WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR DECEMBER 2018

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  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,206 Member
    well a tad bit of a nap.. feeling a bit better.. windy and chilly here and I have my robe on over my clothes ,I have all electric heat and I dont want to turn it up im keeping the bedroom at 62 and the living room at 63.. and as of January 1st the electric is going up alot higher...
    so here I sit having a cup of apple cinnamon tea... which tastes great
    going to go through the flyers and get a list together... maybe go thursday rather than this afternoon
  • kevrit
    kevrit Posts: 4,432 Member
    ;)
  • SophieRosieMom
    SophieRosieMom Posts: 3,741 Member
    <3
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 19,255 Member
    🎄
  • OregonMother
    OregonMother Posts: 1,685 Member
    cityjaneLondon wrote: »
    We had a really good day until we started arguing about money late afternoon. :'( We are both feeling really sensitive about how much this move has cost us. Because we married late in life we have kept our money separate and I have a lot less savings and income than DH. A few things were said that were best not said. I hope we will get over it asap. :'(

    The day started well with the radiator guy successfully resiting the radiator under the window. We didn't have to live without heat for too long and occupied some of the time with going to the fish market and buying our Christmas fish.
    I had the bright idea of getting a new carpet for that room before we put the huge dresser into it, so we went out to look at carpets and order one. That may have been a mistake, judging by DH's reaction to splitting the cost. I will suggest we cancel it. We also have a new window to pay for and a blind - hence cancelling the cruise. :o
    Lisa - You can only move the deposit inside one year, January to January.

    Basically I am feeling a bit fed up with DH right now. I don't like that feeling.

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxx

    I'm so sorry the move has made things stressful and tense. I know he loves the grandkids, but I am assuming they are yours and not his? That could account for some of the resentment -- I know it would for my husband. (He mentions a few times a week the fact that we live 800 miles from his kids and that my kids live with us. When I pointed out that, as an adult, I didn't live near my parents, he says, 'Well, your kids are now adults!' They are 22 and 18. His youngest is 10 years older than my eldest. :frowning: )If they are his grandkids, then he just needs to get over it!

    Hang in there.

    Felicia
    Willamette Valley, Oregon

  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,855 Member
    edited December 2018
    Terri and Machka ...enjoyed your poems!! Although wish you, Machka, had things easier right now.

    Heather ... sorry you and the DH are at one another ... financial matters seem to bring out the worst in all of us.
    Hoping tomorrow is a better day.

    We have an aging black lab and for some reason he is in full-shed mode. I've vacuumed enough fur to create three more of him!! I have no idea why he's shedding his coat now ... it's usually a spring thing ... and it's driving me batty. He doesn't tolerate brushing so we just deal with the clumps of fur. Blech.

    We are in fudge-making mode. Give it for gifts to those who remember "Nana's Fudge." Had two colossal fudge fails, but the third time was the ticket. Took good notes so the rest "should" turn out ok. Have to make a batch yet tonight for DH's brother.

    I've been having horrible heartburn at night and there's no question it's due to eating too late and sampling too many of the goodies we have in the house. I've vowed not to eat anything tonight and so far have been able to keep that pledge.

    Younger son has been home since last Thursday and we have had some good talks. I understand what it is he wants to do with his life and he has reassured me that some of my concerns about his shying away from performance were unfounded. He will still have plenty of reasons to perform, but that's not his focus and I now understand why. His reasoning is sound. He's full of plans and excitement and I'm excited for him. He's chosen a difficult field to be successful in but I'm hopeful. My baby will be 21 on Thursday. How did that happen?

    Beth near Buffalo


  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,319 Member
    Heather I understand about the expense of moving. Going through something similar with DS. I know long term this is best for him but it is not cheap. Yesterday I was in his car I saw he had a cracked windshield needing to be fixed. Not a KODAK moment! Fortunately he had many things he needed in storage in our home. It helps but it is amazing how things add up. I do think we got the home for a good price so that helps my attitude too.
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,412 Member
    Heather We have agreed to split costs based on percentage of income...which means I pay for about 75% of our expenses. It's the fairest arrangement, but not always easy for me - occasionally, I feel resentful when my partner is lobbying for a purchase that I am not particularly enthusiastic about. I have to bite my tongue at those times in order to avoid making it about money. It's a vulnerable area for my partner.

    Terri You are a poet! That is a very clever rhyme.

    Allie We keep our thermostat low, too. It's 60F in our house right now. It feels comfortable to me. If I get chilly, I add a pair of wool socks and some long sleeves.

    Karen in VIrginia
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,314 Member
    :) We had a great adventure today going to Seattle for Jake to see the cardiologist. There is a new fast ferry that is a passenger only catamaran that leaves from a location that is much easier to drive to than where we went before. We got up early to be sure we got there on time and found the right place to park and the right access to the ferry. We both brought stuff to read so we were entertained while we waited. In Seattle we took a taxi to the doctor's office so we didn't have to deal with Seattle traffic in the rain. Most important of all was that the cardiologist said that Jake is doing great. It was very windy and rainy and I was concerned that I might be motion sick on the ferry so I put in my ear buds and listened to a podcast and napped instead of trying to read or look out the window and it went well.

    <3Heather , I wish you and your husband a swift resolution to your money concerns. Jake and I have many such concerns but with different details.

    <3 Barbie from beautiful windy and rainy NW WA

  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    We have company today. Long time friends stopped here for the day & will be headung out tomorrow. They’re travelling in their RV and will be spending the night before heading further south to see other friends. It has been fun hearing about their travel adventures. :)
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,775 Member
    Today, like everyday, I had to check my calendar several times to see what I was supposed to be doing. :confused:

    Fortunately, I had a little breather from my workload, so I studied for my final exam until lunch, then my husband arrived and we went out for lunch and did a little shopping ... and then went to his appointment.

    I've had medical appointments every day for a while now ... his or mine. Tomorrow I've got 2 of mine!! I wouldn't mind having a week with no medical appointments.

    We got home a little earlier than I usually get home from work, so I went for a 4 km run, lifted weights, and did some stretching. Oh, and I climbed 22 flights of 20 stairs earlier in the day, plus the walking my husband and I did. a reasonably active day. :)

    Now ... I'll be studying until who knows when ... 1 am maybe.


    Machka in Oz
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,206 Member
    Good Morning Ladies~
    I am up and having my tea.. got my little fireplace last night and very easy to set up.. once i figure out how to send a picture from my phone ill show you,, its one of the infared ones but still pushes out enough heat to make it worth while... working 10-5 today and then will help Dr Ho tomorrow for an hour or so as he has to finish up a couple of patients...
  • klanders30
    klanders30 Posts: 2,569 Member
    Beth I have the same issue with heartburn related to what time I eat, (or maybe too much coffee??) Anyway, I too am trying to eat earlier and shut down the kitchen, tough this time of year when we're busy making food gifts, I know. Conversation with DYS sounded like it went well, it sure is surreal to imagine them as independent adults <3

    Barbie The new ferry trip (and the doc visit) sounded very positive. Hooray.

    Heather Moving is one of the top stressors of all time, put a hold or stop on as many new purchases as you can, a new this or that can wait. Sounds like DH is overwhelmed and worried.

    Rachel was quite weepy after the Wisdom teeth extractions, she kept asking if I was mad at her in the recovery room! The drs. office sent the pain med Rx to the wrong pharmacy so I was quite upset that we couldn't get relief for her till that was sorted, stressful afternoon. With all of that going on, I had forgotten my mentee had her first concert that evening! Luckily I threw on some concert clothes, drove quickly back to work and made it to help her out. I was so incredibly impressed with her performance and potential, I admit I cried at her most challenging piece, the one we worked on so much together at meetings. I had the privilege of meeting her parents afterwards, so very special.

    So the accomplishment for the day will be to go to the gym and walk/jog 2 miles, you all will keep me accountable, yes?

    NYKAREN
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,206 Member
    morning again sweet friends~
    I to gave up my financial freedom marrying Tom, and he took over the finances, at which he was very good at, but along into our marriage ,somehow I ended up getting a 20.00 allowance and the rest went into joint checking and savings..
    after all the hoopla with him cheating ,and him using joint money to wine and dine her that was that, and I took control of my paycheck once again... and with a good lawyer , ended up ok.. he at 66 is still working over 50 hours a week.. and good luck with that...
    well freezing cold here in Connecticut today so will bundle up and take Alfie out for a walk and then go feed DFIL
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,775 Member
    edited December 2018
    LisaInAR wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    Through my recent situation with my husband's injury, I made several very interesting financial discoveries which could have left me in a spot of bother.

    One such discovery was that whilst individual accounts might seem attractive, and may be a good idea for smaller portions of the finances, if your partner is lying unconscious in the hospital, you can't get at that money. If you're depending on a portion of "his" money to pay the monthly bills ... you'd better hope you've got enough to tide you over for a while, or that he has set up direct payment. "But we're married, and he's unconscious right now" doesn't matter one bit to the banks.

    M in Oz

    That's a really good point, Machka. One of my many bits and pieces I want to get done over this "staycation" over the Christmas break is to update the Big Book of Death, and make sure I have passwords updated on all bank accounts, credit cards, utility bills, etc., in case anything happens to me. It's a constant and ongoing process, as I change passwords on a monthly basis, at a minimum, to try to stay ahead of the hackers. It's funny to me that it used to be they said, "never put it on paper," as someone could steal that, and now they say, "put it on paper," as it's the only thing the hackers can't access.

    Funny old world, and funny people in it.

    Lisa in AR

    I have to do the same thing over the next few weeks. My 2-month break from uni will be all about getting everything in order so that we both know what's going on ... especially now that he's capable of knowing what's going on.

    Going forward, we will both be much more involved in all of it.


    Oh, also, I've discovered that at work, just about everyone writes their passwords down. The new stuff I'm learning means that I've got about a dozen new passwords, and they all have to be these secure things that aren't memorable. The thing is ... if someone came in and started going through someone's desk, we'd all notice. The minute a person we don't recognise walks through the door, we're like a bunch of meerkats. So my passwords are probably much safer written down and tucked away.

    M in Oz
  • bwcetc
    bwcetc Posts: 2,855 Member
    LisaInAR wrote: »

    Been reading the financial discussions with interest. Not in any way judging (cross my heart), but splitting finances, however they're split up, always kind of baffled me. To me, it feels like splitting them is a safety net, just in case the relationship ends. It also seems to involve innumerable hurt feelings, and discussions of what's "fair" and what's "mine" and what's "ours." There have been years where I've made three times what Corey makes (and the ex-husband, for that matter), and years when one or the other of us was not earning money at all. When the finances are merged, the fairness or lack thereof becomes a non-issue. In my relationships, anyway. Perhaps, all in all, it's been because there just wasn't that much to worry about. During my marriages, I've skated along the razor edge of broke more than once, and been fairly well off, and either way, it all seems to rub along fine. Let's just say, the few fights I've had with both husbands were not about money, by and large.

    Maybe it's because in both my marriages, as I was and am the technology-oriented one, and numbers-driven one, both men have felt relieved to give up the financial responsibility for day-to-day economics to me, and just weigh in on the major decisions. It's a weird thing, money and marriage, any way you go around it.

    Love y'all,
    Lisa in AR

    This is very much my take on finances. I have always been the smaller income generator -- perhaps 10-15%, but I also handle all of the financial responsibilities. My husband's check is direct deposited into "OUR" account. There is no "his" or "hers." My husband does not like to deal with household finances, but he does handle our retirement accounts as they're directly related to his income.

    Beth
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,412 Member
    edited December 2018
    Good Morning!

    Heather I think my partner would nod her head if she read your words: "...he sometimes feels I don't always make sure he is totally on board with a project, but I do always consult him carefully. Left to himself he would never do anything." It is true that I don't always see the need for the projects my partner champions. Once the discussion is underway, though, we brainstorm really well together and I actually don't stay stuck on the money aspect. One of our strengths is our ability to work as a team. We also travel together quite amicably. She instigates that, too. :*;)

    Lisa Yes. There is a potential power dynamic that neither of us cares for. It would be complicated, but not impossible, to merge finances. I appreciate your input. Not judgmental.

    Karen in Virginia
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,459 Member
    Yo peeps, I guess I forgot to post the ornament and my stats, of well I will try to double up tonight.

    Oh yeah yesterday got my boob smash appointment over with. No less painful with smaller boobs 😑 fun fun
  • 1948Peachy
    1948Peachy Posts: 1,511 Member
    Finances...We both have separate bank accounts but each of us has the other on them so we can use either one if need be! I pay certain expenses and he pays other ones. It has worked for us over the last 49 yrs.

    Carol in GA
  • okiewoman510
    okiewoman510 Posts: 1,323 Member
    Good morning Ladies -

    On the subject of finances, I have never really understood separate bank accounts either. I agree with Lisa, it always seemed like a back up plan for easy separation. I am especially puzzled by the people that have one income families, but still have his and her accounts and money. How does that even work. Does one spouse get a percentage of the working spouses salary as their part and it goes into their account? However, I know that it works for many people, and like eating and exercise plans, one size doesn't fit all. I also think that second (or third, etc) marriages make things more complicated with adult children on each side. No judgment from me. Whatever works for you, works for you.

    Okie in the TX Hill Country
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