I have a broken heart...
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So what has he done that's so dirty? Drug addict? Drug dealer? Sex with children? Verbal and physical abuse? If all you're complaining about is that he's a healthy and normal man who hasn't been living like a monk, well, welcome to reality. Don't expect any guy over 16 to be a virgin unless he's super repressed religious, in which case, run like hell, he'll be no fun anyway. It sounds like you're setting up unrealistic expectations. He's done nothing that he needs your "forgiveness" for!
THIS times infinity! I know one's religion may say that sex is dirty, but come on now!0 -
Mmmhmm0
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ok u all win. i suck. thread: over. have a nice day.
Oh hon, you don't suck. You are just a different person and have different values than most of the people here.
If this guy wants to be with you, and he's trully trying hard to be with you, than forgive him for his past mistakes.
If he doesn't wan to be with you or you can't forget his past and accept him the way he is, so forget him and move on.
God has a better plan for you. You'll find your love, you will love and will be loved.
Regarding some harsh comments here, please don't take them personally. Just agree to disagree and move on with your life
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I just want to say I'm so sorry you're going through this. Have you heard of loving kindness practice? This is the main thing that has helped me through times like this. It is not (initially) about forgiving the people who have hurt you, but about directing your mind toward kindness and gentleness with yourself. This practice is not religious and but is used by many people of faith.
The other thing I have to say is that as I got older, I accepted more and more than love was not about appearances. Appearances and beauty are transient - they fade. Real love can last beyond them. But it took time to accept and internalize that. Young women are given so many messages about hating their faces and bodies, and what you are going through is very common, so know that you are not alone and that many sisters out there are also struggling. Also, you deserve better than a man who values you primarily for how you look, and there are good men out there who care about who women are inside.
http://www.jackkornfield.com/2011/02/meditation-on-lovingkindness/0 -
Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......0
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Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up
Can you point us to anybody who even seems mean, insecure, or jealous? I didn't see a single post that seemed like any of those things.0 -
IT is okay get your motivation from where ever you can. do it for you not for anyone elese. guess what a better one that you deserve will come along. good luck and guess what I do not believe but I care about every living breathing thing. animals I do not eat I love. People I dont eat either joke. try to get you laughing. Good luck PEACE do not torment your self dear it shall pass. You look wonderful.0
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Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up
Can you point us to anybody who even seems mean, insecure, or jealous? I didn't see a single post that seemed like any of those things.
Except the OP...0 -
Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......
My husband? And LOTS of people have told her she was young and this was not the place and she assured us all she's not "retarded" (her words, not mine).0 -
I stopped reading about 5 pages in.
The issue here, I think, is that you are having a hard time letting his past go. I strongly suggest you talk to your pastor/preacher/deacon/ youth leader/ whatever adult you choose who is unbiased (not a parent). You feel as though you worked so hard to remain a virgin so that you could give him your whole self, and you are disappointed that he was unable to hold out for you. You maybe think that because he didn't hold out for you it means you aren't worth it? He didn't know you then. He didn't know what he was going to end up with.
We all sin. Think about how you would feel if he could not let go about something you had done in the past that was a sin. If you feel he is the right one, then get some counseling and talk it out. Alone, as a couple. You cannot have a healthy relationship if you are agonizing over his past everyday.
I married a man who was with a lot of women. I found out after I had fallen in love with him that 3 months before he met me he had just ended a 4 yr long relationship. 4 years, with one woman. I felt horrible at first.
It made it worse when he said the relationship was bad and he hated the last 3 years. If he stuck with someone he couldn't stand for that long, could I trust that he actually liked me and wasn't just sticking it out? I had to think about it alot. It bothered me that he had been with this woman for 4 years. But, in the end I realized it didn't didn't matter. I was putting my insecurities on him. I felt I wasn't good enough, not pretty enough, that I could never measure up because I had very little experience in the bedroom. I was afraid that he would judge me, or think I was bad, or that he might wish he was with someone else. But, that didn't happen. And because we had talked about it and worked out our issues, I can honestly say I did not think about ANY of that our first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it, it wasn't tainted by fear and doubt.
You need to talk to him and a third party and discuss your fears/concerns. If you cannot let it go, you should end the relationship. It isn't fair to him and wouldn't be fair to you if every day you think about this and feel terrible and judge him. Do you want your first time to be filled with anxiety, and doubt? I'm telling you, you do not want to be thinking about any of that when the time comes. You need to just be the 2 of you, not the two of you and all your doubts and fears. You won't be able to enjoy it. You aren't even fully enjoying your current relationship. You may think you do, but if you are constantly agonizing over this then you aren't. If you were fully appreciating everything you have it wouldn't cross your mind. You have realized the problem, which a big step. Now you need to decide if you want to work on fixing it or if you just want to end the relationship and wait for a man who has not had sex. The choice is totally yours.0 -
Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......
She asked, we gave. She is the one who is insecure and jealous of her BF's ex and wants to be better/prettier/slimmer/etc. than she is but can't get past the part that they had an intimate relationship.0 -
Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......
The same 18 year old girl who called her BF a man slut?0 -
Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......
My husband? And LOTS of people have told her she was young and this was not the place and she assured us all she's not "retarded" (her words, not mine).
Ah, to be 18 again......I think I was that neurotic, only I was doing dirty things too. lol0 -
I stopped reading about 5 pages in.
The issue here, I think, is that you are having a hard time letting his past go. I strongly suggest you talk to your pastor/preacher/deacon/ youth leader/ whatever adult you choose who is unbiased (not a parent). You feel as though you worked so hard to remain a virgin so that you could give him your whole self, and you are disappointed that he was unable to hold out for you. You maybe think that because he didn't hold out for you it means you aren't worth it? He didn't know you then. He didn't know what he was going to end up with.
We all sin. Think about how you would feel if he could not let go about something you had done in the past that was a sin. If you feel he is the right one, then get some counseling and talk it out. Alone, as a couple. You cannot have a healthy relationship if you are agonizing over his past everyday.
I married a man who was with a lot of women. I found out after I had fallen in love with him that 3 months before he met me he had just ended a 4 yr long relationship. 4 years, with one woman. I felt horrible at first.
It made it worse when he said the relationship was bad and he hated the last 3 years. If he stuck with someone he couldn't stand for that long, could I trust that he actually liked me and wasn't just sticking it out? I had to think about it alot. It bothered me that he had been with this woman for 4 years. But, in the end I realized it didn't didn't matter. I was putting my insecurities on him. I felt I wasn't good enough, not pretty enough, that I could never measure up because I had very little experience in the bedroom. I was afraid that he would judge me, or think I was bad, or that he might wish he was with someone else. But, that didn't happen. And because we had talked about it and worked out our issues, I can honestly say I did not think about ANY of that our first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it, it wasn't tainted by fear and doubt.
You need to talk to him and a third party and discuss your fears/concerns. If you cannot let it go, you should end the relationship. It isn't fair to him and wouldn't be fair to you if every day you think about this and feel terrible and judge him. Do you want your first time to be filled with anxiety, and doubt? I'm telling you, you do not want to be thinking about any of that when the time comes. You need to just be the 2 of you, not the two of you and all your doubts and fears. You won't be able to enjoy it. You aren't even fully enjoying your current relationship. You may think you do, but if you are constantly agonizing over this then you aren't. If you were fully appreciating everything you have it wouldn't cross your mind. You have realized the problem, which a big step. Now you need to decide if you want to work on fixing it or if you just want to end the relationship and wait for a man who has not had sex. The choice is totally yours.
This is very solid advice.0 -
Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......
She got butthurt because we gave her opinions that she didn't want to hear. Not our fault. This is why you don't go onto the internet for opinions if you don't want people to disagree with you.0 -
I stopped reading about 5 pages in.
The issue here, I think, is that you are having a hard time letting his past go. I strongly suggest you talk to your pastor/preacher/deacon/ youth leader/ whatever adult you choose who is unbiased (not a parent). You feel as though you worked so hard to remain a virgin so that you could give him your whole self, and you are disappointed that he was unable to hold out for you. You maybe think that because he didn't hold out for you it means you aren't worth it? He didn't know you then. He didn't know what he was going to end up with.
We all sin. Think about how you would feel if he could not let go about something you had done in the past that was a sin. If you feel he is the right one, then get some counseling and talk it out. Alone, as a couple. You cannot have a healthy relationship if you are agonizing over his past everyday.
I married a man who was with a lot of women. I found out after I had fallen in love with him that 3 months before he met me he had just ended a 4 yr long relationship. 4 years, with one woman. I felt horrible at first.
It made it worse when he said the relationship was bad and he hated the last 3 years. If he stuck with someone he couldn't stand for that long, could I trust that he actually liked me and wasn't just sticking it out? I had to think about it alot. It bothered me that he had been with this woman for 4 years. But, in the end I realized it didn't didn't matter. I was putting my insecurities on him. I felt I wasn't good enough, not pretty enough, that I could never measure up because I had very little experience in the bedroom. I was afraid that he would judge me, or think I was bad, or that he might wish he was with someone else. But, that didn't happen. And because we had talked about it and worked out our issues, I can honestly say I did not think about ANY of that our first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it, it wasn't tainted by fear and doubt.
You need to talk to him and a third party and discuss your fears/concerns. If you cannot let it go, you should end the relationship. It isn't fair to him and wouldn't be fair to you if every day you think about this and feel terrible and judge him. Do you want your first time to be filled with anxiety, and doubt? I'm telling you, you do not want to be thinking about any of that when the time comes. You need to just be the 2 of you, not the two of you and all your doubts and fears. You won't be able to enjoy it. You aren't even fully enjoying your current relationship. You may think you do, but if you are constantly agonizing over this then you aren't. If you were fully appreciating everything you have it wouldn't cross your mind. You have realized the problem, which a big step. Now you need to decide if you want to work on fixing it or if you just want to end the relationship and wait for a man who has not had sex. The choice is totally yours.
Thanks. Yeah, I've talked to some ladies from my church. I'm working on it. I'll be fine0 -
If the OP is still reading, my honest opinion is to worry about this after a few years of college when you've had to make a lot of decisions in the real world on your own, most likely completely outside of your white picket fence Christian sphere of influence. Its easy to say that this is the way you want to live when you've known nothing else. Its much harder to continue to practice these values and beliefs when you're not with mommy and daddy anymore and you are dealing with the influences of many different people around you. I think you need a little more real life under your belt before you can start casting stones at this guy for decisions he made long before he was in a committed relationship with you.
I only say this because I was you until about age 17 and I didn't even "fall away" from my precious Christian beliefs or lose my virginity or even kiss a boy at age 17. I just started to realize that most of the so called Christians I was surrounding myself with were the most hypocritical people I'd ever met, preaching 'Save it for Jesus!', while sleeping with every boyfriend they'd ever had, drinking underage, doing illegal drugs. And then I went to college and started to realize that not everyone has the same upbringing, people make mistakes or even just decisions in life, it is not your place to judge or forgive them in most cases for their past decisions.
And forgiveness isn't an ongoing thing, to me forgiveness is truly forgive and forget. If his past actions are going to influence EVERY SINGLE THING in your relationship, I feel sorry for him, he doesn't deserve that judgement and persecution from someone who supposedly loves him and wants to spend a long time with him... WHO HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG TO.0 -
Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......
She got butthurt because we gave her opinions that she didn't want to hear. Not our fault. This is why you don't go onto the internet for opinions if you don't want people to disagree with you.
not butt hurt about opinions... jokes about sucking penis isn't exactly relevant advice. And yet... I'M the immature one? ha. alright. cool dudes.0 -
Wow I just can't even with this thread.Girl....I know you are hurting. However, be glad you found out now what a jerk he is instead of 20 years from now. God did for you what you could not do for yourself, in time you will be thankful. We are so much more than our outward appearance. Remember, man looks at the outside, God looks at your heart. Remember, He promises us a future and hope. Hold your head high and spit in their eye by being happy. Time and space heals all kinds of wounds. You probably won't remember his name a year from now. Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
But THIS, what?? Dude is a normal person with a healthy sex drive, that makes him a jerk?? NO.I called him a man slut because he has done everything in the book. AND because he has done them with multiple people. I emphasize this one girl because he was with her for 10 months and did the most stuff with her. At one point I saw a text she had sent him reminding him of all the things he had promised her.... they happened to be EVERYTHING he says to me.
That does not make him a slut either. You are young and judgmental, understandable. I'd love to see your opinion on this in 5 years, I can pretty much guarantee that this guy isn't "the one" and that you will encounter many more "man sluts" in the years to come - should probably get used to it instead of judging.I love him. I'm frustrated he didn't wait for me when i waited for him.
Maybe he was waiting for this 10 month girlfriend - don't you think that when he was with her, he thought SHE was the one? So he was all pure and stuff for her. Then it didn't work out, now he thinks you're the one. Lather, rinse, repeat.
ew. no, this just sounds like no self respect... "lather rinse repeat???"
So realistically, how does this work? You're with someone, you think they're the one - it doesn't work out for some valid reason....then what? You stay single for life so some 18 year old doesn't judge you? Or you get with a new someone, think they're the one, it doesn't work out...then what? See where this is going?
^ I dated my first bf for almost 2 years before I finally had sex. I was convinced I would only sleep with one person and one alone. Then, things drastically changed. Short story is I ended up ending the relationship after a year of sexual, mental and emotional abuse. I stayed with him for so long because I had grown up believing I would only be with one person, that if I loved enough I could change him and we could work through anything. I felt guilty and miserable for ending an abusive relationship that left me with actual physical scars. THAT IS WRONG.
It took me years to "grow up" and realize life is not a fairytale. I picked a bad apple. It didn't end happily ever after. Should I stay alone the rest of my life, am I some disgusting person because I had sex and then didn't marry him? This makes me unworthy to be with any other man, because I was such a slut.
Please.
I finally worked through most of my issues. I met my now husband. When things got intimate a lot of issues cropped back up and we had to discuss them. He helped heal my inner scars. I am not disgusting because I have slept with more than one man.
You need to seek counseling. You are not ready to marry, if you cannot let go of his past. I felt my husband needed to forgive me for my past. When he saw my scars, he cried and told me I was an idiot. He didn't need to forgive me for something I had no control over. I thought my first bf was the one. I was wrong, end of story. He had been a virgin. My husband was a previous man slut. Virginity has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of a man. It is a personal preference, like height. If it's a dealbreaker for you then fine, end it and don't drag it out it's not fair because he cannot change his past.0 -
I don't think it helps to be disrespectful towards the Op. I do understand that this can be a triggering subject matter (for people that have experienced various traumas and family dysfunction).0
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Wow the mean insecure and might I add jealous ones are out today.....grow up... who would say such disgusting things to an 18yr old who is obviously asking for an opinion?.......
She got butthurt because we gave her opinions that she didn't want to hear. Not our fault. This is why you don't go onto the internet for opinions if you don't want people to disagree with you.
not butt hurt about opinions... jokes about sucking penis isn't exactly relevant advice. And yet... I'M the immature one? ha. alright. cool dudes.
Not relevant? You bashed your boyfriend on the internet for his past sex life which was allegedly long and filled with all of the 'dirty' things imaginable. I think giving you sex advice is relevant. You need to have some. Judging your boyfriend for the sex he had before meeting you is just silly. Good luck.
ETA: By the way, any REAL Christian man is going to judge you for showing so much of your body to people on the internet. How abominable that you show your body to men before marriage. *shaking my head*
There is a way to present your opinion in a respectful manner and there is being a rude, trolling poster out to get laughs at others expense. She has different values than you and she's young. Please show me how mature and worldly you were at the age of 18.
Oh right... I'm pretty sure the maturity part is still lacking...0 -
I'm honestly quite over this post. What was foolish of me, and was certainly my mistake, was assuming the best of people and expecting you guys to be civil and empathetic. Some, were. Even people who didn't agree with my values and religion were still able to express their thoughts in a sincere and respectable way. But how hypocritical to accuse me of immaturity while relentlessly posting what some of you are posting. I already said I was over this. But you people keep going. I apologize for posting anything. I was upset, overwhelmed at the time, and venting. I'm over it. I've talked to my boyfriend. I'll figure it out. If this thread is so obnoxious and so "pathetic", please, ignore it. And if you don't ignore it because it's amusing to you, then you're pretty sick and may need to rethink your hobbies. Have a good day. I'm going to the gym! woop!0
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I'm honestly quite over this post. What was foolish of me, and was certainly my mistake, was assuming the best of people and expecting you guys to be civil and empathetic. Some, were. Even people who didn't agree with my values and religion were still able to express their thoughts in a sincere and respectable way. But how hypocritical to accuse me of immaturity while relentlessly posting what some of you are posting. I already said I was over this. But you people keep going. I apologize for posting anything. I was upset, overwhelmed at the time, and venting. I'm over it. I've talked to my boyfriend. I'll figure it out. If this thread is so obnoxious and so "pathetic", please, ignore it. And if you don't ignore it because it's amusing to you, then you're pretty sick and may need to rethink your hobbies. Have a good day. I'm going to the gym! woop!
Enjoy the gym....you look great and work things out..things change or get better they always do0 -
I'm going to the gym! woop!
Have an awesome workout!
agreed... you do look terrific, plus you have beauty on the inside as well, which many ppl in this world greatly lack, there's no workout in the world to fix that.:noway:Enjoy the gym....you look great and work things out..things change or get better they always do
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