How Do You Deal With the Toxic/Negative People in Your Live?

kenzienal

lucypstacy wrote: »

I just noticed that I wrote 'Live' instead of 'Life.' The English teacher in me is groaning.

I actually am doing better with my father. He tried the controlling crap yesterday (it's a long story), but I didn't let him. I was upset, and I even cried, but I was glad I said no to him. It's still hard, but I'm taking steps.

One thing that I don't think I've said is that a lot of this started after he nearly died from sepsis. He lived about 100 miles away at the time. He called, and he was completely out of his head, so I rushed to him to take him to the hospital. He nearly died, and now I'm terrified the one time I don't come running will be the time he's really sick again.

Still, I rationally know I can't let him continue to control me and make me sick. Last time I ate with him, I took my food on the far side of the restaurant so that he couldn't watch me eat.

You have a big heart. That is blatant to see. I can see it a millions miles away and without even knowing you.

but the hard truth is, you are letting yourself waste away. You can't be there for anyone else, if the pillars you lean are weak in themself. He is making you weaker by the day. Some days you feel stronger than others, sure I understand that. You feel responsible, especially as an only child, I understand that more than you know. You feel as if you probably wont be able to live with yourself if you abandoned him.

Truth is, you can and you have to. I'm not saying disappear in the night (as I did with my own toxic narcissistic father), but you really ought to look into third party care. I know you don't want that burden on someone else, but someone outside of the family will really be able to deal with him from a less emotional point of view. They wont have connection to him, his insults wont affect them as they are trained and probably experienced in this already, and they can give the help he needs, without pushing you to the brink.

You can't keep this up in this way. Its like just waiting for him to die before you allow yourself the relief of living a happy life. You dread to see him, take some of the burden off of yourself. YOU deserve this. He's not going to remember these things down the road once in a better place, he wont hold this grudge on you after he passes.

But we dont get years and years guaranteed to us. Not even days or minutes. Why waste a single one feeling as down as this, because of a blood bond. He's not the man he use to be. You have to do whats best for the BOTH of you.

You can do this. You are strong. You are wise. You are not a door mat and you ARE capable.


You can totally disregard my advice if you don't agree, but this is coming from the daughter of a man who was nearly the same. One I have NO contact with whatsoever. One who has tried tricking me, blaming me, accusing me, guilting me in every way possible. I have a bit of a sense of how this all feels. I had to make the decision, and it saved my life. My world is so totally different now, I just wish for you to see the same sun I now see.