Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...

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Replies

  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    A man came through my lane at the grocery store with a jug of wine and a bouquet of roses. But before paying, he set the two items aside and said, “I’ll be right back.” He ran off, only to ­return a minute later with a second jug of wine and another bouquet of roses.

    “Two girlfriends?” I asked.“No,” he said. “Just one really angry one.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    My neighbor texted me, "I just made synonym buns!"

    I texted back, "You mean like grammar use to make?" I haven't heard from her since.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    I'm not going to lie, I married my wife for her looks. Though not the ones she's been giving me lately.

    Encore. Encore.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    What do you call a fear of giants?

    Feefiphobia.
  • foster1503
    foster1503 Posts: 391 Member
    My missus said,”you really dont have any sense of direction,do you?”

    I said,”where the hell did that come from?”
  • jiujitsudad15118
    jiujitsudad15118 Posts: 462 Member
    What did zero say to eight?
    Nice belt
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A tiny part of me says yes.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    Trying to play the new Rick Astley boardgame but the directions suck. They just say, "You know the rules and so do I".
  • mytyglotz
    mytyglotz Posts: 1,793 Member
    I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, "Mark, my words!"
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    Changed all my passwords to Kenny. Now all I have to do is remember my Kenny Loggins.
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The Executioner asks if he has any last requests. The man says that he would like a high-five. The Executioner left him hanging.
  • LegionOfZoom
    LegionOfZoom Posts: 178 Member
    What day do potatoes hate the most?

    Fry day
  • LegionOfZoom
    LegionOfZoom Posts: 178 Member
    Why was the letter damp?

    It had postage dew
  • piggy_smalls
    piggy_smalls Posts: 1,003 Member
    I went for a job interview and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said, "I don't know, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a good go."