WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2018
Replies
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cityjaneLondon wrote: »Katla -
I simply want to tell my sons it is coming out. I don't expect them to read it. Everybody else in my life knows about my father, including my brother's family. All the relatives know because of the court case. My friends all know. My sons are the only ones who don't.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxx
Heather ... are you positively certain that your sons don't know? When all the relatives know and everyone else you mention knows, there's a possibility your sons do too. Maybe not the real story or the whole story, but an inkling? Children have a way of sensing/knowing/understanding more than we every give them credit for. Just a thought I had.
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Hjhhhhh0
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Heather: I understand that your DDIL is feeling protective of your son right now, but I think keeping this from him could turn out to be a mistake if he finds out about the book from some friend, relative, or worse yet a frenemy. (Someone who poses as a friend but undermines and seeks power over others.) I hope you will be able to work it out with her before the book is advertised and released to the pubic.
My personal opinion is that your book will be important to thousands of people who have been victimized at some time in their lives, and offers hope of healing to every reader. I am in awe of your courage and determination to write this book.
Katla in beautiful NW Oregon
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Beth - I have told DYS once before I would like to talk to him, but I was told he didn't want to because he was going through a difficult time. Now DDIL is "gatekeeping". I think the truth is less bad than he is imagining. I don't need his support or anything from him. I just don't want him to be the last to know.
Strangely enough I think my elder son might understand better, despite his anxiety problems, because he is used to the therapy route.
Lots of love, Heather UK xxxxxxx6 -
A ridiculously long time ago DH and I bought some unfinished wood dressers for him with the plan to stain and poly them. But being a bug magnet that I am, we were unable to do this (working in garage with doors open) until weather and lack of biting insects coincided. Today is that day. It has been a day with a lot of satisfying camaraderie.
I upped my weights from 12 to 15 pound dumbbells and 8 to 9.5 pound leg weights (SWSY program with modifications) yesterday so I am feeling sore & strong today.
Downside today is that I appear to have another ear infection
. Hoping It clears up before I have to make Dr. appt ( I’m giving it til Monday.).
I’m taking a work break from sanding smooth the dresser drawers and Jackie Kane is in my face telling me he would appreciate some dinner NOW! lol.
Dressers being stained and impatient cat behind spoiler tagRye
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The pollen is pretty bad in GA right now!
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Peach: I am so sorry about your allergies. Here is a pollen free flower, just for you. :flowerforyou:6
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Hi Gals,
Barbie – Happy happy birthday weekend!!!
Machka – Oh my, sending loads of good thoughts!
Ginger – thinking of you in this time of loss
Becca – hoping you get the house, a 5 bedroom for 1800 is un-thinkable here! The studio apartments in my town are going for 1800 -
Heather - my thought is tell your elder son, and if you can get a copy of the book and get it to DDil (mail?) and maybe even write a short note to your younger son, and then let them come to you if they want to talk about it or have questions. Seeing how much you’ve gone through and how well you have “made it” might help DYS understand that he too can make it.
Smiles
Kim from N. California
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NOAHBSMOM - I am about in your shoes and welcome. I recommend recording food in the diary on this site, because most of the time you haven't crashed as badly as you think! There are some great ladies here.
SHARON - I want to tell you some of what I learned going through something similar to you with my husband #2, in case any of it would be helpful in terms of your next steps, if any. In advance let me say that he was teaching Sunday school classes the whole time.
I, too, discovered the truth in a text to ME. He was flying somewhere on business and always texted me when landing. I got the text "Landed" I responded "How was flight?" He responded, "Baby, any flight to see you is wonderful!!!" He thought SHE was asking how his flight was! We were both in a second marriage, he was (and still is!) 12 years younger than I, he made a lot of money, I had moved twice and lost teacher retirement contributions twice in 2 states to go where his job took us after we were married. Anyway, after that informative text, my hands started shaking and I thought I would throw up. I hung in for two more years because I was 60 and tried to squirrel away some money first, have some medical treatment (he had the medical insurance), get some therapy, and just be patient. I decided NOT to file for divorce but to watch out for myself. I knew he would eventually file, but honestly, I just played dumb. If I had been 43, the age during my 1st divorce, I would have filed in an instant. I saw both therapist and lawyer and also eventually hired a private investigator. Several good friends were my sounding boards during all of this. My neighbor even took pictures of him bringing another women to our home while I went to see my daughter and family in California. I spent too many hours to count, all while finishing a masters degree, going through every expense on every credit card and in every account for 5 years and documenting what added up to over $200,000 of "dissipated" money spent on other women. He was on a website called SugarDaddy.com, he sent monthly money $500, usually only one woman a month, to "reserve" her. Then on his "business trips" there were expenses at resorts, flowers, dinners, gifts... I also had access to all of his cell phone calls and found who the frequent calls were made to. the importance of documenting this was that here in Tennessee, I was entitled to 1/2 of all dissipated money. It was bitter, it ultimately went to trial, I ultimately did get nearly half of that money plus 4 years of alimony at $1500 a month. I started over, bought a little house 6 minutes from where I teach, and my single adult son moved in with me to help out for 4 years. My advice to you is to continue to be smart and act on what helps you in the long run. Others may totally disagree with me, but people who have walked your path have stories and lessons that are instructive; you can say - yes that sounds like a good idea or no that wouldn't work for me. I would never say to you that things will work out because I don't know what that even means. When my #2 actually filed, I went to an attorney and the first thing the attorney did was to slap a set of typical interrogatory questions which he had 30 days to prepare. When I received these answers, that is how I compiled the lists of expenses. One of the questions was whether he had sexual relations in the last 5 years... SO--back to you and your husband: I know it is devastating to find those texts and he is really not very smart to leave his phone where you can get to it. I am guessing he does not even have a security code on it. The question I would have is whether he is spending money on anyone, because texting is different than spending money or going out and exposing sexually himself - and you - to possible diseases, etc. I am sure you have googled everything out there and if he is not smart enough to have a cell security code or erase text messages, I am sure he is not smart enough to erase the History on internet browsing, so that is also a place to check out if you suspect other activities. My #2 was a tech genius and hid everything, so it wasn't till I got the list of expenses and tracked them that I discovered the "sugarbabies." But here is a good little general article:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/gobankingrates/40-secrets-only-divorce-a_b_8602766.html
I thought I had gotten myself out of hell with the end of 23 years with #1, who became severely depressed and clearly (in retrospect) was bi-polar and didn't "believe" in psychologists, therapists, or anyone else like that. So, as with most diseases, his left untreated got worse. Coupled with narcissism and the belief that no rules applied to him, oh - and a pornography addiction - he was more than I could handle. It was a nightmare. But, I picked a clone of him with #2.
I only tell those stories if I think someone might benefit because it is painful to relive. Best of luck. Be smart. I will add that I had not been overweight in 20 years until the second divorce. When it was over, I just opened the door to all the hurt in, and the food came in as well. I just crashed.
OKIE IN HILL COUNTRY - My sister and her husband lost their whole house in the flood and are moving into their new house on 6 acres in Kerrville in two weeks! We are Texans from way back.
Well, I did NOT make it through Day 6, but it could have been a LOT worse. First of all, I did not binge or eat sweets and felt strongly I would be okay if I just stopped and recorded all the food, and I was at 1920 cals instead of 1260, and I had to laugh when that little message came on and told me that if I ate this plan everyday that in 5 weeks I would be 3.5 pound lighter!!
So today I started again and am in control again. Yesterday the problem was a long meeting with pizza and then a K of C fish fry. Oh well. I went to another Overeaters Anonymous meeting this morning (that is my 3rd) and it was good for me. People were so nice and it feels good to be focusing on deeper behaviors as well as healthy eating.
Happy Saturday night!
Caroline in Tennessee
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Machka: Humbly adding my healing thoughts and energy heading your way from the MFP sisterhood. We are here for you. I believe that your DH's body already contains everything needed for a full, robust recovery. He is a strong guy. Please stay positive and take care of yourself. I know this will be hard for you as you really like to be busy, active and accomplishing a lot.
Barbie: Have your best birthday ever.
Becca: I'm excited for you.
Katla: Delighted to hear DH is responding to MD's advice!!!
Heather: No suggestions, just hugs and every good wish as you embark on sharing your courageous story. I was abused by my father as well, a pain I'll never reconcile.
Big hugs to all who need them. You ladies are amazing. Step into your power. You can do ANYthing!
Rori
Colorado Foothills
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Caroline - Sorry to hear your sister lost her house but glad they are moving in to a new house! Hang in there and take it one meal at a time if you have to. You can do this!
Okie
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Machka, sending you hugs and good thoughts.
Sharon, thinking of you. (((Hugs)))
Barbie, Happy Birthday!!
Becca, hope the apt works out for you.
Worked today spring cleaning my bedroom and fixing the sleep number bed’s cover. Took me a while but I figured out how to do it. Ended up removing the torn piece and replacing it with an old sheet. Saved myself a boat load of money fixing it instead of buying a new one. And the number of dust bunnies under the bed could have made a coat. Two cats and a dog can sure shed. Was hoping to also go through my drawers but just didn’t get to it. But I’m happy with what I accomplished today.
I’m beat and in bed. I’ll check in again tomorrow.
Terry in VT8 -
Did an hour of a Leslie Sansone Walk away the Pounds DVD. The plan for tomorrow is to do a More Than Mat Pilates Intermediate DVD
Rye – so glad to hear Kidd Kirby is on the mend. Looks like you’d better get moving ---- you sure don’t want him to starve to death
Becca – YYYYEEEAAAA
Barbie – happy early birthday! Are you going out someplace special for your big day?
M how horrible! (((BIG HUG))) Wish I could be there with you, but know that I’m in your pocket
Made salmon for us to have later in the week along with the beginnings of this chocolate dessert to take to dominoes this Tuesday. I’ll put the Cool Whip on top right before we go. Need to get my car back and then I’ll go to Aldi (wish I could have gone early in the day when the lines won’t be as bad) and then plan to stop at ACMoore. Need meringue and have a 55% off coupon. I might also need a custom frame for the Diamond Dotz that I made so I’ll check for that. If not, I need two 8-1/2 by 11 frames. Update: got my car then went to Aldi then AC Moore. I totally forgot to take the picture I need framed so just bought the meringue powder. Then home to make biscuits for Vince. I like to keep some in the freezer to give him occasionally (or when I don’t feel like making something else, which is most of the time). Church tonight then dinner. Plan to go to WalMart tomorrow.
KJ – with the girls what I think happens is that they don’t hear what the other is saying. Then they look to us for an interpretation.
Lisa – safe travels!
Cleaned the floor in the downstairs bathroom. Every once in a while it needs a cleaning on the floor since we don’t use it very much. Also cleaned the floor in the mud room. That occasionally needs it, too.
Noahs…. – welcome!
Heather – I agree with katla, keeping this from your son would be devastating if he were to find out another way. He should hear it from you
Katie – Denise left the Christmas gift for Jess here when she was here in December. She was somewhat upset that Jess never thanked her. Denise called Jess for her birthday in March and that’s when she asked Jess if she got her Christmas present. Well, how was Jess supposed to know it was for Christmas when it wasn’t even wrapped? I just put things for her on her bed so she gets them when she comes here.
Katla – the cabin filter filters the air that comes thru the car’s HVAC system. It prevents pollutants from entering (like pollen)
Now I need to go reprogram the radio in my car
Michele in NC
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Uuuu0
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Everything around my house is centered on Jake and his recovery from surgery. He insists that we do something special for my birthday but he hasn't left the house since his return from the hospital. I don't need anything special for my birthday but I know he wants to do something. This afternoon I told him that I wanted a "rain check" for my birthday celebration so we can go out when he feels like going somewhere and doing something. Late this afternoon I offered to take him for a drive to see how he felt riding in the car. We ended up going to the library. He waited in the car while I went in a got a book that was on hold for me. He still felt good so we went to Costco. He waited in the car while I went in and bought laundry soap (washing his towel and clothes every day and changing sheets on two beds every other day, makes for a lot of laundry). Also got him a roasted chicken and some cheese because he wanted some "fun food". He got out of the car and walked a bit in the parking lot at Costco while I shopped. He made no comments about my driving. Heather, I have huge admiration for your writing especially on such a difficult topic. I had to fill the car with fuel this morning. I've avoided it because it's a job I don't like to do and it has been Jake's responsibility for years. It surprises me that I can tackle so many heavy duty things in my life and then panic at something small like filling the gas tank. It turned out to be no big deal and I wasted all that angst for nothing.
Stats for today:
*21,000 steps
*190 minutes walking Sasha and Bessie
*205 minutes riding the exercise bike
*35 minute walk around the neighborhood while talking to a friend on the phone Barbie from beautiful NW Washington
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Morning everyone
It is very dreary here today, he after effects of Cyclone Marcus who is off coast and just bringing light rains. The plants here need a good water as we are on water retrictions.
Barbie - Have a great birthday > Wow - you do a lot of exercise including walking aorund the block talking to seomone on the phone
Karen - thankyou for the welcome
Michelle - Can you please let me know about the Lesley Sansone - alot of people have mention it but I am nto sure how much room you need
Machka - I am so sorry to hear about your husband - my thoughts are with you
Catch you all
trish
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Trish, When I started my weight loss journey, I decided to seek every opportunity to be active and after a few years, I've found lots of ways to keep moving. Leslie Sansone has a lot of videos on YouTube. You can watch some of them and walk see if you have enough room to do them at your house. 5
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Barbie Happy Birthday Weekend!
Rori I’m so sorry your father abused you. It infuriates me.
Machka Been thinking about you all day. (((Hugs))) and a cup of tea. Hope your husband is making good progress. I know at first it’s a waiting game, until the coma is lifted.
Heather I like the idea of sending a copy of the book and a note to your daughter-in-law. You have to go to plan B since she is worried that he is too vulnerable right now. But I agree that he needs to be told something before the book comes out. I was also thinking more about the title for this book and was thinking it would be interesting to make the title “fit” with the title for the next in the series...something like
“A Very Good Girl”. Or “Such A Good Girl” or “A Good Little Girl” or “A Very Quiet Girl” or “ A Well Behaved Girl” or...
Then “A Very Nice Man”...etc. Just a thought...
You are a courageous woman, Heather.
Karen in Virginia
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Caroline, thank you for sharing your story. You did so well looking after yourself before getting rid of #2 loser, I know you can do anything you put your mind to! Congrats on tracking everything and getting back on plan today! You have inspired me to stop thinking about what food I can "get away with" and made me decide to go brush my teeth instead! I'm not hungry and really don't need any more to eat! Thanks.
Evelyn, Vancouver Island7 -
Stat for the day
Spin- 1hr, 158mhr, 123ahr, 102aw, 77ar, 14.6mi= 478c
Apple Watch- 510c3 -
Machka, I am so sorry about your DH. It was so good he had co-workers that could take care of him right after the accident. God has helped him to be a healthy person ans he had a good brain. Recovery may be long but it will happen. My prayers are with the both of you throughout thT recovery.
Heather, I agree with the others that your son. Needs to be aware of the situation of the book before the book comes out. Let his wife help him if you think she can.
Barbie, happy birthday to you. I know it will be splendid with friends and fellow line dancers.
Charlies sister died last night. Apparently she had been sick since the first of the year, in and out of the hospital and eventauuly in ICU in a long term care hospital. We had not been told of any of this. But that is the way it is with any of the siblings. No one communicates. Charlie is devastated and doesn't know what to do. He wasn't allowed to see her. I'm not really sure how to help him because of you remember, she is the one that when his Mom died, I wrote her out of my life. I said she was dead to me. So I have no remorse of her death except that my husbands sister has died and he is briefing. But I'm not grieving. Of course she had no funeral planning and no money for anything. She was very c,one to her daughter at time of death and all of this is being put in her hands. So they are planning on cremation, she is going to ask the city trustees for any assistance. Charlie has said he would offer $1000 to help but he hasn't told her that. I am afraid that if he does that that niece will remember Uncle Charlie for any other thing she needs just like her Mom did. I don't know how much money we gave his sister, or picked up a prescription for her and then of course some groceries. We paid the up front money you have to do for Tupperware and one other thing she tried and failed at. When Charlie was at the hospital and she would come and visit, they would never have any money for a meal or two and I would pay for it. When their grand child was born and needed to be helicoptered up to RIley children's hospital, they didn't have money for that and we paid that. It was always promised to be paid back. So there is definetley a difference of how we feel right now. Earlier when he was back in his bedroom and banging on the wall, I went back and when he saw me he told me to go away, he didn't want me in there at all. I went in anyway and put my arms around him real tight and told him to just let it out. Come to find out the reason he was upset was that he couldn't get his sweater on. But as I held him tight, he did cry and said that he wished he could have seen her and told her he loved her. His Parkinson's disease won't let him use his left arm right. His left shoulder and arm don't have the movement his right do. He has so much trouble putting his left arm in anything. And if he does succeed, he can't pull the sweater up on his back. So I knew I better leave him alone or there would be many holes in the walls of his bedroom. He knows I love him very much.
I can't remember what else I was going to say. Oh, Becca, congrats on the house. Your son must have been excited to be able to give you a video tour of it.
Joyce, Indiana7 -
LisaInNCNow wrote: »Sharon - just a thought, reading your post, as I popped in to see if Machka had updated. Who's to say that Larry's not lying to his ex-wife? He may be telling her what he thinks she wants to hear so he can maintain their "textual" relationship. Liars end up lying to everyone... 'tis the nature of the beast. Grieving that loss is normal, but that doesn't make it any more bearable. We're here for you.
Becca - Looks like we're moving at about the same time! I've always loved the thought of Whidbey Island--if you've ever read "Onions in the Stew," by Betty Bard MacDonald, it's a wonderfully funny book on the fun and hazards of island living in the Pacific Northwest. She and her husband, Don, lived on Vashon Island. She also wrote "The Egg and I," which is where Ma and Pa Kettle were drawn from, and the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books, among others.
Finally packed... haven't been on a business trip where I have to be dressed professionally dawn to dusk almost every day in a LONG time. Looking forward to going, being, doing, and getting back to start dismantling our fairly minimal roots and push halfway back across the country beginning April 13. On the road two straight, long, days... and then done with that for at least a year. It will be worth it to once again have our own space, our own noises, our quiet lives, our own smells... all of it. These five months have been valuable in so many ways--and I will be so glad when they're done!
Love y'all,
Lisa in NC
Moving whether for a bit, or for a long time is so stressful! Enjoy your business trip, and then getting back to your comfortable normal!!
Becca4 -
Yeah! I can record my food on the app here! Its been giving me trouble so I just logged it on paper these past weeks!
Becca
Tech goddess again in
Oregon4 -
cityjaneLondon wrote: »Beth - I have told DYS once before I would like to talk to him, but I was told he didn't want to because he was going through a difficult time. Now DDIL is "gatekeeping". I think the truth is less bad than he is imagining. I don't need his support or anything from him. I just don't want him to be the last to know.
Strangely enough I think my elder son might understand better, despite his anxiety problems, because he is used to the therapy route.
Lots of love, Heather UK xxxxxxx
Heather, I'm so proud of you, yet my heart aches for you at the same time. Im sorry this was your chilhood but I feel even worse now. This is NOT your shame. This is your father's shame, I suspect partly your mother's shame. But in no way should you be made to suffer again/yet/further. Who was "gate keepet" for you as a tiny, innocent, scared little girl? I think the kid gloves need to come off, you have adult children and they need to have some sort of empathy for a siruation that had serious repercussions on the rest of your life.
I am so sorry, wish I were near I'd borrow Pip's big boot. I apologize if I overstepped my bounds.
Much love
Janetr OKC5 -
Machka. Just reading about your husband. So sorry. Praying for both of you
Felicia
Willamette Valley, Oregon2 -
Hi Sisters, back from a day of hiking. Going to soak in a hot epsom bath and go to bed early. We had a good day for our hike. It rained on the drive up but then it was okay while we were hiking. It was quite windy at the top and I was too scared to stand all the way up. LOL, Wendy
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Sharon, hard as it may be to keep secret from your brother, think until you've had the lawyer talk and proceedings have started, best not to say. Might be hard for him to keep his feelings secret from Larry while he's staying at your house. Maybe just before they leave, so he can process on the trip home? ... You could A. imagine marrying Michelangelo, but B. not imagine someone loving you enough to marry you? What happened between A and B?
Lisa, had no idea the author of "The Egg and I" also wrote the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books. Luckily our library has "Onions in the Stew". I'll pick it up Monday. Safe travels.
Heather, when you alert your sons to the book's release, how will you answer their "what's it about" question? Can you explain to DDIL that your son should have some prep? Don't want to blindside him, neither to burden with details... Beth's insight sounds right on target, your sons may suspect more than you or DDIL realize.
Rye "bug magnet" I resemble that remark
Well done on the SWSY weights!
Caroline "so today I started again..." Bingo, that's the way! Kerrville? Had an aunt and cousins there in the 50s-60s, now one's in Hunt. Love love LOVE Texas... except the bugs
Joyce that was a very loving hug. Sorry for Charlie's grief. Glad you can sympathize with him without feeling anything for his sister who treated you so poorly. He is a lucky man to have you.
Wendy, yikes! It's a miracle you weren't blown away!
Welcome Noahb'smom.
Stll procrastinating on the taxes, and wimping out on walking Tumble in the downpour... but met my step goal thanks to a lot of dancing to the YouTube
Today
Walk Tumble: no
Log: yes
Meditate: yes
Exercises: Winsor pilates (Thanks Michele)
Steps: 5390 vs goal 5159 hey, this accountability stuff really works! DOH...
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD.
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MACHKA thinking of you and DH hope things get better
BARBIE happy birthday
HEATHER agree that your sons need to know before the book comes out but they probably know more than you think.
TRISH I do Leslie Sansone workouts every day in the spare bedroom, you don't need too much space in fact you can do most of it in one place and there are vids of 15, 30 and 45 mins length. The best ne I like at the moment is 3 mile one 45 min (1 mile uses resistance band and 1 mile is a fast mile)
Hugs for all who need them
I'm not doing well eating wise about 5 lbs up at the moment, DH doesn't help as he buys chocolate biscuits, hot cross buns and marmalade ( which I can't resist) Just as well I love my exercise and kettlebell or there would be a lot more lbs on I think
I need Pips big boot
Kate UK 6 -
Barbara Download the tax forms and just fill out the top information. Name, SSN, etc. Then stop. See what happens.
Machka I will carry you and your husband in my heart today.
Janetr Yes. About little girl Heather not having a gatekeeper. And about trusting that grown adults will somehow be able to handle difficult information about their parents' childhoods. I know Heather has a lot of love and respect for her daughter-in-law. Crossing her would complicate it a bit.
Karen in Virginia4 -
Morning, I am getting back in the groove. I'm letting go of my disappointment over my weight gain and getting back to it. Found out that my wonderful (inexpensive and convenient) gym is closing for lack of business! They provided free parking, a rarity in my city, very cheap monthly dues and was not loud (something I hate) and obnoxious. I went looking for a few gym alternatives and they are 3 times the cost and 3 times the volume (people and music!
). mmm, I've got some thinking to do. A lot of you Ladies are out there walking, running, lifting, cycling, riding on your own....why not me? I have to find some little actions to take that will get me into a new habit pattern. Thank goodness this is happening when spring is approaching and the weather is getting slightly warmer.
karen you've made the first strike at the tax forms, next step.....bet you've got all your receipts and forms lined up, how about you enter the next easiest information...love how some tax software has prompts for each line item and reminders. Otherwise, there is nothing to love about filling out tax forms Well okay, I'm grateful I don't have to do taxes more than once per year 
The only other trick I use when I have something tedious to do is to fill out my pie chart, bar graph, bullet journal, I get a crazy satisfaction when I complete one little task that I get to fill in the little box and watch the graph fillup (like that themometer on fund raising posters!) I'm a geek!
NYKAREN6
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