cause him to be not attracted to me the same, although he says he is and that he finds me sexy. It is a motivator tho, and makes me want to keep going, while he supports me either way. There is no weight issue on his side, hes rather thin and can eat anything, and lots of it. It makes meals together difficult. Since my gain I'm more insecure than I was. I hate that feeling.
It seems like he supports you and loves you regardless. But if YOU are unhappy with your weight, take control of that....and then cook with your bf once or twice a week and enjoy the foods you guys cook together while losing weight. FYI - I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and didn't gain....I can think of food and gain weight....lol0 -
Not so great. The Vikings' O-Line was awful and they might not win the division if they can't protect the QB.STLBADGIRL wrote: »checking in.....how is everyone holding up????
On the relationship side I'm just fine since that breakup was over 3 years ago and I'm in a healthier/happier relationship plus we have a puppers.0 -
I did not but it's not very hard to figure out why it happens. Just look at all the posts about "lifestyle change". A change in lifestyle may not be desirable to a spouse who is happy with the current lifestyle.1
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