Hating on Fat People Just Makes Them Fatter
Replies
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Obviously yes. My point though is that there are many here who are close to the point where they have the strength to commit, but aren't quite there yet. Instead of giving them the rough treatment - which I don't believe is very helpful - why not ask gently what is wrong? Maybe they will finally take the last necessary step that is needed to not make excuses anymore. It goes quickly for some lucky ones, whereas for others it is about rowing back and forth several times. Patience and understanding that we aren't all alike (yep, some are of that gross sensitive type to which I also belong) does require a lot of personal maturity though. Pushy consultants aren't usually very successful, but those who adapt to the client's needs might experience great progress. My humble two cents.Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be there for someone, who is struggling. I see a lot of cold, distanced comments in this thread and am wondering what life would look like if the origins of those comments would step outside of themselves for a while to ask the weaker person - who could benefit from the experience and knowledge of the stronger one - whether they could help somehow. Most humans thrive on kindness, regardless of all the "I don't sugarcoat it" types of claims you see here. The strong individual isn't struggling anymore, so why not act like a mentor? Or is it nicer, more convenient, to sit on a high horse? Genuine kindness isn't the same as sugarcoating, but maybe we should all just fend for ourselves to make the world a better place.
Many of us know that it took a swift kick in our pants to stop making and excuses and get moving. Once people make that commitment and actually get moving, then the "oh I'm sorries" and "you can do it!s" come out in full force (at least on most of my friends' walls). The individual has to make that commitment though, and drop the excuses first and foremost.
I humbly disagree. One, I'm not a consultant and I don't have to worry about soft balling things so people will pay me. And two, this website is meant for adults, and while we are limited generally to not attacking people and being all around asshats, I personally find straight talk the most effective approach. Well, that and adults take personal responsibility for themselves. It's a lesson we all have to learn.
Honestly, this is one area where there is a definite divide among MFP members, and you and I won't be able to solve it here. I'm okay with agreeing to disagree on this one.0 -
You have the body you want... truest words I ever heard.
How bad do you want a fit body? No words would stop me.
This.
Plus: having people call me out on being fat didn't affect me positively or negatively until I was READY to change my life. We only have ourselves to make the decision to do it. You can have results or you can have excuses. You cannot have both.0 -
i got fat because my calories that I was inputting (read eating) were FAR more than my calories I was outputting...(read exercising)
eating because I was called a name was an excuse to not take responsibility...
eating because I was sad was an excuse to not take responsibility...
i WAS fat....i WAS hugely fat....(LOOK AT MY TICKER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD)
choosing to eat made me fatter....
not those people...and I refuse to give them that power...
and I ALWAYS knew from day one that it was me and I was failing me....
it did however take me a damn long time to realise that shrugging my shoulders and saying "oh well, I'm just going to fail at being thin" did not make me happy...
once I got that...really really got that....
I changed me.
only YOU will make you fatter, only YOU can make you thinner.0 -
Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be there for someone, who is struggling.
Not just sometimes, it ALWAYS takes just ONE person.
The person themself.
Nobody else can do it, not with coddling, not with kindness, not with bullying or harsh words. The only person who can choose is the person themself.
That's why a lot of folks are replying scornfully, because a lot of us have discovered this. My fitness level is dependent solely on myself, and the choices I make. Food pushers can't choose for me. Bullies can't choose for me. My parents, my children, folks who "wants what is best" for me can't choose either.
It's all on me. And thank goodness for that!0 -
Obviously yes. My point though is that there are many here who are close to the point where they have the strength to commit, but aren't quite there yet. Instead of giving them the rough treatment - which I don't believe is very helpful - why not ask gently what is wrong? Maybe they will finally take the last necessary step that is needed to not make excuses anymore. It goes quickly for some lucky ones, whereas for others it is about rowing back and forth several times. Patience and understanding that we aren't all alike (yep, some are of that gross sensitive type to which I also belong) does require a lot of personal maturity though. Pushy consultants aren't usually very successful, but those who adapt to the client's needs might experience great progress. My humble two cents.Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be there for someone, who is struggling. I see a lot of cold, distanced comments in this thread and am wondering what life would look like if the origins of those comments would step outside of themselves for a while to ask the weaker person - who could benefit from the experience and knowledge of the stronger one - whether they could help somehow. Most humans thrive on kindness, regardless of all the "I don't sugarcoat it" types of claims you see here. The strong individual isn't struggling anymore, so why not act like a mentor? Or is it nicer, more convenient, to sit on a high horse? Genuine kindness isn't the same as sugarcoating, but maybe we should all just fend for ourselves to make the world a better place.
Many of us know that it took a swift kick in our pants to stop making and excuses and get moving. Once people make that commitment and actually get moving, then the "oh I'm sorries" and "you can do it!s" come out in full force (at least on most of my friends' walls). The individual has to make that commitment though, and drop the excuses first and foremost.
No in my experience the readiness comes from the inside. No one external to you can give that to you. Once you're set on that path though sure, cheerleaders can keep you motivated. But that first step has to come from within. That "decision" to change.
Yep.
I was called Miss Piggy in the 5th grade
Heard a lot of 'you have a cute face for a fat girl' in middle school
People yelling 'fatty' out of the school bus windows in high school
I have a pretty extensive history with being called all sorts of names. No amount of anyone comforting me did it take for me to get off my @$$ and lose the weight. I changed when I was ready. The name-calling didn't make me "fatter". I was already fat. I lost the weight when I took accountability. That's it.0 -
Even the strongest of men like holding someone else's hand once in a while, nothing wrong in warmth between human beings. Yes it sounds cheesy, but come on, everyone likes to feel appreciated rather than judged. Everyone obviously takes the last step by themself into a mindset of determination, but it isn't unusual that they receive some form of support along the way. For some this is that support. I can't change others nor do I want to, but at least I can speak up with a warmer voice than some others here.
Obviously yes. My point though is that there are many here who are close to the point where they have the strength to commit, but aren't quite there yet. Instead of giving them the rough treatment - which I don't believe is very helpful - why not ask gently what is wrong? Maybe they will finally take the last necessary step that is needed to not make excuses anymore. It goes quickly for some lucky ones, whereas for others it is about rowing back and forth several times. Patience and understanding that we aren't all alike (yep, some are of that gross sensitive type to which I also belong) does require a lot of personal maturity though. Pushy consultants aren't usually very successful, but those who adapt to the client's needs might experience great progress. My humble two cents.Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be there for someone, who is struggling. I see a lot of cold, distanced comments in this thread and am wondering what life would look like if the origins of those comments would step outside of themselves for a while to ask the weaker person - who could benefit from the experience and knowledge of the stronger one - whether they could help somehow. Most humans thrive on kindness, regardless of all the "I don't sugarcoat it" types of claims you see here. The strong individual isn't struggling anymore, so why not act like a mentor? Or is it nicer, more convenient, to sit on a high horse? Genuine kindness isn't the same as sugarcoating, but maybe we should all just fend for ourselves to make the world a better place.
Many of us know that it took a swift kick in our pants to stop making and excuses and get moving. Once people make that commitment and actually get moving, then the "oh I'm sorries" and "you can do it!s" come out in full force (at least on most of my friends' walls). The individual has to make that commitment though, and drop the excuses first and foremost.
No in my experience the readiness comes from the inside. No one external to you can give that to you. Once you're set on that path though sure, cheerleaders can keep you motivated. But that first step has to come from within. That "decision" to change.0 -
It's the truth. It just adds to an already negative situation and people who tend to be emotional/stress eaters aren't going to react positively by being badgered about the fact that they're fat. They're probably going to eat more (not intentionally). What they need is a positive, helpful person to do things with them and act as a role model just by making healthy choices. Additional studies show that our nutrition choices are affected by who we spend our time with, so if we go out to lunch every day with the same group of people who are always eating pizza and nachos, odds are good that we'll go that route, too. If we spend time around people making healthy choices (without harping on it - just doing it), odds are we'll start doing the same or similar.0
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Different people react to different kinds of motivation. For me, criticism is fuel. But I would understand if others need more encouragement.
There's no one right way to motivate every kind of individual.0 -
IMO no one should give a rat's *kitten* if someone is fat or skinny or whatever. Unless it somehow directly affects them, like a family members health issues or something, why would I make fun of or make a rude comment to an overweight person? What business is it of mine how they live? Be thin as rail, don't eat, pig out and gain a hundred pounds, everyone lives their own life and can do with it as they choose. Everyone's all up in everyone's business too much!0
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No matter how much a loose I will always be fat.
With that attitude, you're right.
The victim mentality that I see a lot on this site drives me up the flippin wall. Quit letting other people have power over you and take control of your own life!!! We're adults and we have responsibility for our own actions. Quit blaming everyone else and looking for a convenient excuse! If someone makes you feel bad, it's probably because they were speaking the truth. No one gets their feelings hurt over something that doesn't apply to them.
I'm wondering if they meant, "no matter how much I lose I will always FEEL fat." Like they'll always have the mentality of being a bigger person, even if the body they actually inhabit is in great shape. That's how I took it, anyway.0 -
IMO no one should give a rat's *kitten* if someone is fat or skinny or whatever. Unless it somehow directly affects them, like a family members health issues or something, why would I make fun of or make a rude comment to an overweight person? What business is it of mine how they live? Be thin as rail, don't eat, pig out and gain a hundred pounds, everyone lives their own life and can do with it as they choose. Everyone's all up in everyone's business too much!
^^^^^^Agree0 -
IMO no one should give a rat's *kitten* if someone is fat or skinny or whatever. Unless it somehow directly affects them, like a family members health issues or something, why would I make fun of or make a rude comment to an overweight person? What business is it of mine how they live? Be thin as rail, don't eat, pig out and gain a hundred pounds, everyone lives their own life and can do with it as they choose. Everyone's all up in everyone's business too much!
Quoted for TRUTH.0 -
This is the type of comment that gets respect from me. I don't want the criticism unless I've asked for it, but I know many guys here have talked in the spirit of "no goddamn crying" and that's fine - as long as my method is genuinely okay, too. *smiles widely*Different people react to different kinds of motivation. For me, criticism is fuel. But I would understand if others need more encouragement.
There's no one right way to motivate every kind of individual.0 -
Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be there for someone, who is struggling. I see a lot of cold, distanced comments in this thread and am wondering what life would look like if the origins of those comments would step outside of themselves for a while to ask the weaker person - who could benefit from the experience and knowledge of the stronger one - whether they could help somehow. Most humans thrive on kindness, regardless of all the "I don't sugarcoat it" types of claims you see here. The strong individual isn't struggling anymore, so why not act like a mentor? Or is it nicer, more convenient, to sit on a high horse? Genuine kindness isn't the same as sugarcoating, but maybe we should all just fend for ourselves to make the world a better place.
I lean toward Buddhist precepts and try to be compassionate in the world. It's kind of hard, but it makes my life better and it minimizes getting bothered/hurt by things.0 -
This is what's wrong with people these days. I'm a freaking victim :sad: I get so sick of hearing this crap. Whatever happened to personal responsibility?
Guess what. I was fat. I'm 66 inches and weighed 280. I'm still fat, but I am down 90 pounds or so.
Did people tell me I was fat? Heck yes.
Did I go home and cry over a bucket of chicken about it? Nope.
Hell, I was the person who used to make the most fat jokes about myself.
Did I know what I needed to do? Yep.
Did I do it? Nope
At the time, eating really tasty fried and meat and starch foods to excess were much more important to me than being thin and healthy. My MD told me every year, that I should start eating right, and add more exercise to my life. I blew him off because it didn't fit into my lifestyle., and was lower on my priorities. I didn't have diabetes. I didn't have blood pressure problems. My cholesterol was fine. I could live with the not being able to sit up, not being able to touch my toes, etc.
Who had the problem? Me!
It wasn't the fact that I was teased. It wasn't my mom and dad making me clean my plate. It wasn't bad genetics. It was me, and my priorities. It wasn't until I got a diagnosis of prediabetes that weight loss became a higher priority that motivated me to start eating better and getting more active.
Once again. Personal responsibility. It's as bad as that thread where someone deleted all of their friends because she gained weight. It's from inside not outside.
SMDH
[/rant]0 -
No matter how much a loose I will always be fat.
With that attitude, you're right.
The victim mentality that I see a lot on this site drives me up the flippin wall. Quit letting other people have power over you and take control of your own life!!! We're adults and we have responsibility for our own actions. Quit blaming everyone else and looking for a convenient excuse! If someone makes you feel bad, it's probably because they were speaking the truth. No one gets their feelings hurt over something that doesn't apply to them.
The ones that make me crazy are people who get butt hurt and throw their diet in the toilet because they lose a bunch of weight and no one notices or compliments them. I just want to start handing out the throat punches.0 -
True, same here. I very much believe in "detached compassion/kindness"; it doesn't cost much effort to practice yet it can be significant in someone else's life. I don't think it's Buddhist only, but Christian teachings go along those lines, too. I don't have a particular faith, though, but just think it's the right thing to do not to be so butthurt about the slower pace of others or their struggles for that matter.
I lean toward Buddhist precepts and try to be compassionate in the world. It's kind of hard, but it makes my life better and it minimizes getting bothered/hurt by things.Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be there for someone, who is struggling. I see a lot of cold, distanced comments in this thread and am wondering what life would look like if the origins of those comments would step outside of themselves for a while to ask the weaker person - who could benefit from the experience and knowledge of the stronger one - whether they could help somehow. Most humans thrive on kindness, regardless of all the "I don't sugarcoat it" types of claims you see here. The strong individual isn't struggling anymore, so why not act like a mentor? Or is it nicer, more convenient, to sit on a high horse? Genuine kindness isn't the same as sugarcoating, but maybe we should all just fend for ourselves to make the world a better place.0 -
^^^^^ This. And once you own up to that truth, it becomes somewhat difficult to listen to all the "articles" that make it easier for people to avoid owning up to that.Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be there for someone, who is struggling.
Not just sometimes, it ALWAYS takes just ONE person.
The person themself.
Nobody else can do it, not with coddling, not with kindness, not with bullying or harsh words. The only person who can choose is the person themself.
That's why a lot of folks are replying scornfully, because a lot of us have discovered this. My fitness level is dependent solely on myself, and the choices I make. Food pushers can't choose for me. Bullies can't choose for me. My parents, my children, folks who "wants what is best" for me can't choose either.
It's all on me. And thank goodness for that!0 -
i got fat because my calories that I was inputting (read eating) were FAR more than my calories I was outputting...(read exercising)
eating because I was called a name was an excuse to not take responsibility...
eating because I was sad was an excuse to not take responsibility...
i WAS fat....i WAS hugely fat....(LOOK AT MY TICKER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD)
choosing to eat made me fatter....
not those people...and I refuse to give them that power...
and I ALWAYS knew from day one that it was me and I was failing me....
it did however take me a damn long time to realise that shrugging my shoulders and saying "oh well, I'm just going to fail at being thin" did not make me happy...
once I got that...really really got that....
I changed me.
only YOU will make you fatter, only YOU can make you thinner.
QFT0 -
Hi guys, don't mind me. I'm just here with some logic.
Correlation does not equal causation.
Succinctly put!0 -
IDK percentages, but it really doesn't matter. Those things are just another variable in the Calories in-calories out equation, specifically your calories out are lower, and you might need to make slightly different dietary choices. As a person with thyroid disease, I don't really accept that as an excuse, you just need to work harder and it might take longer than a person without those conditions.
Pretty much. I have PCOS and "supposedly" that makes it harder for me to lose weight. Before I came to MFP I thought it was SO hard for me to lose weight, and I definitely blamed my PCOS. But the facts are that a) I wasn't doing it right. b) I didn't want it enough. c) I had a bad attitude and didn't think I could do it.
Now I train, eat a deficit, try to hit my macros, and I'm losing weight. It's not super hard. It's not very complicated. It's harder and more complicated than anything I ever did before, but that's because before, I just wasn't trying hard enough. I really struggle with sweets - I'd like to eat ice cream at every meal - and I hear that PCOS causes me to crave sugar and carbs (I don't know or care if it's true. Doesn't really matter if it is, or if I just love sugar). But everything I put in my mouth is my choice and who's to say that it's harder for me to resist than it is for someone else?
I don't want to downplay the struggles of others with PCOS, or any other obstacle, but for me, I had to take 100% of the responsibility to finally be successful. It's still a struggle. Last week and the week before, I ate at or above maintenance. It was driving me crazy and I was trying to figure out if it was hormones or stress or what, and all the while, I kept overeating. Finally I realized that it didn't matter if it was hormones or stress. What mattered was my response and the choices that I made. Acknowledging that I was effing up and not looking to place blame is allowing me to get back on track. Maybe there's an underlying problem making me want to eat a pint of ice cream at midnight, but I don't have to figure out what that problem is or fix it in order to choose not to eat a pint of ice cream after I'm already at 1800 calories for the day. That's not to say that I shouldn't tackle that underlying issue separately, but I can't blame it for what I put in my mouth, and I can't use it as an excuse for not doing what I need to do.0 -
Motivation ultimately does come within.
However, external motivation can play a role--pro athletes pair with certain coaches and trainers precisely for their ability to motivate and challenge. If someone is committed and strong, good luck demotivating them. Good coaches, however, can improve a so-so performer, or they can take existing motivation and light it on fire.
I remember one coach I had, soccer, a former Marine, yelling at me to run faster (I was a slow kid on the team): "You're no different than anybody else," he yelled. And in that fashion, I kept pace with everyone else. Curious how he knew how to motivate me.
Motivation ultimately does come from within, but it's also true, on a site like this, that people are seeking out others for motivation and inspiration. There's a fine line between criticism and insults, as well as a fine line between being "supportive" and enabling a dieter's lack of accountability.0 -
I've been giving it some thought, the whole yelling thing. I don't think I'd be able to not run if a drop-dead gorgeous Marine would yell at me to run for dear life. If I don't see a point of some kind to the running for dear life or the person is doing nothing but piss me off, then so long motivation. I doubt I'd be ready for a yelling PT currently, but maybe once I've gained a bit more confidence in the capabilities of my body. The essence here is "gradual progress" and everyone is entitled to the time they need.Motivation ultimately does come within.
However, external motivation can play a role--pro athletes pair with certain coaches and trainers precisely for their ability to motivate and challenge. If someone is committed and strong, good luck demotivating them. Good coaches, however, can improve a so-so performer, or they can take existing motivation and light it on fire.
I remember one coach I had, soccer, a former Marine, yelling at me to run faster (I was a slow kid on the team): "You're no different than anybody else," he yelled. And in that fashion, I kept pace with everyone else. Curious how he knew how to motivate me.
Motivation ultimately does come from within, but it's also true, on a site like this, that people are seeking out others for motivation and inspiration. There's a fine line between criticism and insults, as well as a fine line between being "supportive" and enabling a dieter's lack of accountability.0 -
Even the strongest of men like holding someone else's hand once in a while, nothing wrong in warmth between human beings. Yes it sounds cheesy, but come on, everyone likes to feel appreciated rather than judged. Everyone obviously takes the last step by themself into a mindset of determination, but it isn't unusual that they receive some form of support along the way. For some this is that support. I can't change others nor do I want to, but at least I can speak up with a warmer voice than some others here.
I hear the warmth and am glad you're on this site. I always am amazed at how many people believe that because they accomplished their health goals in one way that their way is the right way. Try not to judge such people
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I think there comes a point when you decide I need to lose weight. For some people it can be a comment from another person or the fact that you could not ride the roller coaster with your child. For others it may take many of the situations before they decide to lose weight.
I have lost weight a couple of times and put it back on plus more.
I can guarantee my motivation does not come from rude comments. As a matter of fact, I will turn into Queen $itch and tell you to go take a long walk off a short pier. I would prefer you to keep your comments to yourself, just as I will keep mine about you to myself.
:glasses:0 -
Not me. One day I was walking around the house when my then 5 year old nephew said - "Why are you so fat?" I was at a loss for words and couldn't believe what he said but at the same time I couldn't be mad at him. That was one of the main reasons I had my lifestyle change.0
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To each their own. I've given up trying to logic with HAES and Thin Privilege its no longer worth my time.
I never told anyone they were fat, nor did I have room to talk. But I didn't get told as much as people I hear about.
People take this **** way to seriously, need to live a little. As a former fat guy in training to become fit we all need to take a moment a laugh otherwise you'll die too early in life.
Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley) I Hate My Body
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwh8ygvNdgo 0 -
I agree with this article. I feel discriminated against because of my weight and it makes me feel hopeless sometimes.
No matter how much a loose I will always be fat.
I don't know why you would think this was a fact. You're a pretty girl, and very young. You can choose to make some changes if you want to, and yes, you can be slim. Maybe you won't be supermodel thin - neither will I and neither will most people. It's really hard to tell when you have some extra pounds what you will look like at a lower weight.0 -
As far as walking a mile in someone else's shoes, are you really proposing that "i think most people who say blah blah blah people are man blah blah blah im going to use this as an excuse have never had that kind of pressure put on them"?
Really?
So, and I'm just throwing this out there, all the people here that are fit and saying "stop making excuses" were always fit? Or that they have never had depression or self esteem issues? You think that, just maybe, some of the people that are saying "stop making excuses" are speaking from experience?
I'm not trying to create a great debate here, but the stop making excuses thing has been successful for a good number of people and not just in weight loss.
i meant, you can say you had pressure but you have no idea how it effects that person. 4 people could be called fatty and 4 people could have completely different reactions to it.
there have been many people who have overcome it and gone on to be physically healthy. just as there are people who have eaten 1200 calories have gotten fitter, as there are people who have eaten 3000 calories.
the point is there isnt any one single path that you can say everyone can follow and get the same results. the human race is very diverse. so is our way of thinking0 -
It makes me sad how many people missed the point.
I do want to clarify I did NOT write this, I posted it from Yahoo. I am not 'deciding' to stay fat (see the ticker) and neither is the author. This article isn't about the fat people, it's about YOU deluding yourself into thinking you are helping said fat person by trying to tell them they are disgusting, rolling your eyes when they struggle at the gym, making fun of people who are not what you think they should be.
It's not an excuse to be fat. No question that fat comes from too many calories. I didn't lose weight by accident after all; I get how this works.
Trust me, every fat person KNOWS they are fat. Someone on the outside being a prick about it, doesn't change that. But it can lead someone who is already struggling with self esteem issues (and fat is often a symptom of that) right to the fridge. Yes, they are ultimately responsible for their actions and blaming other people for that is totally ineffective but that doesn't change the fact that being a bully isn't helping.
The examples in the article ARE less than stellar. Not fitting on a roller coaster isn't bullying....but having a line of people behind you making whale jokes or whatever would be. I've never been big enough to really experience some of this, but I have seen it and until you've seen someone just crumple when they hear some of these hateful things? When you see someone struggling to get healthy and they are treated as less than human? I can't even believe how horrible some people are -- and in a place like MFP, I often see it dressed up as helping...and by god, its the exact opposite.
The point is, don't kid yourself that you are "helping" by trying to bully someone into being thinner. If you do that, you are just being a jerk.
And in the end, that other person's body doesn't belong to you. None of your business what it looks like. Worry about your own self.0
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