You are not just "weak" or "lazy". Food can be an ADDICTION.
Replies
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My journey this time losing was to learn. I have to say regardless of the presentation of some people I have learned so much!
I too labeled food good/bad but now I understand food is fuel. Some foods fuel me longer some are tastier.
Not labeling the food has actually helped me have a positive relationship with food - my choices are now ummm - cake tasty but I will be hungry and tired soon after or tuna sandwich will hold me through to dinner. No longer cake=bad food which really doesn't work cuz cake is yummy, yummy = good wait it's bad. See the mixed message this creates?
I think folks on here really try to help others with misinformation or with ways to overcome their problems. Could some say it nicer? Heck yeah but it doesn't mean their info can't help someone.
When I hear "stop being a victim" I may not like it but it sure has made me think what role am I playing to help/hurt me in this journey.10 -
My journey this time losing was to learn. I have to say regardless of the presentation of some people I have learned so much!
I too labeled food good/bad but now I understand food is fuel. Some foods fuel me longer some are tastier.
Not labeling the food has actually helped me have a positive relationship with food - my choices are now ummm - cake tasty but I will be hungry and tired soon after or tuna sandwich will hold me through to dinner. No longer cake=bad food which really doesn't work cuz cake is yummy, yummy = good wait it's bad. See the mixed message this creates?
I think folks on here really try to help others with misinformation or with ways to overcome their problems. Could some say it nicer? Heck yeah but it doesn't mean their info can't help someone.
When I hear "stop being a victim" I may not like it but it sure has made me think what role am I playing to help/hurt me in this journey.
Agree! And that's all I'm really saying in the end. Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get." And it seems like you understand food the way I do, but I can understand you not wanting to label it as good or bad. Like I said, I think for some people doing so could derail their journey, while for others it might work.
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My journey this time losing was to learn. I have to say regardless of the presentation of some people I have learned so much!
I too labeled food good/bad but now I understand food is fuel. Some foods fuel me longer some are tastier.
Not labeling the food has actually helped me have a positive relationship with food - my choices are now ummm - cake tasty but I will be hungry and tired soon after or tuna sandwich will hold me through to dinner. No longer cake=bad food which really doesn't work cuz cake is yummy, yummy = good wait it's bad. See the mixed message this creates?
I think folks on here really try to help others with misinformation or with ways to overcome their problems. Could some say it nicer? Heck yeah but it doesn't mean their info can't help someone.
When I hear "stop being a victim" I may not like it but it sure has made me think what role am I playing to help/hurt me in this journey.
Agree! And that's all I'm really saying in the end. Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get." And it seems like you understand food the way I do, but I can understand you not wanting to label it as good or bad. Like I said, I think for some people doing so could derail their journey, while for others it might work.
I see what you're saying.
I'm asking you for your personal growth to look past those comments (hard sometimes I know) and see the message as a whole not just how they say things. My very first post on Mfp I was told I had fanciful thinking, I've been told I was silly several times ( I am) I almost asked for my money back (premium) and wanted to never come back.
Boy am I so glad I didn't stay away!!! I have learned so much. And maybe just maybe I can help buffer the super knowledgeable but harsh sometimes folks and those like me that wanted to run away.3 -
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
7 -
My journey this time losing was to learn. I have to say regardless of the presentation of some people I have learned so much!
I too labeled food good/bad but now I understand food is fuel. Some foods fuel me longer some are tastier.
Not labeling the food has actually helped me have a positive relationship with food - my choices are now ummm - cake tasty but I will be hungry and tired soon after or tuna sandwich will hold me through to dinner. No longer cake=bad food which really doesn't work cuz cake is yummy, yummy = good wait it's bad. See the mixed message this creates?
I think folks on here really try to help others with misinformation or with ways to overcome their problems. Could some say it nicer? Heck yeah but it doesn't mean their info can't help someone.
When I hear "stop being a victim" I may not like it but it sure has made me think what role am I playing to help/hurt me in this journey.
Agree! And that's all I'm really saying in the end. Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get." And it seems like you understand food the way I do, but I can understand you not wanting to label it as good or bad. Like I said, I think for some people doing so could derail their journey, while for others it might work.
I see what you're saying.
I'm asking you for your personal growth to look past those comments (hard sometimes I know) and see the message as a whole not just how they say things. My very first post on Mfp I was told I had fanciful thinking, I've been told I was silly several times ( I am) I almost asked for my money back (premium) and wanted to never come back.
Boy am I so glad I didn't stay away!!! I have learned so much. And maybe just maybe I can help buffer the super knowledgeable but harsh sometimes folks and those like me that wanted to run away.
Good advice! And a great way to look at it!
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snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
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JustMissTracy wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »Did you see that thread where a woman's husband thought she was ungrateful because he sabatoged her with chocolates and she asked advice on how to make this boundary clear to him and she was demoralized to the point that she hasn't been back on by people telling her she should thank him for chocolates and have willpower?!?!?! RAGE
Yes, there seem to be a lot of missy know-it-alls on these boards that have amazing will power. Almost makes you wonder how they got overweight to begin with right? Since they know everything about dieting and eating healthy they should just all get together and write a book called "You're doing it wrong!" Or "How hard is this to understand?" Or how about "You weak minded imbecile:Eat What You Want and Still Lose Weight."
What they don't get is they may think they are trying to help but they don't say things in a helpful tone of voice. They will state things so matter-of-factly, instead of phrasing their comments in terms of what works for them in regards to what they answering on. Like I've been saying, I label foods as bad or good, some others on here are clearly against that way of thinking towards a diet. I respect that and don't turn around and tell them "well, you are wrong." If you are going to question my way of thinking I'm going to just state my side and explain my way of thinking, but it's like there are people on here that can't accept that and will fight you to the death over your opinion until they scare you off the boards for life.
Or how about the people to which you say a very clear and concise statement to and they completely flip it around? Example:
Me:I like red hats
MFP commenter: Not everyone likes red hats!!!!
Me: I never said everyone did.
MFP Commenter: well, you implied it!
Me: um...what? Can I mail you some Twinkies?
Ok, I know I'm getting silly now, but I felt the need to get that off my chest. Let the crucifixion begin!
I wish these boards could be a more comfortable, light hearted, fun place to be, but much of the time they are not.
You sound quite angry. In the end, we all have to lose our weight, our way. For me, losing 80 lbs took willpower. It took saying no to the second cupcake, even though I thought I needed it.
For you, it may be different.
You do you!
I might sound a little angry because people should not be scared off of here or made to feel bad when they are on these boards for help with their weight loss journey. It's sickening to see how some people are attacked for their opinions and choices when it comes to dieting. Like you said "you do you." Share your opinion or experience in hopes of being some help to others, but don't go on the attack if they disagree. Sure, there are people that start threads as confrontational right off the bat, and those people are wrong to do so. But I've seen people that create a very innocent post and are crucified by the end of it. I always end up feeling bad for them because I'm sure they never thought it was going to turn so ugly so fast.
Just to recap the burger vs. pizza thread.
You jumped in and said burgers are better, the kind of pizza that I am going to assume that everyone else is eating is going to lead to binges.
People responded and said that might be true for you, but not for everyone, many can feel satisfied on lower cal pizza than you apparently are assuming, or less, or will be just as or more likely to overeat when having a burger.
You dug in and kept arguing (I dunno why), that no, pizza was worse in general.
When eventually enough people had pointed out the flaw in this you got mad and pretended (although the thread disproved it) that people had been trying to say that pizza wasn't a worse choice for you, when that was never something even being discussed, and no one would have objected if that's what you'd said (about 50 previous people had said that one or the other was better for them).
Saying that a food is a bad choice for you is totally reasonable. But that has nothing to do with the common statement on MFP that there are no inherently bad foods -- it depends on the person and the overall diet. Nor is "eat what you like within your calories" bad advice, although I typically recommend considering satiety and nutrition too, as do most here. I assume that for any sensible adult eating what you like within your calories will include consideration of nutrition and satiety, since I know I personally like to eat foods that make me feel good, are good for me (as part of my overall diet), and fill me up. But of course I can eat some ice cream as part of a sensible overall healthy diet and still be sated. (If it were a trigger food for me I might avoid it for a while and work on that.)
People who say there are no bad foods don't mean -- and I am sure that in reality you know this -- that what people eat overall makes no difference or that it's not important to consider how you feel or health. They mean that including some cheese (or pizza or chocolates) if you like it won't make your overall diet less healthy. If you can't eat chocolates without binging, don't eat it (at least for now) and work on that. But also don't pretend like it's possible to totally avoid every being tempted by them or blame the chocolate shop, the fact someone in a moving is eating chocolates, your husband for buying you chocolates (when you never said not to), someone for saying "hey, want a chocolate," your workplace for having chocolates around, etc., for the fact that you aren't losing weight. Learning how to deal with temptation is necessary.7 -
Puppybear1 wrote: »Sugar is a drug. And just like alcoholics, some people have genetic predispositions for addiction, ie - diabetics. I have been preaching this topic for a week and fending off the shade I get for comparing sugar to drugs, but it IS a drug, or food companies wouldn't put it in practically everything! Kudos to the Enlightened!
This might possibly be the most short-sighted and ignorant comment I've seen in a looooong time. I have had Type 1 diabetes since I was 6 (over 24 years). So...that makes me genetically predisposed for addiction????? WTF? Please shared with us what research has ever correlated having diabetes with a genetic predisposition to addiction.... LMAO. I am not even offended, I'm just amused by the level of ridiculousness.7 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
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I'm in between. I like the honest truth but I like it served with salt, some like it with sugar and others with hot sauce.4
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snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
This is in your perception, though. Hardly anyone on these boards is mean or belittling.
Honestly, I've seen a simple statement of facts set some people off because it was a truth they weren't ready to face.
This is a case of the world not accommodating everyone. It's not the responsibility of people on the forums to walk on eggshells.
Basic civility should be observed, but we can't be held accountable for how every person takes every comment.7 -
Oh yay...another food is cocaine thread...10
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snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
That's mainly in the inference ..how you perceive what is written2 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »JustMissTracy wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »Did you see that thread where a woman's husband thought she was ungrateful because he sabatoged her with chocolates and she asked advice on how to make this boundary clear to him and she was demoralized to the point that she hasn't been back on by people telling her she should thank him for chocolates and have willpower?!?!?! RAGE
Yes, there seem to be a lot of missy know-it-alls on these boards that have amazing will power. Almost makes you wonder how they got overweight to begin with right? Since they know everything about dieting and eating healthy they should just all get together and write a book called "You're doing it wrong!" Or "How hard is this to understand?" Or how about "You weak minded imbecile:Eat What You Want and Still Lose Weight."
What they don't get is they may think they are trying to help but they don't say things in a helpful tone of voice. They will state things so matter-of-factly, instead of phrasing their comments in terms of what works for them in regards to what they answering on. Like I've been saying, I label foods as bad or good, some others on here are clearly against that way of thinking towards a diet. I respect that and don't turn around and tell them "well, you are wrong." If you are going to question my way of thinking I'm going to just state my side and explain my way of thinking, but it's like there are people on here that can't accept that and will fight you to the death over your opinion until they scare you off the boards for life.
Or how about the people to which you say a very clear and concise statement to and they completely flip it around? Example:
Me:I like red hats
MFP commenter: Not everyone likes red hats!!!!
Me: I never said everyone did.
MFP Commenter: well, you implied it!
Me: um...what? Can I mail you some Twinkies?
Ok, I know I'm getting silly now, but I felt the need to get that off my chest. Let the crucifixion begin!
I wish these boards could be a more comfortable, light hearted, fun place to be, but much of the time they are not.
You sound quite angry. In the end, we all have to lose our weight, our way. For me, losing 80 lbs took willpower. It took saying no to the second cupcake, even though I thought I needed it.
For you, it may be different.
You do you!
I might sound a little angry because people should not be scared off of here or made to feel bad when they are on these boards for help with their weight loss journey. It's sickening to see how some people are attacked for their opinions and choices when it comes to dieting. Like you said "you do you." Share your opinion or experience in hopes of being some help to others, but don't go on the attack if they disagree. Sure, there are people that start threads as confrontational right off the bat, and those people are wrong to do so. But I've seen people that create a very innocent post and are crucified by the end of it. I always end up feeling bad for them because I'm sure they never thought it was going to turn so ugly so fast.
Just to recap the burger vs. pizza thread.
You jumped in and said burgers are better, the kind of pizza that I am going to assume that everyone else is eating is going to lead to binges.
People responded and said that might be true for you, but not for everyone, many can feel satisfied on lower cal pizza than you apparently are assuming, or less, or will be just as or more likely to overeat when having a burger.
You dug in and kept arguing (I dunno why), that no, pizza was worse in general.
When eventually enough people had pointed out the flaw in this you got mad and pretended (although the thread disproved it) that people had been trying to say that pizza wasn't a worse choice for you, when that was never something even being discussed, and no one would have objected if that's what you'd said (about 50 previous people had said that one or the other was better for them).
Saying that a food is a bad choice for you is totally reasonable. But that has nothing to do with the common statement on MFP that there are no inherently bad foods -- it depends on the person and the overall diet. Nor is "eat what you like within your calories" bad advice, although I typically recommend considering satiety and nutrition too, as do most here. I assume that for any sensible adult eating what you like within your calories will include consideration of nutrition and satiety, since I know I personally like to eat foods that make me feel good, are good for me (as part of my overall diet), and fill me up. But of course I can eat some ice cream as part of a sensible overall healthy diet and still be sated. (If it were a trigger food for me I might avoid it for a while and work on that.)
People who say there are no bad foods don't mean -- and I am sure that in reality you know this -- that what people eat overall makes no difference or that it's not important to consider how you feel or health. They mean that including some cheese (or pizza or chocolates) if you like it won't make your overall diet less healthy. If you can't eat chocolates without binging, don't eat it (at least for now) and work on that. But also don't pretend like it's possible to totally avoid every being tempted by them or blame the chocolate shop, the fact someone in a moving is eating chocolates, your husband for buying you chocolates (when you never said not to), someone for saying "hey, want a chocolate," your workplace for having chocolates around, etc., for the fact that you aren't losing weight. Learning how to deal with temptation is necessary.
So here is the thing: people took what I said about the burger thing, twisted my words and said I was speaking for everybody! This is my other problem with these boards. I was sharing my mindset on why burgers are a better choice then pizza. I was met with non-sensical comments like "so pizza is what leads everyone to be overweight?" Nope, once again, never said that. Where did you read me saying that? I thought my statements were very concise and there wasn't room for misinterpretation, but maybe I was wrong. Although, I'm not convinced that the problem is entirely me because I've witnessed this happen to others millions of times on here. Which is why I felt the need to point it out in one of my last posts. Then when I gave my opinion defending my stance I got attacked about how I was speaking for everyone and I shouldn't do that. (Which I wasn't, if you actually read what I wrote). Or people couldn't just let me feel that burgers were a better choice and kept explaining why they thought I was wrong. And some people were doing it in an insulting way. That's what I'm against. If you think pizza or both are better, great for you. But don't come back at me and be unkind with your opinion.
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lemurcat12 wrote: »JustMissTracy wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »Did you see that thread where a woman's husband thought she was ungrateful because he sabatoged her with chocolates and she asked advice on how to make this boundary clear to him and she was demoralized to the point that she hasn't been back on by people telling her she should thank him for chocolates and have willpower?!?!?! RAGE
Yes, there seem to be a lot of missy know-it-alls on these boards that have amazing will power. Almost makes you wonder how they got overweight to begin with right? Since they know everything about dieting and eating healthy they should just all get together and write a book called "You're doing it wrong!" Or "How hard is this to understand?" Or how about "You weak minded imbecile:Eat What You Want and Still Lose Weight."
What they don't get is they may think they are trying to help but they don't say things in a helpful tone of voice. They will state things so matter-of-factly, instead of phrasing their comments in terms of what works for them in regards to what they answering on. Like I've been saying, I label foods as bad or good, some others on here are clearly against that way of thinking towards a diet. I respect that and don't turn around and tell them "well, you are wrong." If you are going to question my way of thinking I'm going to just state my side and explain my way of thinking, but it's like there are people on here that can't accept that and will fight you to the death over your opinion until they scare you off the boards for life.
Or how about the people to which you say a very clear and concise statement to and they completely flip it around? Example:
Me:I like red hats
MFP commenter: Not everyone likes red hats!!!!
Me: I never said everyone did.
MFP Commenter: well, you implied it!
Me: um...what? Can I mail you some Twinkies?
Ok, I know I'm getting silly now, but I felt the need to get that off my chest. Let the crucifixion begin!
I wish these boards could be a more comfortable, light hearted, fun place to be, but much of the time they are not.
You sound quite angry. In the end, we all have to lose our weight, our way. For me, losing 80 lbs took willpower. It took saying no to the second cupcake, even though I thought I needed it.
For you, it may be different.
You do you!
I might sound a little angry because people should not be scared off of here or made to feel bad when they are on these boards for help with their weight loss journey. It's sickening to see how some people are attacked for their opinions and choices when it comes to dieting. Like you said "you do you." Share your opinion or experience in hopes of being some help to others, but don't go on the attack if they disagree. Sure, there are people that start threads as confrontational right off the bat, and those people are wrong to do so. But I've seen people that create a very innocent post and are crucified by the end of it. I always end up feeling bad for them because I'm sure they never thought it was going to turn so ugly so fast.
Just to recap the burger vs. pizza thread.
You jumped in and said burgers are better, the kind of pizza that I am going to assume that everyone else is eating is going to lead to binges.
People responded and said that might be true for you, but not for everyone, many can feel satisfied on lower cal pizza than you apparently are assuming, or less, or will be just as or more likely to overeat when having a burger.
You dug in and kept arguing (I dunno why), that no, pizza was worse in general.
When eventually enough people had pointed out the flaw in this you got mad and pretended (although the thread disproved it) that people had been trying to say that pizza wasn't a worse choice for you, when that was never something even being discussed, and no one would have objected if that's what you'd said (about 50 previous people had said that one or the other was better for them).
Saying that a food is a bad choice for you is totally reasonable. But that has nothing to do with the common statement on MFP that there are no inherently bad foods -- it depends on the person and the overall diet. Nor is "eat what you like within your calories" bad advice, although I typically recommend considering satiety and nutrition too, as do most here. I assume that for any sensible adult eating what you like within your calories will include consideration of nutrition and satiety, since I know I personally like to eat foods that make me feel good, are good for me (as part of my overall diet), and fill me up. But of course I can eat some ice cream as part of a sensible overall healthy diet and still be sated. (If it were a trigger food for me I might avoid it for a while and work on that.)
People who say there are no bad foods don't mean -- and I am sure that in reality you know this -- that what people eat overall makes no difference or that it's not important to consider how you feel or health. They mean that including some cheese (or pizza or chocolates) if you like it won't make your overall diet less healthy. If you can't eat chocolates without binging, don't eat it (at least for now) and work on that. But also don't pretend like it's possible to totally avoid every being tempted by them or blame the chocolate shop, the fact someone in a moving is eating chocolates, your husband for buying you chocolates (when you never said not to), someone for saying "hey, want a chocolate," your workplace for having chocolates around, etc., for the fact that you aren't losing weight. Learning how to deal with temptation is necessary.
And again, never said I assumed everyone ate the same pizza. Don't know where you saw me say that. The type I pizza I was referring to was just an example I was using to make a point.
0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »JustMissTracy wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »Did you see that thread where a woman's husband thought she was ungrateful because he sabatoged her with chocolates and she asked advice on how to make this boundary clear to him and she was demoralized to the point that she hasn't been back on by people telling her she should thank him for chocolates and have willpower?!?!?! RAGE
Yes, there seem to be a lot of missy know-it-alls on these boards that have amazing will power. Almost makes you wonder how they got overweight to begin with right? Since they know everything about dieting and eating healthy they should just all get together and write a book called "You're doing it wrong!" Or "How hard is this to understand?" Or how about "You weak minded imbecile:Eat What You Want and Still Lose Weight."
What they don't get is they may think they are trying to help but they don't say things in a helpful tone of voice. They will state things so matter-of-factly, instead of phrasing their comments in terms of what works for them in regards to what they answering on. Like I've been saying, I label foods as bad or good, some others on here are clearly against that way of thinking towards a diet. I respect that and don't turn around and tell them "well, you are wrong." If you are going to question my way of thinking I'm going to just state my side and explain my way of thinking, but it's like there are people on here that can't accept that and will fight you to the death over your opinion until they scare you off the boards for life.
Or how about the people to which you say a very clear and concise statement to and they completely flip it around? Example:
Me:I like red hats
MFP commenter: Not everyone likes red hats!!!!
Me: I never said everyone did.
MFP Commenter: well, you implied it!
Me: um...what? Can I mail you some Twinkies?
Ok, I know I'm getting silly now, but I felt the need to get that off my chest. Let the crucifixion begin!
I wish these boards could be a more comfortable, light hearted, fun place to be, but much of the time they are not.
You sound quite angry. In the end, we all have to lose our weight, our way. For me, losing 80 lbs took willpower. It took saying no to the second cupcake, even though I thought I needed it.
For you, it may be different.
You do you!
I might sound a little angry because people should not be scared off of here or made to feel bad when they are on these boards for help with their weight loss journey. It's sickening to see how some people are attacked for their opinions and choices when it comes to dieting. Like you said "you do you." Share your opinion or experience in hopes of being some help to others, but don't go on the attack if they disagree. Sure, there are people that start threads as confrontational right off the bat, and those people are wrong to do so. But I've seen people that create a very innocent post and are crucified by the end of it. I always end up feeling bad for them because I'm sure they never thought it was going to turn so ugly so fast.
Just to recap the burger vs. pizza thread.
You jumped in and said burgers are better, the kind of pizza that I am going to assume that everyone else is eating is going to lead to binges.
People responded and said that might be true for you, but not for everyone, many can feel satisfied on lower cal pizza than you apparently are assuming, or less, or will be just as or more likely to overeat when having a burger.
You dug in and kept arguing (I dunno why), that no, pizza was worse in general.
When eventually enough people had pointed out the flaw in this you got mad and pretended (although the thread disproved it) that people had been trying to say that pizza wasn't a worse choice for you, when that was never something even being discussed, and no one would have objected if that's what you'd said (about 50 previous people had said that one or the other was better for them).
Saying that a food is a bad choice for you is totally reasonable. But that has nothing to do with the common statement on MFP that there are no inherently bad foods -- it depends on the person and the overall diet. Nor is "eat what you like within your calories" bad advice, although I typically recommend considering satiety and nutrition too, as do most here. I assume that for any sensible adult eating what you like within your calories will include consideration of nutrition and satiety, since I know I personally like to eat foods that make me feel good, are good for me (as part of my overall diet), and fill me up. But of course I can eat some ice cream as part of a sensible overall healthy diet and still be sated. (If it were a trigger food for me I might avoid it for a while and work on that.)
People who say there are no bad foods don't mean -- and I am sure that in reality you know this -- that what people eat overall makes no difference or that it's not important to consider how you feel or health. They mean that including some cheese (or pizza or chocolates) if you like it won't make your overall diet less healthy. If you can't eat chocolates without binging, don't eat it (at least for now) and work on that. But also don't pretend like it's possible to totally avoid every being tempted by them or blame the chocolate shop, the fact someone in a moving is eating chocolates, your husband for buying you chocolates (when you never said not to), someone for saying "hey, want a chocolate," your workplace for having chocolates around, etc., for the fact that you aren't losing weight. Learning how to deal with temptation is necessary.
So here is the thing: people took what I said about the burger thing, twisted my words and said I was speaking for everybody! This is my other problem with these boards. I was sharing my mindset on why burgers are a better choice then pizza. I was met with non-sensical comments like "so pizza is what leads everyone to be overweight?" Nope, once again, never said that. Where did you read me saying that? I thought my statements were very concise and there wasn't room for misinterpretation, but maybe I was wrong. Although, I'm not convinced that the problem is entirely me because I've witnessed this happen to others millions of times on here. Which is why I felt the need to point it out in one of my last posts. Then when I gave my opinion defending my stance I got attacked about how I was speaking for everyone and I shouldn't do that. (Which I wasn't, if you actually read what I wrote). Or people couldn't just let me feel that burgers were a better choice and kept explaining why they thought I was wrong. And some people were doing it in an insulting way. That's what I'm against. If you think pizza or both are better, great for you. But don't come back at me and be unkind with your opinion.
I don't think I read or commented on that thread, but if I did I've forgotten it so what I'm about to say is an observation based just on what you've said in this thread. Do you realise that you're condemning people for reading into things you've said whilst reading things into things they've said? You're assigning motives to them at the same time as you're complaining that they're assigning motives to you.
It's fine (IMO) to say "that's not what I said", but when you add the rider of "and you're saying that because you're mean/it's nonsensical/it's happened to others" it falls apart.8 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
This is in your perception, though. Hardly anyone on these boards is mean or belittling.
Honestly, I've seen a simple statement of facts set some people off because it was a truth they weren't ready to face.
This is a case of the world not accommodating everyone. It's not the responsibility of people on the forums to walk on eggshells.
Basic civility should be observed, but we can't be held accountable for how every person takes every comment.
Well you've been lucky then that you've never been spoken to this way. But I've seen it done to myself and others. Or else I wouldn't feel a need to say something. It blows my mind and I can't believe some of the stuff I see on here. Which is a place to get help.
2 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »JustMissTracy wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »Did you see that thread where a woman's husband thought she was ungrateful because he sabatoged her with chocolates and she asked advice on how to make this boundary clear to him and she was demoralized to the point that she hasn't been back on by people telling her she should thank him for chocolates and have willpower?!?!?! RAGE
Yes, there seem to be a lot of missy know-it-alls on these boards that have amazing will power. Almost makes you wonder how they got overweight to begin with right? Since they know everything about dieting and eating healthy they should just all get together and write a book called "You're doing it wrong!" Or "How hard is this to understand?" Or how about "You weak minded imbecile:Eat What You Want and Still Lose Weight."
What they don't get is they may think they are trying to help but they don't say things in a helpful tone of voice. They will state things so matter-of-factly, instead of phrasing their comments in terms of what works for them in regards to what they answering on. Like I've been saying, I label foods as bad or good, some others on here are clearly against that way of thinking towards a diet. I respect that and don't turn around and tell them "well, you are wrong." If you are going to question my way of thinking I'm going to just state my side and explain my way of thinking, but it's like there are people on here that can't accept that and will fight you to the death over your opinion until they scare you off the boards for life.
Or how about the people to which you say a very clear and concise statement to and they completely flip it around? Example:
Me:I like red hats
MFP commenter: Not everyone likes red hats!!!!
Me: I never said everyone did.
MFP Commenter: well, you implied it!
Me: um...what? Can I mail you some Twinkies?
Ok, I know I'm getting silly now, but I felt the need to get that off my chest. Let the crucifixion begin!
I wish these boards could be a more comfortable, light hearted, fun place to be, but much of the time they are not.
You sound quite angry. In the end, we all have to lose our weight, our way. For me, losing 80 lbs took willpower. It took saying no to the second cupcake, even though I thought I needed it.
For you, it may be different.
You do you!
I might sound a little angry because people should not be scared off of here or made to feel bad when they are on these boards for help with their weight loss journey. It's sickening to see how some people are attacked for their opinions and choices when it comes to dieting. Like you said "you do you." Share your opinion or experience in hopes of being some help to others, but don't go on the attack if they disagree. Sure, there are people that start threads as confrontational right off the bat, and those people are wrong to do so. But I've seen people that create a very innocent post and are crucified by the end of it. I always end up feeling bad for them because I'm sure they never thought it was going to turn so ugly so fast.
Just to recap the burger vs. pizza thread.
You jumped in and said burgers are better, the kind of pizza that I am going to assume that everyone else is eating is going to lead to binges.
People responded and said that might be true for you, but not for everyone, many can feel satisfied on lower cal pizza than you apparently are assuming, or less, or will be just as or more likely to overeat when having a burger.
You dug in and kept arguing (I dunno why), that no, pizza was worse in general.
When eventually enough people had pointed out the flaw in this you got mad and pretended (although the thread disproved it) that people had been trying to say that pizza wasn't a worse choice for you, when that was never something even being discussed, and no one would have objected if that's what you'd said (about 50 previous people had said that one or the other was better for them).
Saying that a food is a bad choice for you is totally reasonable. But that has nothing to do with the common statement on MFP that there are no inherently bad foods -- it depends on the person and the overall diet. Nor is "eat what you like within your calories" bad advice, although I typically recommend considering satiety and nutrition too, as do most here. I assume that for any sensible adult eating what you like within your calories will include consideration of nutrition and satiety, since I know I personally like to eat foods that make me feel good, are good for me (as part of my overall diet), and fill me up. But of course I can eat some ice cream as part of a sensible overall healthy diet and still be sated. (If it were a trigger food for me I might avoid it for a while and work on that.)
People who say there are no bad foods don't mean -- and I am sure that in reality you know this -- that what people eat overall makes no difference or that it's not important to consider how you feel or health. They mean that including some cheese (or pizza or chocolates) if you like it won't make your overall diet less healthy. If you can't eat chocolates without binging, don't eat it (at least for now) and work on that. But also don't pretend like it's possible to totally avoid every being tempted by them or blame the chocolate shop, the fact someone in a moving is eating chocolates, your husband for buying you chocolates (when you never said not to), someone for saying "hey, want a chocolate," your workplace for having chocolates around, etc., for the fact that you aren't losing weight. Learning how to deal with temptation is necessary.
So here is the thing: people took what I said about the burger thing, twisted my words and said I was speaking for everybody! This is my other problem with these boards. I was sharing my mindset on why burgers are a better choice then pizza. I was met with non-sensical comments like "so pizza is what leads everyone to be overweight?" Nope, once again, never said that. Where did you read me saying that? I thought my statements were very concise and there wasn't room for misinterpretation, but maybe I was wrong. Although, I'm not convinced that the problem is entirely me because I've witnessed this happen to others millions of times on here. Which is why I felt the need to point it out in one of my last posts. Then when I gave my opinion defending my stance I got attacked about how I was speaking for everyone and I shouldn't do that. (Which I wasn't, if you actually read what I wrote). Or people couldn't just let me feel that burgers were a better choice and kept explaining why they thought I was wrong. And some people were doing it in an insulting way. That's what I'm against. If you think pizza or both are better, great for you. But don't come back at me and be unkind with your opinion.
You insulted the people on these boards by calling them "missy little know-it-alls" and now you have the gall to tell them to be nicer? PEople like you are why my blood pressure is down since leaving these forums.16 -
Did this evolve into a mean people thread? That's not really allowed on Sunday...12
-
cwolfman13 wrote: »Did this evolve into a mean people thread? That's not really allowed on Sunday...
I blame the clocks changing, because it's all about blaming something/someone else ;-)1 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
That's mainly in the inference ..how you perceive what is written
Maybe. So if someone says to you things like, "what don't you get about this?" Or "this isn't hard to understand." You don't think that's a sort of insulting way to speak to someone you are exchanging ideas with?
1 -
I'm in between. I like the honest truth but I like it served with salt, some like it with sugar and others with hot sauce.
Good point. But I guess since we can't possibly know how everyone likes to take their truth it is a good overall rule to at least not be outright rude or mean. Maybe the best words to be are civil and open-minded. I guess that's the point I'm trying to make
1 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
That's mainly in the inference ..how you perceive what is written
Maybe. So if someone says to you things like, "what don't you get about this?" Or "this isn't hard to understand." You don't think that's a sort of insulting way to speak to someone you are exchanging ideas with?
Nope, they are comments that I would infer are borne of frustration by my inability to either understand what they have written or frame a response adequately to convey my understanding and dismissal of their point
I could easily say what don't you get about the word "inference " you know...but that would be an irony too far3 -
I'm in between. I like the honest truth but I like it served with salt, some like it with sugar and others with hot sauce.
Good point. But I guess since we can't possibly know how everyone likes to take their truth it is a good overall rule to at least not be outright rude or mean. Maybe the best words to be are civil and open-minded. I guess that's the point I'm trying to make
i have said this quite a few times on here in the past, but you are never going to please all the people. And then we have the problem of reading in between the lines and coming up with all sorts. I just think its not worth taking things too seriously on here. Also take what you need and ignore the rest.4 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
This is in your perception, though. Hardly anyone on these boards is mean or belittling.
Honestly, I've seen a simple statement of facts set some people off because it was a truth they weren't ready to face.
This is a case of the world not accommodating everyone. It's not the responsibility of people on the forums to walk on eggshells.
Basic civility should be observed, but we can't be held accountable for how every person takes every comment.
Well you've been lucky then that you've never been spoken to this way. But I've seen it done to myself and others. Or else I wouldn't feel a need to say something. It blows my mind and I can't believe some of the stuff I see on here. Which is a place to get help.
Like I mentioned upthread, if you see something that you personally feel is offensive/abusive report it to the mods.2 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
This is in your perception, though. Hardly anyone on these boards is mean or belittling.
Honestly, I've seen a simple statement of facts set some people off because it was a truth they weren't ready to face.
This is a case of the world not accommodating everyone. It's not the responsibility of people on the forums to walk on eggshells.
Basic civility should be observed, but we can't be held accountable for how every person takes every comment.
Well you've been lucky then that you've never been spoken to this way. But I've seen it done to myself and others. Or else I wouldn't feel a need to say something. It blows my mind and I can't believe some of the stuff I see on here. Which is a place to get help.
Like I mentioned upthread, if you see something that you personally feel is offensive/abusive report it to the mods.
You're right. Will do
0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »I'm in between. I like the honest truth but I like it served with salt, some like it with sugar and others with hot sauce.
Good point. But I guess since we can't possibly know how everyone likes to take their truth it is a good overall rule to at least not be outright rude or mean. Maybe the best words to be are civil and open-minded. I guess that's the point I'm trying to make
i have said this quite a few times on here in the past, but you are never going to please all the people. And then we have the problem of reading in between the lines and coming up with all sorts. I just think its not worth taking things too seriously on here. Also take what you need and ignore the rest.
You're right. It's why I left for a bit. Because I was taking people's behavior too seriously and I would leave the boards angry. It's good advice ya got there.
2 -
Not a drug. It's hyper palatable and easy to consume. But unlike another drugs, sugar is NEEDED in the body to create glycogen.Puppybear1 wrote: »Sugar is a drug. And just like alcoholics, some people have genetic predispositions for addiction, ie - diabetics. I have been preaching this topic for a week and fending off the shade I get for comparing sugar to drugs, but it IS a drug, or food companies wouldn't put it in practically everything! Kudos to the Enlightened!
If people can't handle not eating it all the time, that's a habitual issue, not a drug addiction issue.
Just addressing the bolded. No, sugar is not needed. It's just a more direct route to creating glycogen.
One can live their entire life without eating sugar.0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
I rarely see that level of 'attacking' here on MFP. And when it does occur, all you need do is report the post in question and let the mods decide.Offer help, but be nicer. Don't be insulting or make people feel stupid because they might not have your experiences, mindset, or views. You can state facts, if you know them to be that true, but don't be a prick about it by making statements like "what don't you understand?" Or "this isn't hard to get."
And the issue becomes one of what, precisely, does "be nicer" actually mean? Because that is entirely open to each member's interpretation based on their knowledge, experience and personal style. Your definition of 'nicer' may - to me - come across as panderingly insincere and nauseatingly indirect and unhelpful, or vice-versa.
And for the majority of OPs that start a thread and then never return, I suspect they may have only done so in order to receive validation - to hear their opinions in a different voice - and that having their premise turn out to be misguided is something they are just not ready to either hear or deal with. So they abandon the thread, which is entirely their choice to do.
But for every person who starts such a thread, there are dozens of people that are merely lurking and learning, and may be ready to absorb the information that was generously offered to an unreceptive OP.
Yes absolutely this
I bristle at sycophants
I react well to straight-shooters
If this place had been nicey-nice I would not have succeeded in losing and maintaining loss but would have held on to my confusing beliefs, my fads and rules
Nope all hail those who told it like it is
Made the difference
There is a difference between being sickeningly sweet and stating a opinion in an insulting way. No one wants to be made to feel stupid or insulted by someone who THINK they know best and state it as such. You can be a straight shooter without being mean or belittling
That's mainly in the inference ..how you perceive what is written
Maybe. So if someone says to you things like, "what don't you get about this?" Or "this isn't hard to understand." You don't think that's a sort of insulting way to speak to someone you are exchanging ideas with?
Nope, they are comments that I would infer are borne of frustration by my inability to either understand what they have written or frame a response adequately to convey my understanding and dismissal of their point
I could easily say what don't you get about the word "inference " you know...but that would be an irony too far
But couldn't that argument then be used for any time someone insults you or calls you a name? Then would anything ever be "insulting"? So it's never the fault of the person being insulting? It's the fault of the person being insulted if they choose to take it that way? Sorry but I dont buy that and respectfully disagree.
2 -
singingflutelady wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »Did you see that thread where a woman's husband thought she was ungrateful because he sabatoged her with chocolates and she asked advice on how to make this boundary clear to him and she was demoralized to the point that she hasn't been back on by people telling her she should thank him for chocolates and have willpower?!?!?! RAGE
He didn't sabotage her though. This is where personal responsibility comes in. He didn't force feed them to her. She chose to eat them. You seem to think she is totally helpless and a victim. That's more damaging to her psyche than pointing out that she has the power to stand up and say no and have other options. I guess you blame stores and fast food restaurants for sabotaging people? As I said earlier the victim mindset is so rampant that it is sickening. Quit being a victim and blaming everyone else. Nothing will change until you stop doing that. How will you ever lose weight or whatever if it's never your fault and totally out of your control.
I think that way about most addictions, or those with addiction-like issues, starts. It (addiction or addiction like issues) usually starts with some bad decisions: choosing to drink too much or too often, or choosing to try drugs and hard drugs, choosing to eat a diet high in nutrionally poor high sugar (junk) foods. It all starts with bad choices, although some may be ignorant of their choices or just have a sense of misplaced personal indestructibility (one isn't going to hut, and if one doesn't hurt then a few more won't hurt either - playing the odds).0
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