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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
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Therealobi1 wrote: »Nope we can't force people to change but do we just abandon someone who is going through the worst thing ever
I believe in supporting people through tough times, but I also believe that people going through tough times should either actively try to get better or at least not reject attempts by others to assist them in getting better. Why must I spend my life having my soul sucked dry by someone who refuses to be helped? At some point, it's not my problem anymore. I won't let myself get dragged down into a toxic relationship like that. I refuse to be an enabler. Therefore, I didn't choose a partner who indulges in self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes...tough love is in order.
Now there are others who would love the drama, and seek out a relationship where they can take on the role of protector, as they coddle their partner and enable their self-destructive behaviors. That's not my personality. Again, I am a big fan of supporting someone who is making effort - even if they struggle and occasionally stumble along the way. But it's not healthy for me, personally, to be a co-dependent to someone who refuses to take care of themselves. That's demoralizing as hell. To each his/her own.
I accept no one should live in misery. But some people make it out like its so easy to get through trauma. Just snap out of it. Sometimes something happens its so life changing it might take you more than 2 months to get over it. Others will brush themselves off and will be fine.
So i guess if you cant wait you cant wait, simple as that.5 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Nope we can't force people to change but do we just abandon someone who is going through the worst thing ever
I believe in supporting people through tough times, but I also believe that people going through tough times should either actively try to get better or at least not reject attempts by others to assist them in getting better. Why must I spend my life having my soul sucked dry by someone who refuses to be helped? At some point, it's not my problem anymore. I won't let myself get dragged down into a toxic relationship like that. I refuse to be an enabler. Therefore, I didn't choose a partner who indulges in self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes...tough love is in order.
Now there are others who would love the drama, and seek out a relationship where they can take on the role of protector, as they coddle their partner and enable their self-destructive behaviors. That's not my personality. Again, I am a big fan of supporting someone who is making effort - even if they struggle and occasionally stumble along the way. But it's not healthy for me, personally, to be a co-dependent to someone who refuses to take care of themselves. That's demoralizing as hell. To each his/her own.
Sorry, but you're not allowed to have thoughts/opinions in this thread. You either agree, or you're an *kitten*.
dont be sorry2 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »No, I was responding to a specific thing that Spottlight brought up that I thought had to do with past comments by people other than you.
Also, not a criticism at all. I think it's much worse to believe that someone would kick out someone they loved for becoming BMI 25.5. In fact, I think that means it was never really love, it's not consistent in my mind with what I understand love to mean.
And you haven't said you've actually done this, so I am not criticizing you. I think we'd all be more comfortable if we could talk about this in the hypothetical and not make it about what someone supposedly did do or would do.
I don't see how you can say that you want me to believe you really would do that and want that to be the topic of conversation, but expressing my opinion about it is mean.
Either you attack because this is all hypothetical and you claim that I don't really mean it because it hasn't happened, or I tell you that in fact it has and you attack because I'm mean and you're more comfortable talking in the hypothetical.
You want to ask me if I've stopped beating my wife next?
You are the one who has created this unfair bind where we cannot comment.
First, I have not attacked, that's ridiculous. You expressed an opinon (complete with some rather inflammatory assumptions about anyone who gained weight), and I expressed an opinion on a particular action. But because you said you'd take that action (i.e., personalized it), expressing an opinion on it = attack and you therefore are trying to say that any disagreement with you is mean.
It's simply not realistic to expect people to think any action toward a partner is totally cool and not for anyone else to have an opinion about. For example, if someone gambled away all the family's money, after promising the partner he would not, I'd think he was acting badly. If someone dumped his wife of 30 years because he's not attracted to older women I'd think he was a jerk and superficial (if I really knew that was true, of course -- and let's assume she's thin). And if someone dumped a partner because he or she gained 15 lbs and became a 25.5 BMI and didn't lose it for 2 months, despite an ultimatum, I'd have opinions on that too, including that that's not really consistent with my understanding of what love and commitment means (and that there's something wrong if attraction dies so easily).
In other words, it's totally fine for you to express a particular opinion/expected action, including that you'd find a partner who became a 25.5 BMI repulsive and that that is a good reason to end even a long term relationship, no question. It's your business and as long as you told the person up front I see no reason to complain. But it's also fine for me to say that I wouldn't and that I don't believe that ending a relationship based on that -- and nothing else, as stated -- is consistent with a real love or commitment.
I don't really care if you really really would do it or not. I said -- because I thought it was an effort to understand and see you in the most positive light -- that this is a hypothetical discussion, not colored by actual feelings toward an actual person, and in which you seemed to be imagining other reasons to be upset with the partner (not trying, becoming a different person, becoming completely sedentary) that I don't think are inherent in merely becoming a bit overweight. You are offended by this, because you claim you absolutely would do it.
Fine, whatever, it's not even the topic of the thread. I have my opinions about it (and my suspicions that maybe if we were talking about a real loved one you'd feel differently) and you have decided to think that's awful and disrespectful of me. Cool. Nothing more to be said by me. Feel free to say whatever more you want to say. But again you are the one who created the bind where your opinion cannot be disagreed with without it being met with a claim that you are being attacked.
I'll add you to the list of people I won't be responding to further on this topic.Therealobi1 wrote: »Nope we can't force people to change but do we just abandon someone who is going through the worst thing ever
I believe in supporting people through tough times, but I also believe that people going through tough times should either actively try to get better or at least not reject attempts by others to assist them in getting better. Why must I spend my life having my soul sucked dry by someone who refuses to be helped? At some point, it's not my problem anymore. I won't let myself get dragged down into a toxic relationship like that. I refuse to be an enabler. Therefore, I didn't choose a partner who indulges in self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes...tough love is in order.
Now there are others who would love the drama, and seek out a relationship where they can take on the role of protector, as they coddle their partner and enable their self-destructive behaviors. That's not my personality. Again, I am a big fan of supporting someone who is making effort - even if they struggle and occasionally stumble along the way. But it's not healthy for me, personally, to be a co-dependent to someone who refuses to take care of themselves. That's demoralizing as hell. To each his/her own.
Pretty much what I've been saying for 20 pages.Therealobi1 wrote: »Nope we can't force people to change but do we just abandon someone who is going through the worst thing ever
I believe in supporting people through tough times, but I also believe that people going through tough times should either actively try to get better or at least not reject attempts by others to assist them in getting better. Why must I spend my life having my soul sucked dry by someone who refuses to be helped? At some point, it's not my problem anymore. I won't let myself get dragged down into a toxic relationship like that. I refuse to be an enabler. Therefore, I didn't choose a partner who indulges in self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes...tough love is in order.
Now there are others who would love the drama, and seek out a relationship where they can take on the role of protector, as they coddle their partner and enable their self-destructive behaviors. That's not my personality. Again, I am a big fan of supporting someone who is making effort - even if they struggle and occasionally stumble along the way. But it's not healthy for me, personally, to be a co-dependent to someone who refuses to take care of themselves. That's demoralizing as hell. To each his/her own.
Sorry, but you're not allowed to have thoughts/opinions in this thread. You either agree, or you're an *kitten*.
Oh you're allowed to have any opinion you want. As long as it's the one certain people find acceptable.3 -
My opinion is that they should get rid of these dayum flags.....5
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Sorry, but you're not allowed to have thoughts/opinions in this thread. You either agree, or you're an *kitten*.
Oh you're allowed to have any opinion you want. As long as it's the one certain people find acceptable.
But you seem to be the one that think you are the only one entitled to an opinion
Anyone else opinion is an attack towards you, like you are the only one with a different opinion than others.
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Therealobi1 wrote: »
Totally. And the internal organs being crushed. And the little odor problem. I mean, what do you say to that?
Thanks for entertaining my procrastinating backside?6 -
Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.11 -
MrStabbems wrote: »Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.
Fit people have stamina and endurance and flexibility. I'll take that over "bouncy".5 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »
Totally. And the internal organs being crushed. And the little odor problem. I mean, what do you say to that?
That one made me laugh only because size generally has nothing to do with how much a person smells - I've met really hot, fit guys who reek.
I mean, you want to talk about people smelling then just smell both men and womens locker rooms.
If you don't smell bad at the end of a workout, was it really a workout?4 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.
Fit people have stamina and endurance and flexibility. I'll take that over "bouncy".
Lies, i'm fit and i have none of those.
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.
Fit people have stamina and endurance and flexibility. I'll take that over "bouncy".
Imo enthusiasm is key. And it can come in a range of types
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MrStabbems wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.
Fit people have stamina and endurance and flexibility. I'll take that over "bouncy".
Lies, i'm fit and i have none of those.
Then by what criteria are you fit?2 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »
Totally. And the internal organs being crushed. And the little odor problem. I mean, what do you say to that?
At least your hips aren't dislocated?4 -
MrStabbems wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.
Fit people have stamina and endurance and flexibility. I'll take that over "bouncy".
Lies, i'm fit and i have none of those.
Wait a minute, I thought "stamina, endurance and flexibility" were key parts of the definition of fitness...
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MrStabbems wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.
Fit people have stamina and endurance and flexibility. I'll take that over "bouncy".
Lies, i'm fit and i have none of those.
Wait a minute, I thought "stamina, endurance and flexibility" were key parts of the definition of fitness...
We may be left with this cliffhanger forever.2 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »MrStabbems wrote: »Yes. Be honest with your partners peeps.
Also fat people are bouncy, makes for good bam bam.
Fit people have stamina and endurance and flexibility. I'll take that over "bouncy".
Lies, i'm fit and i have none of those.
Then by what criteria are you fit?
Well i generally have a higher percentage of type 2 a & b they tend to tire more easily. After many years of cycling (and a tendency to use limited muscle groups that only contract concentrically) i have tight hip flexors so my flexibility isnt that great. Sure, i could work on it but...meh
In terms of fitness i have a pretty decent anaerobic threshold and a very good (amateur) vo2m. I can generally cycle 70odd miles no worries.
But we weren't talking about that were we penguin?
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