Mfp crushes...
Replies
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Pour_Decisions wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.
I'm saying it's closed-minded such as those people would have. My point is that everyone talks about being tolerant towards a people of <insert demographic> group. Yet, when it comes to relationships, NIMBY rears it's ugly head and said tolerances don't apply.
Perhaps I should add "Innocent until proven guilty" to my previous post. Because the way many talk, they've already hung their SO and opposite sex friend.caco_ethes wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?
While married people are a "unit". It's still comprised of two people who will have some interests or personality differences than their spouse. So, it's still two individual people. Does this mean that spouses wouldn't be welcome? Of course not. But, my point was that if one spouse doesn't hold interest in something, why should they feel bound to go?
Using your camping example, what if your husband and the three other husbands go on a week long hunting trip? If you, and the other wives have no interest in going to backwoods cabins with no running water, or camping on the open plains in a tent, why should you feel obligated to go if you're going to be miserable? Guys hunting week, which most women have zero problems with.
Now, let's say one husband doesn't like hunting because he's against it or never had the opportunity to do so and has no interest. Yet, his wife grew up in the country and enjoys it. Would it be an issue if she went instead of him? What if said woman was single, and was a lifelong friend of one of the husbands and they've gone hunting together for years? Now, what if it was a co-ed hunting party of all single people, and it was all platonic friendship? Issues there?
My point is that people seem to have more of a hangup about married and single people being friends. Yet, it's okay if married hang out, or generally that they're all single. Seems kind of archaic/ignorant to think that just because one person is single that's the temptation to cheat. I know more married people who have cheated with other married people, than single/married.
As to liking/not liking an SO's friend, that's a personality issue and it can happen whether dating, married or just friends. To me, somewhat related to the topic. But, also different.
I was in the marine Corp. There were women marines that were married that were deployed with us. They hung out with the guys.....we were all marines, we were in a close proximity to each other often without the spouses around. Lots of infidelity occured. Its like your best friend turned into a girl that shared all the same interest as you. Most of the time it was just flings and everyone went home to their spouse and tried to resume a normal relationship. Sometimes it ruined relationships. I think it's more naive to think that it won't happen more so than it will. Sure there are those it will not happen to, but there is a high enough percentage that it will that it cannot be discounted. I have no idea if those marines would have eventually cheated in their relationships down the road.....but what I do know is, they did cheat because good friends with similar interests and compatible body parts were spending lots of time together.
Yep, I was in the Corps as well and I'm all too familiar with the extramarital affairs that happened. It's almost commonplace, and the military has the highest percentage of divorces than other demographics. I'm not being naïve, nor ignorant, of the fact that they do happen. I've said before that if someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat.
However, not everyone does. And, that is what my beef is about. The way most people are talking, they are crucifying their SO for a crime that was most likely never committed. Most people in this thread would say "Don't hold someone accountable for the actions of your ex". Yet, here they are saying "I don't trust my SO enough to have friends of the opposite sex" because...
Really? So, there's really only two possible scenarios that can play out of this:
1) You're holding the actions of a previous relationship against your SO. Seems a bit hypocritical, doesn't it?
2) You don't trust them. So, if you don't trust them, then why the *kitten* did you marry them or get into a serious relationship with them? Or, you're the jealous type that thinks everyone's a cheater.
Actually, come to think of it, there's a third scenario that happened to me:
3) (ex)wife was against me having female friends. Yet, was okay for her to. She accused me of cheating, or would cheat, because of said friends. Turns out, she was the one cheating. So, deflection of blame to hide one's own guilt.
Even with being cheated on, I still have zero issues with having opposite sex friends. Whether one, or both, are single or married.
Again, not everyone cheats. Nor do I think cheating is so common that people should fear it happening. If that's the case, then why do people get married when the divorce rate is well over 50%? One would think that given those odds, they should hold the same belief.
Maybe I missed something but I don't recall anyone saying "everyone" cheats or that they "don't trust their SO" to have friends. You sound very defensive about the whole thing. It's an "unpopular" opinion. It doesn't have to be yours. I totally agree that it's likely and chances are very high that people cheat because good friends with similar interests and compatible body parts were spending lots of time together. Well said, @bojack5
There's direct comments as well as implications that they dont trust their SO to have friends of opposite sex.xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Whoa, so we get it... you have lots of friends of the opposite sex. Or maybe your partner does. That's OK ya know? (Or maybe you don't have either of those, hey who am I to assume?)
I don't think anyone was attacking you or your views. Each persons opinion on this can be different since it will usually come from personal experiences.
So, for me personally... I would not spend alone time with or become extremely close to a man without his wife being involved. Basically- I would be close friends with both of them.
Same for my man, if he began a friendship with a woman then I would expect to meet her and become friends with her as well. Its really out of respect more than anything, for me anyway.
Different strokes for different folks though. Its allll gooooood.
Whoa... You misread what I wrote. Or, perhaps didn't read it at all.
But, hey, like you said. Different strokes for different folks. Opinions are like *kitten*. Everyone's got one and you shouldn't assume.
Oh. Well I though I understood?
You don't agree with people that think their SO should not be close friends with the opposite sex, right? I believe you even compared them to people who are intolerant of people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever.
Like I said, it's okay with me if that's how you feel about the topic...it surely does not warrant name calling or labeling. At the end of the day this is an issue between someone and their SO and what they both agree is acceptable in their relationship and what is not.
What I said is that people who have issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex with no reason to distrust them, are closed-minded and intolerant. The reason for the comparison to those who view certain demographics with same view is because people seem to think in only one direction. It's not okay to be intolerant to certain demographics of people. But, it seems okay to have pre-conceived notions about unfounded fears of what their SO may do if they have friends of the opposite sex.
Name calling or labeling? Hmm, none of that. To say someone is "closed-minded" or "intolerant" is not name calling or labeling. If that's the case, then everyone does it and perhaps you should hold yourself accountable before throwing stones at others.
Or, perhaps you're referring to my "Opinoins" comment? Was just agreeing with you that whatever floats a person's boat and that everyone has their own opinion, whether right or wrong. Not everyone is going to agree, and it certainly shows here. But, it is very common opinion in this thread for people to say they don't trust their SO enough to have close opposite sex friends.0 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
Lol, a bit extreme. This is not discrimination towards a group of people.
I'm saying it's closed-minded such as those people would have. My point is that everyone talks about being tolerant towards a people of <insert demographic> group. Yet, when it comes to relationships, NIMBY rears it's ugly head and said tolerances don't apply.
Perhaps I should add "Innocent until proven guilty" to my previous post. Because the way many talk, they've already hung their SO and opposite sex friend.caco_ethes wrote: »xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »caco_ethes wrote: »Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings wrote: »In my personal experience, men and women cannot have a CLOSE platonic relationship. I've personally lost every single one of my good guy friends because they have wanted more, where I did not, they were all single btw. I would not maintain a super close friendship with a married man where we are spending time alone together if his wife was not present... there are lines of respect I would not cross... tee hee. I still find MOST women difficult to befriend, with their jealous, catty, judgy, gossipy attitudes... I just don't get that from most guys. I have met a few wonderful ladies this past year, however they are married with children and have busy lives and do more "couple things" with other couples... As a single woman, I just don't fit into that. Im totally cool with having friends to hang out with casually.
As far as MFP crushes go... Whatcha up to for the next 6 weeks?
I so can understand this. Any platonic male friendships I have had, has been with married men or men in relationships that I have known since high school or college. I believe I am able to maintain a friendship because they are not single and don't try anything BUT I never maintain a close friendship with them because, like you said- out of respect. Respect for their partner and mine as well.
What if you are friends with the wife as well??
I feel like if you’re really close with him but not the wife, it’s probably indicative of something being not quite right in one of those two relationships
Really? Kind of a closed-minded view, IMO. What if the wife knows of the female friend? They get along. But, not as close as the opposite-sex friend? Is that still indicative of problems in a relationship? What if the wife hates fishing, hunting, etc but the friend does? If she implicitly trusts him, and there's no reason to not do so, why would that be a problem?
Personally, I think anyone who has issues with their SO having close friends of the opposite sex is about as closed-minded and intolerant as those who have issues with people from various demographics such as LGBT, minorities, special needs, religious groups, or whatever. We're supposed to be this great "modern and evolved" society. Yet, we keep getting hung up on pre-conceived notions of people having bad intentions or causing harm to us.
If there's a history of cheating, infidelity, etc. then there's cause for concern and even I have issues with people whom have previously cheated. But, if they provide no reason for you to not trust them, don't hold them accountable for things other people have done. Isn't part of being in love with someone that we trust them until they prove otherwise?
It maybe didn’t read like I intended it but I generally view married people as one unit so it’s weird to think of only being friends with one of them. Even with my girlfriends.. I consider their husbands to be my friends as well.
If my guy has close girlfriends, I’m probably going to like them too. I mean in theory doesn’t that make sense? If someone I like likes another person, I feel like they’ve essentially vouched for that person.
This weekend we’re going camping with three other couples. I consider all of them to be my close friends. I would find it odd if I went camping with three other people who all left their spouses at home. It’s not wrong, just..
Am I remotely clear?
Edit: in re-reading your comment I think you thought I meant from a trust perspective? I didn’t mean it that way at all. More like if your best friend and spouse have nothing in common.. are you being true to yourself in both of those relationships? Or are you forcing something to work somewhere?
While married people are a "unit". It's still comprised of two people who will have some interests or personality differences than their spouse. So, it's still two individual people. Does this mean that spouses wouldn't be welcome? Of course not. But, my point was that if one spouse doesn't hold interest in something, why should they feel bound to go?
Using your camping example, what if your husband and the three other husbands go on a week long hunting trip? If you, and the other wives have no interest in going to backwoods cabins with no running water, or camping on the open plains in a tent, why should you feel obligated to go if you're going to be miserable? Guys hunting week, which most women have zero problems with.
Now, let's say one husband doesn't like hunting because he's against it or never had the opportunity to do so and has no interest. Yet, his wife grew up in the country and enjoys it. Would it be an issue if she went instead of him? What if said woman was single, and was a lifelong friend of one of the husbands and they've gone hunting together for years? Now, what if it was a co-ed hunting party of all single people, and it was all platonic friendship? Issues there?
My point is that people seem to have more of a hangup about married and single people being friends. Yet, it's okay if married hang out, or generally that they're all single. Seems kind of archaic/ignorant to think that just because one person is single that's the temptation to cheat. I know more married people who have cheated with other married people, than single/married.
As to liking/not liking an SO's friend, that's a personality issue and it can happen whether dating, married or just friends. To me, somewhat related to the topic. But, also different.
Speaking as someone who developed feelings for a platonic friend, I think I’m just aware that anything is possible.
In short, it’s fraught. That’s not lack of trust talking. That’s statistics 😅
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Calling someone intolerant and close minded because they dont want their SO hanging out solo with a bunch of others of the opposite sex isn't fair. If I see that said friend wants my man, then she has no business around him and not because I am worried about what he will do. I was in a situation once where some friend kissed my man when they were hanging out together. There were others around who confirmed that it was her and that he pushed her off, but the damage is already done. Now I am put in a position to have to beat that a s s.0
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Bojack he’s soooooo fineeeee 7
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Calling someone intolerant and close minded because they dont want their SO hanging out solo with a bunch of others of the opposite sex isn't fair. If I see that said friend wants my man, then she has no business around him and not because I am worried about what he will do. I was in a situation once where some friend kissed my man when they were hanging out together. There were others around who confirmed that it was her and that he pushed her off, but the damage is already done. Now I am put in a position to have to beat that a s s.
Remember in Archie comics where that sloot Midge would kiss all the boys and Moose went around knocking heads together when he should’ve addressed that the issue was probably with Midge? I always felt bad for Reggie. 😅3 -
@newmeadow wrote: »
What if they are married but can open pickle jars?
That’s always a free pass0 -
@newmeadow wrote: »
What if they are married but can open pickle jars?
Can they open dms?1 -
caco_ethes wrote: »
Remember in Archie comics where that sloot Midge would kiss all the boys and Moose went around knocking heads together when he should’ve addressed that the issue was probably with Midge? I always felt bad for Reggie. 😅
I never read those but I do agree that ultimate responsibility lies with the person in the relationship.
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I only crush on girls now 1
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mustacheU2Lift wrote: »@newmeadow wrote: »
What if they are married but can open pickle jars?
Can they open dms?
Every night married couples should sit on the couch together and show each other all their dms, texts, emails, chat posts, skype footage, youtube soliloquies, facebook shenanigans, woos, insightfuls, likes, inspireds, hugs, and hard copy of who they reported to moderators and why. At least 2 hours should be set aside for this as earnest and emotional discussion may ensue.
Psshh. Only two hours?0 -
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Avocado_AS5 wrote: »
Hahahahha this is me.0 -
mustacheU2Lift wrote: »@newmeadow wrote: »
What if they are married but can open pickle jars?
Can they open dms?
Every night married couples should sit on the couch together and show each other all their dms, texts, emails, chat posts, skype footage, youtube soliloquies, facebook shenanigans, woos, insightfuls, likes, inspireds, hugs, and hard copy of who they reported to moderators and why. At least 2 hours should be set aside for this as earnest and emotional discussion may ensue.
Hey, I told you this in confidence!0 -
0
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caco_ethes wrote: »mustacheU2Lift wrote: »@newmeadow wrote: »
What if they are married but can open pickle jars?
Can they open dms?
Every night married couples should sit on the couch together and show each other all their dms, texts, emails, chat posts, skype footage, youtube soliloquies, facebook shenanigans, woos, insightfuls, likes, inspireds, hugs, and hard copy of who they reported to moderators and why. At least 2 hours should be set aside for this as earnest and emotional discussion may ensue.
Psshh. Only two hours?
Ideally three but two at the bare minimum.
Three? Might want to add a number in front of that...
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2
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spanish_liza wrote: »Bojack he’s soooooo fineeeee
Is it obvious I made a second account just to add this important tidbit....;)2
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