Really?

cwolfman13

There are quite a few people here who are actually quite well versed in nutrition and fitness and have a lot of experience and have had great success...they typically have done a lot of research and continue to research and look at actual science.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

@comeonnow142857 I don't think anyone tries to make some one feel dumb. I just see people trying to educate people.

I learn so much from this site.

kimny72

comeonnow142857 wrote: »

In work, I'm made feel dumb all the time (because I work a complicated job with minimal training and everyone else is more experienced and really good at their jobs). The trick is to recognise that this is a good thing, and to feel good about it (overall, obviously the heart sinks when you recognise a mistake).

Here, especially that personal trainer with the red under his sig often makes me feel dumb. (Because he makes me realize I know jack). That's a really, really good thing. I recognise a little humility I needed, learn, and appreciate being that 1% less arrogant (no matter how far I've left to go )

To shield oneself from being made to feel dumb, or to appreciate/enjoy it in any way, puts a huge ceiling on open-mindedness, willingness to learn, and developing a thick skin and healthy relationship with humility. It means I will often only allow myself to learn from people who don't know what they're talking about so long as it makes me feel good, or that I will feel really bad when I get the learning I do need.

NOT saying the OP needs to do this, or that it applies to this situation.

Just some ramblings because the phrasing is sometimes a red flag for a bad attitude (NOT necessarily in OP's case) and being made to feel dumb is something that more people need to embrace in a healthy manner.

This is an awesome point! I've had many of my beliefs and knowledge challenged, and if you take it on board you will either be more confident in what you know and believe, or realize you were wrong or your knowledge was incomplete, and learn and improve.

comeonnow142857

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »

@comeonnow142857 I don't think anyone tries to make some one feel dumb. I just see people trying to educate people.

I learn so much from this site.

For the most part, I don't disagree. It's not about people trying to make me feel dumb... I just feel dumb when somebody much better at something learns me on a mistake, or me assuming I knew better than I did. It's humility and especially with an ego as large as mine, it's healthy.

On the phone in work the other day, I mixed up forms that a customer had to sign. My dep manager after I hung up: "Joe. That form doesn't exist for that purpose". She wasn't trying to make me feel dumb. I felt hella dumb. But it was a positive experience out of the mistake. A bad attitude would have made it a negative experience (and toxified my own personality). The sinking feeling of humility can really help ingrain a memory/high level of consciousness about a weakness or gap in skill. That's a good thing!

Theo166

OP, maybe you are missing a learning opportunity here.
Don't know which since I'm not going to read your post history.

- Thicken your skin a bit and not require positive feedback from every poster on what you say. You should be able to separate the facts from emotion in posts and know which posters deserve to be discounted.
- Learn to take constructive criticism. Maybe these posters are making valid points that you shouldn't discount.

I urge you to stick it out, with only 39 posts you don't have much of a history here yet. Stay engaged and keep learning.

nicolepburgess91

cerise_noir wrote: »

Are you referring to your stationary bike post? If yes,

No, I'm not referring to that post. But I'm also not going to cite specific examples because that's pointing a finger at someone and causing an issue where that person/those people feel like they must defend themselves. I didn't create this forum to create issues. I created it to resolve an issue by first seeing if I was the only one who had the issue. Because if I was the only one, then I'm clearly misinturpreting something. This thread was created for feedback, not finger pointing.

kommodevaran

What is a know-it-all?
Is it possible to do a wrong thing right?
Is cheering on bad ideas being supportive?
Is telling the truth negativity?
Is disagreement the same as being rude?

The diet industry has a lot to answer for. You are not alone in feeling stupid or even angry after finding out how things work. But please don't shoot the messenger. Learning new skills and more effective strategies is a blessing, but learning and unlearning sometimes hurt.

Chef_Barbell

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

cerise_noir wrote: »

Are you referring to your stationary bike post? If yes,

No, I'm not referring to that post. But I'm also not going to cite specific examples because that's pointing a finger at someone and causing an issue where that person/those people feel like they must defend themselves. I didn't create this forum to create issues. I created it to resolve an issue by first seeing if I was the only one who had the issue. Because if I was the only one, then I'm clearly misinturpreting something. This thread was created for feedback, not finger pointing.

But it does nothing positive for the forum environment. It's life you're not going to agree with everyone.

pinuplove

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

cerise_noir wrote: »

Are you referring to your stationary bike post? If yes,

No, I'm not referring to that post. But I'm also not going to cite specific examples because that's pointing a finger at someone and causing an issue where that person/those people feel like they must defend themselves. I didn't create this forum to create issues. I created it to resolve an issue by first seeing if I was the only one who had the issue. Because if I was the only one, then I'm clearly misinturpreting something. This thread was created for feedback, not finger pointing.

So rather than cite specific incidences or approach the supposed offender privately, you've essentially pointed the finger at everyone who dared to disagree with you in the past by vague-posting. This post resolves nothing.

comeonnow142857

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

No, I'm not referring to that post. But I'm also not going to cite specific examples because that's pointing a finger at someone and causing an issue where that person/those people feel like they must defend themselves. I didn't create this forum to create issues. I created it to resolve an issue by first seeing if I was the only one who had the issue. Because if I was the only one, then I'm clearly misinturpreting something. This thread was created for feedback, not finger pointing.

There's no way to resolve the issue with vague descriptions of how people made you feel. That could reflect any possible type of behaviour from anyone involved.

Everything you said in the OP is consistent with either you, them, both or nobody being the jerk.

People can only speculate from your vague description, which is just as often code for bad behaviour/attitude from the complainant (which is putting many people on the defensive), as it is from a complainant who was mistreated.

If you're not willing to confront/clarify a conflict, there is no resolution or exposure to be had. It just becomes inscrutable passive aggression.

nicolepburgess91

Look, y'all. I have no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"

mudonthetires856

Honestly, I'd say suck it up. That sounds mean but I swear it's coming from a good place. Someone correcting misinformation can come across as being condescending. Bluntness and honesty can come across as rude. The "know-it-alls" are usually the ones that have been here awhile and are trying VERY hard to make sure people aren't falling for the snake oil and the multitudes of myths and flat out bull that's out there.

The great thing is, you have total control of what effects you. If you feel like someone is hurting your feelings, you don't have to give them the time of day. You don't have to respond. You don't have to pay attention to it. Focus on what you believe is right but try and be open to what they say. Many of them have a world of knowledge that's very useful. They've been there and done that and they just might be right.

comeonnow142857

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

Look, y'all. I HAVE no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"

I don't see anything wrong with either.

That is literally what my co-workers tell me all the time - at work OR in the gym (and it's really the only answer to any of the myriad of things I do that are objectively just wrong). It's also what I get done told on musician forums when I speak out of my *kitten* or there's a disagreement (or sometimes the other person is wrong), it's what other musicians tell me sometimes speaking out of their butt and sometimes not, and I've had my share of it in nutrition discussion. I feel dumb a lot, but overall it's great!

If I'm eating 6 times a day to speed up my metabolism and for no other reason, and somebody who KNOWS that's nonsense coaches it in maybes or whatevers or gentle suggestions whispered into my ear instead of directly stating "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way", they are doing me a great disservice.

pinuplove

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

Look, y'all. I HAVE no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"

So semantics? Someone forgot to don their kid gloves when they criticized you? I'll be honest, I've looked back at your past posts, and I don't see where you've been harshly treated AT ALL, especially compared to a lot of what goes on around here.

nicolepburgess91

comeonnow142857 wrote: »

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

Look, y'all. I HAVE no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"

I don't see anything wrong with either.

That is literally what my co-workers tell me all the time - at work OR in the gym. It's also what I get done told on musician forums when I speak out of my *kitten* or there's a disagreement (or sometimes the other person is wrong), and I've had my share of it in nutrition discussion. I feel dumb a lot, but overall it's great!

And it is possible that i just need to learn to take everything at face value. Some people don't word things as gently as I do, so I possibly look at it negatively when it wasn't meant that way. This post wasn't intended to cause such a big stink. It was just looking for this kind of response you gave. Whether other people experience the same thing and how they handle it.

SueSueDio

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

cerise_noir wrote: »

Are you referring to your stationary bike post? If yes,

No, I'm not referring to that post. But I'm also not going to cite specific examples because that's pointing a finger at someone and causing an issue where that person/those people feel like they must defend themselves. I didn't create this forum to create issues. I created it to resolve an issue by first seeing if I was the only one who had the issue. Because if I was the only one, then I'm clearly misinturpreting something. This thread was created for feedback, not finger pointing.

Going by other similar posts that I've read over the year or so I've been here then no, you're not the only one who feels this way. However, I do believe that in the majority of cases the issue is one of misperception. It's not easy to hear that you're wrong (generic "you"), and no matter how carefully someone else tries to phrase it some people are going to feel hurt and belittled by that.

I think that some people have dearly-held beliefs about what works and what doesn't in weight loss and/or fitness, often shaped by the diet industry at large, and having those beliefs challenged (by people who've been there, done that, and found it doesn't actually work or is unnecessary) can make them feel like they're being piled on and deliberately made to look/feel stupid.

That is rarely the case. I see many, MANY examples of other people being helpful and kind to others, taking time out of their day to offer advice and suggestions that have worked for them. They also do their best to stamp out misinformation when they see it, which tends to result in them being called rude, unhelpful or even spiteful by those who would rather not have their ideas challenged. Sometimes, knowledgeable posters can be a little blunt - mainly because they see the same stuff over and over again and are a little jaded, I suspect - but being blunt is not the same as being rude. It's all in the reader's perception of the reply.

And sometimes, yes, there are people who are jerks, trolls, or downright rude. They are a minority, and are not often found among the most helpful people I know of here.

As others have said above, keep an open mind and try not to be too sensitive. I know that can be hard sometimes, but remember that you also can't hear tone of voice via text. Try to read each post as if it was meant in the kindest tone possible, and perhaps you'll see less negativity. There's a lot to be learned here, if you want to learn it.

diannethegeek

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

Look, y'all. I have no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"

One of the best pieces of advice I've received here is to read everything on the Internet in Kermit the frog's voice. Tone online is about what we project onto a statement. "No, that's wrong" can be just as friendly as "well maybe but have you tried this other thing."

nicolepburgess91

diannethegeek wrote: »

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

Look, y'all. I have no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"

One of the best pieces of advice I've received here is to read everything on the Internet in Kermit the frog's voice. Tone online is about what we project onto a statement. "No, that's wrong" can be just as friendly as "well maybe but have you tried this other thing."

That's actually good advice. Lol I may substitute Kermit for spongebob, but still. Haha

pinuplove

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

comeonnow142857 wrote: »

nicolepburgess91 wrote: »

Look, y'all. I HAVE no problem with feedback. Someone offering advice. Someone saying I'm not doing something right. Someone telling me a better way to go about it. All of those are okay. But there is a difference between "maybe try doing <this> to gain that nutritient you're trying to get instead of what you're trying." Vs "that's not how you do it...youre not accomplishing anything by doing it that way"

I don't see anything wrong with either.

That is literally what my co-workers tell me all the time - at work OR in the gym. It's also what I get done told on musician forums when I speak out of my *kitten* or there's a disagreement (or sometimes the other person is wrong), and I've had my share of it in nutrition discussion. I feel dumb a lot, but overall it's great!

And it is possible that i just need to learn to take everything at face value. Some people don't word things as gently as I do, so I possibly look at it negatively when it wasn't meant that way. This post wasn't intended to cause such a big stink. It was just looking for this kind of response you gave. Whether other people experience the same thing and how they handle it.

Part of the problem is many times the same advice has been repeated ad nauseam until the regular, frequent, helpful posters are blue in the face, so a response to a frequently asked questions may be deemed curt, blunt, or rude. This usually happens when a relatively new user hasn't lurked long enough to see their umpteenth apple cider vinegar or 'clean eating' thread, or isn't familiar enough with the forums to utilize the search function.

diannethegeek

Diem78 wrote: »

Ignore the jerks. Choose what/whom you take to heart. Don't let snarky people bother you- they aren't worth your time.

Wow. I'm super glad that I never followed this advice. Some of the people who've been the most kind and helpful to me here get snarky from time to time. And I wouldn't call any of them jerks.