Weird gender attraction question
Replies
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »May I ask, why is it that when a question is asked and an answer given, that the immediate reaction is to run to the extreme?
When I say it's a beautiful day outside, that should not bring out "so you think I'm an idiot because you think I can't see how nice it is outside?"
It's bc your answer was a bit extreme.... You seemed to have a lot of knowledge/experience (shockingly even more-so than the OP herself) about what the OP is feeling O_o
It seems, ironically, that you are the one who ran to the extreme (made a lot of assumptions) w/your response to the OP.
Nothing like the old, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you defense. It would be so much easier for you to say, "perhaps I was over sensitive and jumped to conclusions. Maybe its not homophobia if the LGBT people are discussing it." Instead, you open for more. So here you go:
I didn't say any of that O_o .... You asked a question. I answered it. Here you go YET AGAIN with the "extreme" response
And.... "Instead, you open for more"..... What a childlike, immature way to interact with someone O_o
If you read my response again (reading comprehension is a wonderful thing) you'll see I wasn't responding to/engaging with your ideas about sexuality/intimacy in relationships at all...but rather, how you formulated your advice to the OP
Ugh....
So. I'm right. Thank you.
Two clinks of the glass for better format and delivery next time.
I also didn't say you "are right." Again...reading comp.
It's just not a part of the conversation I feel inclined to engaged with. Other people have... You'd do better to quote them instead of me.
(But also, demanding to "be right" rather than seeking to understand others' perspective will rarely get you anywhere...)
But yes....*glasses clink*...carry on1 -
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I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.
You define that line really, not any label or term unless it helps you rationalize and understand your sexuality.
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saragreen012 wrote: »OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.
Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.
Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)
Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo
I don't care about the label. I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.
People act like its horrible to have low sexual desire. Count your blessings (unless you're married, that could cause lots of problems).
Do you know how many dumb mistakes people make because of a few minutes of pleasure?
If you don't like the taste of alcohol, you might be immune to alcoholism.
Be happy you aren't writhing in your bed losing sleep because you are fiending for a hookup like my single friends.
Be happy than you can choose your relationships based on the merits of a man instead of your inability to abstain.
You have been given a gift that most of us lack. Not a gift I want, but it I'm sure it helps you push your energy into other pursuits. Don't question, just be and be happy with who you are.
Best wishes to you.1 -
GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »You two are arguing on the internet.. You're both wrong.
So, I'm right then?2 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Do you know how many dumb mistakes people make because of a few minutes of pleasure?
Yes.
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saragreen012 wrote: »OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.
Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.
Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)
Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo
I don't care about the label. I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.
I think normal heterosexual is to be attracted strongly on a deep sexual level to people of the opposite sex, with a more neutral, curious or muted attraction to their own sex. Heterosexual women can say, wow, she is hot! And like her boobs, but or personality, but has no deep desire to pursue sex. That's who so many college girls can try out lesbianism and it doesn't stick. Because they are just heterosexual.
Bisexual, I think, I have a stronger desire to pursue sex with members of both sexes. This is different from overheated people who are "open for whatever," who actually strongly prefers one sex over the other.
Homosexuality is the polor opposite of heterosexuality, in that they have a strong desire to pursue sex with members of the same sex, although they can also "try out" heterosexuality.
These sexual labels are about actions. You can have hetero,homo,and bisexual "feelings" without acting on any of them.
Like I said earlier, it takes some age to know that navel gazing is detrimental to your happiness.
You are enough.1 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »May I ask, why is it that when a question is asked and an answer given, that the immediate reaction is to run to the extreme?
When I say it's a beautiful day outside, that should not bring out "so you think I'm an idiot because you think I can't see how nice it is outside?"
It's bc your answer was a bit extreme.... You seemed to have a lot of knowledge/experience (shockingly even more-so than the OP herself) about what the OP is feeling O_o
It seems, ironically, that you are the one who ran to the extreme (made a lot of assumptions) w/your response to the OP.
Nothing like the old, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you defense. It would be so much easier for you to say, "perhaps I was over sensitive and jumped to conclusions. Maybe its not homophobia if the LGBT people are discussing it." Instead, you open for more. So here you go:
I didn't say any of that O_o .... You asked a question. I answered it. Here you go YET AGAIN with the "extreme" response
And.... "Instead, you open for more"..... What a childlike, immature way to interact with someone O_o
If you read my response again (reading comprehension is a wonderful thing) you'll see I wasn't responding to/engaging with your ideas about sexuality/intimacy in relationships at all...but rather, how you formulated your advice to the OP
Ugh....
So. I'm right. Thank you.
Two clinks of the glass for better format and delivery next time.
I also didn't say you "are right." Again...reading comp.
It's just not a part of the conversation I feel inclined to engaged with. Other people have... You'd do better to quote them instead of me.
(But also, demanding to "be right" rather than seeking to understand others' perspective will rarely get you anywhere...)
But yes....*glasses clink*...carry on
Next.1 -
GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »You two are arguing on the internet.. You're both wrong.
Yes. I could have let her think that I am spouting Westboroesk homophobia.
That would have been better instead of letting her know there is nuance she is too biased to hear.
Thanks for the tip.1 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »Wheelhouse15 wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »MeganMoroz89 wrote: »You might feel like you fall into one of these categories:
Pansexual = You can be sexually attracted to any gender, whether or not it is within the male/female binary
Demisexual = You are only sexually attracted to certain people with whom you have an emotional connectionBinaryPulsar wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »What's self attraction's label?
I am not conceited but my self esteem, won't allow me; to be loveless!
I don't know. Maybe auto-sexual. I might have just made that word up. But, I have found that if you search anything sexual that it probably has people talking about it or proclaiming a fetish for it.
This is more of a meta comment....
I hate the current LGBTQ-academic movement to stick a label on every feckin mode of sexuality out there
It also seems quite "anti-queer" as the point of queer theory has been to break the confines of societally imposed labels and recognize things like sexuality as self-determined and sometimes fluid/uncategorizable
Anyway, carry on....
I understand and agree to a degree. I understand that people are wanting to understand their sex drive because it leads to less conflict in relationship when people understand and are up front about that. It's not an issue for me personally. I think it's more of an issue for people with low sex drive or asexual.
I personally just identify as bisexual. Like I always have. I don't really understand why pansexual had to come into existence. I guess people didn't like the term bi meaning two. But, I feel like pansexual is just unnecessarily singling people out based on their gender orientation. But, whatever. I don't care. People can do what they want. I don't want to make an issue out of it.
I think some people go overboard with too many labels. But, again, whatever, they can do what they want.
I just studied sexuality and learn a lot about it and certain things just stick in my mind.
Sexuality is definitely fluid and on a spectrum.
I have to agree that the labeling is getting ridiculous. I thought pansexual used to be the old term for bisexual and I think queer morphed from meaning homosexual to more about a persons view of their gender but the thing I object to the most is that gender is a social term and not a biological one. Gender is not the male/female binary (leaving out hermaphrodites here) but masculine and feminine as defined by ones culture. The signal to noise ratio is getting lower right now and starting to become meaningless due to political correctness. I'm just hoping we can get a handle on this sooner than later so we can have an open and honest dialogue about how to treat everyone with the same respect and decency without the gender politics.
Queer just means outside of normative or mainstream gender/sex/sexuality categories
And, actually, uncoupling gender identity (how you feel/present yourself/identify with the world)from sex (what your genitals are determined to dictate you are) is the kind of "uncategorizing/unconstraining" that I appreciate. It makes useful sense of why some people don't fit into our societally determined categories for identity. It allows for the complexity that simply does exist in human experience.
We've made productive strives to reveal how the world and human experience does not fit into the bubbles we've put it in for thousands of years. It's a simple, yet scary thing to trust that people can feel and be something that you yourself don't understand.
I think "politically correct" is sometimes used by people to undermine big ideas that they can't quite grasp their head around (and thus, of course, must be b.s.)
Also, there is no "outside of gender politics." Regardless of what you think the gender politics are, we live inside them.
No, I'm not using those terms to disregard or undermine any ideas, I was helping the fight for LGBT rights long before it even became a term because I had a lot of good friends who were gay and lesbian and were being mistreated just because they choose partners of their own sex or didn't feel they were the correct sex. My issue is that political correctness and gender politics has become a cacophony of ever expanding terms that aren't really helping. And there are political agendas being pushed that I do not appreciate but that's for another place.
My argument here is that all people need to treat each other as people first and labels are often a barrier to proper treatment. Do we live within a world of gender politics? Yes, and although I very much agree with what LGBT community is doing I do not agree with many of the PC actives that try to stifle discussion with those who do not completely agree with them. I know this is not what you are trying to do here but there are many who do.
And that. My point precicely.
There is a nuance that neither the far left nor far right seems to be able to hear. It's as if they are tone deaf and only listen to dog whistles.
They never hear anything but their own voices, unfortunately. Fortunately, the far left and right are rather small.2 -
with them but frankly there's really one man I can think of that I haven't been with and actually felt physical desire for so... I'm not sure
You're asexual then0 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »saragreen012 wrote: »OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.
Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.
Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)
Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo
I don't care about the label. I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.
I think normal heterosexual is to be attracted strongly on a deep sexual level to people of the opposite sex, with a more neutral, curious or muted attraction to their own sex. Heterosexual women can say, wow, she is hot! And like her boobs, but or personality, but has no deep desire to pursue sex. That's who so many college girls can try out lesbianism and it doesn't stick. Because they are just heterosexual.
Bisexual, I think, I have a stronger desire to pursue sex with members of both sexes. This is different from overheated people who are "open for whatever," who actually strongly prefers one sex over the other.
Homosexuality is the polor opposite of heterosexuality, in that they have a strong desire to pursue sex with members of the same sex, although they can also "try out" heterosexuality.
These sexual labels are about actions. You can have hetero,homo,and bisexual "feelings" without acting on any of them.
Like I said earlier, it takes some age to know that navel gazing is detrimental to your happiness.
You are enough.
its so weird to me when people seem to think they understand all the people and all their disparate life experiences and their many choices based on both free will and circumstance and then distill it down to a paragraph
post it on the internet
like 'this is how people are, i put them in these groups, i categorize, file away, organize'
do you know how messy people are? like their minds and their histories? how is it possible to have so little information and think you know
but the worst part
the part that makes it bad and not just ignorant
is when people tell you individually that their experience is different or their history is different from the narrative you created and you deny them
like
they can't exist if they don't fit into the way you've organized people in your head
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »saragreen012 wrote: »OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.
Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.
Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)
Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo
I don't care about the label. I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.
I think normal heterosexual is to be attracted strongly on a deep sexual level to people of the opposite sex, with a more neutral, curious or muted attraction to their own sex. Heterosexual women can say, wow, she is hot! And like her boobs, but or personality, but has no deep desire to pursue sex. That's who so many college girls can try out lesbianism and it doesn't stick. Because they are just heterosexual.
Bisexual, I think, I have a stronger desire to pursue sex with members of both sexes. This is different from overheated people who are "open for whatever," who actually strongly prefers one sex over the other.
Homosexuality is the polor opposite of heterosexuality, in that they have a strong desire to pursue sex with members of the same sex, although they can also "try out" heterosexuality.
These sexual labels are about actions. You can have hetero,homo,and bisexual "feelings" without acting on any of them.
Like I said earlier, it takes some age to know that navel gazing is detrimental to your happiness.
You are enough.
its so weird to me when people seem to think they understand all the people and all their disparate life experiences and their many choices based on both free will and circumstance and then distill it down to a paragraph
post it on the internet
like 'this is how people are, i put them in these groups, i categorize, file away, organize'
do you know how messy people are? like their minds and their histories? how is it possible to have so little information and think you know
but the worst part
the part that makes it bad and not just ignorant
is when people tell you individually that their experience is different or their history is different from the narrative you created and you deny them
like
they can't exist if they don't fit into the way you've organized people in your head
Which would make a whole lot of sense if the original poster had not asked for definitions. But she did.
Why don't you make a rambling post about fluidity that makes her more confused than she already is. Please, do be helpful.
Because unless you reached out and helped a lesbian not get pummelled by authorities, or weep for your gay friend having sex in an alley with a stranger behind a porn shop running his way toward self-destruction, or pleading with a relative to stop putting herself in dangerous situations with men, don't lecture me.
Free speech. It's a thing types like you say you fight for until we say something you don't like.
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Karb_Kween wrote: »My Guinness ladies
Gladly. Blessed are the peacekeepers. Thank you for pushing peace.1 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Karb_Kween wrote: »My Guinness ladies
Gladly. Blessed are the peacekeepers. Thank you for pushing peace.
2 -
I'm someone who is pretty indifferent about dating/relationships and can say I've been attracted to maybe two people in my 22 years of living. I can relate to the asexual community to an extent. But at the end of the day, it's really up to you to decide what and who you like (and to become comfortable with it). Maybe you're not attracted to anyone? Maybe you need to make that emotional connection first? Maybe you're surrounded by ugly unattractive people?
Kidding. I don't think you have anything to worry about! There's a whole spectrum of sexualities/labels out there. I don't know where they came from or who made them up but you're bound to find plenty of people out there who are just as different as you 0 -
Peacekeepers, please intervene before I do a Hingle McCringleberry up in here. Because I'm close.
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Peacekeepers, please intervene before I do a Hingle McCringleberry up in here. Because I'm close.
Or you could just step away...3 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Peacekeepers, please intervene before I do a Hingle McCringleberry up in here. Because I'm close.
Or you could just step away...
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Peacekeepers, please intervene before I do a Hingle McCringleberry up in here. Because I'm close.
Or you could just step away...
That was so helpful. Really.
And....
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The more one participate's in life the more options they will have . You might pass a thousand people and not care for what they look like . But if you sat and talked to a person out of the blue and ye clicked it can lead to attraction . Some people have to have an emotional connection before they are ready for a physical attraction connection . When i was younger it was all about getting the finest piece of *kitten* but when i got older a persons mind is more important in more ways . Looks are important to me but having someone to really connect with and have fun and adventure is real joy .1
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »saragreen012 wrote: »OP, you are the only one who gets to determine (and label) your sexuality. If you were to just reading through a list of sexualities, based only on what you've told us, demi-sexual may be the best fit.
Orrrr, OP, you could just not label it and just go with it.
Why is our society so obsessed with labels? It seems very odd to me that we desire to stick labels on very complex parts of who we are (everyone must have a sexuality label, a religious label, a political ideology label....blah)
Labeling/categorizing EVERYTHING is very anti-queer imo
I don't care about the label. I'm just trying to figure out what is 'normal' as a heterosexual person, and what could be sign of bisexuality. I suppose it's harder to figure out when you don't necessarily feel much sexual attraction for anyone though.
I think normal heterosexual is to be attracted strongly on a deep sexual level to people of the opposite sex, with a more neutral, curious or muted attraction to their own sex. Heterosexual women can say, wow, she is hot! And like her boobs, but or personality, but has no deep desire to pursue sex. That's who so many college girls can try out lesbianism and it doesn't stick. Because they are just heterosexual.
Bisexual, I think, I have a stronger desire to pursue sex with members of both sexes. This is different from overheated people who are "open for whatever," who actually strongly prefers one sex over the other.
Homosexuality is the polor opposite of heterosexuality, in that they have a strong desire to pursue sex with members of the same sex, although they can also "try out" heterosexuality.
These sexual labels are about actions. You can have hetero,homo,and bisexual "feelings" without acting on any of them.
Like I said earlier, it takes some age to know that navel gazing is detrimental to your happiness.
You are enough.
its so weird to me when people seem to think they understand all the people and all their disparate life experiences and their many choices based on both free will and circumstance and then distill it down to a paragraph
post it on the internet
like 'this is how people are, i put them in these groups, i categorize, file away, organize'
do you know how messy people are? like their minds and their histories? how is it possible to have so little information and think you know
but the worst part
the part that makes it bad and not just ignorant
is when people tell you individually that their experience is different or their history is different from the narrative you created and you deny them
like
they can't exist if they don't fit into the way you've organized people in your head
Because unless you reached out and helped a lesbian not get pummelled by authorities, or weep for your gay friend having sex in an alley with a stranger behind a porn shop running his way toward self-destruction, or pleading with a relative to stop putting herself in dangerous situations with men, don't lecture me.
I think that you are proving her point. None of us know anyone else's entire story. You listed off these things but how do you know she hasn't experienced them as well? You don't.
Wow. I guess you missed the part when she did it to me first. Doesn't surprise me how you overlooked that.
What she said was "do you know how messy people are? like their minds and their histories? how is it possible to have so little information and think you know"
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Deep thoughts from a shallow mind. You categorized all people into three, poorly constructed, stereotypes. Please educate me on what causes homosexuality and bisexuality while you're gracing with your vast knowledge. Try to use coherent sentences, proper spelling and grammar as well. Oh, you lose points for citing Wikipedia as a reference.
I believe what I quoted earlier was the LGBT foundation. Not a liberal enough source for you? Are they too shallow a source for your depth?
Here's a dictionary for you to spew your hangry on:
col·lo·qui·al·ism
kəˈlōkwēəˌlizəm
a word or phrase that is not formal or literary, typically one used in ordinary or familiar conversation.
the use of ordinary or familiar words or phrases.
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Its funny how she said "try out" heterosexuality
She means well but its like ridiculous
But maybe I'm just really queer
Since I've met tons of men who've "tried" ... or whatever
I've never tried to do anything but be with a good man0 -
I think its interesting how heterosexuality is taught as "the"0
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