Dating and dieting
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kshama2001 wrote: »
Don't let it stress you now though. It can be fun, it can be horrible, and yes some thought goes into dieting around it. But, you don't NEED to go on 3 dates per week. When you're ready, you can go on as many or as little as you want
The biggest problem for me now is where does a 40 year old woman go to meet men that are single, intelligent, educated, working and relatively attractive? I am working on me, and if a "he" comes along, I'm willing to try!
I tried a variety of online date sites and liked OKCupid best. I did get more replies when my age was listed as 39 but I believe the quality improved once I hit 40.
I met my husband on eHarmony (at age 33); we were both paying members; eHarmony is set up that you really can't do much unless you pay; basically, "free trial" is just to see if they have any matches for you. My sister met her partner on PlentyofFish (also when she was in her early-to-mid thirties).1 -
CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.3 -
acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.1 -
Also, I am very jealous OP that you have so many guys interested you are going out more than once a week. I haven't had a date in FOREVER!! So . . . if anyone knows anyone
lol 1 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.
How you doin? lol 0 -
Gallowmere1984 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.
Seriously? Been a while?
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Gallowmere1984 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »CafeRacer808 wrote: »JaydedMiss wrote: »Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »hmm.. Maybe i just suck with dating, but i dont know how youre meeting these guys in order to set up dates, maybe its online.. but.. maybe talk to them a while first? i couldn't imagine going out with every guy only to find out he's a complete pointless date i dont want to meet a second time.. i mean thats not to say that guys ive spent time talking to ALL worked out either, but there was a few i did date for a few months before i met the guy i am with now.... you gotta weigh your options here, take your time, chat and try and meet higher quality, and easily work the dates better into your routine.. if youre not willing to just eat less, drink less and make it fit so you can keep dating several times a week, then i dont know what to tell you, sorry
People online lie. They all seem like prince charmings (besides the obvious filth on dating sites) The only way to really weigh a guy out is to meet him.
Hate to suggest it because i HATE doing this but maybe coffee dates? I find them weird and awkward myself but they seem to work for many
They are weird for me too lol. I'm like...no. I can't do that. I have had a long *kitten* week and I don't want to be seen in the sunlight right now.
Offering a male perspective on this: Coffee dates are terribly awkward! They're hard to dress for (you want to be casual, but too casual doesn't always work when you're trying to impress, but you also don't want to be that guy who overdressed for coffee), coffee shops are generally crowded and the tables are usually really close together (meaning everyone around you knows immediately that you're on a first date), coffee breath isn't pleasant, and being caffeinated throws me off my game.
I totally get why they're kind of awkward however I don't drink, so sometimes it's an alternative. I always feel awkward if someone suggests meeting for a drink and I'm like well, sure but I'll just have an iced tea lol. I try to suggest other things . . . like there was a guy I met online a while ago who also had a dog, so we took our dogs on a walk through a local park. It didn't work out, but he was a nice guy and it was a fun evening.
I am more concerned that said male is worried about these things. Bish, I am showing up in my Born of Osiris shirt and jeans. If you don't like them now, you won't like it in six months, and I'm not getting rid of them. I don't plan on being close enough to someone I just met to worry about coffee breath. Lastly, if I need to worry about being "on my game", this is clearly a waste of my time.
Seriously? Been a while?
Nope. I've always been that way. I don't ever, under any circumstances try to pretend to be anything that I am not. I question the T levels of any man who feels compelled to doll himself up for someone. I may or may not even shave first, depending upon how few *kitten* I give that day.
ETA: when I go on a date, I am interested in meeting a person, not some odd facsimile thereof. If the other person does not have the same ambition, it wouldn't last long anyway. When a date is more like a job interview, it's not worth the trouble.1 -
I am having a hard time understanding your goals. Why do you want to look for a partner by following habits you don't want to follow "in real life"? Will you really find a suitable partner who will support your goals and share your lifestyle by doing that? I agree that you want to celebrate your newly developed body. Do you want a guy who is mainly interested in your new fabulous sexy body? There are lots of avenues for dating these days, have you considered online dating where you can set up a profile and find someone who shares your goals?
As far as eating, have your whiskey and tacos as often as you can fit them into your calorie & macro goals. Make them part of your plan and know how much you can have each week, along with other foods to keep you within your goal and macro nutrition. This is not going to change after you meet someone. I would encourage you to stay in control of your life and eating and think over your plan. If you can't handle it for one week of dating, what are you going to do the rest of your life? I don't mean that in a bad way, just a little wake up nudge. Just read the dozens of threads from people who've gained it back umpteen times. What is YOUR plan so this doesn't happen to you?1 -
rchlthompson wrote: »I guess I should be more specific and less facetious. Typical dating involves food that is not in my normal catalog and drinks than I would not typically have. I understand it's easy to say "just don't do it" and I understand and respect that to a degree. However, I'm trying to fit in real life with my real life struggle to lose the last 20 pounds. My problem comes in is with the gray line. I can do this once a week, and that's OK. Problem is I have three or four dates a week and it's becoming excessive and impossible to lose the weight that I want.
What's more important to you?0 -
Wow miss popular jk jk. Yeah I feel you. Free food/drinks led to weight gain for me. Enjoy yourself occasionally though. Going on a date is supposed to be fun. Maybe eat light of if fast before. Take half home or order lighter drinks. Get veggies with ur steak. Or have an active date like a trampoline park sometimes. Look at your weekly macro and try to fit things it. But diet is long term thing to keep the results and not gain it back. Gotta balance things and fit it to your goals and lifestyle. 1
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NorthCascades wrote: »rchlthompson wrote: »I guess I should be more specific and less facetious. Typical dating involves food that is not in my normal catalog and drinks than I would not typically have. I understand it's easy to say "just don't do it" and I understand and respect that to a degree. However, I'm trying to fit in real life with my real life struggle to lose the last 20 pounds. My problem comes in is with the gray line. I can do this once a week, and that's OK. Problem is I have three or four dates a week and it's becoming excessive and impossible to lose the weight that I want.
What's more important to you?
They are both important.
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Check online for restaurant's calorie counts - write down a few on your phone that sound good and then you can decide when you get to the restaurant. There are things that are healthy but also will not make you look like a "salad and water girl"
i.e. cheeseburger, sandwich, rice bowl.
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But also in my opinion, get the salad and water if you want it!
There's nothing wrong with looking like a girl who watches her figure and cares about eating healthily.1 -
I absolutely hate going to restaurants on first dates because I feel stuck. If 5 minutes after we sit down I realize he is not going to work I can't leave. Instead I prefer to do dates at museums, mini golf, an art gallery, hiking, or even a bar with a good menu and a pool table it's too much pressure just sitting and eating especially if the food is wring and I have to send it back. Don't limit yourself to dinner if you are going on multiple dates a week do something fun, one of the bars in my town even does an an art class/tasting bi-weekly.1
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I'd say at this point your best option is just to shoot for maintenance. I'm pretty sure I'd have issue losing weight eating out and drinking 3-4 nights per week...I could maintain for sure, but I don't think I could cut weight doing that.
Married, so haven't dated in awhile, but dinner and drink dates were always my least favorite kind of dates...I always found them to be so awkward and borderline fake. I always liked doing something...my wife and I's first date was taking the Tram to the top of the Sandia Mountains and hiking around for a few hours...we weren't stuck awkwardly staring at each other and making small talk to break up silence...we hiked around, talked, joked around, laughed, etc. We wore appropriate hiking gear so we didn't look all fake and made up...got sweaty, and decided we had such a good time that it warranted a stop at the restaurant on top of the mountain for some suds.6 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »I'd say at this point your best option is just to shoot for maintenance. I'm pretty sure I'd have issue losing weight eating out and drinking 3-4 nights per week...I could maintain for sure, but I don't think I could cut weight doing that.
Married, so haven't dated in awhile, but dinner and drink dates were always my least favorite kind of dates...I always found them to be so awkward and borderline fake. I always liked doing something...my wife and I's first date was taking the Tram to the top of the Sandia Mountains and hiking around for a few hours...we weren't stuck awkwardly staring at each other and making small talk to break up silence...we hiked around, talked, joked around, laughed, etc. We wore appropriate hiking gear so we didn't look all fake and made up...got sweaty, and decided we had such a good time that it warranted a stop at the restaurant on top of the mountain for some suds.
Now that's what I'm talking about. Can't blame you for hitching up with that kind of lady.2 -
I am having a hard time understanding your goals. Why do you want to look for a partner by following habits you don't want to follow "in real life"? Will you really find a suitable partner who will support your goals and share your lifestyle by doing that? I agree that you want to celebrate your newly developed body. Do you want a guy who is mainly interested in your new fabulous sexy body? There are lots of avenues for dating these days, have you considered online dating where you can set up a profile and find someone who shares your goals?
As far as eating, have your whiskey and tacos as often as you can fit them into your calorie & macro goals. Make them part of your plan and know how much you can have each week, along with other foods to keep you within your goal and macro nutrition. This is not going to change after you meet someone. I would encourage you to stay in control of your life and eating and think over your plan. If you can't handle it for one week of dating, what are you going to do the rest of your life? I don't mean that in a bad way, just a little wake up nudge. Just read the dozens of threads from people who've gained it back umpteen times. What is YOUR plan so this doesn't happen to you?
The OP may be in sort of a catch 22 as she said she is not going out with the same person on each date. On Tuesday the guy that takes her for tacos and whiskey may be extremely health conscious and that is the only night of the week he eats like that. However, on Thursday she goes out with someone else and has the tacos and whiskey again. Same thing on Friday, etc.2 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »I'd say at this point your best option is just to shoot for maintenance. I'm pretty sure I'd have issue losing weight eating out and drinking 3-4 nights per week...I could maintain for sure, but I don't think I could cut weight doing that.
Married, so haven't dated in awhile, but dinner and drink dates were always my least favorite kind of dates...I always found them to be so awkward and borderline fake. I always liked doing something...my wife and I's first date was taking the Tram to the top of the Sandia Mountains and hiking around for a few hours...we weren't stuck awkwardly staring at each other and making small talk to break up silence...we hiked around, talked, joked around, laughed, etc. We wore appropriate hiking gear so we didn't look all fake and made up...got sweaty, and decided we had such a good time that it warranted a stop at the restaurant on top of the mountain for some suds.
I've been with my boyfriend 4 years and our first date was hiking and we had so much fun we went for ice cream and then dinner and then a bar. Doing something makes me feel like I'm not under a microscope lol.1 -
Packerjohn wrote: »I am having a hard time understanding your goals. Why do you want to look for a partner by following habits you don't want to follow "in real life"? Will you really find a suitable partner who will support your goals and share your lifestyle by doing that? I agree that you want to celebrate your newly developed body. Do you want a guy who is mainly interested in your new fabulous sexy body? There are lots of avenues for dating these days, have you considered online dating where you can set up a profile and find someone who shares your goals?
As far as eating, have your whiskey and tacos as often as you can fit them into your calorie & macro goals. Make them part of your plan and know how much you can have each week, along with other foods to keep you within your goal and macro nutrition. This is not going to change after you meet someone. I would encourage you to stay in control of your life and eating and think over your plan. If you can't handle it for one week of dating, what are you going to do the rest of your life? I don't mean that in a bad way, just a little wake up nudge. Just read the dozens of threads from people who've gained it back umpteen times. What is YOUR plan so this doesn't happen to you?
The OP may be in sort of a catch 22 as she said she is not going out with the same person on each date. On Tuesday the guy that takes her for tacos and whiskey may be extremely health conscious and that is the only night of the week he eats like that. However, on Thursday she goes out with someone else and has the tacos and whiskey again. Same thing on Friday, etc.
Yes, this is pretty accurate. I'm down to one guy, but I had 7 dates in 10 days. Not all of them were dinner and drinks, some more coffee, but I over ate/drank. Just looking for solutions moving forward.
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Someone probably already said this, but... When you agree on where to meet/eat, do a quick google search and plan your meal/drinks ahead of time.1
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