The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
Replies
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https://www.verywellmind.com/can-alcoholics-learn-to-drink-moderately-67719
Yes, I googled “can alcoholics ever become moderate drinkers?”. I was thinking today... maybe I”m not an alcoholic after all. Then, I read this paragraph, and I said “oh yeah, that sounds just like me.”
From the article:
“You see, my memory is selective. I tend to forget how sick I felt each day, the hangovers, the blackouts, the puking, the worrying about how I appeared to other people, the remorse I felt every single morning when I woke up. I was beating myself up, and yet I continued. Who does that? Social drinkers don't do that. But alcoholics do.”
“However, those who have quit drinking because of past problems, and then attempt to go back to controlled or moderate drinking, fail to do so. They simply cannot drink one or two and stop, or at least not for any sustained period of time.”4 -
Awesome job @RubyRed427 !!! What a wonderful getaway for you
who knows if it'd have been funnier with some al,some times Id think that then drink and feel awful! That's one thing I remember about drinking for me is that it's unpredictable,I wasn't sure if I'd get the happy buzz,irritated buzz or the sad buzz,I also know I can't learn to drink moderately trust me I've tried! Tried pacing it,eating with it,drinking water between drinks,meh,that just irritated me! I wanted to just get crunk! Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! 3 -
Hi! Good to see this. I am in my 8th week of no alcohol with a couple of setbacks but straight back on it the next day. In 8 weeks I have had only five days where I have drank alcohol and nowhere near the amount I used to! I’m aiming for abstinence, it’s the only way for me. Maybe one day I will be able to enjoy just one glass of wine but until then it’s juice and water for me. I do like AF beer and mocktails though 😉 👍7
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RubyRed427 wrote: »https://www.verywellmind.com/can-alcoholics-learn-to-drink-moderately-67719
“However, those who have quit drinking because of past problems, and then attempt to go back to controlled or moderate drinking, fail to do so. They simply cannot drink one or two and stop, or at least not for any sustained period of time.”
Tried it, tried it, tried it....can NOT do it!!! There were a couple of other points I thought were good reminders also...#1 moderation is one drink per day for women, 2 for men...anything beyond that is risking health problems. #2 Those who have been able to learn to moderate alcohol were likely problem drinkers & not alcoholics & it referred to Moderation Management...sounds like too much work to me...#3 if alcoholics do fool themselves into thinking they "may" be able to moderate & by the time they learn that they cannot, it's too late. It can take several years to return to sobriety & sadly some do not...NOT WORTH THE RISK!! to try to fool myself one more time...besides I like the buzz & the chillax effect of alcohol...you can NOT get the level of chillax that I got by drinking one standard drink...
Sobriety is way better than putting too much energy to torment myself to have one measly drink...
and then stop...easier to just stop altogether!!! @RubyRed427 Thank you for that article...needed the reminders!! 
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Am I an alcoholic OR a problem drinker? I do not know. The only thing I DO know is there is a fine line between a problem drinker & an alcoholic and I also know that I am happier without it so it doesn't really matter what the "label" is. There is a stigma to the term alcoholic & now the term is Alcohol Use Disorder which doesn't sound as hopeless I suppose!! Waddy'all think?? Hmmmm??3
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Tomorrow is my birthday and it is the first one in a long time I will not have any alcohol. I'll treat myself in other ways. A pedicure or facial or both, who knows. I am happy to be on this journey with all of you 6
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@lorrainequiche59, I recommend Allen Carr’s book titled something like The Easy Way to Quit Drinking for Women. I buy his clearly stated contention, which is the same as Annie Grace’s, that there is no sense to the label “alcoholic,” as if only a certain group of people are affected negatively by ingesting an addictive substance.
Years ago I dabbled with Moderation Management, and you are right. Those folks spend a TON of time focusing on alcohol and “managing” it. It was exhausting. No thank you.
@JenT304, HAPPY BIRTHDAY tomorrow!!!! Have a wonderful celebration.3 -
@lorrainequiche59 A label is just that usually what someone else calls us. I was an alcoholic who had a problem drinking more than I should. My daughter who has been in AA for over 20 years asked me when I stopped " what do you call an alcoholic who doesn't go to AA meetings? A drunk. So I was a drunken Alcoholic who stopped drinking
over ten years ago. The bottom line for me is I don't drink. The label I go with now " I am a runner" and then there are people who want to quantify what is a runner how fast am I how far do you run. Mostly as they sit on their butts labeling me.
A wise man once told me " its none of your business what someone else thinks of you" or don't worry or care what they think of you just be comfortable with what you think of you.
@JenT304 happy birthday enjoy whatever treats you chose for your birthday present another year older but certainly another year wiser4 -
@Louise754 welcome and congratulations on your AF journey
@RubyRed427 I prefer to think after 10 years I can handle moderation but my life has taken me in another direction and there is no room for drinking anymore. So I believe I have the discipline and that is satisfying but wont try that self control. Always better safe than sorry.3 -
I'm in. Day 1.10
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »RubyRed427 wrote: »https://www.verywellmind.com/can-alcoholics-learn-to-drink-moderately-67719
“However, those who have quit drinking because of past problems, and then attempt to go back to controlled or moderate drinking, fail to do so. They simply cannot drink one or two and stop, or at least not for any sustained period of time.”
Tried it, tried it, tried it....can NOT do it!!! There were a couple of other points I thought were good reminders also...#1 moderation is one drink per day for women, 2 for men...anything beyond that is risking health problems. #2 Those who have been able to learn to moderate alcohol were likely problem drinkers & not alcoholics & it referred to Moderation Management...sounds like too much work to me...#3 if alcoholics do fool themselves into thinking they "may" be able to moderate & by the time they learn that they cannot, it's too late. It can take several years to return to sobriety & sadly some do not...NOT WORTH THE RISK!! to try to fool myself one more time...besides I like the buzz & the chillax effect of alcohol...you can NOT get the level of chillax that I got by drinking one standard drink...
Sobriety is way better than putting too much energy to torment myself to have one measly drink... and then stop...easier to just stop altogether!!! @RubyRed427 Thank you for that article...needed the reminders!!
Thank you!2 -
@Louise754 welcome and congratulations on your AF journey
@RubyRed427 I prefer to think after 10 years I can handle moderation but my life has taken me in another direction and there is no room for drinking anymore. So I believe I have the discipline and that is satisfying but wont try that self control. Always better safe than sorry.
Thank you!1 -
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Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes! I am grateful for another trip around the sun.
@fdhunt1 Welcome! You will find support and encouragement here. We are all each others cheerleaders. 1 -
Happy Birthday Jen!!!🍰1
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »Sobriety is way better than putting too much energy to torment myself to have one measly drink... and then stop...easier to just stop altogether!!!
This is very well put. I never thought of it this way. When I'm tempted to "try" moderate drinking, you're right, I'm hoping for just "one measly drink," not to go back to drinking like I used to. So all those mental gymnastics in the service of "one measly drink" just do not make sense. So, unless I want to go back to the all-in bad old days, better to just leave it. I'm picturing the Libra-type scales with my AF life on one side and "one measly drink" on the other. Duh!!!
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Best wishes to each and everyone of you for your choice . I don't drink but had a father who was . He made our lives miserable. Alcohol not only affects the person, but also their family. I am mad at my father for drinking his whole life away. He died young, at the age of 65. His body was destroyed by alcohol ie, liver damage, hallucinations, pancreatitis, weight loss, dementia, etc. He started out young as a moderate drinker and progressively got worse. I just wished he would have stopped but he was too far gone, just too many years of damage. . I guess that is one reason, the most important for me for not drinking .............Seeing him die from the affects of alcohol had an affect on me. Seeing how he destroyed his family and my mother did as well. It ruins innocent people s lives. I guess that is why Im just too scared to drink. Im afraid Ill become like him. I hope this doesn't upset anyone, just want to say that drinking affects everyone you love , the people around you........ Best wishes, I hope you meet your goals and live a happy life...............
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@lloydrt this was a poignant, somber post. But it was important for me to hear it. I'm happy you never drank. It can be a prison for some. It's sad you and your family suffered right along with him. Thank you so much for sharing this. Hugs ! Xo5
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@lloydrt YES you are right. Drinking ruins lives. I've had lots of experience watching drinkers ruin their own & others' lives. My father died from cirrhosis of the liver @ 54. He was a train wreck. I don't remember too much, although it has had a profound impact on my entire life. I was 17 when he died, but I had lost my father many years before that. I also married an alcoholic which was a nightmare. All that time I had my own issue developing, but wasn't aware till now. I'm so glad that you never followed in your father's footsteps...I hope you can work through your anger with your Dad so you can live the rest of your life in peace.
Thank you for sharing. 6 -
@JenT304 Hope your birthday was enjoyable and happy!
Wishing everyone a nice day. Xo1 -
Thank you to those who share these serious, deeply personal posts. There are those that follow our thread without comment and I am sure they also find your stories moving and thought provoking. Yes, alcohol hurts far more people than just the drinker himself/herself. This is one thought that helps to keep me sober.2
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rubyred, thanks........you know, after I wrote this post about his drinking, I remembered something that happened just before he died. He was in the hospital, military hospital, he was military. I remember he was in bad ,bad shape. The Drs told him there was no hope, all the drinking and his smoking ruined his internal organs and he had just a very small, limited amount of time left. I flew in from Boston to visit him, but didn't talk much when I visisted.
He really has never been there for me, ie, baseball games, graduation, school events, father son events at school,........nothing and besides, if he showed up, he would be drunk and embarrassed us all the very few times he did show up. It was always my mom supporting us kids for these events, he never bothered. I visited him for a while in his hospital room then was in the process of saying good bye and leaving to catch my flight that afternoon and was walking to the door to leave. I told him good bye and as I was walking towards the door, I turned around and looked at his face. He had this look on his face,( I can see it as if it were yesterday.) In his face at that very second, I could see shame, guilt, sadness, shock, regret, so much guilt and so much regret that he had tears in his eyes, I can even remember him wearing black rimmed glasses and the tears in his eyes. I never, ever saw my father cry. I went back, leaned over and kissed him and told him I loved him...( I was 27 at that time and never even hugged him or told him I loved him ) .....I took a 2nd look and saw, within that few seconds, the massive amount of regret he had as a father and alcoholic and he could also see that I still loved him and I forgave him . ...and it showed. ........He died within a few days, but I had to get back to the northeast where I was living to get back to work..............that was my last sight of my dads face , I never saw him alive again. .............I know this.........he really had time in the hospital to think about what his life was, and it was too late, it was all regret, the pain his drinking caused his family .............Im glad I hugged and kissed him, I have never really showed him any type of affection or received any from him, but till this day, 36 years later, it was probably the most important thing I ever did...( no regrets)..........again, i sincerely don't want to upset anyone or give feelings of guilt to anyone reading this , I just wanted to show the affects of alcoholism takes on children and wives. . ........... best of luck to each and every one of you, Ill have you all in my thoughts .......8 -
rubyred, thanks........you know, after I wrote this post about his drinking, I remembered something that happened just before he died. He was in the hospital, military hospital, he was military. I remember he was in bad ,bad shape. The Drs told him there was no hope, all the drinking and his smoking ruined his internal organs and he had just a very small, limited amount of time left. I flew in from Boston to visit him, but didn't talk much when I visisted.
He really has never been there for me, ie, baseball games, graduation, school events, father son events at school,........nothing and besides, if he showed up, he would be drunk and embarrassed us all the very few times he did show up. It was always my mom supporting us kids for these events, he never bothered. I visited him for a while in his hospital room then was in the process of saying good bye and leaving to catch my flight that afternoon and was walking to the door to leave. I told him good bye and as I was walking towards the door, I turned around and looked at his face. He had this look on his face,( I can see it as if it were yesterday.) In his face at that very second, I could see shame, guilt, sadness, shock, regret, so much guilt and so much regret that he had tears in his eyes, I can even remember him wearing black rimmed glasses and the tears in his eyes. I never, ever saw my father cry. I went back, leaned over and kissed him and told him I loved him...( I was 27 at that time and never even hugged him or told him I loved him ) .....I took a 2nd look and saw, within that few seconds, the massive amount of regret he had as a father and alcoholic and he could also see that I still loved him and I forgave him . ...and it showed. ........He died within a few days, but I had to get back to the northeast where I was living to get back to work..............that was my last sight of my dads face , I never saw him alive again. .............I know this.........he really had time in the hospital to think about what his life was, and it was too late, it was all regret, the pain his drinking caused his family .............Im glad I hugged and kissed him, I have never really showed him any type of affection or received any from him, but till this day, 36 years later, it was probably the most important thing I ever did...( no regrets)..........again, i sincerely don't want to upset anyone or give feelings of guilt to anyone reading this , I just wanted to show the affects of alcoholism takes on children and wives. . ........... best of luck to each and every one of you, Ill have you all in my thoughts .......
Beautiful post. I am amazed by your resiliency and human beings’ resiliency overall.
I heard Maya Angelou read ‘ Still I rise ‘ on youtube.
https://youtu.be/JqOqo50LSZ0
Maybe it’s written a little more about a woman but we all still rise. Wishing you a beautiful peaceful day Lloyd.3 -
Wow. Llyod, that was incredibly touching. What a good man you are, despite all that heartache. I am happy you could forgive him which is not easy. But forgiveness is not just about the other person; it is about us. Being able to forgive sets us free.5
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I'm going to a concert this weekend and I'm thinking about drinking. I'm seeing one of my FAVORITE BANDS OF ALL TIME in a bee-you-tiful venue... and it's my birthday the next day. As I've said before, I'm not sure how committed I am to this sober life, but that I was just in a mode of "not drinking" for a bit. I wish I could give myself some advice, but I can't, so I'm turning here. I've drank only twice since early June (both doozies) so I've got all kinds of weird language in my head (I deserve it, it's my birthday, etc). Dammit, I just want to have 2 or 3 like a NORMAL PERSON.5
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@joha5603 I hear your struggle, yet I think you are wanting to commit on some level to sobriety or you wouldn't be asking for advice. I'd suggest going back & re-reading your previous posts to remember why you became sober to begin with. That may help you decide if drinking is really worth it.
I suppose reminding yourself what the 2 drinking experiences, or "doozies" were like & how you felt the following day/days after may help to decide if you want a repeat of those because it sounds to me like you would like to moderate, but likely cannot moderate.
There's always Craig Beck/Annie Grace & their wealth of experience to draw on.
Hoping the best for you. 4 -
I'm going to a concert this weekend and I'm thinking about drinking. I'm seeing one of my FAVORITE BANDS OF ALL TIME in a bee-you-tiful venue... and it's my birthday the next day. As I've said before, I'm not sure how committed I am to this sober life, but that I was just in a mode of "not drinking" for a bit. I wish I could give myself some advice, but I can't, so I'm turning here. I've drank only twice since early June (both doozies) so I've got all kinds of weird language in my head (I deserve it, it's my birthday, etc). Dammit, I just want to have 2 or 3 like a NORMAL PERSON.
Do you want a hangover on your birthday? I have a feeling that could happen.
Another strategy could be to have your partner/best friend keep you in check. And tell them in advance I am only drinking two-three drinks no matter what.1 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@joha5603 I hear your struggle, yet I think you are wanting to commit on some level to sobriety or you wouldn't be asking for advice. I'd suggest going back & re-reading your previous posts to remember why you became sober to begin with. That may help you decide if drinking is really worth it.
I suppose reminding yourself what the 2 drinking experiences, or "doozies" were like & how you felt the following day/days after may help to decide if you want a repeat of those because it sounds to me like you would like to moderate, but likely cannot moderate.
There's always Craig Beck/Annie Grace & their wealth of experience to draw on.
Hoping the best for you.
Yes watching Craig Beck is a good way to stay away from alcohol. I agree with Lorraine - watch some videos in advance and see what they say.1 -
I'd like to share an experience. Back on Sept. 12, I posted here about missing out on a "dream job" because the interview was cancelled at the last moment because the position had been filled. You all were SO supportive, and I resisted the urge to drown my sorrows in alcohol. Well, Tuesday, I had an interview for a very good job, not a "dream job," but a good one, although it does involve a 35-40-minute commute and long hours. I was ready to leave for the interview but had a couple of minutes to kill before I set off on my one-hour drive (never know about traffic and didn't want to risk being late). So I decided to check my email. I had one from the "dream job" saying that the person who had been hired had not been hired after all, and could I interview the next day (Wednesday--yesterday).
What???? So, I drove to the interview, and the potential colleagues there were super nice and would be great to work for. I interviewed well, but I didn't feel I could really press it as far as how happy I'd be to have the job, given the email I'd just received. Anyway, I did have the "dream job" interview yesterday, and I did get it! My original "dream job" that fell through back in May involved teaching in a prison. I really wanted that job, but it was an hour commute and crazy hours. It seemed worth it, though. This new job I have is teaching in a juvenile detention center--incarcerated teenagers. The commute, which I timed yesterday, is 8 minutes. The hours are great. No "at-home" work because of the nature of the set-up. Summers off. Same salary as prison job. I've learned a real lesson in trust and patience, which I hope I can apply to the rest of my life experiences.
Now to the alcohol part. I was so excited about this job. Wow! It's a late(ish) in life new career that I'm totally excited about. So . . . I asked my husband to go get the bottle of white wine I knew we still had in our garage fridge. I figured I'd celebrate with ONE glass of wine. BTW, yesterday was Day 50 AF. So . . . he obeyed (good guy!) and poured me that lovely cold glass of wine. I took one sip. Then another. It was pretty darned good. But then my brain said, "This is NOT good enough to throw away what has become so valuable to you." I asked him to throw the rest of the glass, and the rest of the bottle, out and to please pour me a big glass of Pellegrino. Which he did, and it tasted wonderful. So, I'm still counting today as Day 51 of my sobriety. And I'm celebrating what happened yesterday--both things. Thanks for listening to this LONG saga. Drama, drama, drama.16 -
@donimfp LOTS of valuable nuggets of wisdom in your "LONG saga." YAY, YAY & YAY!! Congrats of all of the above & thank you for sharing honestly. This is the type of post that we can all draw on when we're needing encouragement to keep on keepin' on!! 4
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