The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

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Replies

  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,817 Member
    @Orphia wow 7 months is wonderful. And you inspire me with your blog and your posts. I am happy you dont have the alcohol gene and are just AF because you enjoy life without it. Xo
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 898 Member
    @RubyRed427 & @donimfp Thank you ladies for your wisdom...it really is a reminder for me to not take it personally. This is a tendency for me. My adult son once said to me, "Why do you care SO much?" His words come back to me in situations such as this. It just shows me that I'm emotionally attached for some reason that will eventually reveal itself. It's likely triggering some past stuff that I've shoved down with booze...And YES, I need to let others know this topic is off the table for me at least if she feels the need to critique me, I don't need to hear it. It really doesn't matter what she says unless she gets to the point where she can begin to take accountability. I know I was not a contributor to her problem....I know she is deflecting accountability, & her drinking issue has NOTHING to do with me, she moved here with an already entrenched drinking issue & one DUI on the table.

    SO, why DO I care so much?? There's something for me to write about in my journal, along with all the blessings I need to count to get my head in a different space. ;)

    Hope everyone has a happy weekend....
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,817 Member
    @lorrainequiche59 This is for you, me and anyone else. I think we are sensitive souls and injustice bothers us. Xo
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  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 898 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    @lorrainequiche59 This is for you, me and anyone else. I think we are sensitive souls and injustice bothers us. Xo
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    :)<3:) SO true!! Thank you :)<3:) NOW it's time for a soak in the tub with my current novel & then back-to-school shopping with my favorite daughter (my only one LOL) & my grandson...then lunch out! FUN!!
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
    donimfp wrote: »
    Orphia wrote: »
    People like you and @RubyRed427 have shown me through your trial and "error" how hard it is to moderate.

    My Nomo app reminded me last night I've now been AF 7 months. :smile:

    Wow! 7 months is incredible!

    On moderation, I still check in to the Less Alcohol thread, and I read things like "I plan to do x, then y, then z . . . " to moderate. I think these kinds of strategies do work for some people, and that's great. For me, that kind of thinking and planning just took up too much mental real estate. Plus, my great plans never seemed to work. I finally had to admit I was kidding myself. On to second calendar month AF.

    Yes, I've realised being mindful is so tiring.

    I'm happy mindlessly avoiding alcohol altogether. :smiley:
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 898 Member
    @eriktherealviking Welcome to our GREAT group of supportive people. Keep on keepin' on!!

    @Orphia SO true about mindful drinking being tiring...WAY too much thinking about drinking!! And really the word "moderation" as related to alcohol is one drink daily for women & two for men MAX...SO, really there shouldn't be much thinking if a person is being moderate cause anything beyond the recommended daily health limit is not moderation. Really, how many people stick to the healthy guidelines for moderation?? It may be drinking less, but it is certainly not moderate.
  • donimfp
    donimfp Posts: 795 Member
    Aww, @RubyRed427, I'm so sorry. And by no stretch of the imagination are you sounding like a brat. I wouldn't presume to offer any advice at all, but the old (trite) truism that God doesn't give us more than we can handle comes to mind . . . because I would not be able to handle that with quiet grace. I'd probably have reacted in a most unproductive way and then regretted it. I'm glad the Sober Squad is here for such venting, and it's a positive thing that you weren't tempted by the beer. That is awesome. As you would say, xoxoxo
  • salleewins
    salleewins Posts: 2,311 Member
    edited September 2018
    I texted my friend who had told me about "my contribution" accusation. And I posed the same question to her, "Why do I care SO much?" Anyway, she said this, "You take it personally because people in your life have managed to convince you that you ARE responsible for their screw ups, misfirings and general poor decisions. You aren't and never have been, but it takes things like this to realize they are looking to blame someone else rather than take responsibility for their own actions as GROWN ADULTS. 'So & So' is an expert at this or she wouldn't be going down this road for the SECOND TIME! You got this, girl!!"

    Why I care SO much has just been revealed to me!! Made me bawl :'( Cause she hit the nail on the head...I tend to forget about this aspect of my experience & sometimes I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders until someone or something reminds me that I can just let it go cause it isn't my responsibility.

    This is a HUGE reason why I drank. To have a break from feeling that huge weight. Now I can just LET IT GO!!! In the words of another wise friend, "Now, you don't really have to worry about that now, do you Lorraine!!" NO I DO NOT!! Who needs therapy when I have friends like this LOL <3

    Perhaps someone can relate to this. Especially if we grew up with an alcoholic, mentally ill or narcissistic parent OR combination of all 3....it does a number on us, doesn't it!!

    Wow. We are similar with this. Yes I grew up in with rough home lives, yes lives. It was awful for the most part. I continued the chaos when grown, as someone recently told me, by drinking. Alcohol not only medicated me supposedly, it also kept the chaos going that I was used to. We are never too old to learn something. I am glad the person you have been speaking of is getting help. I hope this person gets serious about receiving it. There are those who drink again after the programs and those that don't. I drank when I got out of AA meetings in the early times of trying to quit and after awhile when I was done with addiction therapy sessions. If anyone out there does pray(please no offence if you don't), put this up to prayer and hopefully this is the last time for this person. Any one of us could be in their shoes.Thank you for sharing with us.
  • lorrainequiche59
    lorrainequiche59 Posts: 898 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    You know I was thinking that our thread and other groups like AA really are a beautiful thing. A support group helps so much; otherwise willpower alone would be very difficult to sustain on your own. I’m sure some people have quit cold turkey and made it stick for years. But probably some of us need a community around us , we thrive off of each other’s advice, ups and downs, and friendship (from afar/and anonymously) ...

    PLEASE continue to be vulnerable enough to share whatever your heart desires in this space. This is OUR space & we can't help each other if we keep things bottled...I'd like to share another Melanie Beattie blurb about vulnerablity...it begins with an anonymous quote, "I've learned the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am." In part she then adds, "....We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength & control...allowing ourselves to be vulnerable will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerabilities helps us to feel close to people and helps others feel close to us. It helps us to grow in self-love & self-acceptance. It helps us become healing agents. It helps us to become whole & accessible to others." then she qualifies by including, "when it is safe & acceptable to do so."

    THIS is our safe space :)
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,817 Member
    @JenT304 That is heartbreaking. You’ve done very well coping on your own terms without alcohol. Funerals are a sad reminder how we better embrace every second of our lives and truly live. Xo
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,817 Member
    Ke22yB wrote: »
    @rubyred427 you will be secure in how you have chosen to live your life. I am looking back after over 10 years, your journey is beginning, I had to learn how to react and interact with those around me and it took awhile. Don't let your efforts be undermined.

    Thank you for the wise words. Yes I am just beginning; I have developed a healthy fear of ever putting alcohol in my mouth again. I cringe thinking about it, because of all the sweat and tears I’ve spend these last 43 days- for me, it was an emotional roller coaster quitting. But as my therapist said, don’t romanticize your drinking days, because after awhile they always ended badly.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,817 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    You know I was thinking that our thread and other groups like AA really are a beautiful thing. A support group helps so much; otherwise willpower alone would be very difficult to sustain on your own. I’m sure some people have quit cold turkey and made it stick for years. But probably some of us need a community around us , we thrive off of each other’s advice, ups and downs, and friendship (from afar/and anonymously) ...

    PLEASE continue to be vulnerable enough to share whatever your heart desires in this space. This is OUR space & we can't help each other if we keep things bottled...I'd like to share another Melanie Beattie blurb about vulnerablity...it begins with an anonymous quote, "I've learned the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am." In part she then adds, "....We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength & control...allowing ourselves to be vulnerable will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerabilities helps us to feel close to people and helps others feel close to us. It helps us to grow in self-love & self-acceptance. It helps us become healing agents. It helps us to become whole & accessible to others." then she qualifies by including, "when it is safe & acceptable to do so."

    THIS is our safe space :)

    This is OUR safe space. Thank God for you and the others. I like the quote you shared.Very meaningful to me.