Fat-positive Feminism and Weight Loss

SpleenThief

... statistically, there are waaaay more single, custodial mother's than single custodial fathers.

Yet another way the system is stacked against men. Instead of going with what's best for the kids, custody usually goes to the mom.*

*of course we need to factor out the dead beat dads but even with that in mind, when both parties vie for custody, the system is slanted towards the woman.

And yes, a woman getting pregnant to snare a man is a common thing.

MercenaryNoetic26

Fat positive for bulking. Fat negative as in obesity is an epidemic.

I'm happy in the 20% range currently.

bajoyba

I consider myself a feminist, and I consider myself "body positive". I think all women should love and respect themselves regardless of their body shape or size, and I think we all have the right to decide what our own ideal body looks like.

I liked myself just fine at my heaviest weight of 235 pounds. I had great self esteem and a wonderful husband who loved and appreciated me just the way I was. But I didn't FEEL great physically, and I decided that, for me, part of loving myself was taking care of myself. I like the way my body looks at all sizes, but I also like what my body can do for me, and I'm finding that navigating life is a lot easier in a stronger, more fit body. It's not a matter of being skinny. It's a matter of feeling strong and capable.

Ultimately, I think you just have to decide what makes you feel best, mentally and physically. If you truly prefer your body at a higher weight, that's your prerogative.

FlaxMilk

And yes, a woman getting pregnant to snare a man is a common thing.

:laugh:

With it being that common, you'd think men would just stop having sex (with women, anyway.)

scookiemonster

For many years I have worked with adolescents, with a particular interest in enabling and empowering young women. (Yes I self identify as a feminist).

Much of the work I have done with young women has focussed on building self-confidence and self esteem, trying to counter the self hatred and self loathing that so many intrinsically beautiful young people have for themselves as a result of body fascism.

So yes, I agree with 'fat positive'. Because the societal influences that represent the other side of the coin put pressure on young people (young men as well as women) to believe in the air-brushed images and the extremes of 'heroin chic'.

We should all aspire to be the fittest and healthiest that we can be. We should celebrate our own journey and the journey of others to achieve that state. But we also need to appreciate that each of us has to take our own decision to take our own first steps, whilst struggling to come to terms with societies twisted view of the 'perfect body'.

So much agreement with this. Very well put.

Personally, I think of it less as being "fat positive" and more as just being body positive and self positive. Our society today is so damn critical and nasty about other people's bodies. It is considered acceptable to snark at someone's body, comment on someone's body, and tell other people what to do with their bodies when your opinion is neither warranted nor wanted. It is normal and almost expected that women (and sometimes men) will stand around talking about all the things that they don't like about their bodies. It amazes me that so few people see anything wrong or unhealthy about this.

It is only in the last year or so that I have truly started to see my body for what it is really supposed to be - not eye candy for the public, but a vehicle that carries me through the world, and without which I simply cannot exist. That deserves some damn respect. Regardless of how it appears, my body does some pretty incredible things. It's climbed mountains. It's traveled the world. It has all kinds of mysterious processes that keep me healthy and moving. It has the potential to create new life. Even though it's a bit heavier than I'd like it to be, I still think it deserves love and respect, and I think that nobody else on the planet has the right to tell me what to do with it or make me feel as if it's not good enough.

In many ways, our society teaches us to degrade and criticize our bodies and try to force them into new and strange shapes. There's a difference between wanting to be healthy and taking care of yourself and wanting to fit someone else's ideal or look a certain way just because some artificial societal construct has taught you that it's to be desired. Honestly, at this point in my life, I couldn't possibly give two ****s if someone else thinks my body is "hot" or "bangable" or whatever other crap I used to aspire to. I want it to be healthy and strong and capable of kicking *kitten*. I can absolutely love my body while working to change it and make it healthier - if anything, it's only since I have learned to love my body, regardless of its appearance, that I have really cared enough to want to truly take care of it. After all, who wants to put all that effort into taking care of something that you hate?

ipsamet

I have lots of feels about this, but I could never have gotten to a place where I thought my body was worth taking care of it if I didn't get to a place where I really, and truly loved it when I was at my fattest. When I loved myself, I realized I was worthwhile enough to fuel myself right and do the things that had always interested me but I hadn't had the guts to do. That led to weight loss, but even if it hadn't, it would have been worthwhile. So yeah, I consider myself a fat-positive feminist even if I have lost 100 pounds.

lillovelylady

I haven't read all the replies... so I don't know if someone already said this BUT. I think it is very important to love yourself. And I find that sometimes I wonder who will come into my life (romantically and even friends) that wouldn't have been there if I was fat. I still have a lot to go but I don't want to lose weight for other people. I lose it for myself, for my health, and because I wanna be uber more sexy than I already am! hahahaa

joselo2

Yet another way the system is stacked against men. (...)


And yes, a woman getting pregnant to snare a man is a common thing.

Hmmm, I can maybe see that the 'system' re family courts/custody favours women, but the 'system' in general is much more in men's favour. And I am a man.

Oh wow, I do not beleive that a woman getting pregnant to snare a man is common at all. I don't see how you could have any evidence on this, because I don't what this ensnarement would actually involve. Because apart from anything else, it's kind of biologically don't make sense. You see, how babies are made is that a man and woman do it together. Don't worry, I used to think the same, that women got pregnant all by themselves just by wanting it, until I was about 5 years old. But no, BOTH parties are involved, so if a baby is made, it is due to both the man and woman, and I beleive contraception/family planning is something a couple SHARE responsibility for. If a man has risky sex with a woman, he cannot act like it was her alone who decided and caused this pregnancy! Unless you mean the woman raped the man... I suppose I can see how this couldbe possible, especially if the man co operated in it but didn't actually consent, due to lacking mental capacity for whatever reason... but like, obviously it is much more common the other way round.

McUncool

... statistically, there are waaaay more single, custodial mother's than single custodial fathers.

Yet another way the system is stacked against men. Instead of going with what's best for the kids, custody usually goes to the mom.*

*of course we need to factor out the dead beat dads but even with that in mind, when both parties vie for custody, the system is slanted towards the woman.

You do realize that patriarchy is the reason that custody favors women, right? Patriarchy hurts both men and women. It sounds counterintuitive if you don't care for critical thinking, but it's true! Women have long been seen by society as more nurturing to children and that men caring for children is unnatural, which is the reason that women often get custody with all things being equal.

And yes, a woman getting pregnant to snare a man is a common thing.

Probably not as common as men committing reproductive abuse:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/01/23/contraception-abuse-coercion-gynecologists/1856885/

And here's an article picking apart most of the anti-feminist arguments here (from Jezebel, no less!):

http://jezebel.com/5992479/if-i-admit-that-hating-men-is-a-thing-will-you-stop-turning-it-into-a-self+fulfilling-prophecy

garber6th

Hello all,

I'm writing to see if there are any other people out there who consider themselves fat positive but are still trying to lose weight. I consider myself a feminist and part of that is accepting and loving my body as it is, at any given time, so I'm finding it difficult to reconcile my desire to lose weight and be healthy and remaining fat-positive. I'm feeling like a hypocrite and wondering how much of my desire to loss weight comes from societal pressure to conform to a thinner silhouette.

Any other fat-positive feminists out there? How are you dealing with this?

Thanks for your thoughts!

My weight got up to 382 pounds. There was no way I was going to be "fat positive" about that because I truly believe that a lot of issues are tied in with morbid obesity. Loving my body as it was, at that size, just would not have made sense to me. Instead I chose to love myself and that included doing what I had to do to take care of and honor my body.

Only you know what your motivation is to lose weight. I think the fact that you feel like a hypocrite because you decided to make a change that could make you healthier makes as much sense as letting society influence your desire to lose weight. Do what is best for you, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Your feminist card won't be revoked if you lose weight.

stealthq

Yet another way the system is stacked against men. (...)


And yes, a woman getting pregnant to snare a man is a common thing.

Hmmm, I can maybe see that the 'system' re family courts/custody favours women, but the 'system' in general is much more in men's favour. And I am a man.

Oh wow, I do not beleive that a woman getting pregnant to snare a man is common at all. I don't see how you could have any evidence on this, because I don't what this ensnarement would actually involve.

...

No info on stats for this, but a point of information. This would usually involve the woman assuring the man that she is on birth control when she is not, and/or sabotaging the birth control being used. The other method is assuring the man that she will get an abortion if she does get pregnant, then she chooses not to.

As to whether this is common or not, it would be difficult to prove any of these unless she were stupid enough to run around confessing her plan (women have been, especially to their female friends), or the man catches her in a lie (and then whom do you believe?).

NYCNika

This looks "empowered" to me.

gramarye

I'm hoping you can answer my question: what is the point of fat acceptance? Isn't it kind of bending to society, in a way, if you feel you have to give it the middle finger and be fat to spite it? By going out of your way to not conform to society's pressures, you're still expending energy on societal rules - even if the efforts are on breaking them. Wouldn't it be better to have people be "self positive", in that they accept their spirit and mind wholeheartedly and learn to love who they are on the inside? I guess I am a little confused in how this is a good thing, and a better alternative to focusing on being thin, because it's still largely dependent on someone's appearance. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or trollish, either, this is genuinely tripping me up a little bit.

I'm going to try to answer this and hopefully not eff it up. >_>;;

It's not saying, "Fat is great! Everyone should be fat!" (That's no better than, "Skinny is the best! If you're fat, you're bad!") It's about knowing our bodies, rather than believing that our bodies are faulty, ugly, unhealthy, or broken just because society expects them to be. It's a rejection of an expectation and a stereotype of what a fat person is or isn't. It's owning a space that is ours. I found this blog to be really helpful when trying to navigate the concept: http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/

I generally prefer the phrase "body acceptance" to "fat acceptance," just because its a lot more inclusive, and trips because up less. (And of course, in a perfect world, we would all be self-positive! )

Sorry I didn't get to this earlier, I didn't realize anyone had actually answered my question and the thread just got too crazy to wade through.

I definitely understand what you're saying to be "body acceptance." I have far less problems with that term than with "fat acceptance." And, quite frankly, I think what you just described is the movement in its purest form. I could be wrong but some of the responses here are very muddied and not really what I would expect. Somehow I feel as if concentrating on your appearance and body that much, even if the intent is to not hate it for being fat, is not productive or positive. Why not concentrate on your health? Or, like I said above, your spirit and your mind? I am not sure why it's okay to say "I love myself, IN SPITE OF being fat." Are we going to have "serious acceptance" next, in which people who are not funny get to say "I love myself, IN SPITE OF being not funny"? No, we're not, because that has nothing to do with appearance.

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't think it's ok for someone to love themselves IN SPITE OF how they look. You shouldn't have to be spiting society if you're not worried about what it thinks about your appearance. For me, this "fat acceptance" is still counter intuitive in that you still have to take into account what society does and doesn't say instead of just worrying about how you feel about yourself.

Another thing that bothers me... "fat acceptance" isn't teaching little girls that they're more than how they look, it's saying that it's ok if they end up being fat because you can love yourself IN SPITE OF that. They're still just an image, albeit one that is opposite of how society supposedly wants them to look. I am still saddened that this movement still concentrates on someone's appearance and thinks that the way you look is the only thing that needs to be compensated for. To use my earlier example, what about girls who are serious and are not clever or funny, but who are thin? From what I understand, "fat acceptance" tells her that she's thin so she doesn't need to worry, because she doesn't have to love herself IN SPITE OF anything.

I get that this is supposed to be positive, and maybe shouldn't be read into as deeply as I am. But I don't think it's helping women become more than objects and be valued by more than their appearances at all.

You're cool -- I just noticed today that this thread was still moving!

And I agree that it shouldn't be an "in spite of." That mental in spite of is something that I had to really overcome before I could be serious about loving my body. It's still a very heavily internalized negative. I had to stop saying, "I'll love this body until I'm rid of it," and start saying, "This is a good strong body that has served me well for almost three decades -- here's how I'm going to treat it better."

That said, I can't speak for the entire movement; it's just my impression of it.

(There are so many other responses, lol; I'm still reading and it's pretty intense.)