I have a broken heart...

swagoner94

This isn't a joke.

I don't need any discouraging comments. This is predominantly a medium I'm utilizing for the purpose of venting.

I'm a woman of faith (just lost 85% of you). I have cherished the sanctity of marriage all my life (a whopping 18, almost 19 years of life), I hardly even talked to boys! Rarely even hugged then. Certainly never even kissed one. I know in our day and age this is super rare. But growing up in my Christian home and church, I knew men personally who held these same standards. I wanted to give ALL both emotionally and physically to ONE individual ever! I knew that maybe it'd be hard to find a guy who shared these convictions or who remained obedient to God's Word (now i lost another 10%)... Like I said, I know guys who do. I prayed for my future spouse to remain pure... but I knew that even if he wasn't, I'd forgive him (because it is my belief that God intended for all that physical stuff, and your body, to belong to your future spouse...)

Well, here I am. First boyfriend ever. Love him to death. He has done every darn dirty thing a person could possibly do!!! I've had such a hard time moving on. My heart is broken! When I begin moving on, I find out some other dirty thing he has done, or SOMETHING! My heart is constantly breaking and today was the most painful day. I'm venting here because IT HAS RELEVANCY TO FITNESS. His ex gf.... well her body is nicer than mine. I shouldn't care, but it's taken me over. I'm obsessed with looking better than her. Her face... in my opinion... is not cute.... sorry. But guys are physical. He has seen and fooled around with this girls body!!!! I'M SO DISCONTENT! I'm soooo broken! I know this sounds ridiculous! again, i'm just venting. I need to look better than her It hurts soo bad



ok. bye. please don't be mean to me. i can't take that right now. if you think i'm psycho... just think i'm psycho and don't vocalize it. k bye.

lilylana

I totally respect your beliefs- that being said, the fact that he's done things with other girls doesn't mean he loves you any less. It's understandable to feel jealous and inadequate compared to other beautiful girls (I think we all feel it at some point or another), but it's something you have to push out of your mind. I helped my own self-esteem a lottt by forcing myself to think more positively and not beating myself up.

Addis_Daddy12

You young ladies are only 18....live life a little. don't get so caught up in him and her BS. I made that same mistake when I was your age. I think I still pay for it sometimes to this day.

BrainyBurro

This isn't a joke.

I don't need any discouraging comments. This is predominantly a medium I'm utilizing for the purpose of venting.

I'm a woman of faith (just lost 85% of you). I have cherished the sanctity of marriage all my life (a whopping 18, almost 19 years of life), I hardly even talked to boys! Rarely even hugged then. Certainly never even kissed one. I know in our day and age this is super rare. But growing up in my Christian home and church, I knew men personally who held these same standards. I wanted to give ALL both emotionally and physically to ONE individual ever! I knew that maybe it'd be hard to find a guy who shared these convictions or who remained obedient to God's Word (now i lost another 10%)... Like I said, I know guys who do. I prayed for my future spouse to remain pure... but I knew that even if he wasn't, I'd forgive him (because it is my belief that God intended for all that physical stuff, and your body, to belong to your future spouse...)

Well, here I am. First boyfriend ever. Love him to death. He has done every darn dirty thing a person could possibly do!!! I've had such a hard time moving on. My heart is broken! When I begin moving on, I find out some other dirty thing he has done, or SOMETHING! My heart is constantly breaking and today was the most painful day. I'm venting here because IT HAS RELEVANCY TO FITNESS. His ex gf.... well her body is nicer than mine. I shouldn't care, but it's taken me over. I'm obsessed with looking better than her. Her face... in my opinion... is not cute.... sorry. But guys are physical. He has seen and fooled around with this girls body!!!! I'M SO DISCONTENT! I'm soooo broken! I know this sounds ridiculous! again, i'm just venting. I need to look better than her It hurts soo bad



ok. bye. please don't be mean to me. i can't take that right now. if you think i'm psycho... just think i'm psycho and don't vocalize it. k bye.

you're not psycho, you're young.

what you are lacking is experience. i don't mean with sex. i mean with relationships. that comes with time and age.

don't compare yourself to other women. it's a game you can't win. there will always be some area where you will fall short in comparison to somebody else. instead focus on how she falls short of you. be confident in what you have to offer your bf.

that's the best advice i can give you.

walleyclan1

I just had to reply because I had a similar situation. I was a virgin when I got married but my husband was a slut prior to us getting together. He had very few actual relationships but lots of physical relationships. He stayed with a girl just long enough to get her to sleep with him then he found a way out. The first thing I had to do was resolve that I was not going to let his past behaviors change the image I had of the man he is. The second thing I had to do was stop comparing myself to the other girls. I reminded myself that while he may have slept with lots of other women, he dropped them shortly thereafter. With me, he respected my beliefs and loved me enough to be celibate through three years of dating. He cooked for me, would take me on creative dates to the playground to swing when he was broke, would bring me soup and ice cream when I was sick....things he would have never done for those other girls. He CHOSE me! Even if I couldn't fully understand it, he saw me as the love of his life and he forgot those other girls. Then after we were married and began having a sexual relationship, I then struggled with worrying that he wasn't happy with me, he thought so and so was better in bed, he wished I would do that thing so and so would do. But I realized that was all in my head. He loves me and cherishes me and loved the relationship (physical and otherwise) that we have built together.

walleyclan1

And just for the record you are a beautiful girl. Have you noticed that when you see a hot guy being a jerk you all of a sudden don't think he is so hot. And when you see an average guy with a beautiful heart, all of a sudden he looks way hotter. That should be how it is with your husband. He is going to love what is inside so much that in his mind you are going to be the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. He will fail to see any flaws (as long as you don't feel the need to point them out) and in his mind there will be no comparison between you and any other girl he has ever know.

shutupandlift13

Just because a guy finds other women attractive, doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive or finds you less attractive. You can't compare yourself to the people in his past or even other women currently. He is with you for a reason and has moved on from any other women he's dated because he wants to date you. Do you think that maybe his past relationship played out in a manner that he isn't very happy with and that maybe he's glad to be in the type of relationship that you two have rather than ones he's had in the past?

It can be easy to get caught up in his past and your current insecurities but the best thing you can do is to focus on the present. Continue to workout and eat well, but do it for yourself and maintaining your health. He will respect that and your self-confidence more than you may ever realize.

swagoner94

And just for the record you are a beautiful girl. Have you noticed that when you see a hot guy being a jerk you all of a sudden don't think he is so hot. And when you see an average guy with a beautiful heart, all of a sudden he looks way hotter. That should be how it is with your husband. He is going to love what is inside so much that in his mind you are going to be the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. He will fail to see any flaws (as long as you don't feel the need to point them out) and in his mind there will be no comparison between you and any other girl he has ever know.

This was very encouraging... thank you so much. I've been dying to hear from someone in a similar situation.I definitely struggle with comparison... will i be better at this or that... or sometimes i worry he thinks back to those times in his past or something. idk. he was with his ex for 10 months. I just don't want to be another "her". idk. it's been rough


...and to people saying i'm young and lack experience. I AM young... but I'm not retarded. What's the point of recreational dating??? I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in searching for my future spouse... I can figure that out by being friends with someone and seeing their attributes. I don't need to date around.

lilylana

You young ladies are only 18....live life a little. don't get so caught up in him and her BS. I made that same mistake when I was your age. I think I still pay for it sometimes to this day.

I know /: I wasted the past half year with a guy who's extremely Christian, but practically has a split personality. It's almost like part of him is empty. Selfish, manipulative, lying... I get plenty of creeps, but the difference was he actually fooled me at first and I wanted him and cared about him. I lost a few friends because of him. *sigh* what a waste.

What age would you guys say you can start to trust men a little more? I feel like it's impossible right now.

swagoner94

Just because a guy finds other women attractive, doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive or finds you less attractive. You can't compare yourself to the people in his past or even other women currently. He is with you for a reason and has moved on from any other women he's dated because he wants to date you. Do you think that maybe his past relationship played out in a manner that he isn't very happy with and that maybe he's glad to be in the type of relationship that you two have rather than ones he's had in the past?

It can be easy to get caught up in his past and your current insecurities but the best thing you can do is to focus on the present. Continue to workout and eat well, but do it for yourself and maintaining your health. He will respect that and your self-confidence more than you may ever realize.

Thanks. another issue of mine... working out and eating right for the right reasons. Not going to lie... a lot of it is the desire to be the best body he has seen.. he has seen more than just his ex

dessertlover27

It's normal to feel inadequate when we compare ourselves with other people, like the other poster said. We all have days like that. But the thing is, you can't go through life always feeling like that. The only person you should try to beat is yourself. To be a better person than you were yesterday.

Anyway, just because he has done things with other girls, doesn't mean he can't commit to you right now. And he's with you and not her.

And I am going to echo what the others said, you're still young. This may feel like the end of the world, but it's not.

So, trust in yourself a little (and him, too) and let this go.

Ps: Not trying to be mean, but maybe this thread is better suited in the motivation forum? Because some people might drive it towards a direction where you don't want it to go later.

ron2e

I do feel so sorry for you, and this exhibits the problem I have with religion (not faith which is a different thing) in my opinion which puts high expectations of purity at its root, in total denial of human nature or what it likes to call 'the sins of the flesh'. I can't offer you any solution that doesn't affect that portion of your beliefs linked to your religion other than to suggest you turn the other cheek and forgive your bf and don't make the mistake of envying his ex. She is his ex which should tell you everything you need to know. Good luck I hope it works out for you.

RunMyOregonBunsOff

Just remember that it is your opinion that her body is better than yours. Unless he has said otherwise, it is quite likely that he finds your body more attractive than hers. We as women compare and pick apart our bodies and looks as a whole. We see our flaws while not seeing as many in other women. Not to mention that every man has his own view of what is attractive. I have known plenty of men in the "I like a little meat or even chub on a girl" category as well as some in the "I like them super tiny without and ounce of fat on them' group. There don't seem to be as many in the latter club though.

I personally suggest that you pray about it. Take time to tell God how you feel and ask for his help. Ask for help knowing if this is the right man for you and wait for an answer. If you feel that peaceful feeling letting you know that he is worthy of you and right for you, then ask for His aide in looking past his mistakes. Pray that you can focus on building a strong relationship and stop comparing yourself to his ex. You are going to be fine.

shutupandlift13

You young ladies are only 18....live life a little. don't get so caught up in him and her BS. I made that same mistake when I was your age. I think I still pay for it sometimes to this day.

I know /: I wasted the past half year with a guy who's extremely Christian, but practically has a split personality. It's almost like part of him is empty. Selfish, manipulative, lying... I get plenty of creeps, but the difference was he actually fooled me at first and I wanted him and cared about him. I lost a few friends because of him. *sigh* what a waste.

What age would you guys say you can start to trust men a little more? I feel like it's impossible right now.

You trust people by getting to know them so if you are unsure about someone take things slow. Most men... er... boys your age are extremely immature and most are very physically focused. Its the unfortunate truth.

If you focus on bettering yourself and reaching your goals, there will be someone that will respect and appreciate that and love you for that too. And don't be pressured into anything you don't feel comfortable with. If you're feeling pressured or pushed into something, then he's just not the right guy for you and you shouldn't waste your time with him. There will be someone that respects your beliefs, limits and outlook on dating.

whierd

You sure have put a lot of pressure on yourself to follow ideals that you have barely put into practice yet.

You're young, you still have a lot to experience.

swagoner94

I do feel so sorry for you, and this exhibits the problem I have with religion (not faith which is a different thing) in my opinion which puts high expectations of purity at its root, in total denial of human nature or what it likes to call 'the sins of the flesh'. I can't offer you any solution that doesn't affect that portion of your beliefs linked to your religion other than to suggest you turn the other cheek and forgive your bf and don't make the mistake of envying his ex. She is his ex which should tell you everything you need to know. Good luck I hope it works out for you.

I really respect how this was worded as someone who isn't a fan of religions. (not sure what you mean about the difference between the two.. like, i hate saying religion or that i'm religious because it sounds so systematic and corrupt.. which it is. I say faith.). But anyways. thank you.

Addis_Daddy12

You young ladies are only 18....live life a little. don't get so caught up in him and her BS. I made that same mistake when I was your age. I think I still pay for it sometimes to this day.

I know /: I wasted the past half year with a guy who's extremely Christian, but practically has a split personality. It's almost like part of him is empty. Selfish, manipulative, lying... I get plenty of creeps, but the difference was he actually fooled me at first and I wanted him and cared about him. I lost a few friends because of him. *sigh* what a waste.

What age would you guys say you can start to trust men a little more? I feel like it's impossible right now.

You can never really truly completely trust a man. Human nature just isn't a trustworthy thing. You can find ones that can be trusted more than others, but it is in human nature to be deceitful. Just don't get too serious at 18. I got married at 21 and made that last for 3 years before I realized I made a mistake, and then the 3 more years before I realized I couldn't fix the mistake. I say at the earliest I would have put off getting married until at least my later 20's

astartig

desiderata - by max ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

Markguns

No you're not a psycho! Love makes everyone crazy when you're betrayed by someone you loved. Why do you think there is so much literature, art, and music devoted to it? THIS TOO SHALL PASS ... take the motivation and make it work for you. Work out to please yourself, forget about her. He's gone, you just want him to see you in a year an say damn I wish I'd been good to her... eat it buddy! . :bigsmile: Most guys are just too single mined & immature when it comes to women at that age, it's a wonder some even survive...! You are learning form your relationships now take the good throw away the bad. Don't let this ruin you for the next guy just be more diligent and reasonably cautious with the next one. In the end you will have to trust someone again... Just remember when someone loves you, they love all of you. " Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". You look gorgeous and very sweet. I know you'll find someone who appreciate you for you.

whierd

You young ladies are only 18....live life a little. don't get so caught up in him and her BS. I made that same mistake when I was your age. I think I still pay for it sometimes to this day.

I know /: I wasted the past half year with a guy who's extremely Christian, but practically has a split personality. It's almost like part of him is empty. Selfish, manipulative, lying... I get plenty of creeps, but the difference was he actually fooled me at first and I wanted him and cared about him. I lost a few friends because of him. *sigh* what a waste.

What age would you guys say you can start to trust men a little more? I feel like it's impossible right now.

You can never really truly completely trust a man. Human nature just isn't a trustworthy thing. You can find ones that can be trusted more than others, but it is in human nature to be deceitful. Just don't get too serious at 18. I got married at 21 and made that last for 3 years before I realized I made a mistake, and then the 3 more years before I realized I couldn't fix the mistake. I say at the earliest I would have put off getting married until at least my later 20's

This is disgustingly cynical.

Addis_Daddy12

yes it is ... I mean it goes all the way back to Biblical times. Eve tried to deceive the Lord along with Adam by eating the fruit from the Tree of Life. Even at our beginnings, we as humans were not even trustworthy to God. How can we expect to be trustworthy to each other 100% of the time?? I did not say that there were not people I trusted in my life, but I am sure even the closest people in my circle have deceived me if only just once and only for something small.