Hating on Fat People Just Makes Them Fatter

BonnieandClyde29

No matter what people will always be cruel I've had people discriminate against me because of my race, my husbands race, my weight, being blonde, the list goes on and on. Even my mother when I was constantly active would tell me I have a muffin top and tell me i look like a gallon of milk into an 8oz glass and she is bigger than me! So personally I can see how it would obviously NOT help people and make them regress, but i've always wanted to do it for myself, and realized i have to take responsibility for myself!!! Plus my husband actually told me I'm sorry baby but you look fat in that shirt, big eye opener!!! everyone is different some people need a reality check, some realize it themselves.

Majda1234_wechange

I think it depends and i disagree with this article. People vary and so do heir reactions. I have, for example started to loose weight the moment people started to notice and tell me how much i have gained. However, i am the kind of person that is very influenced b other peoples opinion so for me loosing weight, mainly started becuse of other peoples opinion. Even though it is rather unhealthy way of thinking that is what motivated me. Also my weight loss was speeded unintentionally when family members literally started to pay attention to hw much i ate and "why i ate that now". So as what you said may be the case with some people i can say i strongly disagree since it has nothing to do with the people that are "teasing" you, people will always do that but what matters are your emotional state of mind and how you react to those insults. And honestly i am very grateful to my family members( even though their way of making me pay attention wasn't the best) for making me realise i was on a path to gain even more. I would probably be as twice as i was when i started the weight loss journey if they didn't make me pay attention. Now i am "too skinny" for them, you can't and shouldn't try to please other is what i have learned.They will ALWAYS find flaws an you shouldn't care, i feel at my best now and yu should aim for the weight you feel best at no matter what other say.

leslturn8

It never ever occurred to me that i was getting fatter and fatter........noone told me, i never noticed......i just brought bigger clothes.....i lived.....i got obese.......I got told I was fat by my friend OH HELL NO *kitten*, i strive to prove people wrong, in 6 months i lost 21 kilos...... and it was on like donkey kong!

I find insults motivating, for example "geeze you've gotten fat"
My brother calls me fat bimbo, so i call him fatso
My clothes call me fat every day!
The mirror tells me a different story every day, one day im really fat, the next day i may get the i look skinnier today, day after im OMFG WHAT HAVE U BEEN EATING.

The point being, its when you have a belly, and the jewellery sales lady ask's you when your due....i find that to be the most offensive moment i have been involved in. I was so embarrassed i blurted out the wrong month which was like 7 months away and i looked at least 8 months preggas! Since then it rolls off my back like water......

Its when your a childcare worker and the children ask you about the baby in your belly and you laugh and say no I dont have a baby im just over weight, i ate too much! Then they laugh and say your fat.....it hurts your feelings but they are just telling it how they see it......so really.....are you going to go and stuff your face cos a 3 year old told you your were fat?

My niece was 4 when she watched the jenny craig add and told her mum she needs to join......you feel the burn they feel, as does everyone skinny, fat tall short......you feel empathy, but just remember, you may be like omg thats mean, but really it may not have effected the person who was insulted in the slightest, it just evokes thoughts about your goals "if someone said that to me....."

There are people who take it to heart and go and feed their face, then again there are people like me.....I use to take offence, feed my face then I woke up to myself SCREW THEM AND SCREW FAT TOO! There are moments where I will smile and go "oh burn for me" but i move on, i motivate myself and wellah. Peoples words dont affect me and I need to find more motivation and less delightful food!

If you walk the walk, expect them talk the talk, people may not say anything to your face, but they dont mind laughing about you behind your back..............its who laughs last that important...........

Progress is progress, smile, add some teeth, then laugh out loud, it may take you a few months/ years to get to where you want to be but there isnt a damn sole out there worth eating 1200 calories in one meal because of something they said......shout them a meal

AglaeaC

You need to tell people the truth to wake them up...I was awake by old friend who said ; you are fat! at first I was upset but it made me the person who I am today. And I am so grateful to him for dropping all that corectness and being honest...
And about insult....I am not insulting them. They are insulting their bodies by eating wrong foods. Thats all.

I see. So you also tell everyone about their bad hairstyle, bad clothing style, bad breath, crooked teeth, bad posture, too small/large breasts, bad behaviour, horribly behaving kids, barking dog,... just about anything you can think of that is bad because someone doesn't do things your way? This is crap and it is not your place to comment. If it is a person you know, it depends on whether you are capable of showing respect and kindness when asking into possible troubles that the overweight person might have, but strangers? No. "You are fat" as a statement is also incredibly rude or maybe it is a cultural thing, because where I come from laughing openly about someone's weight is just not done. People can behave here. Weight is personal and hence you don't force the face off of people.

pcastagner

I don't think I could have ever pulled this off without severing my ties to the ex wife who constantly reminded me what a disappointment my body was for her.


If you know someone struggling, don't add **** to the pile. Have some compassion. If they need to hear the truth, give it to them. But if that doesn't work, stop what you are doing because you a making things worse with your "help".

alisonlynn1976

I think it's inappropriate to comment on someone's body unless they have asked for your opinion/advice.

annakow

I see I have insulted you..GOOD, you need that!

JasonAxelrod

Different people need different things. Some of that is tough love, some of that is coddling, some of that is instruction, and some of that is indifference. We all have our histories with our health and why we are here. Some of us have more 'colorful' histories than others, but that doesn't mean that there is a universal rule about what a person needs in order to move forward with their lives and turn themselves around in pursuit of their own happiness.

I don't think it's anyone's business how someone else chooses to live their lives so long as that life does not infringe upon those of others. Myself personally, I began my weight loss initiative without any kind of outside solicitation about it. I had a personal, inner revelation about my life, what I wanted in it, and what my physical and emotional states had been doing to my quality of life since I was an adolescent. That change came completely from within. The contempt and the fat-shaming that I experienced not only in social situations growing up but also at home from most of my family members did not inspire me. I was timid, I was reserved, I was introverted, and I had a lot of self-worth issues that were only compounded even further by being made to believe that I was somehow less than others or inferior because I ate too damned much and didn't exercise enough.

It was a horrible influence in my life.

However, I can't sit here and pretend that my experience is universal and true for others. I really can't stand "studies" like this. Why is something like this even a "study" in the first place? It makes perfect ****ing sense that a lot of people would not respond well to that kind of treatment, whether it is about eating and exercise or some other bad behavior. It can lead to further self-perpetuation of that cycle. Is that not common sense? It sure as hell seems like it should be.

But yes, it can also get people riled up and sick and tired of being on the receiving end of that **** and give them drive to turn themselves around.

Do I think that this justifies people fat-shaming others? **** no. But I'm not going to tell someone who has initiated some huge life changes that what may have been their catalyst should never have happened.

Super individualistic and contextual. Everyone's different and needs different things in order to thrive.

AglaeaC

Different people need different things. Some of that is tough love, some of that is coddling, some of that is instruction, and some of that is indifference. We all have our histories with our health and why we are here. Some of us have more 'colorful' histories than others, but that doesn't mean that there is a universal rule about what a person needs in order to move forward with their lives and turn themselves around in pursuit of their own happiness.

I don't think it's anyone's business how someone else chooses to live their lives so long as that life does not infringe upon those of others. Myself personally, I began my weight loss initiative without any kind of outside solicitation about it. I had a personal, inner revelation about my life, what I wanted in it, and what my physical and emotional states had been doing to my quality of life since I was an adolescent. That change came completely from within. The contempt and the fat-shaming that I experienced not only in social situations growing up but also at home from most of my family members did not inspire me. I was timid, I was reserved, I was introverted, and I had a lot of self-worth issues that were only compounded even further by being made to believe that I was somehow less than others or inferior because I ate too damned much and didn't exercise enough.

It was a horrible influence in my life.

However, I can't sit here and pretend that my experience is universal and true for others. I really can't stand "studies" like this. Why is something like this even a "study" in the first place? It makes perfect ****ing sense that a lot of people would not respond well to that kind of treatment, whether it is about eating and exercise or some other bad behavior. It can lead to further self-perpetuation of that cycle. Is that not common sense? It sure as hell seems like it should be.

But yes, it can also get people riled up and sick and tired of being on the receiving end of that **** and give them drive to turn themselves around.

Do I think that this justifies people fat-shaming others? **** no. But I'm not going to tell someone who has initiated some huge life changes that what may have been their catalyst should never have happened.

Super individualistic and contextual. Everyone's different and needs different things in order to thrive.

I'm not a fan of that type of articles, but I appreciate a lot the constructive, inspiring discussion that can happen afterwards, like when people share their stories similar to yours. Lots of eyes are reading without participating actively, so I believe it is good to give a voice to the full spectrum of opinions.

justlast

I think it's inappropriate to comment on someone's body unless they have asked for your opinion/advice.

my thoughts exactly - i'm amazed at some of the people in this post. why is it any of their frigging business what someone else is doing with their body? unless it's your parent, sibling, spouse, child or best friend, shut your mouth and don't say a damn thing unless they specifically ask for your opinion.

AglaeaC

I'm just not a normal person. I'm also not a victim. So, people telling me I look round and whatever else they said was certainly motivation to get my *kitten* together. I didn't go cry in the dark with a half gallon of ice cream, I looked in the mirror and sad, "holy crap, they're right. I am fat." And I started doing things to reverse that. So, while the article touches on some sensitivities, it also perpetuates weak minded people into feeling hopeless, which is complete bullsh!t.

I hear what you are saying. Do you (general you) think that it is empowering for a still weak, undecided mind to get the tough treatment though? It is frequent here to see "suck it up buttercup", which is the other end of the spectrum. This particular article doesn't have the empowering vibe either, so maybe find something from the middle when addressing new members? Just a thought, since we don't know which method would work for them to tip over into determination. I think everyone, who is already strong, can recognise one, who is still wavering; the loud people are only as stupid as they want to be, in fact most seem highly intelligent to me.

Edit: typo.

Amiike

You need to tell people the truth to wake them up...I was awake by old friend who said ; you are fat! at first I was upset but it made me the person who I am today. And I am so grateful to him for dropping all that corectness and being honest...
And about insult....I am not insulting them. They are insulting their bodies by eating wrong foods. Thats all.

I see. So you also tell everyone about their bad hairstyle, bad clothing style, bad breath, crooked teeth, bad posture, too small/large breasts, bad behaviour, horribly behaving kids, barking dog,... just about anything you can think of that is bad because someone doesn't do things your way? This is crap and it is not your place to comment. If it is a person you know, it depends on whether you are capable of showing respect and kindness when asking into possible troubles that the overweight person might have, but strangers? No. "You are fat" as a statement is also incredibly rude or maybe it is a cultural thing, because where I come from laughing openly about someone's weight is just not done. People can behave here. Weight is personal and hence you don't force the face off of people.

:drinker: :drinker: :flowerforyou:

MissEStrange22

idk, when my Bro said that I was looking more out of shape than he could ever remember, and ask me when I was due, That's the day I went and took a good look in the mirror and realized he was 100% right.

It isn't de-motivating to everyone. It is all in how you choose to perceive/accept it .....if it's fact, it's a fact. And in my case it sure was a simple fact. And it motivated me to revert back to a healthier lifestyle.

I agree on both sides. When my nephew was a little younger he asked me why i was fat. That upset me so much, because I am very sensitive about my weight. Kids will be kids, and I explained about why, because auntie jenni eats too many sweets and cakes and doesnt run around enough... but it did motivate me.

That said, i was called fat as a young girl in a nasty way and that didnt. So I think it depends on the person and the circumstance. I also think that some men are less sensitive about weight and more open with each other in a jokey way but still getting a point across.

You're right though, I think people say nasty things about oothers because they don't feel happy in themselves.

JamericanBoy

While I agree with you, in general, I also feel that drefaw has a point. The line that stood out to me was "For those that had thought they experienced discrimination based on weight, 4 years later they were twice as likely to be obese."

If you asked me whether I have been discriminated against based on weight (215+ at my heaviest) I would say "no."
However, if you asked me if I experienced incidents that could be interpreted as weight discrimination, I would say "yes."

The bottom line for me is personal responsibility.

No amount of awareness/teasing/discrimination/what-have-you is going to help me lose weight. I knew that I was fat. I knew that it was a problem. I needed tools, not judgement. If you feel justified in shaming somebody because you think they need to change, then you are an *kitten*.

On the other hand, other people's attitudes did not keep me fat. Accepting other people's negative judgements and basing your behavior on them is dangerous. (And if you are prone to doing so, I strongly advise not becoming a parent.) If you feel justified in not changing *your own* behavior because the people around you don't live up to your expectations, you need to re-examine what you want out of life and ask whether you are willing to wait for other people to hand it to you.

So say we all!

KANGOOJUMPS

not me, I would lose it all,

GabriellaMaria

I don't have much to add to the topic of the article itself, apart from a reminder that the world is what it is today thanks to multiple personalities, not a single Warrior model. People who comment harshly in this thread are either strong from the beginning or they have overcome their vulnerabilities in the health department. Why don't you give those not there yet a break?

i agree!!
while nobody made me fat but me, harsh critisism only made me turn to the crappy food, and as a comfort eater, though i did get some comfort, the disgust i felt at what i was doing was a never ending circle.....if i were addicted to drugs, but not overweight, would the critiscism be as harsh....dont know...but i see plenty of people who think nothing of opening a bottle of wine every evening to relax and chill.....psychologically speaking, i think nurturing and increasing self worth are the best route with any addict, demeaning people doesnt work for everyone.....i have a constant day long battle for healthy foods over rubbish.....and i have found a way of eating that helps me lose weight, and not crave the carbs..., but that is only me,mightnt work for everyone...
parting thought...as my nan always said, "if you havent anything nice to say, dont say anything at all"
carry on...

GabriellaMaria

While I agree with you, in general, I also feel that drefaw has a point. The line that stood out to me was "For those that had thought they experienced discrimination based on weight, 4 years later they were twice as likely to be obese."

If you asked me whether I have been discriminated against based on weight (215+ at my heaviest) I would say "no."
However, if you asked me if I experienced incidents that could be interpreted as weight discrimination, I would say "yes."

The bottom line for me is personal responsibility.

No amount of awareness/teasing/discrimination/what-have-you is going to help me lose weight. I knew that I was fat. I knew that it was a problem. I needed tools, not judgement. If you feel justified in shaming somebody because you think they need to change, then you are an *kitten*.

On the other hand, other people's attitudes did not keep me fat. Accepting other people's negative judgements and basing your behavior on them is dangerous. (And if you are prone to doing so, I strongly advise not becoming a parent.) If you feel justified in not changing *your own* behavior because the people around you don't live up to your expectations, you need to re-examine what you want out of life and ask whether you are willing to wait for other people to hand it to you.

So say we all!

agreed!!

GabriellaMaria

It makes me sad how many people missed the point.

I do want to clarify I did NOT write this, I posted it from Yahoo. I am not 'deciding' to stay fat (see the ticker) and neither is the author. This article isn't about the fat people, it's about YOU deluding yourself into thinking you are helping said fat person by trying to tell them they are disgusting, rolling your eyes when they struggle at the gym, making fun of people who are not what you think they should be.

It's not an excuse to be fat. No question that fat comes from too many calories. I didn't lose weight by accident after all; I get how this works.

Trust me, every fat person KNOWS they are fat. Someone on the outside being a prick about it, doesn't change that. But it can lead someone who is already struggling with self esteem issues (and fat is often a symptom of that) right to the fridge. Yes, they are ultimately responsible for their actions and blaming other people for that is totally ineffective but that doesn't change the fact that being a bully isn't helping.

The examples in the article ARE less than stellar. Not fitting on a roller coaster isn't bullying....but having a line of people behind you making whale jokes or whatever would be. I've never been big enough to really experience some of this, but I have seen it and until you've seen someone just crumple when they hear some of these hateful things? When you see someone struggling to get healthy and they are treated as less than human? I can't even believe how horrible some people are -- and in a place like MFP, I often see it dressed up as helping...and by god, its the exact opposite.

The point is, don't kid yourself that you are "helping" by trying to bully someone into being thinner. If you do that, you are just being a jerk.

And in the end, that other person's body doesn't belong to you. None of your business what it looks like. Worry about your own self.

took the words right out of my mouth!!