Not Hating, Why Do Women Struggle With The Gym?

UpEarly

I'm a woman. I have NEVER 'struggled' at the gym. What do you even mean by 'struggling' - straining to lift too heavy weights, not going fast enough and getting out of breath on the treadmill, crying because they don't fit in, or not doing the workouts you've personally judged to be valuable/appropriate?

I'm 42 now, and I started lifting weights as a 16 year old. That said... I no longer go to the gym because I simply don't need to. I've found I get better quality workouts on my own. I can lift weights at home. I hike, backpack, bike, run and participate in other activities that challenge me physically. I don't care about losing weight. I don't need to lose weight. I care about my health and happiness.

And why do you even care about what women do/think at the gym? Pay attention to your own workouts and goals, and let others do their thing.

dlavato

I do not mind the gym the reason why I do not use the gym is because I would lack motivation because I do not know the proper routines to do while in a gym that is why I stay at home and turn to the at home DVD's.

kelly_e_montana

Because I hate being looked at by guys whether they think I look good or not...And anyone who tells me guys aren't ever looking at women in the gym are straight up lying. I have been a bartender for years and I listen to guys talk casually all day every day as a full-time job and I know what they look at, when they look at it, what they say now, and what they say later. I am a professional eavesdropper. It's biology and natural and I don't want to be part of it. I love going to the gym but I specifically go into an area that is not frequented by a lot of guys and I feel comfortable and able to concentrate on my workout.

leaaa92

For myself, I love the gym! I usually only go to the classes (kickboxing, yoga, zumba, etc) and get on the elliptical, bike, or treadmill. BUT I never go into the weight-lifting room. I really want to, but the truth is, I don't know how to lift weights. I don't know technique or what works out what muscle. I'm also too intimidated by all the people in the weight room knowing exactly what they're doing.. I'm scared they'll look at me try and then laugh. I wanna hire a personal trainer to teach but I'm tight on money So, overall, I love the gym! Just some parts of it has me a bit intimidated. :ohwell:

lithezebra

isn't the whole reason to look better? too many people focus on just the scale! I LOVE the sore feeling the next day, it means I worked my butt off!

Definitely not. I'm there to manage chronic pain, and keep a positive attitude, by staying strong. Feeling sore is counterproductive for me.

nathotte

I love the gym, the feeling the next day after a good weight lifting session. When I first started I felt alienated in there, not knowing what to do or how. Now I understand why men and women alike are scared to start going. Guess I was also lucky enough that the gym I go to, the regulars I see there are all willing to help when asked and none of them look at you with that WTF look. There is a guy in there that I always feel like I'm lucky to have been going at the same times for our PT sessions to see his progress through all this. Never have gotten the nerve to go talk to him as I remember when I was bigger and had people come up to me always felt like it was going to be an attack. But he has almost shrunk by half since he started going. If people are all staying away because they are affraid of what everyone else thinks because they see all the buffed guys there they will never achieve the goals they want or have the toned body that everyone wants to have.

rhye

I get why people feel the need to tell/remind those that are nervous about the gym that the other people there aren't watching you and don't care about you. I know that's true. But the fact is that as a woman you grow up being told that everyone IS watching you and you should also be watching everyone else. "Honey, cross your legs your slip's showing and someone will see it." "Dear, you can't wear that shirt, it shows your bra straps and someone will see it." "Why is she wearing that dress, it makes her look so fat." To learn/unlearn that everyone in the world isn't out hunting for your bra straps can honestly be pretty difficult if you were raised to believe in the scrutiny of others, which sadly many of us ladies have been raised this way.

As a side, having been raised this way, I sometimes *do* find myself watching and judging others ("Oh my god that girls' skirt doesn't even come down to her crotch!" "She should NOT be wearing leggings.") This makes the problem worse because when I judge others it reinforces the idea that others are judging me. When I stop judging others I also stop thinking about how they are judging me.

They key to getting to the gym to get a good workout at any fitness/knowledge level is a simple-- it only involves unlearning decades of ingrained beliefs. And then on top of that the guys come along and judge you for feeling judged at the gym-- highly counter-productive.

lithezebra

For myself, I love the gym! I usually only go to the classes (kickboxing, yoga, zumba, etc) and get on the elliptical, bike, or treadmill. BUT I never go into the weight-lifting room. I really want to, but the truth is, I don't know how to lift weights. I don't know technique or what works out what muscle. I'm also too intimidated by all the people in the weight room knowing exactly what they're doing.. I'm scared they'll look at me try and then laugh. I wanna hire a personal trainer to teach but I'm tight on money So, overall, I love the gym! Just some parts of it has me a bit intimidated. :ohwell:

You could start by looking at some videos and using light weights to learn to do a few exercises correctly. It's a process. No one starts out knowing how to do everything.

DymonNdaRgh40

I enjoy being active period. I love being in the gym as well, especially alone because I get to do my thing without interruptions which happens occassionally. I think women struggle with it because they are not sure what to do to get the results they want. For me I started with the things I knew, which was walking and workouts at home. If anyone remembers when Exercise TV was around I use to do those every morning because I could access them OnDemand with Time Warner Cable. So convenient. As I started to see results, I needed to do more to see even more results. I started researching what HRMs were, what weight exercises were best for toning certain body parts and tried them at home first before hitting the gym. I also had to increase weights because after awhile I was getting stronger.

I think what makes the difference is finding an exercise you like. I love lifting weights because it feels good and I love what it does for my body. I really took to running though. Running is just so gangsta. Not everyone can do it which is what I love the most about it. I'll always run. Awesome cardio, indoors or outdoors. I enjoy them both so I kinda have to do them. I look forward to doing them. Having the ability to do both also gives me the confidence to try new things.

dizzow

I don't HATE the gym.. but I don't love it either. I do not like to sweat, although I'm becoming used to it.... thank God for showers at the gym. I don't like feeling like an idiot if I don't quite know how to do something. I don't like it if I feel like someone is judging me. --- I'm at the freaking gym TRYING to improve so don't look at me with those "MOOOOOOO eyes" .-- I actually haven't had that very often although I'm always self-conscious of it happening. We have one gym in town that is known for it's clientele that are already fit and go to be seen. I wouldn't go there for anything... I am especially self conscious if there are younger fit guys around, not because I want to impress them, but because of personal biases stemming from the bullying I received in school.
It also eats up a good chunk of your day; but I understand it's necessity.

calliekitten9

Interesting way to phrase it...I don't "hate" the gym...I just don't have any interest right now. I go for walks, I do yoga, I do workout videos.

LishLash79

I used to hate the gym because I was insecure about the way that I looked. I assumed that all that used the gym would be buff and I would be on the outs because I was fat. Then I walked into to the gym... worked my *kitten* off, saw real changes.. and now I love it.. I am one of the handful of women at my gym that lifts heavy... I think its intimidating to lift, I was when I started doing it.. But I have seen much better results from lifting, then the cardio.. Totally addicted now... I will add.. that I feel so very proud of the women that come to the gym.. especially when they are at the beginning of there journey. its awesome.. and its empowering..

anyhow.. thats my bit

cheers

missigus

I have been going to a gym off and on, as money could afford since I was in college. I have always lifted weights, but usually in a class type setting or the machines. Part of that is because I have yet to find a woman weight lifting partner that's willing to do free weights. My hubby never lifted with me, when he did way back when, and he's not really that into fitness now unfortunately. I now belong to a boxing club and did martial arts for years which was predominately male. So I have no problem working out with men-or throwing them around lol. BUT, for some reason I feel really awkward walking up to a random guy in the free weights area and saying... "hey, can you spot me?" I'm sure they'd comply, but it just seems weird. I don't want them to think it's a pick up line, not that they all would, but honestly I don't know how some of them might take it. So, boxing and lifting at home it is.

Melissa22G

You're hatin'

Just sayin'.

gabbygirl78

I don't hate the gym... I would love to go. I have a fear of judgement and low self esteem... I don't want that fit man on the weights be disgusted by my fat rolls bouncing on a tread mill lol so I am doing my workout at home ..... I feel the need to get cute and in shape then go to the gym

WhitneySheree88

I would love to go to the gym but I cant afford it. That being said I know 100% that I would be uncomfortable for a while after joining. I am one of those women that compares herself to other women. I have this image in my head telling me that I "should" look like this or that and am just generally too hard on myself. I have lost 40 pounds on my own, working out at home and I am still a little insecure with my body. I just don't want people to judge me, and I know it would happen.

Rai007

in a muslim country almost all gyms have timings for men and women or completely different gyms.
so we dont face any such problems.

iRun_Butterfly

I get why people feel the need to tell/remind those that are nervous about the gym that the other people there aren't watching you and don't care about you. I know that's true. But the fact is that as a woman you grow up being told that everyone IS watching you and you should also be watching everyone else. "Honey, cross your legs your slip's showing and someone will see it." "Dear, you can't wear that shirt, it shows your bra straps and someone will see it." "Why is she wearing that dress, it makes her look so fat." To learn/unlearn that everyone in the world isn't out hunting for your bra straps can honestly be pretty difficult if you were raised to believe in the scrutiny of others, which sadly many of us ladies have been raised this way.

As a side, having been raised this way, I sometimes *do* find myself watching and judging others ("Oh my god that girls' skirt doesn't even come down to her crotch!" "She should NOT be wearing leggings.") This makes the problem worse because when I judge others it reinforces the idea that others are judging me. When I stop judging others I also stop thinking about how they are judging me.

They key to getting to the gym to get a good workout at any fitness/knowledge level is a simple-- it only involves unlearning decades of ingrained beliefs. And then on top of that the guys come along and judge you for feeling judged at the gym-- highly counter-productive.

Best response ever!

frommetobetterme

I didn't read the whole thread, so I don't know what others said.

Barring affordability and having time away from children, I don't believe that women struggle with the gym. I think that generally though women go for the more social activities like the classes, or for the cardio machines. If you're talking strictly about the weights section, I think it's an intimidation and lack of knowledge, and self counciousness issue.

For me, before I could afford a personal trainer, I wouldn't go because it was intimidating. I had tried going on some guest/try out thing and didn't know what to do or how and found that when I lifted a weight I felt like everyone was looking at me and no one ever offered to help. While I saw men flock to help the skinny woman, a fat woman in the gym just go uncomfortable glances.

Now that I go, I probably still would be a little intimidated to work out alone, but I now know of many resources that I can tap into to figure out what to do before I go... there weren't so many when I had my first experience with a gym quite a few years ago.

I think most of the time it's being intimidated by what we don't know. Women use to be discouraged to go to the gym except if it was for aerobics classes because of the myth that we would 'bulk up', now, even thought there is still a lot of rubbish on the market, you can more easily find information on what a woman can do/should do at the gym i.e. exercises tailored to her needs and there is more information about the benefits of lifting heavy weights and not just doing cardio, using small weights while doing cardio. This helps encourage more women to go to the weight lifting area, but we have to cross all of the other obstacles (self-consciousness etc) before getting there.

adiggs2777

I hated the gym because when I went, which was only twice, it was a bunch of skinny women staring at me, the fat one. Plus, that gym sucked anyway and only tried it because of the free 'childcare.'

I'd rather just work out at home...at least until I am one of the skinny *****y chicks, yet I won't be staring and judging others.

Out of curiosity, what did they do that made you think they were staring at or judging you? I guess I've never been to the gym and seen what you have described and my gym has a very wide variety of body types that frequent, so there are plenty of fit people and also plenty of other people who are on their journey.

I go to a no-frills sort of place - Charter Fitness, and it is very much normal people in their sweatshirts lifting and running and whatnot (there is one guy, who comes in and brings his elderly grandmom to walk on the treadmill, its so cute), but there are a lot of gyms here in Chicago with people who are there to scope out other people and be judgey - especially in some of the more high end hoods. One gym near me, Planet Fitness has a sign that says "no gymtimidation" and that is exactly it - when you go in and see super thin, fit women who are only in a bra top and shorts mastering their downward facing dog or in the step class barely breaking a sweat while you flail in an uncoordinated sweaty mess. As a person over 200 lbs its so discouraging to be the fat girl in a faded t -shirt and beat up sweats surrounded by girls who have thigh gap.

In regard to the weights - the free weights especially, there are a lot of guys over there in my gym. It seems to be a guy domain. I know that inherently they do not care what I am doing when I venture over there to do my bicep curls or reverse lunges or whatever, but its a mental wall of testosterone that you have to push through.

Mostly I'm over this - I found the right gym for me. The people who are there are there to workout and are very encouraging - there is no side eye or body shaming or people working out in bra tops or super tight muscle shirts preening. But going to the wrong gym can really scar a person.

This is all in your head mostly but even if people are judging, they have a right to think whatever they want to think. It's a free country. People are allowed to preen if they want and wear sports bra's if they want... At some gyms this is standard fair... I guess if that makes you uncomfortable then you should fine one where people don't do this which you have... People wearing less clothing doesn't necessarily mean they are "obnoxious" or judging you. Sounds like you are judging people just because they are confident, wear form fitting attire and enjoy looking in the mirror. Personally I find nothing offensive about any of the above because I do it myself. Due to your insecurities you are the judging everyone who is in shape and confident as a judgmental person.

If no one has ever said anything to you then you cannot assume what they are thinking. People look those who are thin and in shape up and down as well. Everyone gets looked at in the gym; it doesn't mean that it only happens to you just because you are overweight.

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