My Boyfriend thinks I'm Fat

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  • clairedrose
    clairedrose Posts: 121 Member
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    Tell him his penis is really small, that will put things in prospective for him (two wrong DO make a right)
    HA! Glad a man said this. I had a bf just like this girl's. My brother told me to tell the criticizing bf that ,tho I loved him, I wished his penis was as big as my old bf. I really wish I had followed my brother's advice but I was young and lacked guts.
  • thefragile7393
    thefragile7393 Posts: 102 Member
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    Not going to be in a relationship with someone who does not respect me. Anyone who is that insecure that they have to put someone else down is not worth being with and there are real decent men out there who will treat a woman well and not make issues of her physical flaws. I've already been through this type of relationship and I am happier with the drama gone. Sorry, but "oh he is so great in xyz ways" does not make up for the lack of respect he shows for YOU by criticizing you. My ex had a lot of good qualities-none outweighed the bad and I am glad he is gone. He isn't worth keeping.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    What if you got cancer? What if you were in an accident and lost a limb? What if you get older, which of course, you will, and you will have gray hair and wrinkles and loose skin, and you are no longer his little barbie doll?

    Yeah, I'm sorry, but I have a lot of both personal and second-hand experience with abusive family members, and they do not get better. Your boy"friend" is telling you that you will never be good enough for him. He doesn't see you as a person when he looks at you. He sees you as play-doh that he can mold to his will for his own selfish ends. He doesn't want an equal partner. If I had to guess, he's probably a narcissistic *kitten* who thinks that women were put here to glorify and satisfy him and that's why they should all conform to his ideal. If you did somehow manage to get down to whatever weight he arbitrarily set for you, he will move the goalpost again to get you to do your little tap-dance for him again. And if he doesn't get what he wants out of you, he'll keep escalating.

    Today it may be running down your personhood, but sooner or later it'll be hiding your car keys so you can't go to work, taking your paycheck, threatening to kill himself if you don't cater to his whims (with the attendant bullscat guilt trip that it'd be your fault if he did), and controlling who you see to isolate you from your support networks. And that's just some of the things that could happen if you're lucky enough that it does not progress to physical or sexual violence, which is entirely likely.

    Just wanted to paint a picture of what you could be facing if you really decide that leaving him is just not an option. Leaving should always be an option, because people's behavior can and does change.
  • RJ0524583
    RJ0524583 Posts: 30
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    To be pragmatic if I may, i'd argue that the majority of the women posting on here would without a doubt continue to be in a relationship with a guy who said equally mean things to them because of love. It isn't fair to say the guy's a **** either, were only hearing from one side, she very well could be twisting his words, or taking something he said too seriously.

    To continue the name calling wouldn't be ideal. Maybe tell him your feelings are hurt by whatever he said and see if he apologizes?
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    I certainly respect your opinion, RJ, but sometimes the truth is not "somewhere in the middle", and there are those of us who have finely-honed "red flag" detectors because our survival required it for years or decades.

    In a healthy, equal-power-dynamic relationship, you can certainly tell the other person that your feelings are hurt and expect to be heard and empathized with. I'm afraid that just isn't likely to be the case here.
  • fatfudgery
    fatfudgery Posts: 449 Member
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    To be pragmatic if I may, i'd argue that the majority of the women posting on here would without a doubt continue to be in a relationship with a guy who said equally mean things to them because of love. It isn't fair to say the guy's a **** either, were only hearing from one side, she very well could be twisting his words, or taking something he said too seriously.

    To continue the name calling wouldn't be ideal. Maybe tell him your feelings are hurt by whatever he said and see if he apologizes?

    Get the *kitten* out of here with your reasonableness and common sense! This here's a witchhunt, damn it!
  • scottberrydsm
    scottberrydsm Posts: 74 Member
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    I would tell him to go **** himself if I were you :)

    Do you need more friends on here? Ones that WON'T tell you that you're "too fat"? That's what I would be willing to do - that and provide feedback.
  • missveeoh
    missveeoh Posts: 90 Member
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    So in order for his approval and so-called ''love''....you have to change the number on the scale by like what 10-20 pounds?
    That is absurd. No, if he cared for your health he would support you in what you are doing- living healthily...not drastically reducing in size/body shape. For me, it is about losing inches and gaining strength- not caring about a silly scale number. He is being rude and does not give you respect. You do what YOU want, do not listen nor follow his needs, this is about YOU and your body and health. Remember....a good boyfriend will support you through the hardships and obstacles, not ridicule you. Take care!!!
  • kitgeo
    kitgeo Posts: 2 Member
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    Um...it starts with comments like that. That will be his excuse to behave badly. So, you drop ten pounds and then what? He'll find something else. Time to reevaluate who you really wasn't to spend your life making happy. I HIGHLY recommend you choose YOURSELF! Best of luck
  • paloomino
    paloomino Posts: 17 Member
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    Get rid of his sorry Butt ! A true man will help you with you self confidence and support you along your journey !
  • jagger99
    jagger99 Posts: 1
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    This cannot be a real post surely?
  • xmeganxtarax
    xmeganxtarax Posts: 79
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    Lol get rid of his sorry butt before he feeds you more BS that you will get stuck in your mind and think about constantly.

    Seems like a real loser if you ask me. Guys really say these things to their girlfriends?!


    So glad I'm dating a real man.

    This!!! You shouldn't be with someone who wants to change you. It NEVER works unless you are a pushover with no thoughts of your own. I did this once when I was young and stupid. Get out now before it gets worse. You should wanna change for YOU not for anybody else. W t f
  • DJhottstuff
    DJhottstuff Posts: 1 Member
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    As a wise friend once told me "Forget Him!" I did and she was right. As I read your post, we are the same height, but your weight is my goal weight! That's awesome, and I bet you already look great. :) Anyways, good luck on MFP!
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    My boyfriend thinks I am out of shape and chubby. I am 5'6" and weigh 140 pounds. At 145, he thinks I'm fat, and he can deal with it when I'm 135. Oh the things we do for love...

    Is this ok? I'm not sure whether to be upset about or agree with him. Its true i'm not at my most idea weight, but I eat healthy, do yoga all the time, and do the best I can with exercise for having a job that requires me to be sitting 9 hours a day.

    I used to be good with how I looked, but he really likes skinny girls and makes me feel like "I look good" is not as adequate as "I look like a sport's illustrated model."

    No. It's not alright. You need to talk with him, and he needs to accept you for who you are. If you are not happy with being 140, by all means, lose weight. Don't subvert yourself for him. If you do, he will expect it in other areas of your life as well.
  • tazhinshaw
    tazhinshaw Posts: 297 Member
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    I think I need to try this again...I love my boyfriend and have no intention of leaving him. He has a weakness when it comes to weight, but it most other ways he is a wonderful and supportive man.

    I am really open to advice on how to productively move past this. I don't want to continue to feel this way, and so far nothing I have tried has made him realize just how big an effect he is having on my body image. Please, if you have any (productive) ideas for how to approach this and help it hit home with him or at least how to make me less sensitive to it, let me know.

    My opinion if that even if he's amazing in every other area of life, his negatively affecting your body image can easily override all that. Picture yourself with him 5 or so years down the road. Picture your life after you've had a couple of kids and as a result, gained weight. Picture him negatively affecting your potential future daughter's body image. Chances are, he won't get better, and it WILL affect your kids. Is that really something you want? You need to flat out tell him what a **** he's being, and if he won't change in this area, my advice is to ditch him. There are many amazing men out there, you don't need to suffer with one who can't deal with you being at a HEALTHY weight

    QFT!!
  • sggreen0925
    sggreen0925 Posts: 1 Member
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    It shouldn't matter what a boyfriend thinks. There is no room in one's life for people who love you on terms...conditional love isn't love at all. He can tell you what you need to do to make yourself better but he's clueless to the fact that he needs to work on himself...The Dunning-Kruger effect.
  • xmeganxtarax
    xmeganxtarax Posts: 79
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    Not going to be in a relationship with someone who does not respect me. Anyone who is that insecure that they have to put someone else down is not worth being with and there are real decent men out there who will treat a woman well and not make issues of her physical flaws. I've already been through this type of relationship and I am happier with the drama gone. Sorry, but "oh he is so great in xyz ways" does not make up for the lack of respect he shows for YOU by criticizing you. My ex had a lot of good qualities-none outweighed the bad and I am glad he is gone. He isn't worth keeping.

    This!!!!
  • Leather_N_Lace
    Leather_N_Lace Posts: 518 Member
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    My husband is the same way. I was 120 when I met him, but I was overcoming some pretty serious and bad habits.
    During my recovery, I gained quite a bit of weigt.

    Long story short, I told him after 4 years of being married and me obsessing about my weight because "his wife shouldn't be bigger than him" to either
    A) Kick rocks
    or
    B) Do some push ups and eat some Wheaties..

    Life is too short and this journey I am on, is for me. You need to surround yourself with non toxic people so you can succeed and feel good about yourself. I don't use the scale as my primary goal but you best believe I am looking at my inches lost each week!
    And it is no longer for my husband. The goals I have set are my own.
  • megsi474
    megsi474 Posts: 370 Member
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    Years ago I was with someone who treated me like that. He actually told me once that if I gained weight, he'd still care about me but that "we'd just be good friends". I can't imagine being with someone who was so shallow that there was no give with their perception of me. What was the limit? 5 pounds? 10? Would something happen medically that would cause weight gain and I would no longer be seen as lovable? Would he leave me if I got pregnant and gained weight to have a healthy baby?

    I cut my losses with that one and found someone who- 14 years later- still thinks I'm the hottest thing on this planet. He's seen me fat, thin, pregnant, when I'm trying to get fit and when I just don't care. His love has never wavered. I've found the men (and women) who set that kind of bar with the person who they're supposed to love and accept will never be happy with what they have.
  • esaulx
    esaulx Posts: 17
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    He sounds like a super douche bag. If you're happy with how you look that should be all that matters.....leave his *kitten*

    Amen!

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