Not Hating, Why Do Women Struggle With The Gym?
Replies
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I was definitely intimidated by the gym. When intimidated, stick to what you know was my motto, so, I walked on the treadmill. All through my 20's I was, quite frankly, horribly misinformed, and all I could think about was looking like Barbie. It was too bad, I could have had a lot more fun.
Now that I'm close to 40 I have now hired a personal trainer, who is competing at Nationals in Figure. I am so NOT worried about the gym anymore. Confidence has grown 1 million percent. NOW - if I do end up attending a busy gym, I will just ask someone if I'm not sure. I pay the money for a service, and I aim to get the most out of it.
Also, the only reason I'm not attending a gym now (besides my trainers classes which is her converted garage) is because I purchased Kettle Bells and a treadmill) and would prefer, when I'm not lifting weights to be outdoors, obstacle training for a Spartan race next year. I AM SPARTA!!0 -
bumping for later coz I have this problem0
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Whatever. When the zombie apocalypse comes I will be gazzelling it the hell out of dodge while you are having your muscley brains eaten out.
*hair flip*
On a serious note I would like to learn some lifting. I got myself some hand weights and do a few exercises with those. I find cardio a lot more enjoyable but also don't know enough about what I am doing with weights to give myself the variety I need. Not having access to a gym or personal trainer (and I want a personal trainer if I'm going to be lifting - at least to start) its just me, my shoes, the road, and the occasional zombie mission.0 -
Both men and women have trouble figuring out what to do at the gym. You are more likely to find them on a site like this, where people make a decision to change their lifestyle and lose some weight and improve the condition of their bodies--sometimes for the first time in their lives.
*Edit: But women are more likely to admit that they are having problems and ask for help. The reasons for that would be cultural. At least in the US, men are conditioned to not ask for help and to pretend that they know everything.0 -
Love love love the gym on campus. Not so much the ones I've looked at in the community sadly. I get that creepers gon' creep but there's a limit to how much I can deal with. I'm 20 so no, Mr. 45-year-old-with-kids, I'm not looking for a new bestest friend. Going to the gym is my personal time to forget about everything but killing my workout. Guys don't have a place in that, sorry fellas. I'd love to start working with a trainer again, but all the ones I've talked with so far have ignored my request to learn lifting techniques and insisted on starting with cardio. *facepalm* I don't need to pay someone exorbent amounts of money to tell me to run, thank you very much.0
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At first it was because I felt out of shape - so I got a trainer.
Then I had more confidence.
Now, I just hate being stared at! But, I go anyway.0 -
There aren't very many situations in life where I get skantily clad and go hang out in the same place as a bunch of strangers and demonstrate how strong, fast, and knowledgable about my body I am. Add in the extra pressure of being a woman and having no idea what you're doing and it's a pressure cooker!
My little brother is in great shape and totally confident at the gym. He's never been overweight, but he's been lifing weights since he was 13. Why? Because the other boys were doing it, he played sports, AND there's that pressure to be muscular. I was not lifting at 13. I wasn't at the gym at 13. I played basketball, but we didn't hit the gym for that. Girls maybe went to the gym if they were overweight and hung out on the elliptical and that's about it. I think
So here I am, 28 years old, and I'm walking into the gym for the first time at 28 years old (because why would I before I was overweight or an athlete, according to society) and I have no clue what the heck I'm doing. It sucked.
Plus, there's always a guy that decides the bench press IMMEDIATELY behind me while I'm squatting and deadlifting and states at my *kitten* the entire time he's resting.
I am just curious becaue I have never had a bad experience with the gym. Why did it suck? Were people mean to you or did you hurt yourself? Again, I am asking out of curiosity just to see what other peoples experience have been like.
It sucked like losing my virginty sucked. No clue what I was doing, worried how I looked and what people (ok, in the virginity scenario "person") thought, and got out of there as fast as I could.
Here's what my tour was like: So, this is the child care area. Blah blah blah 10 minutes about it. This is the group fitness area which is probably what you're most interested in. Blah blah blah 10 minutes about it. And here's the cardio stuff. When you're more advanced you can work your way over to those machines over there and follow the circuit (seriously a circuit of at least 30 machines.). The end.
HAHA!! I love the analogy! Thanks for the response! What you need is a gym buddy. Find someone who is more comfortable with the gym and have them show you a few things. You will realize (like sex) that it's easier than you think!
Hah! Well I'm all good now. I love the gym - I'm oddly sad on my days off. I hired an amazing personal trainer (she outlifts most of the boys there, spends as much time on form as I need, and hasn't put me on a machine once) and I found that confidence that was missing. I do wish I had a gym buddy, but I have no local friends that do anything other than cardio and MAYBE machines.
But my results are starting to get people interested... I'm just waiting for the right moment to pounce
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Well one sometimes it's uncomfortable because some men stare. . . Other times it's because some of us are not exactly sure how to work the machines so we feel funny (especially in the free weight area)- lol! Also, I've always been pretty toned but I imagine because we are held to a certain type of image some women may just feel uncomfortable with their bodies.0
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I don't like the gym because it costs money for things that I can do at home or outside. Body weight exercise is free and everyone should be able to workout without having to buy expensive equipment or a gym membership.0
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I had issues with the gym, cause whenever i went in i swear i was the ONLY big person in there, which i am sure is not true but that's how i felt. i realized that people didn't get fit and in shape by sitting on their butts, they were in there doing exactly what i wanted to do. So i got my butt in there and started my journey, i realized i didn't pay attention to other people working out and didn't judge anyone, so why was i so worried about others doing it to me. and now i LOOOOVE the gym. however i do get a tish self conscious in the weight room, cause 98% of the time im the only girl in there.0
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Thank God idk any women like that. :laugh:
But no,seriously, no one likes to look or feel stupid.and I think that's the root of a lot of the timidity.0 -
I've never hated the gym. I've been working out ever since I can remember trying to improve my speed, endurance, flexibility, and agility for sports. But some girls aren't raised that way, I suppose. Working out is my outlet; something I do especially when my life feels out of control because I know that that is one thing in this world that no one else can control. I know some girls who were raised to think sports are manly and being strong is manly; but most girls aren't. Like my daddy always said: "Don't try to beat them, try to beat yourself. Because winning ain't sheet if you didn't do your best" In any part of life. Go hard are go home. Some people just don't have that mentality. Or don't know how to get better.0
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I've belonged to 5 gyms over 15 years: 1 in PA, 2 in VA, 2 in AZ. In every single one, there were more men on the weight machines than women. There were WAY more women in classes than men. The ratio was about even on the cardio machines. Overall, I think the men have been slightly outnumbered.
I give the original post a big old, "Huh?"0 -
The only time I enjoyed going to the gym was when I was in the Air Force and there was a separate gym for the ladies. It was geared toward what I like to do - stretching, barre, etc. I would run on the rubber track outside for a mile or two, then head into the ladies gym to stretch it out. I belong to a gym now, but HATE going there because I have no freakin' clue where to begin. I did pay for a personal trainer, but she gave me so many exercises to do that I couldn't remember more than a couple of them and then she quit. Oh, and NONE of them required me to use any gym equipment.
So now I walk 3 miles a day 3-4 days a week and do some pushups and dance (at home). Still paying for the stinkin' gym membership, though.0 -
this makes me sad- all these posts... I want to come work out with ALL of you ladies feeling like you are floating around hopelessly at the gym.I get discouraged. I don't know much about working out. I have tried to do my research but when I'm in there with machines and free weights and people floating around doing intense workouts, I get overwhelmed. I don't understand lifting much and cardio gets boring for me. I just get stressed in there and feel hopeless. I did much better when I had a friend to go with
sigh. I want super hero costume to come help women train with weights. seriously that's what i want to make my life's mission! It's SO satisfying... seriously. come to NJ- I shall help you all!!!
Do you live near me? I'd LOVE someone to work out with. DH ditches me as soon as we walk into that gym.0 -
For me it's because it's embarrassing and I have severe social anxiety. I go to the grocery store in the wee hours of the morning and won't step foot in a restaurant alone. I have been a complete panic-stricken mess the few times I've been to the gym and don't find the environment conducive to comfortably exercising. :frown:
I agree with this. My husband thinks I'm mad. So, I don't go to a regular gym. I rock climb with my husband and friends. The rock gym is friendly and people are SUPER helpful. Then I also run in my park and do workout vidoes at home. The gym to me (from what I have seen at the 5 gyms I've tried out in the last 4 years) is a place for men to watch women in skimpy clothes and men to make lots of noise and grunt while lifting. I have never felt comfortable in a regular gym and I have never met any helpful people.0 -
Not a woman. Overall, from speaking with women through the ages, I've gathered that women are afraid they're going to get big muscles and lose their femininity if they lift weights. I've known some that are even afraid to take vitamins for fear that they're going to get 'swole' or grow chest hair. There are plenty of gyms out and about that don't have big free weight sections... women seem to be fine on the treadmills and cycles.
I can also understand fear of being watched. I keep my head in my workout, but there are plenty of other men at my own gym who will stop mid set to watch a woman do lunges and stretch. It's pathetic. I know that can't be comfortable for them, especially when the walls are covered with mirrors and there may not be any way to turn to avoid getting looked over by complete morons. Of course, some women like that attention.
As stated in other comments, more timid people won't be comfortable around grunts and super serious people either.
I think this was a good question... got a good discussion going.0 -
For men, "letting it all hang out" (sweating, grunting, looking generally disgusting) is socially acceptable, especially in the name of a good workout, and for women, it's less so unless you're already viewed as an athlete. When I was in shape, I felt reasonably confident doing free weights and other "manly" activities. Overweight, I feel like I get a lot more looks from people like, "What does she think she's doing here?" Whether it's actually happening or whether it's just in my mind, it's still the product of a society that emphasizes looks over anything else. This is true for men too, but more so for women.
Also, I think there's something to be said for the theory that women who don't like the gym will push themselves to do it because they're okay with asking for help, whereas men who aren't comfortable might just not go.0 -
Not a woman. Overall, from speaking with women through the ages, I've gathered that women are afraid they're going to get big muscles and lose their femininity if they lift weights. I've known some that are even afraid to take vitamins for fear that they're going to get 'swole' or grow chest hair. There are plenty of gyms out and about that don't have big free weight sections... women seem to be fine on the treadmills and cycles.
I can also understand fear of being watched. I keep my head in my workout, but there are plenty of other men at my own gym who will stop mid set to watch a woman do lunges and stretch. It's pathetic. I know that can't be comfortable for them, especially when the walls are covered with mirrors and there may not be any way to turn to avoid getting looked over by complete morons. Of course, some women like that attention.
As stated in other comments, more timid people won't be comfortable around grunts and super serious people either.
I think this was a good question... got a good discussion going.
Good points - I still hear a lot of misinformation from women that they will get "bulky" if they do certain exercises, or that they don't want to end up looking like a professinal body builder (as if that's something that can just ... accidentally happen?)
And true, some men DO stare at women, because some men are pigs and/or clueless how obvious they are. I mean, I check out hot people at the gym too, but I do it SNEAKILY! Duh
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Personally, I LOVED the gym when I was working out regularly... What I DID NOT love was all the stares coming my way while I was working out. The last thing I want when I am working out getting sweaty is for people standing around the gym to be watching me, or in some cases staring blatantly... that made me uncomfortable enough to quit going...0
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I are in the dirty Joizy
this makes me sad- all these posts... I want to come work out with ALL of you ladies feeling like you are floating around hopelessly at the gym.I get discouraged. I don't know much about working out. I have tried to do my research but when I'm in there with machines and free weights and people floating around doing intense workouts, I get overwhelmed. I don't understand lifting much and cardio gets boring for me. I just get stressed in there and feel hopeless. I did much better when I had a friend to go with
sigh. I want super hero costume to come help women train with weights. seriously that's what i want to make my life's mission! It's SO satisfying... seriously. come to NJ- I shall help you all!!!
Do you live near me? I'd LOVE someone to work out with. DH ditches me as soon as we walk into that gym.
aw- have you asked him for help?
Although that being said- I have found I have a hard time- and watched others have a hard time teaching their SO's stuff. With motorcycles- we ALWAYS recommend them going to the learners course- and avoid teaching their SO anything- it just gets really bad really fast.
People get angry quickly- its really funny to WATCH happen- but it's not so funny when you are dealing with it yourself.0 -
I promise you, no one is judging you or laughing at you.
As much as I'd like to believe that, it's not always the case. I watched a news story they other day about gyms. The investigative reporter sent a slim model and a plus sized model around to gyms and had them sign up for gym member ships. Do you know what they discovered? That the gyms were offering lower prices to the slimmer woman. Why? So their gym had a better image. Some of the gyms not only charged the plus sized model more, but required that she sign up for and pay for a certain number of personal training sessions. They take advantage of the overweight people who feel desperate to lose weight, but aren't confident enough at the gym so quit coming, but keep paying for that membership. Maybe the people who you work out with don't judge, but clearly that's not the case everywhere.0 -
We live in a fast-food-nation. We want it now. No waiting. Just now. I think partly, when in-diets come out with things like "Get shredded in 6 weeks" it creates this idea in our heads that losing weight/getting desired body will only take a few weeks at most. When in reality - most of these fit bodies that everyone drools over take MONTHS and even YEARS to build. So, when people are not seeing desired results quick enough, they quit.
Top that off with the idea being drilled into us from a young age (mostly women) that the number on the scale is all that matters and that you dont want to lift weights because you'll look like a man and get bulky (gain weight). Its hard sometimes for women to overcome this and realize its all marketing and media and maybe even men being intimidated by strong women.
I've had a few conversations with girls in my gym that just kept going in circles. They ask how to get shapely butt/legs/whatever - and I tell them. I LIFT and I EAT. I try to help them by saying that they need to educate themselves on women and lifting. That body you so badly crave/desire will not come from just cardio. You get the undesired result (at least from their point of view) of being skinny-fat. You may have ended up screwing up your metabolism. But, I still get the same answer every time I'm finished talking: I dont want to look like a man. *faceplam* I ended up just wasting my breath and time in the gym. I even have a gym-regular (a man) who lifts and he was telilng me his girl is complaing about getting fat. He tells her to lift but her excuse? "I dont want to look like a man." I've seen this girl start off in the weight area... playing this guy to "help" her train. Well, she's bedded him and now they're together. But, its like "Hello" you have a guy who is wiling to help you - tells you you wont look manly. She still doesnt believe him.
I truly believe that it's a mixture of above of why women dont workout at a gym/weight rooms. Until they go out and look for that information themselves, they will never get the results they're looking for. Otherwise, they will be flooded with adverts from tv/magazines, etc.0 -
I actually love to go to the gym. I did ask for help from a trainer and initially was shown all of the weight machines, which I do still use, especially for legs, back and abs. I found that I did have some trouble with doing some of the machines for shoulders and chest because they tended to isolate small muscle groups that were weaker and I actually needed to switch to some free weights so that the supporting muscles were being used also. I really enjoy using the dumb bells and some bar bells.
We also have some Smith Machines which I have not used yet. I do find them a bit intimidating because very few women at my gym actually use them. I want to learn, but I stress about people thinking that I'm crazy!
I have to say that when I go to the gym on the weekends I tend to stay with the machines and don't do free weights because there are a group of guys that hang at the gym that seem to be very judgmental and tend to laugh at others, which can be uncomfortable.0 -
I believe it's because of magazines and media endorsing stupid broscience methods to losing weight and attaining a shape. And it starts young.
I've noticed that girls in middle school are trying to abstain from doing physical fitness (some due to sweating, messing up their hair, or because puberty is making it harder for them) and don't know if it carries on through high school. Personally, except for female athletes, I've never known any girl growing up that just went to the gym to lift and get stronger.
It's changing now though. May take another decade or so for some to see that the resistance training really is the ticket to a better body and not the crazy BS diets and scams that are still being passed around.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Actually, the main reason females (talking about myself and my personal friends not every female in the world) don't participate in gym class has nothing to do with any of the above. It's because in middle school we are required to change our clothing in front of other people. I loved gym class in school but refused to participate because of that. I did not want to be undressed in front of an entire class full of girls and a gym teacher. We were not allowed to change in the bathroom stalls and had to where the lockers were. In the school I was in, if you did not change your clothes you automatically failed gym for the day even if you participated in the sports. I didn't see the reason to run around looking like an idiot participating in the class when I was just going to be failed anyway for not changing my clothing.
I don't struggle at the gym at all. I absolutely love it and the looks I get for going hard.0 -
I hate the gym for the following reasons:
1. The incredibly rude, ignorant and arrogant "youths" competing about how much they can lift and making incredibly rude, nasty and malacious comments either about the good looking women or the "fat old *****" who shouldn't be there.
2. The smell - they absolutely stink of sweat.
3. Queuing up for the machines.
4. Cleaning other people's sweat off machines.
The complete and utter feeling of not belonging there.
I work out at home instead.0 -
We live in a fast-food-nation. We want it now. No waiting. Just now. I think partly, when in-diets come out with things like "Get shredded in 6 weeks" it creates this idea in our heads that losing weight/getting desired body will only take a few weeks at most. When in reality - most of these fit bodies that everyone drools over take MONTHS and even YEARS to build. So, when people are not seeing desired results quick enough, they quit.
Top that off with the idea being drilled into us from a young age (mostly women) that the number on the scale is all that matters and that you dont want to lift weights because you'll look like a man and get bulky (gain weight). Its hard sometimes for women to overcome this and realize its all marketing and media and maybe even men being intimidated by strong women.
I've had a few conversations with girls in my gym that just kept going in circles. They ask how to get shapely butt/legs/whatever - and I tell them. I LIFT and I EAT. I try to help them by saying that they need to educate themselves on women and lifting. That body you so badly crave/desire will not come from just cardio. You get the undesired result (at least from their point of view) of being skinny-fat. You may have ended up screwing up your metabolism. But, I still get the same answer every time I'm finished talking: I dont want to look like a man. *faceplam* I ended up just wasting my breath and time in the gym. I even have a gym-regular (a man) who lifts and he was telilng me his girl is complaing about getting fat. He tells her to lift but her excuse? "I dont want to look like a man." I've seen this girl start off in the weight area... playing this guy to "help" her train. Well, she's bedded him and now they're together. But, its like "Hello" you have a guy who is wiling to help you - tells you you wont look manly. She still doesnt believe him.
I truly believe that it's a mixture of above of why women dont workout at a gym/weight rooms. Until they go out and look for that information themselves, they will never get the results they're looking for. Otherwise, they will be flooded with adverts from tv/magazines, etc.
Just wanted to say that I agree that the diet industry does a great disservice by touting these "three weeks to ripped abs" and "lose 15 lbs in a month" crap. I know I didn't fully realize the length of time a successful diet and exercise program takes. In the past not losing fast enough derailed my efforts because I thought I was doing it all wrong or there was something wrong with me because I wasn't progressing like the magazine article had implied I would.0 -
For me, and I would guess for most people, it is all about being self conscious and having a distorted self body image. I am a guy and when I started going back to the gym I swore I was the only fatty guy in the place. I was a little self conscious but pushed through it. The more I realized I was there for me the less I cared what other people thought. Then I started really looking around at all of the 'fit' guys around me. They were big and muscular but most of them had a healthy layer of fat over the muscle instead of a nice lean look. They were strong as hell but no tone. I don't want to be like that so it became even less of a factor.
One great think my gym has is a movie room. 50% lighting, a big screen, and surround sound. It it a great place for the very self conscious to hide out use it as their work out room because no one can see how you look from across the room.0 -
We live in a fast-food-nation. We want it now. No waiting. Just now. I think partly, when in-diets come out with things like "Get shredded in 6 weeks" it creates this idea in our heads that losing weight/getting desired body will only take a few weeks at most. When in reality - most of these fit bodies that everyone drools over take MONTHS and even YEARS to build. So, when people are not seeing desired results quick enough, they quit.
Top that off with the idea being drilled into us from a young age (mostly women) that the number on the scale is all that matters and that you dont want to lift weights because you'll look like a man and get bulky (gain weight). Its hard sometimes for women to overcome this and realize its all marketing and media and maybe even men being intimidated by strong women.
I've had a few conversations with girls in my gym that just kept going in circles. They ask how to get shapely butt/legs/whatever - and I tell them. I LIFT and I EAT. I try to help them by saying that they need to educate themselves on women and lifting. That body you so badly crave/desire will not come from just cardio. You get the undesired result (at least from their point of view) of being skinny-fat. You may have ended up screwing up your metabolism. But, I still get the same answer every time I'm finished talking: I dont want to look like a man. *faceplam* I ended up just wasting my breath and time in the gym. I even have a gym-regular (a man) who lifts and he was telilng me his girl is complaing about getting fat. He tells her to lift but her excuse? "I dont want to look like a man." I've seen this girl start off in the weight area... playing this guy to "help" her train. Well, she's bedded him and now they're together. But, its like "Hello" you have a guy who is wiling to help you - tells you you wont look manly. She still doesnt believe him.
I truly believe that it's a mixture of above of why women dont workout at a gym/weight rooms. Until they go out and look for that information themselves, they will never get the results they're looking for. Otherwise, they will be flooded with adverts from tv/magazines, etc.
agreed
I laugh- literally laugh at the notion of "accidental" bulking. It's just simple so nonsensical and blissfully ignorant of all the hard work that goes into obtaining those rock hard- super cut bodies. It amuses and insults me equally.0 -
I used to have a gym that I loved. Great classes and a really big free weight area. But I moved 40 minutes away and it closed a few years ago.
We joined the beautiful nearly new Y that's down the street from us, but we quit it a few year ago. These are some things I didn't like about it:
- At the time I had two young kids. Childcare was limited to 60 minutes. Barely long enough to take a class or do a full workout.
- Always crowded. Especially the weight area! I've been lifting free weights for years, and I hate to wait for a bunch of bros.
- Gossiping in the locker room. I don't wanna have to chit chat with people I don't know while I'm half naked.
Now, I have an olympic bar, weights, bench and a rack in my basement that I use several days a week. I also run or walk outside for free, or sometimes do a DVD or youtube workout. So, I'm not afraid to work out hard; I just don't like actually going to a gym.0
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