Men: Dating

Capt_Inzane

As soon as possible. It doesn't have to be the first sentence out of your mouth but casually mentioning you have a daughter/son is fine. I'm a divorced father of 2 children which I only see 1 regularly but I mention them as they're important parts of my life.

saxmaniac

Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

So yeah, that's nonsense.

That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?

Exactly this.

Everyone has their dealbreakers, including OP, and kids are a big one, since few other things affect one's life as young children. It's sort of like dating someone in the military, who might be gone for months or years on end.

You really want to fall in love with someone and then have them say "Oh, by the way, I'm going to Kuwait for 9 months! Bye! I'll be back for 3 weeks a year. Love ya!"

That said, I think anyone who has immediate dealbreakers without considering the whole person, are only really sabotaging themselves. But it's their right to.

OP should consider her own major deal breakers, then ask when her dates should admit to her... and then apply that number to herself.

wolverine66

Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

So yeah, that's nonsense.

That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?

Exactly this.

Everyone has their dealbreakers, including OP, and kids are a big one, since few other things affect one's life as young children. It's sort of like dating someone in the military, who might be gone for months or years on end.

You really want to fall in love with someone and then have them say "Oh, by the way, I'm going to Kuwait for 9 months! Bye! I'll be back for 3 weeks a year. Love ya!"

That said, I think anyone who has immediate dealbreakers without considering the whole person, are only really sabotaging themselves. But it's their right to.

OP should consider her own major deal breakers, then ask when her dates should admit to her... and then apply that number to herself.

some people even have height requirements.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

not a guy, but I am a mom who dates... I say the sooner, the better. The child(ren) are a big part of who you are.

LauraMacNCheese

Why wouldn't you tell him right away? I mean, if it's a deal breaker for him, at least you haven't wasted your time (or his). Then you know & you're free to move on and hopefully find someone who adores you AND your munchkins :flowerforyou:

KissMeImShtFaced

How long would you want him to wait to tell you if he had kids? There's your answer.

ILoveTheBrowns

id say wait until your married...then SURPRISE!!!!!!

mattschwartz01

I'm totally open to dating a woman that has children!

justal313

It is the most important thing about you. My daughter figures in to every decision I make or at least the ones more important than "one lump or two"

How you date, who you date, where you date and when you date will be affected by your being a parent with a child.

It needs to be known from the get go. I wouldn't want to date a woman who didn't feel a need to tell me she had a child before even the first date its a fundamental part of who they are and really she should WANT to know that I'm not going to be put off by her kid(s).

babyj0

I would tell him right away. No reason to hide your child.

highervibes

id say wait until your married...then SURPRISE!!!!!!

lol

vtmoon

I'm gonna be honest. I am 23 and I also wanna have my own kids. I don't think i would mind a woman with a child but at this point I couldn't afford to help her with expenses as I don't earn enough for everything I need to pay LOL...

I think you have a good head on your shoulders, even if it's not visible.

Now that is funny right there. :laugh:

theepervette

I wouldn't bring it up, but if it happens to come up then of course honesty.
Yes I would date a women with children.

Why would she hide her child??? :noway: If he can't accept her child, then she doesn't need him. PERIOD! There are guys out here who will love that child as their own. Girl, tell him RIGHT AWAY. Your child need you more than anything in this world.

Uhm, where exactly did he say hide your children? He didn't. I took it as don't jump right into it like hey so i have kids! 5 of them! can you deal? .. No more like let it come out naturally.. what do you for a living? any children? oh yes matter of fact I have one, blah blah blah.

littlelaura

I cant speak for anyone else but for me when my daughter was younger it would of been a package deal type of thing, they would of needed to make room in their life for her and treat her as their own. Even now that she is grown up, she is still the biggest part of my life and comes first. I still would expect anyone I would ever meet or be with to understand how important she is to me and to include her in their life as much as I would their children. Your child is forever even when they become your adult child, anyone who is half a parent will understand this and accept it, if not kick them to the curb stat!

Happy_10yr

I would tell the guy on the first date.

You don't want confuse him. He needs to understand , in the near term, where your priorites are. If he cannot accept that, his loss.

I have dated and had long term relationships with women with children. Good honest communication made them work.

Children and divorce are a facts of life these days.

I don't know of many people who got married so they could end up divorced. For many reasons, things just don't work out.

You had a life before you met him. You will have a life with or without him.

Dating can be a challenge. The key is clear, objective, upfront communication.

All the best.

summertime_girl

Be upfront. Kids are nothing to be ashamed of. If a guy doesn't want to date you because of your child, why would you want to be with him?

vtmoon

http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

I agree with you, women with kids should never date again for the safety of the kids.

glovepuppet

http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

I agree with you, women with kids should never date again for the safety of the kids.

or, I don't know, they could just use common sense and caution.
I know it's a crazy, radical idea but I thought i'd throw it out there.

also, anyone with a dating site profile who ticks the 'has kids' box is a fool.

judgy? in this situation, hell yeah!

chadraeder3

Question:

How long should I wait to tell someone I'm dating that I have a child?

How many guys here wouldn't date a woman if she told them she has a child? And why?

I'm pretty nervous, considering this will be my first date since my divorce

I believe as a guy you should at least try and get that tidbit of information in the first date, because if you didn't mention it until the 3rd or 4th I would then be wondering what else has she conveniently forgot to bring up like she just escaped from a looney bin or she is a dude (god those were horrible girl/guyfirends).

Would I date a lady that had a child? As I get older the child baggage does not phase me but some guys have that as a deal breaker and you can't do anything about that people have their own criteria. I personally have a problem when the lady has 3, 4, or 5+ children by a bunch of different guys, that is a sign that she makes poor decisions and does not learn from those poor decisions.

OfficiallySexyVal

I am a single mom who has gotten quite familiar with the dating scene this past year. My advice is to tell him right off the bat.
I have never held out on anyone that I have a son and most of them had thanked me for that. Now I must admit it does make dating trickier but the right man will come along that will not only love you but love your child as well.
Good luck and I say let him know.