Girlfriend not losing weight on deficit
Replies
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.
Wow....I didn't know or read that. In that case I would have to agree with the masses....
And that mfp giving a (completely reasonable imho) estimate for SIX hours of walking broke her again.
Six miles, not six hours.
Says 6 hours here:
"i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals..."
First post:joshsparkes wrote: »We calculated a maintenance of 1700 cals, and set a target of around 1200 daily, which she met for about 8-9 weeks. She walked 6 miles a day Mon-Fri which apparantly burns 500 cals-ish, so we added those 500 on meaning on these days she'd eat 1700 cals.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.
Wow....I didn't know or read that. In that case I would have to agree with the masses....
And that mfp giving a (completely reasonable imho) estimate for SIX hours of walking broke her again.
Six miles, not six hours.
Says 6 hours here:
"i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals..."
First post:joshsparkes wrote: »We calculated a maintenance of 1700 cals, and set a target of around 1200 daily, which she met for about 8-9 weeks. She walked 6 miles a day Mon-Fri which apparantly burns 500 cals-ish, so we added those 500 on meaning on these days she'd eat 1700 cals.
Who knows which is right...0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Why have you taken on this "project" for her? Don't you feel she is capable of handling her own food and weight and exercise?
I would seriously chafe at anyone else trying to "help" me lose weight.
But that's just me.
I thought it was pretty cool that he is invested and supportive of her....
Claiming to 'fix' her is not the same as supporting her...
Did he say that? I thought he said he wanted to help her get back on track. Maybe it's me....but I didn't read it that way. But I've been wrong before.
He actually did explicitly say that he "fixed" her eating disorder.
Wow....I didn't know or read that. In that case I would have to agree with the masses....
And that mfp giving a (completely reasonable imho) estimate for SIX hours of walking broke her again.
Six miles, not six hours.
Says 6 hours here:
"i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals..."
First post:joshsparkes wrote: »We calculated a maintenance of 1700 cals, and set a target of around 1200 daily, which she met for about 8-9 weeks. She walked 6 miles a day Mon-Fri which apparantly burns 500 cals-ish, so we added those 500 on meaning on these days she'd eat 1700 cals.
Who knows which one was accurate...
Also impossible to know the rate of calories burned anyway without knowing speed and level of incline.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »@joshsparkes Where did you get her maintenance calories from? 1700 seems low - most of the calculators that I normally use are giving her a TDEE closer to 2000-2100.
Her BMI is 21.6 - that is right in the middle of a healthy range, she should not be eating a 500 calorie deficit to lose weight even if 1700 was actually the correct number of maintenance calories.
You have given her terrible advice.
I stand by my original statement that she should not be focusing on losing weight, especially at such a steep deficit. She needs to lift weights and focus on body composition while either eating maintenance or a very slight deficit.
That is, if she wants to. If she doesn't want to, I don't see any reason why she would have to, given that she is already at a healthy weight for her height.
*nods*0 -
orsonsmith wrote: »I would just like to point out that I have been there. Going from a VERY restrictive diet (500 calories a day) to eating what I thought was a healthy amount. Every time I wound up gaining. Then getting depressed about gaining which led to binging and more gaining. Give her a more healthy and realistic goal and get her to stick with it. Eventually she will even out. And for the record, getting on MFP and being able to keep track of my calories in/out is what has kept me eating healthy.
Look, the OP says she has an eating disorder and he "fixed" her by restricting her calories. Now she "feels like" she's gaining weight and it's all MFPs fault. She needs professional help not a more realistic goal. She's already at a healthy weight.0 -
Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories0 -
courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
Myfitnesspal ProTip:
Read the entire thread before replying. More was revealed, and it may change your perspective. At least, I hope it does.
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Op, I'm going to change tacs.
I think that you totally meant to be helpful. I think you really believed that you COULD fix her eating disorder and wanted to. I'm sure she explained to you a completely reasonable desire to be healthier and you believed her and tried to help.
...but here's the problem. This is beyond you. This is an illness that requires professional help that you don't understand so if you really want to help her, help her nip this in the bud before it gets out of control.
Also ...nix the whole "feminist agenda" "manhater" thing. Maybe you didn't intend to sound like a controlling jerk, but you did. Maybe it was an accident, I hope it was an accident.
So I totally love this and totally hope his intentions were well...that's what I initially thought. But I'm hoping that his heart is in the right place although his word choice wasn't the best.....5 -
courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
No, no, no, no and no7 -
cmriverside wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
Myfitnesspal ProTip:
Read the entire thread before replying. More was revealed, and it may change your perspective. At least, I hope it does.
Ew.1 -
cmriverside wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
Myfitnesspal ProTip:
Read the entire thread before replying. More was revealed, and it may change your perspective. At least, I hope it does.
Ew.
What is "ew" about this? It's a pretty basic message board good practice.3 -
cmriverside wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
Myfitnesspal ProTip:
Read the entire thread before replying. More was revealed, and it may change your perspective. At least, I hope it does.
Ew.
I don't know what you mean, but I'll laugh anyway assuming it was supposed to be funny?0 -
Carlos_421 wrote: »If she didn't lose weight, she wasn't actually in a deficit (even though she thought she was).0
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cmriverside wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
Myfitnesspal ProTip:
Read the entire thread before replying. More was revealed, and it may change your perspective. At least, I hope it does.
Ew.
What is "ew" about this? It's a pretty basic message board good practice.
Just how gross all of that sounded together.0 -
cmriverside wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
Myfitnesspal ProTip:
Read the entire thread before replying. More was revealed, and it may change your perspective. At least, I hope it does.
Ew.
What is "ew" about this? It's a pretty basic message board good practice.
Just how gross all of that sounded together.
I know. Words. Right?2 -
cmriverside wrote: »courtneyfabulous wrote: »Calories too high
Probably not eating enough protein
High sugar or high carbohydrates cause water weight gain and increased appetite- no more chocolate cake for now, let her have chocolate protein shakes instead
Have her do more exercise than just walking (and walking doesn't burn 500 calories a day)
Make sure she sticks to proper macros not just calories
Myfitnesspal ProTip:
Read the entire thread before replying. More was revealed, and it may change your perspective. At least, I hope it does.
Ew.
What is "ew" about this? It's a pretty basic message board good practice.
Just how gross all of that sounded together.
Oh. So you were saying "Ew" to the parts I bolded in the @courtneyfabulous post? Yeah, I was pretty surprised to see that she is a 35YO woman.
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Codependency is always bad! Both need therapy (sorry) but there is all kinds of wrong with OP and the situation.
He, she, they will figure it out at some point..1 -
Also, why would a 5'7" 136 pound woman be using a 500 calorie deficit?
None of this is making sense to me.
I had to reverse diet and take a short "diet break" (eating at a gradually increasing maintenance level --not a big increase all at once) after I stalled out for a period of time. I can plateau on low calories.
Your girlfriend is at an ideal weight for her height. She shouldn't be going for an aggressive deficit IMO. I am fairly close to goal and made that mistake. Have her calculate her TDEE and subtract 250 calories a day for a 0.5 pound loss a week.
1 -
Also, why would a 5'7" 136 pound woman be using a 500 calorie deficit?
None of this is making sense to me.
I had to reverse diet and take a short "diet break" (eating at a gradually increasing maintenance level --not a big increase all at once) after I stalled out for a period of time. I can plateau on low calories.
Your girlfriend is at an ideal weight for her height. She shouldn't be going for an aggressive deficit IMO. I am fairly close to goal and made that mistake. Have her calculate her TDEE and subtract 250 calories a day for a 0.5 pound loss a week.
smh @bolded....5 -
I'll just chime in with this. . . I have a history of an eating disorder, and to be honest, I realize that I will ALWAYS have disordered thoughts regarding food. If I say I don't, I'm not being truthful. However, MFP helps me control my anxiety because I feel it gives me more control. I went from being anorexic to binge eating, and I would NEVER admit to ANYONE just how much I binged because I embarrassed, humiliated, had deep self hatred. So I can tell you, she isn't telling you everything that is running through her head, and nothing is "fixed".23
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joshsparkes wrote: »To all of the pessimists on this forum - I am not trying to get her to do anything, she had a eating disorder consisting of getting extremely anxious when eating as she didnt know if it would make her gain weight, she was extreme dieting to lose weight.
I introduced her to fitnesspal under the premise -track your calories, hit 1200 for optimum fat loss, and anything under 1700 (her maintenance) will cause fat loss and that she could eat whatever, just weigh it and track it. She was so happy for 9 weeks, being able to snack on chocolate yet knowing she was losing weight... i had fixed her eating disorder... until now, the blame lies at the feet of fitnesspal who say 6 hours walking burns 500-600 cals... now shes lost confidence in the system and gone back to binge eating. So *kitten* you fitnesspal
joshsparkes wrote: »Maybe fixes is the wrong word... but she had no negative thoughts about food for 9 weeks, the longest ever whilst she thought she was losing weight, sounds good to me, and it was good, clearly im pissed off with this set back, I know the process works and have had to learn my own numbers, but its harder for her to trust it as she now thinks she cant lose weight eating chocolate. Its going to be tough/impossible to get her to put her faith in the system again, which is a shame because i know it works long term and is flexible.
I'lll forget the walking calories, try and get her to track and and lift weights. The challenge here is to regain her faith in MFP. Thanks for the input I think we have a plan.
Please take a step back and really think about my next words:
You cannot do this for your loved one, but you can point her in the right direction to get help from a professional versed in eating disorders.
Nobody is to blame for her eating disoder-not her, you, MFP or the man in the moon.
I've read enough to see you are trying to fix her, but you can't do it. If she's that afraid to take charge of her own weight management, then she's not recovered. Please help her find help.
The best of luck to you both.13 -
Well I only read the original post and a few the comments past that. Didn't bother to read every single comment but I'm guessing there's more to the story then?
I don't see what's wrong with my comment though - and were you saying "ew" and "no no no no" to my suggestions or me being 35 years old? That seems kind of weird to me either way.0 -
courtneyfabulous wrote: »Well I only read the original post and a few the comments past that. Didn't bother to read every single comment but I'm guessing there's more to the story then?
I don't see what's wrong with my comment though - and were you saying "ew" and "no no no no" to my suggestions or me being 35 years old? That seems kind of weird to me either way.
No. I was saying Ew. To all the LET her, MAKE her, TELL her to's. It was gross.4 -
Oh ok sorry yeah that's bad choices of words- not my intention. Should have taken more time in commenting.
Also I just did the conversion from metric to imperial and seems like she's at a healthy weight for her height.
She might just want to lose some fat and gain some muscle if she's not happy with her physique as it is now.1 -
Wow yeah I wrote that really fast- the advice was sound but I see where the phrasing was pretty bad.1
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I agree that recomp is probably exactly what she wants/needs for her health but I think she also needs to talk to someone.0
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I was really rooting for a D/s consensual power exchange thing as the reasoning for this guy being inappropriately controlling of his partner's dieting. But no. Gotta be some dude "fixing" his "broken" girlfriend because he knows everything, eating disorder be damned.
Gross.
This. As someone in a total power exchange relationship (bit more deep than D/s) I didn't really bat an eye at the first post. I hate when people lecture me for my 2 significant others (something else people seem to lecture about) being controlling.
However the subsequent posts throw huge red flags.3 -
Also, why would a 5'7" 136 pound woman be using a 500 calorie deficit?
None of this is making sense to me.
I had to reverse diet and take a short "diet break" (eating at a gradually increasing maintenance level --not a big increase all at once) after I stalled out for a period of time. I can plateau on low calories.
Your girlfriend is at an ideal weight for her height. She shouldn't be going for an aggressive deficit IMO. I am fairly close to goal and made that mistake. Have her calculate her TDEE and subtract 250 calories a day for a 0.5 pound loss a week.
smh @bolded....
Whatever.3 -
Also, why would a 5'7" 136 pound woman be using a 500 calorie deficit?
None of this is making sense to me.
I had to reverse diet and take a short "diet break" (eating at a gradually increasing maintenance level --not a big increase all at once) after I stalled out for a period of time. I can plateau on low calories.
Your girlfriend is at an ideal weight for her height. She shouldn't be going for an aggressive deficit IMO. I am fairly close to goal and made that mistake. Have her calculate her TDEE and subtract 250 calories a day for a 0.5 pound loss a week.
I don't follow how you can plateau on low calories, at least if they are lower than your TDEE. My guess is you were underestimating your calorie balance and were not in a deficit as you originally thought.3 -
I made the mistake of eating below my resting metabolic rate and learned from experience. I lost at first but then my body slowed down to compensate. It was miserable. My rmr is 1660, so I need to eat at least 1600 calories. 1200 calories were not enough daily for me. BTW, I plugged in OP's girlfriend's stats and got 1669 calories as her rmr. 1200 calories a day are TOO LOW for her height, weight, and age.1
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