Girlfriend not losing weight on deficit
Replies
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joshsparkes wrote: »Oh yeah, and this is a forum for helping get a good plan, not some feminists who think all men are evil. I know shes not in bad shape and dont think she needs to lose any, she wants to and wants it to be in her control.
Seriously? If you were her girlfriend/sister/best friend the advice would still be the same. she's not broken and doesn't need fixing. She has an eating disorder that appears to have gone into remission for a few weeks (which is common when starting something new), and will inevitably revert back to the original behavior because the underlying illness hasn't been addressed. If you truly want her to be healthy then convince her to see a professional.8 -
@joshsparkes Where did you get her maintenance calories from? 1700 seems low - most of the calculators that I normally use are giving her a TDEE closer to 2000-2100.
Her BMI is 21.6 - that is right in the middle of a healthy range, she should not be eating a 500 calorie deficit to lose weight even if 1700 was actually the correct number of maintenance calories.
You have given her terrible advice.
I stand by my original statement that she should not be focusing on losing weight, especially at such a steep deficit. She needs to lift weights and focus on body composition while either eating maintenance or a very slight deficit.
That is, if she wants to. If she doesn't want to, I don't see any reason why she would have to, given that she is already at a healthy weight for her height.12 -
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joshsparkes wrote: »To all of the pessimists on this forum - I am not trying to get her to do anything, she had a eating disorder consisting of getting extremely anxious when eating as she didnt know if it would make her gain weight, she was extreme dieting to lose weight.
I introduced her to fitnesspal under the premise -track your calories, hit 1200 for optimum fat loss, and anything under 1700 (her maintenance) will cause fat loss and that she could eat whatever, just weigh it and track it. She was so happy for 9 weeks, being able to snack on chocolate yet knowing she was losing weight... i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals... now shes lost confidence in the system and gone back to binge eating. So *kitten* you fitnesspal
So you put someone with a history of binge eating on a calorie restricted diet and you are surprised that long-term she couldn't stick with it? A diet of 1200 calories? For a woman who is 5'7" and a healthy weight?
That low of a calorie intake could lead to people without eating disorders binge. Seriously. I know I've done it, and I've heard the same from others. This is over your head for being able to help her. Find some professionals to help her with this. They can make sure she has reasonable goals and a reasonable plan to get there. You obviously want to help her, but the best you can do (in my opinion) is to get outside help. Professionals who are not personally involved. You are too close to see things well, and could possibly do more harm than good, despite your best intentions.22 -
I can tell you @joshsparkes that this system works.. you need to just have your gf log in and start logging the food herself and start having her participate here in the forums and start reaching out and making friends. If you are consistent about your logging and logging accurately.. you will lose.. but if your not being truthful and your not logging it properly or all the time and your eating back the exercise calories.. you won't lose...
also drop the deficit to something like trying to lose .5lbs a week.. should be closer to a 250 to 300... if she comes in and on her profile accurately answers the questions and honestly really watches the carbs and the calories she will lose.. it will flucuate with the time of the month as well as her hydration levels... so weigh in at the same time every week, the same way every time... preferably naked and first thing in the morning after waking up.. it will give you the best reading and most accurate reading...
I went from 219 down to 204 using MFP.. I stopped for a short time period and put it back on but now that I am tracking again I have gone from 221 down to 215... so don't give up on the system .. its only been I believe you said 90 days.. give it at least twice that before you start making major adjustments... make small adjustments.. be a bit more accurate in your logging.. and stop eating back the calories from walking.. plus 500 calories from walking is a bit steep... try more like 250 for the amount of walking she does... and let MFP make the adjustments for what she is entering... "SHE ENTERS" not you... let it be her who does it if she isn't...
thats my long post about it but I felt you needed to hear it.. and feel free to add me as a friend and have her add me as well.. I am happy to discuss what I have seen and learned...0 -
Throwing this out there - https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/9
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cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....2 -
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say OPs girlfriend is a very, very unhappy person who needs professional help (and probably doesn't need weight loss).11
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...13 -
TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.10 -
I was really rooting for a D/s consensual power exchange thing as the reasoning for this guy being inappropriately controlling of his partner's dieting. But no. Gotta be some dude "fixing" his "broken" girlfriend because he knows everything, eating disorder be damned.
Gross.13 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.
Wow....I didn't know or read that. In that case I would have to agree with the masses....0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Here's the referenced quote. It's disturbing.joshsparkes wrote: »She was so happy for 9 weeks, being able to snack on chocolate yet knowing she was losing weight... i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals... now shes lost confidence in the system and gone back to binge eating. So *kitten* you fitnesspal0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »joshsparkes wrote: »To all of the pessimists on this forum - I am not trying to get her to do anything, she had a eating disorder consisting of getting extremely anxious when eating as she didnt know if it would make her gain weight, she was extreme dieting to lose weight.
I introduced her to fitnesspal under the premise -track your calories, hit 1200 for optimum fat loss, and anything under 1700 (her maintenance) will cause fat loss and that she could eat whatever, just weigh it and track it. She was so happy for 9 weeks, being able to snack on chocolate yet knowing she was losing weight... i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals... now shes lost confidence in the system and gone back to binge eating. So *kitten* you fitnesspal
So you put someone with a history of binge eating on a calorie restricted diet and you are surprised that long-term she couldn't stick with it? A diet of 1200 calories? For a woman who is 5'7" and a healthy weight?
That low of a calorie intake could lead to people without eating disorders binge. Seriously. I know I've done it, and I've heard the same from others. This is over your head for being able to help her. Find some professionals to help her with this. They can make sure she has reasonable goals and a reasonable plan to get there. You obviously want to help her, but the best you can do (in my opinion) is to get outside help. Professionals who are not personally involved. You are too close to see things well, and could possibly do more harm than good, despite your best intentions.
YESSSS!!!0 -
I would agree that walking calories are HUGELY overestimated, not just on MFP.
Read this, I use the formula in here:
http://www.runnersworld.com/peak-performance/running-v-walking-how-many-calories-will-you-burn
Online calculators are basically doubling the true number. When you hear people say 'eat back 50%' that's really an indication of how terrible the estimates are.
According to the formula here, she should burn 465 cals for walking 6 miles, not that far off op's original 500 calorie estimation1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Being "supportive" of someone's weight loss goals when they have an ED may do more harm than good. His "investment" may actually be setting her back in recovery. That he thinks he can "fix" her ED is concerning.5 -
Is she on any medication? I gained a lot of weight and couldn't lose it for the longest time, even though I was exercising and watching my food intake. It turned out to be the med I was on, even though it DID NOT have weight gain as a side effect. When I finally just googled the med, I found page after page of people who had gained a lot of weight on it.
If that isn't it, suggest she get her thyroid checked, although if she is 5'7" and 136, she is right where she should be. Maybe she could lift to tone up if that's what she wants.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Being "supportive" of someone's weight loss goals when they have an ED may do more harm than good. His "investment" may actually be setting her back in recovery. That he thinks he can "fix" her ED is concerning.
I agree and I made this comment before I knew that she had an ED....0 -
nosebag1212 wrote: »I would agree that walking calories are HUGELY overestimated, not just on MFP.
Read this, I use the formula in here:
http://www.runnersworld.com/peak-performance/running-v-walking-how-many-calories-will-you-burn
Online calculators are basically doubling the true number. When you hear people say 'eat back 50%' that's really an indication of how terrible the estimates are.
According to the formula here, she should burn 465 cals for walking 6 miles, not that far off op's original 500 calorie estimation
That's total, so you would have to subtract the amount of calories should normally burns through out the day from the amount of time it took her to walk those 6 miles. So if she does it in 16 minute miles that is 465 - 113 = 352. That is assuming that the 6 miles is truly on top of what she would normally do, and if that 6 miles is spread out through out the day, and at a slower pace the difference is even more.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.
Wow....I didn't know or read that. In that case I would have to agree with the masses....
And that mfp giving a (completely reasonable imho) estimate for SIX hours of walking broke her again.0 -
nosebag1212 wrote: »I would agree that walking calories are HUGELY overestimated, not just on MFP.
Read this, I use the formula in here:
http://www.runnersworld.com/peak-performance/running-v-walking-how-many-calories-will-you-burn
Online calculators are basically doubling the true number. When you hear people say 'eat back 50%' that's really an indication of how terrible the estimates are.
According to the formula here, she should burn 465 cals for walking 6 miles, not that far off op's original 500 calorie estimation
That's total, so you would have to subtract the amount of calories should normally burns through out the day from the amount of time it took her to walk those 6 miles. So if she does it in 16 minute miles that is 465 - 113 = 352. That is assuming that the 6 miles is truly on top of what she would normally do, and if that 6 miles is spread out through out the day, and at a slower pace the difference is even more.
No you don't if set to sedentary ..why would you overcomplicate things
It's a moot point
Nobody, no matter how well meaning or caring, should ever try to "fix" someone with a severe mental illness like an eating disorder. It is inappropriate at best, at worst it can be fatal. Please step back. Please encourage your girlfriend to contact a professional team with experience...because all you can do is hurt her while trying to help
Even if she was overweight, which she clearly isn't, your well meaning help is sorely misplaced5 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.
Wow....I didn't know or read that. In that case I would have to agree with the masses....
And that mfp giving a (completely reasonable imho) estimate for SIX hours of walking broke her again.
Six miles, not six hours.0 -
Op, I'm going to change tacs.
I think that you totally meant to be helpful. I think you really believed that you COULD fix her eating disorder and wanted to. I'm sure she explained to you a completely reasonable desire to be healthier and you believed her and tried to help.
...but here's the problem. This is beyond you. This is an illness that requires professional help that you don't understand so if you really want to help her, help her nip this in the bud before it gets out of control.
Also ...nix the whole "feminist agenda" "manhater" thing. Maybe you didn't intend to sound like a controlling jerk, but you did. Maybe it was an accident, I hope it was an accident.12 -
I would just like to point out that I have been there. Going from a VERY restrictive diet (500 calories a day) to eating what I thought was a healthy amount. Every time I wound up gaining. Then getting depressed about gaining which led to binging and more gaining. Give her a more healthy and realistic goal and get her to stick with it. Eventually she will even out. And for the record, getting on MFP and being able to keep track of my calories in/out is what has kept me eating healthy.0
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Wow - lots of opinions on lots of things in this thread.
How about talking to her about body recomposition? Eat at TDEE (or keep it at 1700), lift weights, and be patient. She would not be expecting to lose weight - only to look fitter in the long run. It's a slow process, but it doesn't involve the scale so much as being in control of the intake at a reasonable level, getting stronger, and looking fitter.
Just a thought since she is at a healthy weight already.2 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.
Wow....I didn't know or read that. In that case I would have to agree with the masses....
And that mfp giving a (completely reasonable imho) estimate for SIX hours of walking broke her again.
Six miles, not six hours.
Says 6 hours here:
"i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals..."0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »
That is the best freaking flowchart that I have ever seen!!! Hits everything on the head too. Very nice!!!1 -
nosebag1212 wrote: »I would agree that walking calories are HUGELY overestimated, not just on MFP.
Read this, I use the formula in here:
http://www.runnersworld.com/peak-performance/running-v-walking-how-many-calories-will-you-burn
Online calculators are basically doubling the true number. When you hear people say 'eat back 50%' that's really an indication of how terrible the estimates are.
According to the formula here, she should burn 465 cals for walking 6 miles, not that far off op's original 500 calorie estimation
That's total, so you would have to subtract the amount of calories should normally burns through out the day from the amount of time it took her to walk those 6 miles. So if she does it in 16 minute miles that is 465 - 113 = 352. That is assuming that the 6 miles is truly on top of what she would normally do, and if that 6 miles is spread out through out the day, and at a slower pace the difference is even more.
No you don't if set to sedentary ..why would you overcomplicate things
It's a moot point
Nobody, no matter how well meaning or caring, should ever try to "fix" someone with a severe mental illness like an eating disorder. It is inappropriate at best, at worst it can be fatal. Please step back. Please encourage your girlfriend to contact a professional team with experience...because all you can do is hurt her while trying to help
Even if she was overweight, which she clearly isn't, your well meaning help is sorely misplaced
I didn't say she was sedentary... going by what the OP calculater her TDEE at.
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