Sabotage???
Replies
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And alcoholics can't (shouldn't drink) but hey, let's have them play bar-keep so that EVERYONE else can have a good time, sorry for them that they can't!0
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Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat.
Fair? My grandmother was a diabetic and she made the most delicious cakes and food for us. She always kept ice cream around so she could offer us some when we came over. It's harder and harder to find people that aren't selfish these days.
Woah, am I really hearing someone call someone else selfish for not wanting to bake a cake for someone else.
1st world problems honey!
Somehow that would imply that the kid was entitled to sugary sweets and the only good people are those who will bake for others, regardless of the temptations available.
Yes, her losing weight is more important than contributing to future diabetes in the next generation. When I grew up cakes were for special occasions only. it's not something that should be available on whim at any time.
Parents have to say no sometimes. a kids desire for sweets does not outweigh the health concerns of the parent.0 -
All of your comments are about the practice of assertive behavior which is a positive thing. "Charity (love) begins at home (oneself)" is a proverb that overweight people don't take seriously enough. I agree she wasn't being selfish and if she is a food addict, (like me) she can't even be around the ingredients!0
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You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.
I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.
Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!
Since I made the 1950s comment, I'll assume you are addressing me.
I'm not offended. I'm also not missing the point. No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
And none of us are obligated to do every nice thing that someone else requests.
So you would make your brother a cake. Great for you. I would not make one for my son. Great for me. That doesn't exaggerate or negate any of the other nice or not nice things we do for others throughout our lives.
And although it's totally irrelevant, no, I don't get mad about what other people order in restaurants. And if they asked me to bake them a cake, I'd tell them no also.
I also suggested teaching the kid to bake, or the husband making the cake.
I really don't think you, and the other people do get the point. The point is that the only reason she doesn't want to make the cake is because she can't have any. Not because she is tired, or doesn't want to make it, because she already made him 4 other cakes. She simply doesn't want to make it because she can't have any, when if she could have some she would make it.0 -
No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.
HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.
Actually, it totally is a valid reason. the kid isn't entitled to cake. Whatever her reasons for saying no. denying a child candy is not a bad thing for whatever reason the parent may have.
I also don't think she totally denied him. He had that cake elsewhere (Recently too it sounds like) it sounds like he probably gets a lot of food outside of the house. If he wanted to he could probably go to the store and get a cupcake.
Would it be totally selfish of him, to be upset about her making cake if he had to be on a diet but she made cake and then kept it in reach of him where he'd be tempted?
Supporting your family members thru thick and thin is what being family is about. She needs support. It's not unreasonable to ask others not to ask her to have cake in the house.0 -
No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.
HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.
But see, from many people's point of view, that IS a valid reason.
I can't smoke cigarettes because I was a 23 year addict. I will not buy them for other people. That IS valid.
I can't eat shellfish. I will not cook it for other people. That is valid.
I am not religious. I will not sit through a sermon for someone else. That is valid.
It is completely valid to decline to do a favor for someone else due to your own weaknesses with the subject of said request.0 -
Woah, am I really hearing someone call someone else selfish for not wanting to bake a cake for someone else.
1st world problems honey!
Somehow that would imply that the kid was entitled to sugary sweets and the only good people are those who will bake for others, regardless of the temptations available.
Yes, her losing weight is more important than contributing to future diabetes in the next generation. When I grew up cakes were for special occasions only. it's not something that should be available on whim at any time.
Parents have to say no sometimes. a kids desire for sweets does not outweigh the health concerns of the parent.
Someone having one piece of cake will make them diabetic!?
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Also,
why can't dad make the cake?
This ^^.
To me dad behaved like a jerk to his kid. Personally his reaction would have turned me off rather than impressed me.0 -
You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.
I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.
Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!
Since I made the 1950s comment, I'll assume you are addressing me.
I'm not offended. I'm also not missing the point. No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
And none of us are obligated to do every nice thing that someone else requests.
So you would make your brother a cake. Great for you. I would not make one for my son. Great for me. That doesn't exaggerate or negate any of the other nice or not nice things we do for others throughout our lives.
And although it's totally irrelevant, no, I don't get mad about what other people order in restaurants. And if they asked me to bake them a cake, I'd tell them no also.
Nope, the minute you used "obligated to", "always get what they want", and "hand them the things they ask for", I can see you're still missing the point and refuse to budge from outside the point to see the point.
Have a nice day.
adini749
you are being a bit childish now. It's ok for you to state your opinion and just because MzPix has a differnt opinion you act like a child. Pull it together girl.0 -
I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!
No, apparently you're not the only one..
This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.
Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:
Agreed.0 -
I don't see the sabotage.
This is one of the reason people find people who are trying to lose weight annoying . I think the child had valid points , so the if you want to die comments was stupid and unnecessary .
I don't have children but I have a preteen nephew who lives with me , just because most of the house is on a diet that does not mean that he has to be in one. So when he wants something that we can't eat at the moment we just make a small portion for him and is a non-issue , is part of learning how to control ourselves .0 -
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat.
Fair? My grandmother was a diabetic and she made the most delicious cakes and food for us. She always kept ice cream around so she could offer us some when we came over. It's harder and harder to find people that aren't selfish these days.
Woah, am I really hearing someone call someone else selfish for not wanting to bake a cake for someone else.
1st world problems honey!
Somehow that would imply that the kid was entitled to sugary sweets and the only good people are those who will bake for others, regardless of the temptations available.
Yes, her losing weight is more important than contributing to future diabetes in the next generation. When I grew up cakes were for special occasions only. it's not something that should be available on whim at any time.
Parents have to say no sometimes. a kids desire for sweets does not outweigh the health concerns of the parent.
QFT0 -
patty cake patty cake.....I don't really think it was a situation where your husband needed to stick up for you in regards to a cake. You said no for whatever reason. To me it seemed to escalate a bit by the words your husband chose...a but silly ...but meh...who am I its only cake. Next time pass the kid the recipe on a piece of paper and let him make it himself....he must be old enough..considering he knew the name of the cake.... and stop using him as pawn between you and your hubby.....2 adults bickering over a dang cake and a child asking one to make it ....ridiculous...then one gloating because the other adult stuck up for her....0
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I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!
No, apparently you're not the only one..
This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.
Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:
Adini749, I completely agree with you. I do not not purchase goodies or bake goodies for my family just because I am interested in being healthy. I also do let myself indulge once in a while. It's just not fair for my husband or kids that they sacrifice just because I feel the need to. I may limit the quantity of sweets we all eat but I do not deny them because it does not fit in with my personal goals.0 -
"No" is a perfectly acceptable answer to a request. You don't have to justify or explain why you are saying "no", just say "no". I do see where the OP is coming from, but having the "if I can't have it, no one can attitude" does seem a little selfish. I am glad you stuck by your guns and didn't give in, if you really didn't want to make the cake.
We don't know the age of the child in question (could be a kid, could be a teen - can't tell from the OP). This is a bit of an extreme comparison, but would you ask a recovering alcoholic to mix you a drink (even if they were the only one in the group who knew how)? The OP may be facing temptations if she makes something like that cake and even if she had made the cake in cupcakes, the kid couldn't (and shouldn't) eat them all. What happens to the leftovers? I think if the child is older, it would be a nice gesture to teach them how to make the desired dish, so he could learn some skills in the kitchen, but other than that how is it really helping a child in the long run to fulfill a request of an unhealthy dessert? The father's comment did seem a little extreme, but I've seen people go overboard with children before when a child kept pushing to get their way (which is what I think is the case, but of course, I'm not sure, I wasn't there).0 -
This thread is what happens when you only eat 1200 calories. Peace out ladies lol0
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No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.
HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.
But see, from many people's point of view, that IS a valid reason.
I can't smoke cigarettes because I was a 23 year addict. I will not buy them for other people. That IS valid.
I can't eat shellfish. I will not cook it for other people. That is valid.
I am not religious. I will not sit through a sermon for someone else. That is valid.
It is completely valid to decline to do a favor for someone else due to your own weaknesses with the subject of said request.
^this, not to mention she isn't doing HIS health any favors by giving him cake when ever he wants it.0 -
I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!
No, apparently you're not the only one..
This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.
Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:
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No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
That's a valid reason for not baking the cake.
HOWEVER, that's not the reason she implied. The reason OP was implying was they couldn't have any because she couldn't. That's NOT a valid reason.
But see, from many people's point of view, that IS a valid reason.
I can't smoke cigarettes because I was a 23 year addict. I will not buy them for other people. That IS valid.
I can't eat shellfish. I will not cook it for other people. That is valid.
I am not religious. I will not sit through a sermon for someone else. That is valid.
It is completely valid to decline to do a favor for someone else due to your own weaknesses with the subject of said request.
^this, not to mention she isn't doing HIS health any favors by giving him cake when ever he wants it. Cause you know, that just leads to him being in her spot later.0 -
You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.
I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.
Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!
Yep!! I love it when my family asks me to make something, and I like making it for them. It's not like it's an insult. People can be so overly sensitive!0 -
I know I am not the only person who has this issue. So my husband for our entire 10 marriage has been an over the road truck driver, well until the last 2 months. For the first six weeks I made the food everynight that he likes to eat thinking that he wouldn't eat anything I was eating because he really is a very picky eater. In the the last 2 weeks I decided that he would just have to get over it. once he realized that how serious I was about getting my pre-baby body back he has been really supportive!
Last night my step son came home and asked me if I could make this better than sex cake that he had at my girlfriends house. I told him no I wouldn't make it. That is wasn't fair to me that I would have make a cake that I then couldn't eat. He said well you could make it in cupcakes like Cori did and he would just eat it outside. I will be darned before I could even say another world my hubby jumped in and said not unless you want to die!!! You have no idea how proud of my husband I was! For the first time since I started trying to lose weight I feel like I have an actual ally!
So I have to wonder, with my husband being so great about this if I haven't been just sabotaging myself all this time? At least I know that he will back me up and be there for me when I am having a weak moment. I feel really good about this!
No, apparently you're not the only one..
This comes across as pretty selfish of you. Just because you are on a "diet" doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
You couldn't make your stepson a cake and simply not have any or make room if your day for a piece? I went to school for baking & pastry and I bake things all the time for others because I enjoy it and because I like doing nice things for other people. I either don't have any or I fit it into my calories for the day.
Edit: Since this is MFP I feel the need to add a disclaimer. This is merely my thoughts on the subject in hopes to give you a little perspective and shouldn't be misconstrued as being mean, rude, or a bully. Have a great day! :flowerforyou:
Agreed.
The world don't stop because you are on a diet.
I bring my kids to the ice cream parlor and I just don't take any when I can't fit it in my diary, same for fast food. Sheeesh you must be fun to be around0 -
You missed her point. She was stating that she was the one who sabotaged her earlier efforts and is taking responsibility!I don't see the sabotage.
This is one of the reason people find people who are trying to lose weight annoying . I think the child had valid points , so the if you want to die comments was stupid and unnecessary .
I don't have children but I have a preteen nephew who lives with me , just because most of the house is on a diet that does not mean that he has to be in one.0 -
You people getting offended that we expect her to be a short order cook or a 1950s housewife are missing the point. It's just about doing something nice for someone. That's all.
I don't have children but I do have young brothers and if they asked me to make them a cake, I'd make them a cake. It's a special request and doesn't sound like an every day occurrence.
Do you also get mad if someone in a restaurant orders a high calorie dish and you can't have any because you're on a diet? Sheesh!
Since I made the 1950s comment, I'll assume you are addressing me.
I'm not offended. I'm also not missing the point. No step-parent is obligated to make a kid a cake just because he wants one. Basic Parenting 101. Kids don't always get what they want, regardless of how "nice" it might be to hand them the things they ask for.
And none of us are obligated to do every nice thing that someone else requests.
So you would make your brother a cake. Great for you. I would not make one for my son. Great for me. That doesn't exaggerate or negate any of the other nice or not nice things we do for others throughout our lives.
And although it's totally irrelevant, no, I don't get mad about what other people order in restaurants. And if they asked me to bake them a cake, I'd tell them no also.
Nope, the minute you used "obligated to", "always get what they want", and "hand them the things they ask for", I can see you're still missing the point and refuse to budge from outside the point to see the point.
Have a nice day.
adini749
you are being a bit childish now. It's ok for you to state your opinion and just because MzPix has a differnt opinion you act like a child. Pull it together girl.
Also Adini749. I think you said so yourself that you are not a parent. So what do you know about giving into children's requests to bake cakes?0 -
This thread is what happens when you only eat 1200 calories. Peace out ladies lol
Well if someone would make us some cake....just sayin.0 -
Your right just because she is on a diet doesn't mean everyone else has to be. They can make their own food. Just because she is mom doesn't mean she has to be short order cook.
Absolutely.
I’m really surprised by the number of people who feel that this woman has some sort of duty to make a cake for this kid and by not doing so she is being selfish. Really? Is this 1950 suburbia?
If my son came over to my house and asked me to bake him a cake, I would reply “Your oven broken?”
I’ve got better things to do with my time than take cake requests from family members, and just perhaps the OP might have a life that goes beyond that as well.
She isn’t being selfish, and she isn’t denying anyone anything they rightfully earned, and she isn’t making decisions for others, and she isn’t pushing her diet on anyone else. She is assertively turning down a request that she is under no obligation to fulfill in the first place.
I totally agree with the statements above. I mean really if he is old enough to feel comfortable with asking his step mom to make a cake called "better than sex" then he can make it himself. I don't think it's selfish if she didn't want to bake a cake. I
Also, I don't think it's selfish for her to decide not to make 2 meals every day for dinner. One that is healthy and one that is crap because her husband may not eat it. Then he can have a peanut butter sandwich.
Come on now people. It's one thing to be a mother and a wife but I am sure this lady has other things she has to do in life..lik work etc.
GESH! I feel like we are back in the 30's or something. I also feel for her because it is hard to make a cake and have it sitting around the house. Maybe instead of her making sacrifices by baking cakes and cookies etc and sacrificing her health...maybe her family could make a few sacrifices and not eat a bunch of junk around her that would ruin her diet.
With all due respect your reasoning would make sense if OP's reason was she was too busy. But she even said she did not want to make it because she did not feel she could eat it due to her diet goals.Big difference.0 -
If he has a girlfriend, I'm pretty sure he's old enough to cook.
Exactly, I don't even think it's hard to make, probably more assembly than actual cooking. And even if you weren't on a diet, it's your time and energy. You don't have to make a cake just because your son wants one.
That being said, I would have no problem trying a recipe my kid suggested, but for the next special occasion, not on the fly the minute I was asked.
It must feel great that your hubby backed you up when you weren't even expecting it!0 -
"I'm too busy to bake a cake for my son" = good person
"I don't want to make a cake for my son that I feel I cannot eat" = bad person
Hmmmm ....0 -
Nope, the minute you used "obligated to", "always get what they want", and "hand them the things they ask for", I can see you're still missing the point and refuse to budge from outside the point to see the point.
Have a nice day.
adini749
you are being a bit childish now. It's ok for you to state your opinion and just because MzPix has a differnt opinion you act like a child. Pull it together girl.
Also Adini749. I think you said so yourself that you are not a parent. So what do you know about giving into children's requests to bake cakes?0 -
My concern isn't that she said no. It's the manner in which his flesh and blood father backed her up, against his own son, with a threat. I doubt he would actually kill the kid, but I know that, growing up, a threat like that meant a butt-whoopin' was on the way.
I'm glad that the OP has a husband who supports her. Personally, I think the kid didn't need cake, but a different approach to the whole thing is warranted.0
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