Fat-positive Feminism and Weight Loss

bridgelene

I consider myself feminist and body positive. I don't believe that anyone should have their value as a person judged based on their weight, appearance, or ability. I have people I love in my life of all different sizes, and I accept and love them where they're at. However, I don't think it is incompatible to love/accept/don't judge someone where they are at, and also endorse a healthier lifestyle.

I think it's important to love yourself and your body - but loving it invokes taking care of it. I don't want to body-shame anyone, including myself, but no one does themselves any favors by remaining unhealthy, making choices that will, in the long run, affect mobility and even life span. It's hard for men to "get" how much emotional and societal baggage women have about weight and their bodies,and I appreciate a lot of the affirming parts of the "fat positive" movement - but I also think it enables women to not have to heal the relationships they have with food or their bodies. If you're "perfectly fine" the way you are then you never have to change anything or understand why you overeat or overcome your fears of working out, and you never get to be amazed by watching yourself rise to a physical challenge and meet it. It seems like a bandaid to cover/redefine the situation, not a solution. And I think it may do as much harm as it does good.

So, for me, I am body positive. I don't talk *kitten* about my body or anyone else's, I try not to judge myself, I challenge body shaming, and I take myself and others where they're at. But I also owe it to myself and my kids to make the most out of this one life I have, and this one body I have. And that means confronting my own issues with food, getting myself to a healthy weight, and getting myself active and strong.

^^ This!

quirkytizzy

I found I had to accept my body when it was fat in order to change it to something smaller. Accepting my fat was me saying "Okay, I'm fat. Alright. I'm not lying about it, I'm not hiding from it, and I'm not afraid of it." That was absolutely nesscary because long term change from fat to not-fat was only possible through self-love.

I find I'm a lot more likely to stick to my goals if I look at my body and say "Yeah, still fat. But I love myself enough to know that I can change this", INSTEAD OF "Yeah, still fat. You loser. What makes you think you can do anything to change this and keep it changed?"

One propels me towards continual self-action. The other paralyzes me in a fit of self-loathing.

It's easy to see which is the right choice for me.

claritarejoice

I am happy to find this mostly intelligent discussion thread in the MFP sea (except for a few hateful comments in here).

I am a feminist. I was not insecure about my body when I was overweight. However I was rightfully unhappy and angry with some other very painful problems and relationships issues in my life. But I was doing the best I could at the time to take care of myself and be healthy.

I started going to therapy and focusing on surrendering and de-stressing and being happy and taking care of myself. I started to become happier inside. And then one day I realized that I had also started losing weight without trying. Being healthy externally was a byproduct for me of being healthy and happy internally.

So for me I didn't have to reconcile a decision to lose weight with questioning if I was accepting myself or not. It was the reverse: because I accepted and cared for myself, I started to lose weight. I do think this will be the case for many people. I understand there are exceptions such as people who are overweight because of medical issues. However the majority of people are overweight because of emotional challenges. Obviously people can be underweight or ideal weight too with emotional challenges and stresses. I don't judge people and never assume anything about their reasons when I meet them.

I still have those painful external problems and relationship issues in my life - they haven't gone away. I am now maintaining a healthy weight and trying to focus on taking care of myself. I don't want to take my anger at my circumstances out on myself and punish myself by overeating, not exercising and gaining weight. A way for me to fight the power is to keep being healthy and happy despite the crap that life throws at me, to rise above my problems and triumph.

Another note is that I actually enjoy physical activity, sports, exercise, walking, hiking, dancing. These can be really enjoyable things that make your life fulfilling if you find activities that you enjoy and don't just feel forced to do. Engaging in these healthy ways to enjoy my life are ways to value myself.

gramarye

Also, if you seriously believe that white males are "the most maligned minority out there" then maybe you're internalizing more idiotic rhetoric than you think.

My thoughts exactly. The recent surge of hostility toward the feminist movement (which, by the way, is not a single thing; feminism is manifested in countless different ideologies and in countless variations and degrees) is strongly rooted in the desire to maintain the power structures that we currently have. The rhetoric of anti-feminists is no more unthinking, uncritical, and illogical than the extreme feminists that laele75 mistakenly assumes are representative of all feminists.

I just wanted to quote this in case anyone missed it the first time.

onedayatatime12

Hello all,

I'm writing to see if there are any other people out there who consider themselves fat positive but are still trying to lose weight. I consider myself a feminist and part of that is accepting and loving my body as it is, at any given time, so I'm finding it difficult to reconcile my desire to lose weight and be healthy and remaining fat-positive. I'm feeling like a hypocrite and wondering how much of my desire to loss weight comes from societal pressure to conform to a thinner silhouette.

Any other fat-positive feminists out there? How are you dealing with this?

Thanks for your thoughts!

I'm having the same problem. I want to lose weight, but I'm finding it hard to be happy with my body, particularly my body shape. I thought I had myself convinced myself a little while ago that I was okay with my body shape, but I think there's more to it than my poor body-image. I've tried to make myself feel better by trying to focus on smaller goals instead of the long-term goal, and thinking of this as a process and a a lifestyle change instead of a 'diet'. I'm keeping it positive- my stomach, which is at the flattest its ever been (which says something because it isn't flat!) has made a significant improvement, and I'm pleased with the results on that part of my body. I hope you can find it in you to focus on the parts about yourself you like, and improve on those, and maintain your overall health. It's hard but I know we all can do it. :flowerforyou:

millerll

This is ridiculous. Fat acceptance, or whatever you want to call it, is not a feminist issue. Girls being forced to marry and bear children before they're into their teens is a feminist issue. Girls being denied access to education is a feminist issue. Women being stoned for being raped is a feminist issue. Women who are criticized for working after having children, or for NOT working after having children, is a feminist issue. Any time a woman is denied a basic civil right based on her gender is a feminist issue. Choosing to be overweight is NOT a feminist issue. Get your priorities straight.

Cheechos

This is ridiculous. Fat acceptance, or whatever you want to call it, is not a feminist issue. Girls being forced to marry and bear children before they're into their teens is a feminist issue. Girls being denied access to education is a feminist issue. Women being stoned for being raped is a feminist issue. Women who are criticized for working after having children, or for NOT working after having children, is a feminist issue. Any time a woman is denied a basic civil right based on her gender is a feminist issue. Choosing to be overweight is NOT a feminist issue. Get your priorities straight.

Societal pressure to look a certain way for females is most definitely a feminist issue. We can't go topless legally in most places. There are debates about whether or not we can breast feed in public. The "ideal image" for females is to be small, quiet, and submissive to the male gaze, the male will. People exist who actually think it's unhygienic for us to not shave our armpits, while nobody second-guesses a man if he walks around with enough hair under there to make a little coat for a sheared sheep. How does weight not tie into that? Female bodies have social laws exerted over them all the time. Shave, cover up, wear makeup, be slim (but with the butt and boobs of a fatter girl), be light-skinned, be this, be that. Even overweight female to male trans* people have reported a completely more positive change in how they are treated as a fat male vs when they were perceived as a fat female. Not every feminist issue is related to a concrete law or right. Sexism is not just something that exists in neat little blocks. It spans throughout our entire culture and seeps into everything we do, see, and hear.

millerll

This is ridiculous. Fat acceptance, or whatever you want to call it, is not a feminist issue. Girls being forced to marry and bear children before they're into their teens is a feminist issue. Girls being denied access to education is a feminist issue. Women being stoned for being raped is a feminist issue. Women who are criticized for working after having children, or for NOT working after having children, is a feminist issue. Any time a woman is denied a basic civil right based on her gender is a feminist issue. Choosing to be overweight is NOT a feminist issue. Get your priorities straight.

Societal pressure to look a certain way for females is most definitely a feminist issue. We can't go topless legally in most places. There are debates about whether or not we can breast feed in public. The "ideal image" for females is to be small, quiet, and submissive to the male gaze, the male will. People exist who actually think it's unhygienic for us to not shave our armpits, while nobody second-guesses a man if he walks around with enough hair under there to make a little coat for a sheared sheep. How does weight not tie into that? Female bodies have social laws exerted over them all the time. Shave, cover up, wear makeup, be slim (but with the butt and boobs of a fatter girl), be light-skinned, be this, be that. Even overweight female to male trans* people have reported a completely more positive change in how they are treated as a fat male vs when they were perceived as a fat female. Not every feminist issue is related to a concrete law or right. Sexism is not just something that exists in neat little blocks. It spans throughout our entire culture and seeps into everything we do, see, and hear.

Bull. No one is forcing you to wear make-up, or shave your armpits, or to be quiet and submissive. If you don't want to do those things, then don't. You have that right. Changing cultural norms is not as simple as passing a law, I agree. And it takes a lot more time and effort. If that's what you want, then work towards that. But I still believe that until the other basic human rights are granted, whether or not you shave your armpits is not an important issue.

FlaxMilk

To me, being fat positive is about knowing what it means to be fat (or big, or overweight, or curvy, or whatever other adjective does it for you), including the negative health effects, and choosing to be that way anyway. I've recently been conceptualizing choosing to be fat as a way to "fight the power" so to speak, to challenge societal standards of beauty and femininity. However, I really do want to be healthy, and to feel physically comfortable in my own skin.

I don't think true feminism would ever want a woman to cause harm to herself simply to make a societal point. Feminist society should not be as problematic and harmful to its participants as the culture it is challenging.

There are plenty of overweight people already to challenge society's view of beauty. If you would like to choose to remain overweight knowing the risks because it's right for you, go right ahead. If you are doing it because another person or an entire cause wants you to, find a new way to practice and express your beliefs. Your body is not a tool for feminism any more than feminism would want your body to be a tool for patriarchal society.

BrunetteRunner87

To me, loving yourself means to always try to better yourself.

ecw3780

I have a really hard time with the term "fat acceptance" or "fat positive". There is nothing wrong saying "yes, I am fat, but I am still a good person who deserves good things and to be treated in a kind manner, etc" but there is something wrong with saying "I am fat and I am okay with being fay". I am sorry, it is not okay to be okay with being fat. You wouldn't (hopefully) say "I have cancer, and I am okay with having cancer " You might say "all my hair fell out, but I am still a beautiful woman" but that is not the same thing. Please don't make me start with the "those aren't curves, that's fat speech" again. I am not saying you need to live in a world of shame and guilty, but you need to accept a little bit of reality. Telling everyone they need to love the body they have so that we are strong women is a joke. We aren't going to be strong women when our fat bodies succumb to diabetes, heart disease, metabolic syndrome, and start to smell because we didn't deodorize our fat rolls.

For the record, I am still fat...and I don't accept it and I am not okay with it, but I am doing something to change it. That is what a real feminist does.

glovepuppet

i'm no more likely to be fat positive than I am to be pro-ana.
i'll accept people, whatever their size, but i'm not going to start thinking unhealthy is a good thing.

Cheechos

Bull. No one is forcing you to wear make-up, or shave your armpits, or to be quiet and submissive. If you don't want to do those things, then don't. You have that right. Changing cultural norms is not as simple as passing a law, I agree. And it takes a lot more time and effort. If that's what you want, then work towards that. But I still believe that until the other basic human rights are granted, whether or not you shave your armpits is not an important issue.

Putting aside the fact that a company successfully forced their female employees to wear makeup, while there are (usually) no concrete laws that make females do these things, there are harsh social ones that make it hard to break from the norm. While things like access to proper sexual health education, upholding Roe vs. Wade, closing the wage gap, and increasing representation in politics+other areas are overwhelmingly important, it's still good to fight whatever battles you can whenever they pop up. Fighting back against the push to be conventionally attractive is a positive thing to do for all women. Knowing that you are valued beyond your looks and that you can be happy even if you aren't a straight size boosts confidence, self-acceptance, and can strengthen bonds between growing young girls who are taught to see looks as a competition.

YoBecca

Bull. No one is forcing you to wear make-up, or shave your armpits, or to be quiet and submissive. If you don't want to do those things, then don't. You have that right. Changing cultural norms is not as simple as passing a law, I agree. And it takes a lot more time and effort. If that's what you want, then work towards that. But I still believe that until the other basic human rights are granted, whether or not you shave your armpits is not an important issue.

I don't know that y'all/we are ever gonna agree here, and that's fine. For me, I don't dispute that issues involving women's safety and legal rights are of critical importance. But these other issues - social pressures, appearance standards, etc., are valid women's issues. In my work (I'm a lawyer), women are absolutely held to a different standard than men. The "dress code" for female lawyers in the South requires skirt suits and panty hose. Women have been kicked out of court, chastised by judges in court and in front of clients, etc. Is it a threat to their lives, no. Is it treatment that men aren't subjected to, solely b/c of their sex, yes. When you talk to male lawyers about job hunting versus women, their experiences are night and day. And I have a friend who is a frigging Harvard Law grad and super sharp, who has had a shockingly hard time getting a job - and is extremely overweight. Pretty sure the fact that she isn't a "usual" woman is holding her back, despite her ability.

Like I said, we may never agree, and you're welcome to define "women's issues" however you like. That's how feminism works - its not a single, unified agenda. But, I think challenging the ways women are treated and valued based on physical appearance, particularly when it affects women's professional success and economic status in a way it does not affect men, is fairly defined as a feminist issue.

LorinaLynn

So, for me, I am body positive. I don't talk *kitten* about my body or anyone else's, I try not to judge myself, I challenge body shaming, and I take myself and others where they're at. But I also owe it to myself and my kids to make the most out of this one life I have, and this one body I have. And that means confronting my own issues with food, getting myself to a healthy weight, and getting myself active and strong.

I love this.

I want to be strong and healthy, so I can continue to be active and independent as long as possible. I can't think of anything more feminist than that. Sure, looking nice in a bikini is fun, but I consider it a bonus on top of the health benefits.

I'm all about kindness. Being kind to others, being kind to yourself. I wasn't being kind to myself when I was letting myself be lazy and eat non-nutritious foods all the time and gain weight. I was just being undisciplined.

HeidiMightyRawr

I wouldn't say I'm fat positive, I've never been "overweight" and I couldn't see myself being happy with being that size. However, I am confident in my body, and can be happy overall with life, whether I wish to change how I look or not. Fat or not fat, I'd still value myself and not think any less of myself because of my size.

IMO if you want to change, whether that be for health or just vanity, as long as you are doing it for yourself and not because you feel under pressure to look a certain way (beauty standards), and as long as you still feel the same amount of self worth, you can definitely be feminist and fat/body positive. You're doing it for you, that's great. Live your life how you want, and don't judge others who are doing what they want :flowerforyou:

millerll

Bull. No one is forcing you to wear make-up, or shave your armpits, or to be quiet and submissive. If you don't want to do those things, then don't. You have that right. Changing cultural norms is not as simple as passing a law, I agree. And it takes a lot more time and effort. If that's what you want, then work towards that. But I still believe that until the other basic human rights are granted, whether or not you shave your armpits is not an important issue.

I don't know that y'all/we are ever gonna agree here, and that's fine. For me, I don't dispute that issues involving women's safety and legal rights are of critical importance. But these other issues - social pressures, appearance standards, etc., are valid women's issues. In my work (I'm a lawyer), women are absolutely held to a different standard than men. The "dress code" for female lawyers in the South requires skirt suits and panty hose. Women have been kicked out of court, chastised by judges in court and in front of clients, etc. Is it a threat to their lives, no. Is it treatment that men aren't subjected to, solely b/c of their sex, yes. When you talk to male lawyers about job hunting versus women, their experiences are night and day. And I have a friend who is a frigging Harvard Law grad and super sharp, who has had a shockingly hard time getting a job - and is extremely overweight. Pretty sure the fact that she isn't a "usual" woman is holding her back, despite her ability.

Like I said, we may never agree, and you're welcome to define "women's issues" however you like. That's how feminism works - its not a single, unified agenda. But, I think challenging the ways women are treated and valued based on physical appearance, particularly when it affects women's professional success and economic status in a way it does not affect men, is fairly defined as a feminist issue.

I agree with you on this. And I concede that it's a complex issue with no easy solutions. See - there's hope for us after all! :flowerforyou:

Sapporo

This is ridiculous. Fat acceptance, or whatever you want to call it, is not a feminist issue. Girls being forced to marry and bear children before they're into their teens is a feminist issue. Girls being denied access to education is a feminist issue. Women being stoned for being raped is a feminist issue. Women who are criticized for working after having children, or for NOT working after having children, is a feminist issue. Any time a woman is denied a basic civil right based on her gender is a feminist issue. Choosing to be overweight is NOT a feminist issue. Get your priorities straight.

Thank you!! I'll be just as much as a feminist when I lose another 80lbs as I am now.

Hildy_J

Just my opinion... but weight has about as much to do with my kind of feminism as origami does....

Feminism as a movement is striving for equal treatment/rights/pay etc for women and pursuing our inalienable right to be valued and treated with respect.

*jumps off high horse*

Jenny :-) xx

YoBecca

Bull. No one is forcing you to wear make-up, or shave your armpits, or to be quiet and submissive. If you don't want to do those things, then don't. You have that right. Changing cultural norms is not as simple as passing a law, I agree. And it takes a lot more time and effort. If that's what you want, then work towards that. But I still believe that until the other basic human rights are granted, whether or not you shave your armpits is not an important issue.

I don't know that y'all/we are ever gonna agree here, and that's fine. For me, I don't dispute that issues involving women's safety and legal rights are of critical importance. But these other issues - social pressures, appearance standards, etc., are valid women's issues. In my work (I'm a lawyer), women are absolutely held to a different standard than men. The "dress code" for female lawyers in the South requires skirt suits and panty hose. Women have been kicked out of court, chastised by judges in court and in front of clients, etc. Is it a threat to their lives, no. Is it treatment that men aren't subjected to, solely b/c of their sex, yes. When you talk to male lawyers about job hunting versus women, their experiences are night and day. And I have a friend who is a frigging Harvard Law grad and super sharp, who has had a shockingly hard time getting a job - and is extremely overweight. Pretty sure the fact that she isn't a "usual" woman is holding her back, despite her ability.

Like I said, we may never agree, and you're welcome to define "women's issues" however you like. That's how feminism works - its not a single, unified agenda. But, I think challenging the ways women are treated and valued based on physical appearance, particularly when it affects women's professional success and economic status in a way it does not affect men, is fairly defined as a feminist issue.

I agree with you on this. And I concede that it's a complex issue with no easy solutions. See - there's hope for us after all! :flowerforyou:

Intelligent dialogue on the internets! Look at us, being all reasonable and mature and stuff!