Overbearing mother causing obesity

Alatariel75

I don't know what answers you were expecting. You say you want help, but every conceivable solution has been put forward in this thread and you've shot down each and every one of them.

You act like you're the only person in the world who has ever had an issue like this and seem to expect some miracle fix. Now you're just getting all pissed off at people rather than considering the advice you've been given.

You might be getting some tough love rather than hugs and puppies, but the theme really is you just shooting everything down.

PikaKnight

You guys dont understand.
SHE DOESNT LISTEN!

She thinks my house is her roof and i have to listen to her like back when i was a child under her roof.
it isnt her roof anymore.
She doesnt understand I pay the rent and she has to respect MY rules

talking to her doesnt work, its like talking to a damn brick wall
standing my ground and telling her to respect me doesnt work, she laughs in my face

i had two choices;

1. ignore her in my room until she gets bored and leaves
2. me getting f*cking angry and physically removing her by grabbing her arm and shoving her out of my damn house.

like i said - she DOESNT LISTEN.

hiding in my room was not being a teenager - it was me removing myself from the situation before i got violent.

understand?

It's up to you to deal with it. You aren't the first person who has had a parent or person in their life like this and have had to resort so far as to getting the police involved and the courts.

At this point in your life at 29....you have no one to blame but yourself for not fixing your situation and continuing to let this happen. Quit making excuses and deal with it and get help by seeing a psychologist or live with it. Those are your choices. If you want to be happy, do something about it. You control who can treat you badly and who can't.

No right way to say this, but...do you even life?

Yep. Which is why I can say what I said. :flowerforyou:

PikaKnight

Just stay miserable.

hey jaggerhawk, so this guys here is not being a total jerk?

i think hes a damn jerk!

Nope, totally not a jerk.

I'll break it down for you: you have been given a lot of advice here, by people trying to help, and yet you are intent to shoot everything down and continue to complain. Everyone on here has obstacles that they have had to overcome, you are not special there. Many many people have had huge medical issues, emotional problems, injuries, you name it. You can either choose to try to overcome yours, or you can "stay miserable". Your responses in here seem to indicate that you are choosing the latter, and he was merely pointing that out (which is pretty helpful of him, IMO). Perhaps you should ponder it for a bit.

AmykinsCatfood

Im on a forum full of people that were fat in their lives and experienced being treated like crap because of their weight.

yet there are still people here that turned into jerks after losing the weight.

i thought people would help me here, not being rude.
maybe its easy for you people to throw out people you love in your life like they were trash
to me it isnt
i have a heart.

jerks

And yet when people take the time out of their own busy lives and problems to try to offer their advice in a very kind, and helpful way, you shoot them all down and whine about not being understood? Do you not think that each and every one of us has had to deal with some sort of abuse in our life? Maybe it wasn't a mother or family member, but a friend, neighbor or stranger. But know for damn sure that we have all had to deal with problems.

It's simple. Deal with her, or stay miserable. YOU have the power to change this situation. GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. CALL THE COPS, SCREAM AT HER UNTIL YOU'RE BLUE! Just deal with it. And try to be nicer to those who are offering you suggestions. You're being a bully right now. Realize that.

SmangeDiggs

My mother is nuts, she is a horrible person and never should have had children or been allowed to keep them for as long as she did for that matter. She never has and never will admit there was a problem with her behaviour as a parent.
I could not forget, forgive or tolerate her ignorance to the hell she had put me through so the only way i could manage and move on was to remove her from my life completely. Its now been 16yrs since ive spoken to her and i have no regrets.

You need to do whatever you have to do to improve your mental health, if that means stepping away from her for awhile then thats ok. Just being a mother doesn't give you the right to ruin and tourment your childs life because you have your own issues.

You deserve to have your own life, and be happy and healthy both physically and mentally. She seems to have taken so much from you already don't let her continue to destroy the rest of your life.

Sorry for the long post, i really wish you all the best.

FrenchCanuck

I have a problem with my mother, please help.

- Get therapy, cut her off from your life

But i love my mother, i dont want to cut her off.

- STAY MISERABLE



great help right there..... i feel so much better!

FrenchCanuck

Thank you for those who were compassionate

Alatariel75

I have a problem with my mother, please help.

- Get therapy, cut her off from your life

But i love my mother, i dont want to cut her off.

- STAY MISERABLE



great help right there..... i feel so much better!

Way to completely discount and write off page after page of people offering helpful, insightful advice. You're a peach.

whierd

I have a problem with my mother, please help.

- Get therapy, cut her off from your life

But i love my mother, i dont want to cut her off.

- STAY MISERABLE



great help right there..... i feel so much better!

Seems like you're choosing the latter option here.

maryannelk

I understand your desire to "vent" on MFP ... it probably feels good to put your feelings into words. And you also get some positive feedback from the MFP community.

BUT ... if you really want to improve the situation:
1) You need to get into cognitive behavioral therapy. Find a therapist! There are many talented therapists who can be helpful. It will take time though. It's not a quick-fix.

2) Minimize your contact with your Mother. She's not going to change. You need to change.


And your Mother is not causing your obesity ... take responsibility ... you are causing your obesity ... by medicating yourself with food (which is a common response to stress).

^^^This. You have the power if you choose to develop it and use it.

FrenchCanuck

I have a problem with my mother, please help.

- Get therapy, cut her off from your life

But i love my mother, i dont want to cut her off.

- STAY MISERABLE



great help right there..... i feel so much better!

Way to completely discount and write off page after page of people offering helpful, insightful advice. You're a peach.

I quote the jerks and you think i blast the nice people that helped me...

Please read carefully before making a bad jugement call.

MyM0wM0w

After reading all the posts and your responses, I can only conclude that your mother treats you like a child because you act like a child.

You're 29 years old and the tone of your responses sound like your stomping your feet and throwing a temper tantrum.

Best of luck with your life.

(Oh, and I didn't say put your little girl panties on.. I said put on your BIG girl panties. As in grow up and take responsibility for your life. That statement stands, it's good advice.)

FrenchCanuck

After reading all the posts and your responses, I can only conclude that your mother treats you like a child because you act like a child.

You're 29 years old and the tone of your responses sound like your stomping your feet and throwing a temper tantrum.

Best of luck with your life.

(Oh, and I didn't say put your little girl panties on.. I said put on your BIG girl panties. As in grow up and take responsibility for your life. That statement stands, it's good advice.)

I do take responsibility for my own life.
I have a great job, a house, a car, a motorcycle....
I cant take responsibility over a person's will.
Its impossible.

You are unable to understand that im between the dilemma over beign hurt by my mother's actions and being hurt to cut her off from my life. If you are a person that can cut off familly from your life without thinking twice, good for you, but for me its very hard to do becausei have a heart and i still love my mother because she's my mother.


Im not a child or throwing tamper tantrums.
Im emotionnally hurt and some forums posters here tell me to vent somewhere else.
Its very hurtful to be told to *kitten* OFF when i have no one else to talk to.

luvmydog2

I understand.

You need to cut off contact with her for now and get yourself into therapy.

She is not going to change. You have to change her power over you.

A good therapist... will help you through this difficult journey in life .... :flowerforyou: As this quote has stated .

CoderGal

what pisses me off is when we're with familly and she treats me like a little child (like at a restaurant, she tells me "why havent you touched your vegetables? eat your vegetables, why arent you eating your vegetables? pressuring me until i ate them). When things like that happen, my familly doesnt say anything and ignores the situation instead of helping me telling her "she's f*cking 29 years old, leave her alone! but no --- they shut up and later say... oh its because she loves you... i got tired of that crap, got up and left the restaurant with my familly looking at me like im the ungreateful rude child. hypocrits. they certainly dont ignore me when they need help and money though,,,,,

my problem is im too nice. I tolerate all this crap from my familly because i foolishly think they will change and respect me soemday. they dont.

you guys are right, im not dealing with this crap anymore. i dont need therapy to tell me im not the problem. i just need to ignore them . they are the ones that need therapy, not me.

This doesn't seem like you're to nice. And you should eat your vegetables...Acting like everyone else is a problem isn't the way to go. No it's not easy dealing with stalker mother stuff...but you'd be in a lot happier mind set if you were in a healthier mind set...and maybe then you'd be able to figure things out or deal with it better then, and maybe later make a logical post that doesn't blame everyone else so you can get helpful information instead of "stop blaming everyone else" posts because basically, that should be your first step. You're still in a ****ty situation, but when you're hateful it not helpful.

luckydays27

I have a problem with my mother, please help.

- Get therapy, cut her off from your life

But i love my mother, i dont want to cut her off.

- STAY MISERABLE



great help right there..... i feel so much better!


Thank you for those who were compassionate

All the other rude jerks can kiss my.....

Wow, you asked for advise from strangers and you got it. Just because its not what you want to hear, you call people jerks and ignore them.

And you thought the "fat people forum" would be the place to come to get answers you want. What, fat people cant give real advice like skinny people can. I gave you sound advice as did many others. You choose to remain in denial claiming that there are no solutions because she is crazy. Well, you are only continuing the problem by allowing her that power over you.

My crazy mother no longer has the power to affect my life but I still love her and we have a relationship. Its not the idyllic version of mother daughter relationships but it works for me. I set boundaries for her and if she violates the boundaries, I avoid talking to her. It took years to change her but I am happier for it.

You are making excuses as to why you cant fix the problem. Good luck to you. And this is from a current fat person who is working on being a former fat person.

retiree2006

You can talk to a counselor who might be able to help you work through this, as suggested over and over. Setting limits with your mother is different than cutting her out of your life...but it might be necessary to remove yourself for a bit so you can work on "you". Two people who are disfunctional can't work through things on their own. Again, best of luck to you.

dehartclan3

You are a grown woman, exactly why can you not take control of your own life at this point? Choice is something we are given, which includes choosing to be a victim.

This is a diet and fitness website, perhaps you should be asking yourself why you are choosing this public forum to air your private life so publicly? Why not a Psychotherapy site or a Psychiatrist directly?

You do have a choice to move, change jobs, change your phone number and do whatever else is necessary to distance yourself from what you believe is an overbearing mother.

You also choose what you put in your mouth, and if you are overweight then there comes a point when you have to take responsibility for that and choose to take control of it.

The support is here for motivation with weightless, food choices for those who made the decision to change their lives. Have you truly made that choice for yourself yet? You can not heal the both until the mind is healed, and from the sounds of your post, you are definitely not there yet.

Pick a friend you trust to take the journey with you, make the choice to live your life to the fullest and take back the control you feel you have been deprived of.

Good luck!

therunninghippie

OP, there is a serious difference between having a heart and choosing to be miserable. Sometimes in life, it is necessary to let go of people you love because they are just too toxic. You might be lonely at first, but it would be an important step towards enjoying your life.

A MFP forum is not the right place to vent if you have already decided you are going to take no steps to improve your situation. This is a community of people who decide every day to make choices that improve their lives. Many of them have probably cut off toxic relationships in their life, and I am positive their heart is still beating away in their chest.

CoderGal

what's with the locks thing???

i never gave her a key!!!!!!!!!!!

im not gonna STOP LIVING and lock all my doors 24/7 and live like a hermit in my own house so that MOMMY doesnt make a surprise visit and come in my house when i left the door uncloked when im gardening outside.

...many people don't lock their doors. And they do it because they think they'll be happier doing it. They don't go around putting posts on the internet saying how angry they are and that they blame everyone in the world that may break into their house. I've had people break into my house while I was home. I keep deadbolts locked now, and I don't turn the knob and yell out damnnn youuu drugged up guy...It sucks the situation you are in, but stop putting blame on people, it doesn't help anything.

FrenchCanuck

im not balming everyone else.
No one in this forum caused the problem between my mother an i.

I do blame rude comments and people laughing at me like that "STAY MISERABLE" jerk, "PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON" or being told to go cry somewhere else when this is a forum for motivation and SUPPORT.
this is a support forum and people tell me to cry somewhere else for support...
thats not nice at all.


but i am greateful for all the others who were nice to me.


I do control my own life, its just my mother that is an issue.
I cant live with her and i cant live without her.
explain that.

CoderGal

Im on a forum full of people that were fat in their lives and experienced being treated like crap because of their weight.

yet there are still people here that turned into jerks after losing the weight.

i thought people would help me here, not being rude.
maybe its easy for you people to throw out people you love in your life like they were trash
to me it isnt
i have a heart.

jerks

I didn't get treated like crap for my weight. And I was never particularly large. I've also had to deal with problems before (surprise, many of the people giving you advice have been in similar situations). But I am sure you will get many good helpful responses now after calling everyone fat jerks.

I only liek the adive given by people who were nice.

and who ever said i need to put my little girl panties on, that was rude!
doesnt mean i want my crazy mother in my life that it makes me a little girl!!!

This is not how adults deal with problems. Not everything in life is nice. Sometimes the best advice is from the ones that are giving the 'not nice' stuff.

retiree2006

I do control my own life, its just my mother that is an issue.
I cant live with her and i cant live without her.
explain that.
[/quote]

Since this is a "food site", it seems appropriate to use, "You want to have your cake and eat it, too." Sorry, it doesn't work that way. You just might have to make a choice...or at least work with someone to come up with a compromise that works for both of you.

firstsip

therapists dont know what im going through, they can only give me adivce on what they learned in books back in school to study for their degree or fill me up full of medication.

Everyone should have left this thread alone after this. Someone who so clearly needs and would benefit from therapy as an adult making excuses.

No different than the 'I want to give up trying to lose weight' posts. If you are ready to get what you want, you'll do it. You are apparently still viewing therapy as you did as a child.

Try reading 'Toxic Parents' at least.

therunninghippie

im not balming everyone else.
No one in this forum caused the problem between my mother an i.

I do blame rude comments and people laughing at me like that "STAY MISERABLE" jerk, "PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON" or being told to go cry somewhere else when this is a forum for motivation and SUPPORT.
this is a support forum and people tell me to cry somewhere else for support...
thats not nice at all.


but i am greateful for all the others who were nice to me.


I do control my own life, its just my mother that is an issue.
I cant live with her and i cant live without her.
explain that.

You are living with her, and you can live without her. Plenty of adults live without their parents in their lives and are just fine.

whierd

im not balming everyone else.
No one in this forum caused the problem between my mother an i.

I do blame rude comments and people laughing at me like that "STAY MISERABLE" jerk, "PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON" or being told to go cry somewhere else when this is a forum for motivation and SUPPORT.
this is a support forum and people tell me to cry somewhere else for support...
thats not nice at all.


but i am greateful for all the others who were nice to me.


I do control my own life, its just my mother that is an issue.
I cant live with her and i cant live without her.
explain that.

You can easily live without her, you just choose not to.

Likely because you enjoy the drama of it.

firstsip

I do control my own life, its just my mother that is an issue.
I cant live with her and i cant live without her.
explain that.

You're an adult. You can live without her. If you choose not to distance yourself, you could at least learn valuable coping mechanisms to strip the pain out of her behavior.

You're hardly the first person on MFP to have an abusive parent--recommendations of therapy and distancing from your mother are coming from people who have come out the other side of this sort of situation.

jkal1979

I do control my own life, its just my mother that is an issue.
I cant live with her and i cant live without her.
explain that.

Then you need to find a balance. Keep your distance while you work on yourself and how you react when it comes to any kind of conflict or disagreement you have with others. After you have done that you can slowly work on building some sort of relationship with her if that is what you want.

Achrya

I do control my own life, its just my mother that is an issue.
I cant live with her and i cant live without her.
explain that.

You're a victim because you want to be. Until you decide not to be nothing will change. And that is honestly all there is to be said.

firstsip

Im on a forum full of people that were fat in their lives and experienced being treated like crap because of their weight.

yet there are still people here that turned into jerks after losing the weight.

i thought people would help me here, not being rude.
maybe its easy for you people to throw out people you love in your life like they were trash
to me it isnt
i have a heart.

jerks

Immaturity seems to be the biggest issue coming from your mother's behavior, not your obesity. Stop the attacks. Hopefully the mods will step in here.