Friends with benefits
Replies
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, you are getting some solid advice here. I agree with the naysayers. Don't do it. You can still have a monogamous outing with a dude without the long term commitment.... like the serial daters.
Sleeping with multiple people at the same time is a little effed up. It only takes a toll on self-esteem and causes a void that takes time to repair.
In my experience, the purpose of the FWB was monogamous sex without the strings or commitment of a relationship. It's not about sleeping around, it's about living your single life, but still getting your rocks off with someone you trust.9 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »One more thought: What if you and this friend have awesome, mind-blowing, earth shattering sex. And the next day you're out and about and you see him on a date with another woman? Like a legit date where he's holding her hand and buying her dinner and being all flirty and looking interested in her. How would that make you feel? If you think it'll make you feel sad, bad, angry, jealous, upset, etc. then please don't do it
Yeah this is why I can't do the FWB. I get the feels too easily.
I suck at casual.2 -
denversillygoose wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, you are getting some solid advice here. I agree with the naysayers. Don't do it. You can still have a monogamous outing with a dude without the long term commitment.... like the serial daters.
Sleeping with multiple people at the same time is a little effed up. It only takes a toll on self-esteem and causes a void that takes time to repair.
In my experience, the purpose of the FWB was monogamous sex without the strings or commitment of a relationship. It's not about sleeping around, it's about living your single life, but still getting your rocks off with someone you trust.
Thank you2 -
Agree with Tracy and melmel!!! I didn't even entertain the idea of dating for 2 1/2 years after my divorce, was just to crushed!! I had to find out who I was again and what it was going to take to raise a little boy on my own. It is scary out there, yes I get lonely and crave sex at times.. But better to take care of things yourself than wind up ruining a good thing! I am a very emotional person and tend to just settle, a BIG problem!! The feels will get in the way and yes seeing him with someone else isn't going to end well. However I kinda wish I could do it... Dating is so tough these days, trying to weed out the men with less than honorable intentions. It's not like it was back in the day, holding hands skating around the rink thinking things couldn't get any better than this! Good Luck hun lord knows we all need it these days!!2
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Do you not feel like you could do both. Figure out who you are while going out and crushing it?
How are you dealing with being single after so long?
For me? Honestly no. Because, when I stop and am honest with myself I would simply be trying to replace the woman who i had been living with for so long. A friend told me "If you want to get your rocks off, then do it but never call her again. Do it for the stress and physical relief. But a relationship is a bad idea right now for you."
I didn't like her telling me that at first, but after thinking about it she is right.
I'm a little like you, I wear my heart on my sleeve and am quick to let my emotions control my decisions when it comes to relationships. I know i need to take a step back and find out who I am now. What do i like to do? Who are my friends? How can I grow as a person from this major change?
Right now I'm dealing with it simply one day at a time. Working out and paying attention to my health and fitness is helping. Finding new friends is helping. Talking is helping. One day at a time.
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denversillygoose wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, you are getting some solid advice here. I agree with the naysayers. Don't do it. You can still have a monogamous outing with a dude without the long term commitment.... like the serial daters.
Sleeping with multiple people at the same time is a little effed up. It only takes a toll on self-esteem and causes a void that takes time to repair.
In my experience, the purpose of the FWB was monogamous sex without the strings or commitment of a relationship. It's not about sleeping around, it's about living your single life, but still getting your rocks off with someone you trust.
I dont know, I guess everyone has their take on it...1 -
I could use a FWB. #truth. wait..this belongs in the confessions, no judging thread.2
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I think people are getting confused with a booty call and a fwb. The key word is friend4
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I think people are getting confused with a booty call and a fwb. The key word is friend
So you want a friend who you sleep with, hang out with, and who isn't seeing anyone else?
Thats a relationship.
I am not understanding what the difference is. You want someone to hang out with, have sex with, talk to, and someone faithful to you....but you don't want to have Christmas dinner at his parent's house?? Is that what the difference is? Because im 25, and I can tell you that everyone i've ever met in a FWB relationship uses that term to hang out and sleep with multiple people at the same time...otherwise they would just call it a relationship..3 -
well technically any friend is a relationship. no need to split hairs. she wants a safe familiar face to do the nasty with without getting hurt. or faces I think 1
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*slow chanting quietly* get the d, get the d, get the d, *building to a dole roar* Get The D, Get The D *Loud stadium chanting in full applause* GET THE D! GET THE D! GET THE D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!4
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drbuzzard91 wrote: »*slow chanting quietly* get the d, get the d, get the d, *building to a dole roar* Get The D, Get The D *Loud stadium chanting in full applause* GET THE D! GET THE D! GET THE D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you are leaning towards no...2 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »I think people are getting confused with a booty call and a fwb. The key word is friend
So you want a friend who you sleep with, hang out with, and who isn't seeing anyone else?
Thats a relationship.
I am not understanding what the difference is. You want someone to hang out with, have sex with, talk to, and someone faithful to you....but you don't want to have Christmas dinner at his parent's house?? Is that what the difference is? Because im 25, and I can tell you that everyone i've ever met in a FWB relationship uses that term to hang out and sleep with multiple people at the same time...otherwise they would just call it a relationship..
I can't argue this logic. If this guy you are spending time with is cool with you and him being physical, and you can deal with him going off and dating other people and being physical with them. Then sure, FWB works for you in this situation. I know you both said you wouldn't do that... but honestly think about it if he was. Would it matter?
If that thought bothers you, then don't do it. It comes back to all of this being too soon.2 -
denversillygoose wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, you are getting some solid advice here. I agree with the naysayers. Don't do it. You can still have a monogamous outing with a dude without the long term commitment.... like the serial daters.
Sleeping with multiple people at the same time is a little effed up. It only takes a toll on self-esteem and causes a void that takes time to repair.
In my experience, the purpose of the FWB was monogamous sex without the strings or commitment of a relationship. It's not about sleeping around, it's about living your single life, but still getting your rocks off with someone you trust.
I don't understand how you can have committed sex without being in a relationship.3 -
I'd say do it if you make 5 word rule every time you meet up. None of the words can be questions about getting to know one another. You might want start with. "Do you have any diseases? You only say 5 words to each other and anything else would be about what you want in the bedroom.1
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I had a fwb once that was the best. He may have just been a booty call since we didn't have a lot in common but I really thought a lot of him. I didn't want to be in a relationship so that was perfect for me.
I'd kill for a fwb now.4 -
It's obvious men view sex purely as a physical act. They don't have to be emotionally involved to have it. Women are emotionally driven so if we have sex even if we think it's just "FWB" eventually our emotions will get involved. So therefore DONT do it.
This is the most sexist thing I've read on this site yet.3 -
@rps67 's inbox is about to get flooded with roosters right now....4
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I could never be a FWB dude. Hell - women fall in love with me while im in the line at the bank forchristsake~3
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VanishingNachos wrote: »I could never be a FWB dude. Hell - women fall in love with me while im in the line at the bank forchristsake~
must be your modesty that they just can't resist.1 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »@rps67 's inbox is about to get flooded with roosters right now....
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, omg, I was just about to say the same thing.0 -
Live your life to the fullest, so you can see what you want in life. Do not hold back because life is too short to be over analysising your situation. Do what makes you happy and do not worry about what other people think because we are had our different experiences, which led to us being the person that we are today.
My name is Wizeman22 and I approve this message!2 -
Tomk652015 wrote: »VanishingNachos wrote: »I could never be a FWB dude. Hell - women fall in love with me while im in the line at the bank forchristsake~
must be your modesty that they just can't resist.
yeah - that must be it - lol0 -
denversillygoose wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »OP, you are getting some solid advice here. I agree with the naysayers. Don't do it. You can still have a monogamous outing with a dude without the long term commitment.... like the serial daters.
Sleeping with multiple people at the same time is a little effed up. It only takes a toll on self-esteem and causes a void that takes time to repair.
In my experience, the purpose of the FWB was monogamous sex without the strings or commitment of a relationship. It's not about sleeping around, it's about living your single life, but still getting your rocks off with someone you trust.
I don't understand how you can have committed sex without being in a relationship.
Because it was only hanging out like once a week for the funsies. The rest of my time was all mine. No presumed Friday night dates, no sleeping over, no waiting for "the next step". He was still someone that was really fun to hang with, but he was on the same page.
It's really like any other non traditional sexual situation. It works for some and not others. It doesn't have to be over complicated and there doesn't have to be a definitive answer.4 -
FWB are great
i suggest you get a couple of them
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denversillygoose wrote: »There's nothing at all wrong with consenting adults having a FWB. Enjoy it til it gets complicated. There is absolutely no reason you should ever question your self worth over it. The only time it's wrong is if you are doing something you don't want.
I agree with this.
As long as you KNOW that it's fwb only and keep your expectations at that level. He isn't and will not become your boyfriend. He may be doing this with other women. Only call/text him when you need some, get in, do it and get out. I hope I don't need to but I will mention PROTECTION not just for birth control but for diseases. And when you meet the right person, end it immediately.
And, in reference to @Cutaway_Collar, it isn't necessary to disclose this in a dating situation. Your business only.
Women have needs too.
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The only friends with benefits I needs are strong portfolios and good medical.3
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If you can find a bonafide FWB, have at it I say. Unfortunately, except for one awesome but unfortunately short term true FWB all I ever ran across were dudes looking for free sex with no interest in actually being friends. No thanks. I did try the one off / FB route a handful of times to give it the benefit of the doubt. It was some of the worst, awkward, unsatisfiying sex I've ever had.0
lol 
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