I have a broken heart...

whierd

wow the haters are running deep tonight aren't they? Rush is an idiot....so is Michael Savage...I am not that politically motivated actually. I just don't think people can necessarily be trusted in general

You have very thin skin. No one has hated on you yet. I even said the beer show was cool.

Addis_Daddy12

well we didn't necessarily get off on the right foot....I was more directing it towards the comment about Rush Limbaughish rants after it was established pretty much that it was a beer show

dessertlover27

Should I start doing this?

emlott88

It sounds like this is a major deal breaker for you. I know that right now, you see it as not wanting to waste time, that you want to find your one true love.

Honestly, I understand. I think most women understand. At 18 I really thought the boy I met was 'the one'. Well since that 'one', I dated many, many other men. And now, at 25, I truly am married to 'the one', who I adore with all of my heart and soul.

We are not religious, I did not wait for my husband. He did not wait for me. That doesn't mean that this doesn't come up sometimes (and actually, I'm not religious but sometimes my husband's past DOES hurt and DOES make me insecure, or angry!) but I'm not going to have us punish each other for experiencing life and having fun while we were young.

Do you love your boyfriend? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Can you truly forgive him? Now, is the true problem that you are struggling with sexuality? (No, this is NOT weird). There is a big difference between having sex, and making love. Are you worried that he was 'making love' rather than having sex? Are you more jealous of the intimacy that he has shared with someone else, rather than the actual act? Sometimes that's what I get more upset about, so I understand.

Anyway, have a think about what is important to you. As you get older, it will become more and more difficult to find someone 'pure' - but in the same instance, it will also become more difficult for men to find someone pure to. Your one is out there. If you can't handle this, then you need to get back out there and searching for your one.

uhhhh the "making love" vs, "having sex" comment... NAILED IT. yes. that's a huge part of what hurts me. and I know that I'm young, but I believe he is my "one"... and I'm so upset that I'm potentially ruining it, because i can't let this go! this has been going on for MONTHS. it haunts me every day. I so bad want to let it go completely. I do love him. I do want to spend forever with him. but as for the forgiveness part... i feel like that's something i don't do one time and it covers forever... it is something i have to constantly be doing. constantly forgiving him for it. sometimes i do... sometimes i don't....

Oh girl, that is normal! Maybe from a Christian sense it may be more difficult to reconcile forgiveness periodically versus forgiveness completely, but it's normal to feel hurt and have to forgive over and over again. Eventually, once you are married and with him, you will forget about it. Sure, it might hit you briefly, and cause a little anguish, but because you'll be sharing in those 'activities' with him, it won't hurt as much anymore. Because you're the one that he wanted forever!

Now, it's huge that he even told you! It's a big deal. It means he is honest. If he's still with you and accepting of the fact that you guys aren't even hugging/kissing etc. then that means he cares about you a huge deal. It's easy to hold out as a virgin- it's a whole lot more difficult to hold out when you know what it's all about and how good it is!

Have you talked about marriage? Are you headed on the same path in that direction? I was sick of wasting my time with men, so I put it on the table with my now-husband on the second date. (Yeah guys - crazy alert here!). He understood. I just had been with someone for 4 years who turned out never wanted to get married! So I told him that wasn't what I was like, and that I wanted to be married 'at some point in the future'. Funnily enough, that point in the future was 10 months later (Yup, we were crazy, but it worked!)

lydiamacklin

Girl....I know you are hurting. However, be glad you found out now what a jerk he is instead of 20 years from now. God did for you what you could not do for yourself, in time you will be thankful. We are so much more than our outward appearance. Remember, man looks at the outside, God looks at your heart. Remember, He promises us a future and hope. Hold your head high and spit in their eye by being happy. Time and space heals all kinds of wounds. You probably won't remember his name a year from now. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.



Lydia

Addis_Daddy12

How we all of a sudden go back to being so serious from having cool gif wars and talking trash?

ron2e

Why don't we turn this into a musical thread. The girl done sing well

Addis_Daddy12

Ok I will go and get my Fender and the Crate amp and we will just turn on the distortion pedal and drown all this seriousness out

ron2e

Picking up my Strat and Hot Rod amp as we speak............................

umieto

Picking up my Strat and Hot Rod amp as we speak............................

Tamzynne

I read this post initially as you had a broken heart and were talking about an ex, then I re-read it and realised that you were talking about your existing partner and how you felt.

As you can see I don't always get it right - sometimes the only way to get to the other side of whatever is bothering me is to go through it.

I can't offer much advice, just a hug and a shoulder and if you have faith then trust that your God has not made you in error and that you are together with your partner at this time in your life to learn and grow and that might mean learning to deal with your partner's past in a healthy way for you. (I lost my my faith many many years ago now, yest I am lucky enough to still be with an amazing guy after 27 years).

Be you, follow your path and be healthy. Trust that you are a beautiful person and be kind to yourself too.

love & hugs Tamz

Fitscorcher

Hi,

I'm a Jehovah's Witness, I was brought up as one and decided it was a path I wanted to follow. My husband was brought up the same way and together that's how we are bringing up our 3 sons. We were both virgins when we married, I was 23 and my husband 24. We have been married nearly 18 years and although no marriage is without problems, we are still very happy and very much in love. There is nothing wrong in staying a virgin until you marry or wanting a spouse who has the same values. However, as a person with a strong faith in God and accepting the bible as Gods word you need to ask yourself what God's requirements are of you and of the person you want to be with. If the person has changed their ways and become a faithful follower of God then God offers forgiveness and so should we.

There is a lot to our beliefs and what God requires of us and it's not always easy to understand or follow what the Bible says. I don't want to preach on here because it could upset people but if you need a listening ear or a chat please feel free to message me. I'm not out to convert anyone, I just understand where you are coming from and has I have been there, I may be able to help. ;-)

danofthedead1979

hey, i wouldnt get too hung up on the fact that he had sex with his ex.(it rhymes! :glasses: )
Guys like sex, heck we all do. dare i say its human nature.
does he know how you feel? communication is always good, even if its an awkward conversation

auroranflash

desiderata - by max ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

love.

CakeFit21

I'm sorta confused.

You are saving yourself for marriage, (I'm not confused about that). You are upset that that he has had sex or whatever with someone else, yet you are obsessed with wanting YOUR body to be the best he has ever seen but is not allowed to touch?

One thing you haven't even touched on is your own insecurities and how overcome THEM. That is the first step in being able to handle what HE has done. That is the root of the problem. He has made his choices. Now you have to make yours. Is he the one or not? Can you handle the past or not? It's simple.

ETA: you have to ask yourself if you are enough of a grown up woman to be all he needs and can handle all he's done without punishing him for the rest of your relationship. My guess is right now you are not, but I think you will be one day.

delicious_cocktail

If you cannot get past his past, then you are not ready to decide that he is 'the one' for you.

If you grapple with making him the one for you, you will eventually look back and consider it a mistake. Successful relationships don't begin with nights spent worried and awake thinking about your partner's past. Being nauseated with concern is not the foundation of a good relationship.

An issue such as this, which concerns you this much, is not something that will just disappear unless you are the one who has a substantial philosophical shift.

The boy you know from high school may be the best fit for you in your current dating pool. When you move on to college or elsewhere, your pool will grow, and you will be able to find the right person for you. Don't go with Mr. Right Now.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

You young ladies are only 18....live life a little. don't get so caught up in him and her BS. I made that same mistake when I was your age. I think I still pay for it sometimes to this day.

I know /: I wasted the past half year with a guy who's extremely Christian, but practically has a split personality. It's almost like part of him is empty. Selfish, manipulative, lying... I get plenty of creeps, but the difference was he actually fooled me at first and I wanted him and cared about him. I lost a few friends because of him. *sigh* what a waste.

What age would you guys say you can start to trust men a little more? I feel like it's impossible right now.

You can never really truly completely trust a man. Human nature just isn't a trustworthy thing. You can find ones that can be trusted more than others, but it is in human nature to be deceitful. Just don't get too serious at 18. I got married at 21 and made that last for 3 years before I realized I made a mistake, and then the 3 more years before I realized I couldn't fix the mistake. I say at the earliest I would have put off getting married until at least my later 20's

uh, why can't you trust a man? That is quite the generalized statement. I actually know a few I trust completely.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

No you're not a psycho! Love makes everyone crazy when you're betrayed by someone you loved. Why do you think there is so much literature, art, and music devoted to it? THIS TOO SHALL PASS ... take the motivation and make it work for you. Work out to please yourself, forget about her. He's gone, you just want him to see you in a year an say damn I wish I'd been good to her... eat it buddy! . :bigsmile: Most guys are just too single mined & immature when it comes to women at that age, it's a wonder some even survive...! You are learning form your relationships now take the good throw away the bad. Don't let this ruin you for the next guy just be more diligent and reasonably cautious with the next one. In the end you will have to trust someone again... Just remember when someone loves you, they love all of you. " Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". You look gorgeous and very sweet. I know you'll find someone who appreciate you for you.

I'm not moving on just like that from this guy because of his past. He hasn't wronged me in such a great measure that I would leave him while with me. My issue is with being in shock, with the unexpected.. i didn't expect the guy I love to have been such a man slut.... and dealing with forgiving him for his past completely. I hate his past. It makes me seriously hate myself sometimes. That's my problem. thank you though. this was still nice to read

having fooled around with one girl who he was in a relationship with doesn't make him a man slut. You do know that, right?

onwarddownward

Age doesn't matter. I am 48. Still married to my husband, who cheated online with his ex-wife for THREE YEARS before I caught on. We have gone through counseling, we have talked, you name it, but last night when he didn't come up to bed until 2 am, I thought he was online with his ex. Still do.

When I came in yesterday from the gym and he wasn't in the house and then came in from the general direction of the hot neighbor next door, yeah, I thought he was visiting with her.

Still do.

The thing that I am getting at is this: Do you want to spend your life in doubt? Once trust is gone, it's damned hard to rebuild. My case may be unique, but it is real and it hurts. I know my husband is still heavily into porn.

And here's the kicker: it's not his fault. He's just a guy with a fat *kitten* wife. See how I turn it around to hate on myself? Do you want to live that way? Kick the cheater to the curb before you have kids and you feel stuck like I am.

oregonzoo

You are very very young. What you have to realize is that sometimes it takes kisssing(or in your case holding hands with) a bunch of frogs to find your prince.

Your values which I respect are not really what most in your age group have, so you are going to have to be a lot more selective.
I suggest perhaps dating exclusively within a church group or something of that nature? I can't imagine many more places you'd find a man as pure as what you are looking for.

The fact is I don't think you are mature enough to "find your husband" anybody who calls a guy who has fooled around with one woman a "male slut" then you really have issues that need to be examined. IMO .