The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Thank you to those who share these serious, deeply personal posts. There are those that follow our thread without comment and I am sure they also find your stories moving and thought provoking. Yes, alcohol hurts far more people than just the drinker himself/herself. This is one thought that helps to keep me sober.2
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rubyred, thanks........you know, after I wrote this post about his drinking, I remembered something that happened just before he died. He was in the hospital, military hospital, he was military. I remember he was in bad ,bad shape. The Drs told him there was no hope, all the drinking and his smoking ruined his internal organs and he had just a very small, limited amount of time left. I flew in from Boston to visit him, but didn't talk much when I visisted.
He really has never been there for me, ie, baseball games, graduation, school events, father son events at school,........nothing and besides, if he showed up, he would be drunk and embarrassed us all the very few times he did show up. It was always my mom supporting us kids for these events, he never bothered. I visited him for a while in his hospital room then was in the process of saying good bye and leaving to catch my flight that afternoon and was walking to the door to leave. I told him good bye and as I was walking towards the door, I turned around and looked at his face. He had this look on his face,( I can see it as if it were yesterday.) In his face at that very second, I could see shame, guilt, sadness, shock, regret, so much guilt and so much regret that he had tears in his eyes, I can even remember him wearing black rimmed glasses and the tears in his eyes. I never, ever saw my father cry. I went back, leaned over and kissed him and told him I loved him...( I was 27 at that time and never even hugged him or told him I loved him ) .....I took a 2nd look and saw, within that few seconds, the massive amount of regret he had as a father and alcoholic and he could also see that I still loved him and I forgave him . ...and it showed. ........He died within a few days, but I had to get back to the northeast where I was living to get back to work..............that was my last sight of my dads face , I never saw him alive again. .............I know this.........he really had time in the hospital to think about what his life was, and it was too late, it was all regret, the pain his drinking caused his family .............Im glad I hugged and kissed him, I have never really showed him any type of affection or received any from him, but till this day, 36 years later, it was probably the most important thing I ever did...( no regrets)..........again, i sincerely don't want to upset anyone or give feelings of guilt to anyone reading this , I just wanted to show the affects of alcoholism takes on children and wives. . ........... best of luck to each and every one of you, Ill have you all in my thoughts .......8 -
rubyred, thanks........you know, after I wrote this post about his drinking, I remembered something that happened just before he died. He was in the hospital, military hospital, he was military. I remember he was in bad ,bad shape. The Drs told him there was no hope, all the drinking and his smoking ruined his internal organs and he had just a very small, limited amount of time left. I flew in from Boston to visit him, but didn't talk much when I visisted.
He really has never been there for me, ie, baseball games, graduation, school events, father son events at school,........nothing and besides, if he showed up, he would be drunk and embarrassed us all the very few times he did show up. It was always my mom supporting us kids for these events, he never bothered. I visited him for a while in his hospital room then was in the process of saying good bye and leaving to catch my flight that afternoon and was walking to the door to leave. I told him good bye and as I was walking towards the door, I turned around and looked at his face. He had this look on his face,( I can see it as if it were yesterday.) In his face at that very second, I could see shame, guilt, sadness, shock, regret, so much guilt and so much regret that he had tears in his eyes, I can even remember him wearing black rimmed glasses and the tears in his eyes. I never, ever saw my father cry. I went back, leaned over and kissed him and told him I loved him...( I was 27 at that time and never even hugged him or told him I loved him ) .....I took a 2nd look and saw, within that few seconds, the massive amount of regret he had as a father and alcoholic and he could also see that I still loved him and I forgave him . ...and it showed. ........He died within a few days, but I had to get back to the northeast where I was living to get back to work..............that was my last sight of my dads face , I never saw him alive again. .............I know this.........he really had time in the hospital to think about what his life was, and it was too late, it was all regret, the pain his drinking caused his family .............Im glad I hugged and kissed him, I have never really showed him any type of affection or received any from him, but till this day, 36 years later, it was probably the most important thing I ever did...( no regrets)..........again, i sincerely don't want to upset anyone or give feelings of guilt to anyone reading this , I just wanted to show the affects of alcoholism takes on children and wives. . ........... best of luck to each and every one of you, Ill have you all in my thoughts .......
Beautiful post. I am amazed by your resiliency and human beings’ resiliency overall.
I heard Maya Angelou read ‘ Still I rise ‘ on youtube. https://youtu.be/JqOqo50LSZ0
Maybe it’s written a little more about a woman but we all still rise. Wishing you a beautiful peaceful day Lloyd.3 -
Wow. Llyod, that was incredibly touching. What a good man you are, despite all that heartache. I am happy you could forgive him which is not easy. But forgiveness is not just about the other person; it is about us. Being able to forgive sets us free.5
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I'm going to a concert this weekend and I'm thinking about drinking. I'm seeing one of my FAVORITE BANDS OF ALL TIME in a bee-you-tiful venue... and it's my birthday the next day. As I've said before, I'm not sure how committed I am to this sober life, but that I was just in a mode of "not drinking" for a bit. I wish I could give myself some advice, but I can't, so I'm turning here. I've drank only twice since early June (both doozies) so I've got all kinds of weird language in my head (I deserve it, it's my birthday, etc). Dammit, I just want to have 2 or 3 like a NORMAL PERSON.5
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@joha5603 I hear your struggle, yet I think you are wanting to commit on some level to sobriety or you wouldn't be asking for advice. I'd suggest going back & re-reading your previous posts to remember why you became sober to begin with. That may help you decide if drinking is really worth it.
I suppose reminding yourself what the 2 drinking experiences, or "doozies" were like & how you felt the following day/days after may help to decide if you want a repeat of those because it sounds to me like you would like to moderate, but likely cannot moderate.
There's always Craig Beck/Annie Grace & their wealth of experience to draw on.
Hoping the best for you.4 -
I'm going to a concert this weekend and I'm thinking about drinking. I'm seeing one of my FAVORITE BANDS OF ALL TIME in a bee-you-tiful venue... and it's my birthday the next day. As I've said before, I'm not sure how committed I am to this sober life, but that I was just in a mode of "not drinking" for a bit. I wish I could give myself some advice, but I can't, so I'm turning here. I've drank only twice since early June (both doozies) so I've got all kinds of weird language in my head (I deserve it, it's my birthday, etc). Dammit, I just want to have 2 or 3 like a NORMAL PERSON.
Do you want a hangover on your birthday? I have a feeling that could happen.
Another strategy could be to have your partner/best friend keep you in check. And tell them in advance I am only drinking two-three drinks no matter what.1 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@joha5603 I hear your struggle, yet I think you are wanting to commit on some level to sobriety or you wouldn't be asking for advice. I'd suggest going back & re-reading your previous posts to remember why you became sober to begin with. That may help you decide if drinking is really worth it.
I suppose reminding yourself what the 2 drinking experiences, or "doozies" were like & how you felt the following day/days after may help to decide if you want a repeat of those because it sounds to me like you would like to moderate, but likely cannot moderate.
There's always Craig Beck/Annie Grace & their wealth of experience to draw on.
Hoping the best for you.
Yes watching Craig Beck is a good way to stay away from alcohol. I agree with Lorraine - watch some videos in advance and see what they say.1 -
I'd like to share an experience. Back on Sept. 12, I posted here about missing out on a "dream job" because the interview was cancelled at the last moment because the position had been filled. You all were SO supportive, and I resisted the urge to drown my sorrows in alcohol. Well, Tuesday, I had an interview for a very good job, not a "dream job," but a good one, although it does involve a 35-40-minute commute and long hours. I was ready to leave for the interview but had a couple of minutes to kill before I set off on my one-hour drive (never know about traffic and didn't want to risk being late). So I decided to check my email. I had one from the "dream job" saying that the person who had been hired had not been hired after all, and could I interview the next day (Wednesday--yesterday).
What???? So, I drove to the interview, and the potential colleagues there were super nice and would be great to work for. I interviewed well, but I didn't feel I could really press it as far as how happy I'd be to have the job, given the email I'd just received. Anyway, I did have the "dream job" interview yesterday, and I did get it! My original "dream job" that fell through back in May involved teaching in a prison. I really wanted that job, but it was an hour commute and crazy hours. It seemed worth it, though. This new job I have is teaching in a juvenile detention center--incarcerated teenagers. The commute, which I timed yesterday, is 8 minutes. The hours are great. No "at-home" work because of the nature of the set-up. Summers off. Same salary as prison job. I've learned a real lesson in trust and patience, which I hope I can apply to the rest of my life experiences.
Now to the alcohol part. I was so excited about this job. Wow! It's a late(ish) in life new career that I'm totally excited about. So . . . I asked my husband to go get the bottle of white wine I knew we still had in our garage fridge. I figured I'd celebrate with ONE glass of wine. BTW, yesterday was Day 50 AF. So . . . he obeyed (good guy!) and poured me that lovely cold glass of wine. I took one sip. Then another. It was pretty darned good. But then my brain said, "This is NOT good enough to throw away what has become so valuable to you." I asked him to throw the rest of the glass, and the rest of the bottle, out and to please pour me a big glass of Pellegrino. Which he did, and it tasted wonderful. So, I'm still counting today as Day 51 of my sobriety. And I'm celebrating what happened yesterday--both things. Thanks for listening to this LONG saga. Drama, drama, drama.16 -
@donimfp LOTS of valuable nuggets of wisdom in your "LONG saga." YAY, YAY & YAY!! Congrats of all of the above & thank you for sharing honestly. This is the type of post that we can all draw on when we're needing encouragement to keep on keepin' on!!4
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@donimfp congratulations on your dream job and your great 👍 decision concerning your celebratory beverage you can feel doubly proud you got your job and maintained your new way of life
And congrats to your husband for not saying “it’s only one no big deal “ and respecting the importance of that decision7 -
I am at the airport waiting to board I arrived just after 9AM and I am saddened to see how many seats are taken at the bar5
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Hi Everyone,
Today is day 60AF. Time flew after the first few weeks. All has been well. Occasionally, I get resentful that I cant drink normally like every one else. Then, I remind myself that “everyone else” is an exaggeration. About 10 percent of people cant drink and stop either. This weekend, I’m headed to the Islands in Lake Erie for a 60th birthday party. The other couples are true party drinkers- the type that pour bloody Mary’s at 9:00 am and then cocktails at noon and bar hopping at night. Anyway, these are my friends and I used to really enjoy hanging with them. THis is the last obligation I have committed to so I’ll be a good sport and follow through. But probably in the future I will declined invitations; it’s just not fun for me at this point.
I’ll be fine. I’ll keep strong and determined. But I sure hope that we can still enjoy non-drinking things. I’ll bring workout gear to go on walks on the island; I plan on reading mindless magazines and hopefully laughing with them.
@donimfp So wonderful that things worked out for you. And the commute is shorter plus all of those other good perks. Too bad we didn’t have a crystal ball to have seen that things would work out; it would have saved your from angst and worry. But you still had a good attitude!! Xo
Out of many positive of being a non-drinker is lots and lots of time to do things. It’s only 6:00 p.m. and after work I went grocery shopping and home made brownies. I ate dinner and caught up on MFP. The old me would have been at a happy hour after work and came home tired and without motivation.6 -
@RubyRed427 Happy 60 AF days!! Challenging weekend ahead for you, but you sound primed to do some self care among the partying crowd. I'm invited to a family engagement party at the end of October. Unsure at this point if I'm attending. Part of me wants to & part of me doesn't. I'm waiting for a few weeks to make my final decision.
You have done SO well in spite of all your social challenges. I get inspiration from your commitment. I can sense some sadness in your comment. It's tough being different, kind of isolating eh? I also hear your love of your sober lifestyle & appreciating the perks such as more time....It will only get better for us as we conquer the first year of firsts without our frenemy alcohol!! I know you will survive the weekend, but am hoping you thrive through the weekend feeling really good!5 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@RubyRed427 Happy 60 AF days!! Challenging weekend ahead for you, but you sound primed to do some self care among the partying crowd. I'm invited to a family engagement party at the end of October. Unsure at this point if I'm attending. Part of me wants to & part of me doesn't. I'm waiting for a few weeks to make my final decision.
You have done SO well in spite of all your social challenges. I get inspiration from your commitment. I can sense some sadness in your comment. It's tough being different, kind of isolating eh? I also hear your love of your sober lifestyle & appreciating the perks such as more time....It will only get better for us as we conquer the first year of firsts without our frenemy alcohol!! I know you will survive the weekend, but am hoping you thrive through the weekend feeling really good!
THanks Lorraine! You are an inspiration to me. I smiled when you said “frenemy”. Just like my therapist said: alcohol has been your companion through good and bad, weddings, funerals, birthdays, parties, vacations, etc.
You’re right- we have a year of firsts. I cant wait until this year is over in a way. But I am grateful for everything I have. So many people have serious health issues and me and my family are healthy. Wishing you a great weekend!
I’ll be curious to see if you go to the engagement party. Since it’s in a few weeks, you have some time. Another thing I’ve learned is for now, it’s ok to say no to events if they aren’t fun or tempting you. Actually, it’s always ok to say no. It’s time to be a little selfish right now. But in a good way.3 -
@RubyRed427, wishing you another successful island trip. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic but I’m still wishing you unicorn sightings and other such AF adventures. Please forgive me if I sound presumptuous but I’m hoping you don’t underestimate what fun you can have AF. Mindless magazines can be fun, but I think more magical things than that are in store for you. I hope you discover things your tipsy friends can’t even imagine.3
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Hi Everyone. I woke up with anxiety this morning, which usually only happens if I have been drinking. I haven't so I am wondering what is going on. As many of you know, I have had so many changes in the past 4-6 months. Too many to list again. Anyway, I poured myself a cup of coffee and opened my fitness pal community to get some inspiration. I love you all so much and all you selflessly share with each other. I love the unwavering support. @donimfp I am SO happy for you! You deserve that job and good for you about the wine. @RubyRed427 60 days is awesome! You continue to inspire me. Bring some trashy magazine like the Enquirer and enjoy them with your tea on your trip. I've got 2 more weddings coming up soon and usually that would be a trigger but not anymore. I will happily be the sober driver. I hope you all enjoy whatever your weekends bring.3
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Grrr,I've drank today on day 79 so disappointed with myself and questioning why? The urge was just so overwhelming I felt weird,this really sux5
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Grrr,I've drank today on day 79 so disappointed with myself and questioning why? The urge was just so overwhelming I felt weird,this really sux
Hey 79 days is awesome!!! Many of us have done that- we think we are clear of that thinking, and then we bend. It’s normal as well. Did you enjoy it? Write down your feelings in a journal to look at a later date.
I must admit today I opened the liquor cabinet and was going to smell the vodka but I dont have any in there!! So, I was going to smell the rum! Like a friend of mine on MFP said we are all a beautiful mess.
Please don’t let it get you down. It happens.
Tomorrow, you can have a fresh start.5
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