The Mildly Passive-Aggressive Mid-life/Existential Crisis Terrible Poetry Thread

caco_ethes

Reckoner68 wrote: »

Did I know about this terrible poetry thread? I feel like I must have, but I've forgotten about it which is a shame because I feel like this is my sandbox


Falling into my own fire
Inhaling my own smoke
Killing myself
with my refusal
to let go of a dream
I'll never know
who I could have been

I made it for you actually and I’ve been heartbroken for weeks that you haven’t reveled in it

Or months, how long ago did i make this thread?? Because thats how long I’ve had a severe case of mildly overblown heartbreak

caco_ethes

iMago wrote: »

there's things i could say,
and things you don't know,
but this thread is TL;DR,
bored now; gotta go.

I always used to say the letters TLDR but for purposes of proper cadence I pronounced it ‘tilder’ here and now I’m wondering if that’s what I should’ve been saying all along

Motorsheen

Nothing Rhymes With Orange.
No, It Doesn't.

caco_ethes

Motorsheen wrote: »

Nothing Rhymes With Orange.
No, It Doesn't.

Except for maybe door hinge.
Hard that wasn’t.

Motorsheen

caco_ethes wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

Nothing Rhymes With Orange.
No, It Doesn't.

Except for maybe door hinge.
Hard that wasn’t.

@caco_ethes

okay.... then work 'Door Hinge' into a Gangsta Rap rhyme.

iMago

Motorsheen wrote: »

caco_ethes wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

Nothing Rhymes With Orange.
No, It Doesn't.

Except for maybe door hinge.
Hard that wasn’t.

@caco_ethes

okay.... then work 'Door Hinge' into a Gangsta Rap rhyme.

i can do this

im loaded and bleary. its a three week binge.
call ya momma up, gotta slam her back door hinge
plugs ringing. grab my shirt. "move *kitten* out my way"
she's cryin, begging "baby one more time you gotta stay"

knees weak arms are heavy moms spaghetti

caco_ethes

@tinkerhellraiser wrote: »

iMago wrote: »

@Motorsheen wrote: »

caco_ethes wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

Nothing Rhymes With Orange.
No, It Doesn't.

Except for maybe door hinge.
Hard that wasn’t.

@caco_ethes

okay.... then work 'Door Hinge' into a Gangsta Rap rhyme.

i can do this

im loaded and bleary. its a three week binge.
call ya momma up, gotta slam her back door hinge
plugs ringing. grab my shirt. "move *kitten* out my way"
she's cryin, begging "baby one more time you gotta stay"

knees weak arms are heavy moms spaghetti

caco_ethes version better use “singe” or i’m walking out

She juicy thick
like Orange Julius
pop and lock, girl singe
you Vesuvius
Lets do it in the ash
Cuz that booty is
All good no need for a uterus
Go on, grease that groove like a door hinge
Cuz dis *kitten* so big
make a *kitten* cringe
More words that rhyme etc poor fringe

Reckoner68

caco_ethes wrote: »

@tinkerhellraiser wrote: »

iMago wrote: »

@Motorsheen wrote: »

caco_ethes wrote: »

Motorsheen wrote: »

Nothing Rhymes With Orange.
No, It Doesn't.

Except for maybe door hinge.
Hard that wasn’t.

@caco_ethes

okay.... then work 'Door Hinge' into a Gangsta Rap rhyme.

i can do this

im loaded and bleary. its a three week binge.
call ya momma up, gotta slam her back door hinge
plugs ringing. grab my shirt. "move *kitten* out my way"
she's cryin, begging "baby one more time you gotta stay"

knees weak arms are heavy moms spaghetti

caco_ethes version better use “singe” or i’m walking out

She juicy thick
like Orange Julius
pop and lock, girl singe
you Vesuvius
Lets do it in the ash
Cuz that booty is
All good no need for a uterus
Go on, grease that groove like a door hinge
Cuz dis *kitten* so big
make a *kitten* cringe
More words that rhyme etc poor fringe

I would buy this album

beagletracks

They said I got the ‘rona
I said it can’t be true
Last words on my deathbed:
“Glad it ain’t the Spanish flu!”
Now I’m a spectral poet, so what I say is true
Look down while you’re walking or you’ll step in doggie doo

CacoEther

aChuisle_moChroi wrote: »

They said I got the ‘rona
I said it can’t be true
Last words on my deathbed:
“Glad it ain’t the Spanish flu!”
Now I’m a spectral poet, so what I say is true
Look down while you’re walking or you’ll step in doggie doo

This was beautiful

MaltedTea

Yessssss! 😌 Off the title alone and having read one poem thus far...this is Top 3 of All Time Must Read Thread. Bookmarked. 🙌🏿

Sophisticatted_Gentlemanz

You ever wake up and see on social media what you did while you were blacked out?

Ughhhhhhhh

Yoshiboobs

Time flying by
Still I cry
For a future that's not here
I think about you dear

I think about the passion and the love
That seemed sent from above
But you were a false God
The old memories I prod

Looking for that soft warm place
That was your embrace
When I felt like I belonged
Before I was wronged

Motorsheen

Dark and lonely on the summer night.
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Watchdog barking – Do he bite?
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Slip in his window,
Break his neck!
Then his house
I start to wreck!
Got no reason —
What the heck!
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
C-I-L-L …
My land – lord …

Vikka_V

You suckithed, my vitality and spirit
Enjoy the same

And know, I grow, and fluoresce
And am approaching brilliancy

CacoEther

Motorsheen wrote: »

Dark and lonely on the summer night.
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Watchdog barking – Do he bite?
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Slip in his window,
Break his neck!
Then his house
I start to wreck!
Got no reason —
What the heck!
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
C-I-L-L …
My land – lord …

“Do he bite?” is theee funniest part

beagletracks

Four semesters late and the wrong degree
Always should’ve been a liberal arts PhD
I aced all of my classes, blew it on my comps
Lots of circumstances, not one ounce of pomp

scratchmyTwitch

This is just to say

I drank the last of the milk

Which you were probably saving for your cereal

It was good

I put the container back in the fridge

You’re welcome

MaltedTea

Coffee Beans: A lamentation

When pressed you reduce my stress
You spur me on to finally get dressed
And work. Progress.

Yet they - yes, they - say you are a source of distress
That you leave my visceral fat unimpressed
And ruin. Progress.

(Mandatory scene setting: it is here where, in my mind, the smoke-filled room's noise level rises ever so slightly as the audience of 14 people raise their arms in the air to snap their fingers as I exit stage left...to grab a cup of coffee)

Sophisticatted_Gentlemanz

MaltedTea wrote: »

Coffee Beans: A lamentation

When pressed you reduce my stress
You spur me on to finally get dressed
And work. Progress.

Yet they - yes, they - say you are a source of distress
That you leave my visceral fat unimpressed
And ruin. Progress.

(Mandatory scene setting: it is here where, in my mind, the smoke-filled room's noise level rises ever so slightly as the audience of 14 people raise their arms in the air to snap their fingers as I exit stage left...to grab a cup of coffee)

I saw it; you transported me

CacoEther

Sophisticatted_Gentlemanz wrote: »

You ever wake up and see on social media what you did while you were blacked out?

Ughhhhhhhh

I get this 😬😬

PlentyofProtein00

scratchmyTwitch wrote: »

This is just to say

I drank the last of the milk

Which you were probably saving for your cereal

It was good

I put the container back in the fridge

You’re welcome

😂😂😂😂im dying

PlentyofProtein00

Roses are lame
Jewelry too
If you wanna get me something
Cash will do

will_it_go_round_in_circles

*kitten* you *kitten*
You broke my heart
*kitten* your friends
For tearing us apart
*kitten* your dog
Hope he never comes home
*kitten* you *kitten*
Hope you wind up alone

-Wheeler Walker Jr.

CacoEther

Roses are red,
violets are blue
Well, a bit like lavender actually
Just like a little deeper shade of bluish purple
Like cerulean kinda
Which I can’t pronounce and honestly isn’t even close to the right color
Anyway let’s watch that new space documentary

Motorsheen

I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
until I didn't.

CacoEther

Motorsheen wrote: »

I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
I Trusted You.
until I didn't.

Oh my god it was ONE finger 🤦🏼‍♀️

KosmosKitten

Decades passing by
Like ships sailing in the night
You appear again

Sophisticatted_Gentlemanz

Kashmir_314_ wrote: »

I know your type, I see them all around
You're gonna tell me I'm "beautiful," and that your wife drowned
You'll sell me a story, one that I'll buy
I'll wait anxiously for every reply
Til one day you leave mfp and return as another headless torso looking for some other dumb *kitten* to get you to send her nudes
And she does

I mean, if you're LOOKING for a story to buy, I have a few up on Amazon...do you like horror???

Sophisticatted_Gentlemanz

...there is a thread for that! Actually I think there's a thread for both of them

and because this is the poem thread, something something hem