The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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RubyRed427 wrote: »I still haven’t come to terms that alcohol has no benefits, but that is such an important component. For me, it still represents momentary release from overthinking and stress, but I know that is a temporary fix. This new year will bring enormous personal changes in my life, and I am getting into battle mode. I want a clear head, calm disposition, and courageous drive to make the changes in my personal life that I have been craving. Alcohol makes my mind so foggy, my emotions out of whack, and once I come to terms with that. I feel the real “me” can emerge, after decades of hiding behind a martini.
You'll figure this out & the real you will emerge clear headed, calm & courageous. I know you want this! That's half the battle
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »ANOTHER gifted bottle of wine for moi from one of today's jobs!!! I'm getting a collection LOL Perhaps THAT is creating my longing! This is a test for me. 9 more days until I have dinner guests who will drink one of them. I may gift the other 2 to them also...or ditch them beforehand. There are two couples coming so they could take home one each.
I had 4 or 5 bottles of wine in the house when I quit drinking in January. I kept them around for ~6 months and then put them in nice gift bags and gave it all away to friends as a "just because" gift. My friends liked the wine and it got them out of my home, so a win for everyone
I did receive one little Baileys coffee add-in from a co-worker at Christmas. I just re-gifted that to a friend, along with a pound of coffee and some biscotti. I know she likes that kind of thing, and I have no use for adding alcohol to my coffee lol
Regarding giving the wine away....For me, it was just better to not have my preferred choice of alcohol in the house. My hubby drinks craft beer, so we always have that in the fridge, but I don't have any desire to drink it. At one time, if that is all we had in the house, I would open one of his beers, but once I stopped drinking wine I lost any desire to drink beer as well.
I think eventually a lot of people will have longings or cravings to drink again. For me, it was just better to not have wine in the house when that day came.
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Went with drinking neighbors to a bar and restaurant with the kids for our annual outing. The kind of place that is kid friendly during the day (bowing, skeet ball, pinball machines. ) I was talking and laughing while they were drinking, but since this was my first outing with these neighbors, I kind of felt like a buzz kill. I truly tried to be my happy, joyful self, but it seemed forced. My girlfriend who knows my desire to quit, didnt have any alcohol which I thought was thoughtful of her.
Last year, this annual event lasted for 8 hours through lunch, dinner and drinking some more. I remember that I drank probably 8 glasses if wine throughout the day last year. This year, we were home in two hours and parted ways. Her husband kept saying let’s go to another bar... and she didn’t respond to him. I know she was being supportive of me. Nonetheless, it was a little bit of a let down. Because in years past, this was a rousing good time but this year, I felt like I was ruining the fun. AFter we came home, I did notice that he and she went out again probably to the local bars.... they sure do drink a lot. I used to as well.
Fun observation: I went to the bathroom and came back and my husband and the other guy were at the bar. The other guy had a shot of Jaguermeister in front of him and my husband had none. I went up to them, and the other guy said to my husband “Wow , you downed that shot fast.” I know my husband tried to hide from me that he did a shot. He also drank two big beers. He does very little to support me in my efforts. His alcohol intake I think has gone UP since I quit.
Final comment, last night everyone went out again to local bar, and I stayed home and rented a movie. (A Simple Favor- very good movie) I got some takeout dinner, and then slipped into CVS and bought the 4 pack of chardonnay bottles of wine. I came home and was going to just drink one. But I didn’t. I will throw them away today. I kept saying to myself “Grow up. Stop craving this poison. The tomorrow you wlll regret it. “ So, I didn’t drink it. Will go to AA today probably for a Tune up.14 -
Happy Friday! Ruby,how great you didnt drink the little wine! Jeez,that sounds like a hard day to get through
glad you did though,my hubs doesn't really support me either yet gets mad when I've drank,I just don't get it and yes it seems like he drinks MORE now too but maybe I just didn't notice it before,I know it's hard to feel like the odd one out of the group too but usually if I'm around drinkers they start acting and saying things so dumb I start laughing right along with them,wonderful too that you have such a great,supportive friend ugh,day off here,I swear these weeks feel so disjointed with all these odd days off at work it's been hard to get my equilibrium,also I weighed in today and I'm 2 lbs up! I know I'll probably gain a couple more too cuz I'll eat my way thru NYE,grrrr,hope everyone has a fab AF Friday! 7 -
Nice going @RubyRed427!! That is frustrating if Hubs is drinking even more. My guess is you are like a mirror at times for him and he doesn't want to look at how much he is drinking.
I can't do the bar scene. I did that long ago. Glad I was more of a drinker at home at the end . One less thing for me to deal with.4 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Last year, this annual event lasted for 8 hours through lunch, dinner and drinking some more. I remember that I drank probably 8 glasses if wine throughout the day last year. This year, we were home in two hours and parted ways. Her husband kept saying let’s go to another bar... and she didn’t respond to him. I know she was being supportive of me. Nonetheless, it was a little bit of a let down. Because in years past, this was a rousing good time but this year, I felt like I was ruining the fun. AFter we came home, I did notice that he and she went out again probably to the local bars.... they sure do drink a lot. I used to as well.
It's sad how many people don't know how to have a good time without drinking. It just shows how much it is ingrained in our culture that it isn't a good time without getting intoxicated, and the more intoxicated you get, the more fun you are having (regardless of whether that is factually true or not). I believe this culture is a big part of why we have so much substance abuse in the US. The good thing is there are so many fun and interesting things to do that do not involve drinking.
On another note, just leaving this here:
https://www.npr.org/2018/08/24/641618937/no-amount-of-alcohol-is-good-for-your-health-global-study-claims
https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/alcohol-use.htm
"Excessive alcohol use led to approximately 88,000 deaths and 2.5 million years of potential life lost (YPLL) each year in the United States from 2006 – 2010, shortening the lives of those who died by an average of 30 years.1,2 Further, excessive drinking was responsible for 1 in 10 deaths among working-age adults aged 20-64 years. The economic costs of excessive alcohol consumption in 2010 were estimated at $249 billion, or $2.05 a drink."
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Went shopping and asked for non-alcoholic beverages. The wine guy took me to a lonely shelf and at the very bottom near the floor, there were these FRE Sutter Home non-alcoholic wines. I bought a Chardonnay and a “Champagne” one. I have no idea if this is a good idea (maybe too much sugar) but for NYE , it’s worth a try.
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@laurenq1991 Good posts. Yes, since I was a drinker, all my friend group and neighbors are similar and drink a bunch. That’s the common link between all of us. It is tough to maintain these relationships without hanging out where they hang out, but it’s tough to hang out in bars when you’re trying to abstain. I’m sure this will get easier but in early sobriety it kinda sucks.
There is no doubt we are all better off not consuming alcohol. The host of problems that comes with it for people who are way past stopping at one drink, is a big burden. I will look at your links. It’s good to read the truth about alcohol.
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Happy Friday! Ruby,how great you didnt drink the little wine! Jeez,that sounds like a hard day to get through glad you did though,my hubs doesn't really support me either yet gets mad when I've drank,I just don't get it and yes it seems like he drinks MORE now too but maybe I just didn't notice it before,I know it's hard to feel like the odd one out of the group too but usually if I'm around drinkers they start acting and saying things so dumb I start laughing right along with them,wonderful too that you have such a great,supportive friend ugh,day off here,I swear these weeks feel so disjointed with all these odd days off at work it's been hard to get my equilibrium,also I weighed in today and I'm 2 lbs up! I know I'll probably gain a couple more too cuz I'll eat my way thru NYE,grrrr,hope everyone has a fab AF Friday!
Same here. Yesterday, I said to him, I may have just one glass of wine with the neighbors and he gave me such a dirty look. I felt like a child being policed. But there he was drinking and doing shots. Sorry your weight it up but that is so normal during the holidays. I’m convinced that just by glancing at the cookies, I seem to gain weight. I don’t know if he’s drinking more or am I noticing more... I cant wait until Dry January starts. January is an easier month to abstain. Xo5 -
salleewins wrote: »Nice going @RubyRed427!! That is frustrating if Hubs is drinking even more. My guess is you are like a mirror at times for him and he doesn't want to look at how much he is drinking.
I can't do the bar scene. I did that long ago. Glad I was more of a drinker at home at the end . One less thing for me to deal with.
Thanks Sallee!
My friend group is still into the bar scene. It used to be fun but now I think it’s kinda sad at our age. (50s)6 -
Hi All, I am on day 28 today...
the last several days i have been having mild headaches...i never ever get headaches....last night i used the home blood pressure monitor and my BP was dramatically lower than it usually is although in normal range....when i was drinking it was Stage 1 hyper
i am also not eating much sugars and salt
i wonder wether my body is telling me not to be so good to it13 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »@laurenq1991 Good posts. Yes, since I was a drinker, all my friend group and neighbors are similar and drink a bunch. That’s the common link between all of us. It is tough to maintain these relationships without hanging out where they hang out, but it’s tough to hang out in bars when you’re trying to abstain. I’m sure this will get easier but in early sobriety it kinda sucks.
There is no doubt we are all better off not consuming alcohol. The host of problems that comes with it for people who are way past stopping at one drink, is a big burden. I will look at your links. It’s good to read the truth about alcohol.
That definitely does sound difficult. It's too bad there aren't more alcohol-free meeting places in society.
Yes and unfortunately flawed research led to the "health benefits of alcohol" claims. A study was done saying that non-drinkers died earlier than both moderate drinkers and heavy drinkers. However it turned out that the study was flawed. Upon further review many of the non-drinkers had quit drinking either due to alcoholism or other health problems (such as having to take psychiatric medication which reduces lifespan). The World Health Organization has classified alcohol as a Level 1 carcinogen (the same level as asbestos) yet it's still being marketed as healthy.
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There is also Martinelli's non-alcoholic sparkling apple cider with pear. I had that at Christmas and it was so yummy and festive. I have the one with apple cider and peach for NYE. Calories are not low, but I am sure lower than what I would have drank as well as cheaper and healthier. I didn't crave another bottle either.10
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Hi Everyone! I hope you had a Merry Christmas! We are back from London. It was wonderful to spend time with our daughter, who moved there in May. We walked an average of 7 miles every day, sightseeing and shopping etc. I would never have been able to do that drinking/hungover.11
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Welcome back @JenT304! We missed you! That trip sounds like it was great! Nice job on being sober and enjoying it!4
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@Norminv --GREAT going!!
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My BP was up quite a few times as a result of drinking. I have seen readings around 200/100 before. I can't believe I am even writing that number! I am at normal or below which is normal for me now consistently. I also had arrhythmia a lot while trying to do cardio. Probably had it when I wasn't monitoring it as well. Dad had that at the start of his dying this year and he wasn't a drinker. I can't afford to drink with this history and of course there are many other reasons not to drink......7
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Received Bottle of RED #4 ...Oh brother!! It's with the rest of my stash...perhaps I'll just open my own wine shop...waddya think??
I joined the Sober School...Jen T recommended it & today's video was about 3 Myths About Alcohol That Will Keep You Stuck...it is the 2nd in a 4 part video series...the 1st is about taking a break from booze for 2019. I don't watch videos as often as I did when I first quit, BUT these videos popped into my email & due to my recent wine accumulation I am going to be viewing them this weekend.
I wrote a while back about a former drinking bud who I backed away from as I was getting my sober ducks in a row and soon after went she on to get her 2nd DUI.....she stopped drinking (??) and attended AA & started getting some much needed counselling...fast forward 5 months, court is over, sentence dished out with some compassion from the judge re: her cancer battle. SO she was spared a jail sentence. Just found out tonight that she's back at it. She is drinking AGAIN!!! The reason I put the question marks after "stopped drinking" in the sentence above is because I'm not sure she did stop...I had a feeling back then that her stopping was cause she got caught, not because she saw the need to stop drinking. I wondered if she felt "forced" to stop...& if her AA meetings & counselling were attempts to make it look good for court...you know when you just get a gut reaction & can't shake it?
Anyway, the article referenced in the above comment about no health benefits to alcohol highlighted that drinking alcohol increases the risk of cancer!!!!!! This person has had various types of cancer since 2007, breast, lung, now in her throat & more spots in her lung. I don't get it!! She hasn't been allowed to see her grandchildren who were in the vehicle with her when she got stopped this last time. She hasn't seen them for 5 months!!! And has made no attempt to apologize for her mess up with them!
This is scary to me!! The hold that alcohol can gain over a person at the risk of everything!! I do not want to ever risk anything for the sake of a drink!9 -
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Hi everyone. I just found this cool thread. I'm alcohol free for over 2 years. Unfortunately, when I quit smoking, I gained back the weight I lost when I quit drinking, so now I'm ready to get into shape. I love living alcohol free.10
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So…I haven’t commented much since I joined up with the Sober Squad, but all is good here. Today is Day 60 for me. The things I notice most, currently, are much better sleep, better workouts and runs (jogging
), overall feeling better, and a sort of calm that never existed before because I am not planning my days based on # of drinks, when to have them, where to get them, and god forbid…running out of them!) So, that’s just my comment for my current place on the AF journey. My plan for NYE…obviously STEER CLEAR OF BEER (my drink of choice) and run into the New Year. The trap for me is the time between dinner around 7:30pm out at a pub (not my choice) and afterwards at a friends house waiting for the damn ball to drop at midnight. In the past for me, that would be the time to finish the year strong! Shots, toasts, beers and more beers, and of coarse midnight champagne. Well, this year I am skipping the after dinner party (which will piss my family off – but I don’t care right now) and at about 11:30pm I am heading out on a light run that should finish right at or slightly after midnight. That’s my choice for A nice clean start to the New Year. I offer Hugs, strength and encouragement to those who need it right now. 18 -
@Drummer913 That is such a wonderful idea. Go for a run! Right now, don’t worry about pissing anyone off; it’s time to be selfish. Your health and sanity are worth the effort. I’m so happy for you ! Congrats on Day 60.
@JenT304 Welcome back! Sounds like you really enjoyed yourself -sober and happy.
@AntsyAngler Bravo- two years of personal growth and healthy habits!
@lorrainequiche59 IT’s like the gods are tempting you and saying “let’s see how strong you are.” And you ARE being very strong. It’s getting comical how many bottles you have received. Stay strong.
@salleewins You are taking control of your life and health. You are amazing!!
@NormInv Awesome!! Nearly a month. Keep it up. So proud of you!3 -
Good morning, friends. I feel good today. At night, I keep having this feeling that I want to drink. But morning comes, and I am so thankful I didn’t. It’s a cycle.
Today, neighbors are having breakfast, Bloody Marys, and cards... I’m sure this will last all day. I will of course skip I it. I am beginning to see so clearly just how much these people do that involves alcohol. Nearly all events and gatherings are planned just so we/they can drink. It’s getting annoying and kinda sad.
But the good news is husband is going to the breakfast and I’ll be home alone with the kids and just cleaning and purging. He is a hoarder and I’m not. So, while the cats away, the mice will play (clean). I may go to the mall as well and just walk around. The positives of being sober so outweigh the negatives. Having so much more time on my hands is a wonderful benefit. Stay strong and healthy friends and keep busy! Xo10 -
@AntsyAngler YES, this is a "cool" thread! Welcome on board!
@Drummer913 How inspirational are YOU!?!?! Definitely don't worry about others' reaction to taking care of yourself....sober self-fullness is way better than drinking self-ISHness. What a great idea of running into midnight.
@RubyRed427 All I can say is, YOU GO GIRL!
We can all have a sober end to this year helping each other through and into the next year strong!!!!!!
Just realized I use ALOT of exclamation marks LOL ... I'm not mad & I'm not yelling, just SO excited LOL. I think there was a blurb on a Seinfeld episode about exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I was thinking through the night AGAIN about other people's stuff This is how my brain processes.
There is another layer to my recent story I related above. The person who shared with me about my former drinking bud's (FDB's) return to the drink, showed up at my door last night smelling like alcohol herself and had just DRIVEN to my place down the exact same street as the FDB of mine who got nailed for the 2nd time. FDB is her sister. She is the one who helped out her sis through the first DUI to the extreme...and then has backed off somewhat this round, but still "helping." It was at HER house that my FDB had a drink while everyone else was drinking and she sat here expressing her disappointment in her sister for drinking again??. The words that wanted to JUMP out of my mouth were, "Why on earth would you allow her to drink in your home after ALL that crap?" But I shut my lips & bit my tongue. I watched denial rear it's ugly head right in front of me and it kinda paralyzed me. Obviously, this person has her own drinking issue and I've known that for some time. Anyway.....
Now though, after giving it some thought, decided that I want to broach the subject again with this person....I am feeling torn right now. What I "want" to do & what the right thing to do may be two entirely different things and I would really appreciate some feedback from you guys from an objective place. Part of me wants to let her know that I smelled the alcohol on HER breath and if our friendly neighborhood officer randomly stopped her. Tis the season for roadcheck!! She definitely would have been given a roadside test. ESPECIALLY this time of year!
I do not want to take part in the denial process ignoring the elephant in the room or watch another train wreck in motion and not say anything....at the same time I need to be ready for the fallout should my concern not be received well....I've been down this road before and experienced the "fallout" many times, but in the end decided I needed to at least "try" to express my concern. Regardless of how it is received, in the end, I have to live with myself. There is this fear though that always rises in me, "What if they stop talking to me OR avoid me OR...??" And my answer to that is always, "Well, if that is the case, I suppose I'm better off without that person in my life!!"
PLEASE help me figure this out. After reading this back, I think I know what I NEED to do and that is what I want to do...cause I think what I want to do IS the right thing even though it is the hardest thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!4 -
Lorraine, If you love, you care. If you care, you do. If you do, you might succeed at helping FDB's sister stop the train before the wreck. If you succeed, you'll be loved in return.5
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@lorrainequiche59 Since this is your friend, and you are approaching this from a place of genuine concern, I would bring it up with her once. Then let it go. What she does with the information is up to her. How she reacts to what you say is up to her. Yours might just be the voice she needs to hear! I also think you do risk having her end the friendship. If that is the case then there's really nothing you can do about that and like you said, you are better off without them in your life. Easier said than done I know!
Wishing you the best of luck with this!
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@lorrainequiche59 I agree with the previous posters. I would definitely say something and tell her you care deeply for her and her safety and the safety of others. Then, let it go. I know that I always knew what I was doing was wrong; I wasn’t fooling myself. But it would have been nice for a friend to give me valuable advice. Be that friend. Xo4
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Thank you SO much for all your feedback. While I was at work today, I ran it by another friend who knows all concerned & is aware of the ongoing situation. She has been a huge support to my own sobriety. The advice from you guys is in line with what she said only she highlighted choosing my timing on this. She suggested letting this one go rather than making a point of broaching the subject as an afterthought...BUT if (when) it happens again call her out right away. Don't wait !
At the same time, I don't want to wait until she shows up at my door wreaking like alcohol again because it may be too little too late. I will wait until the subject arises either through her sharing something else about her sis' situation or some other way. I know I'll have an opportunity. I just need to "be a friend" and say my piece assuring her it is because I really do care about her....AND it IS a safety issue not only for her but for others.
The consequence of getting caught driving under the influence is NOTHING in comparison to hurting or killing an innocent victim due to our own stupidity. AND I need to remember very clearly that I was guilty of driving under the influence a few times...too many times!!! I just never got caught! So I am not innocent of stupidity!!!
I'm also glad I did bite my tongue last eve because I had such a strong emotional reaction to what she shared that I likely would not have been very effective in my response...the thing is when my emotions flare, my brain shuts down and it isn't till later that I can process it all.
Again thank you & I'll keep you posted.
PS @JeromeBarry1 I love your comment about loving, caring & doing with the motive being to help. I truly believe that 6 -
BTW there IS an Seinfeld episode where Elaine expresses her use of exclamation points LMAO. Youtube "Elaine and exclamation points!!!!!!!! LOL Just watched it!!! Needed a laugh.
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