WHY do people CHEAT?
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heyjude0225 wrote: »My ex wife told me that men cheat because they are *kitten* and women cheat because men are *kitten*.
She seemed to enjoy other *kitten*
I’ve heard this expression before and it kinda makes me see red, lol. No man made me do it, *kitten* or otherwise5 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.
Honestly, I have a feeling I'll lose friends because I'm choosing to be open and honest about my experiences, especially because others in this thread have been hurt and they see "my type" as scum.
Their opinions and they are perfectly allowed to have them, I just have a feeling I'll get less friends requests and more deletes than anything, but ah well.
Fwiw - I don't see anyone here as "scum." Good people can make bad decisions. Your business is your own, and I'm not here to judge anyone's choices. This thread has been both enlightening and triggering, but I don't frown upon anyone here...nobody here has directly hurt me. And if your so called "friends" delete you, they weren't friends to begin with. Take it for what it's worth, it's the internet. 💛
I wasn't referring to anyone specifically (here). I was, however, recalling words I've been called for other things that had absolutely nothing to do with infidelity.
Because nothing charges my self-worth like being told that a person will "never be clean no matter how many times he washes because of how dirty I make him feel".. funny thing is, I did absolutely nothing wrong in that one case. I was innocent and still got flayed alive for being on the up-an-up. Funny how life works, eh?
I will apologize if anything I've said here has triggered anyone. Definitely not my intent. Not really into digging wounds and making them deeper.
No apologies necessary, we're just expressing here. I'm sorry for your pain.
Nah. It's ancient history, but I've been reminiscing a lot about past events as a sort of spiritual growth. Things I couldn't learn then because I was emotionally invested I can now evaluate without the attachment I once had and my hopes are that I can learn something meaningful from the experiences, particularly bad/less-than-great ones.
Because you know, human growth is generally a good thing.
Have I mentioned how much i enjoy your posts? 😏2 -
Finishiitnow wrote: »According to an article I just read...
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
Most that I've seen over the years, venture out because ...- Maltreatment
- Unfulfillment
- Thrills
- Desire
- Connection
- Visibility
- To feel wanted
- Want OUT and away from being the convenience
When cheated (committed to the discipline of abstinence until marriage), and with immaturity, I teetered towards being all about my shattered and pained ego, walking out of my committed (affianced) relationships, from my teens to my early 30s. Since, a lot has changed, with my perception, my tolerance and my approach. I believe, that at all times, we're to allow ourselves the very same liberties we'll permit a SO . Most quit where some dare the turbulence, where minding the pH levels in all facets of a relationship, is necessary, every single day, 24/7. The onus is on each of us, with how we opt to maintain the environmental conditions of our human relationships as we define it, dependent on our value system - To forgive, to understand and to not let go just because, as I'd done multiple times. When someone breaks the line at all, most fail to recognise the exclamation for what it is, quick to scrutinise, quick to assault, quick to reject, quick to abuse.
I much prefer the me now, for having been cheated, for I too am flawed.2 -
cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Reading your post has me thinking: Of the 1/2 of all who married and are now divorcees, what percentage were circumstantial marital unions, what percentage were love marriages and which percentage were that of arranged marriages?
Some marriages, if asymptomatic, go unnoticed until boom.2 -
cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Reading your post has me thinking: Of the 1/2 of all who married and are now divorcees, what percentage were circumstantial marital unions, what percentage were love marriages and which percentage were that of arranged marriages?
Some marriages, if asymptomatic, go unnoticed until boom.
I believe the 50% divorce statistic is North American so far fewer arranged marriages. And I think those cultures where arranged marriages are common are less tolerant of divorce.
I seem to recall that it isn't 50% of first marriages that end in divorce because the higher failure rate of second and subsequent marriages drives the rate up. More than half of first marriages survive (not sure of the duration measured though). Your odds get worse with multiple marriages though.3 -
I think the main reason is that people just change. We as humans are constantly evolving; we’re not the same people in our 20s as 30s, etc... With that- people often grow apart, but due to life circumstances they stay together. Not for love but for convenience. Life happens, work happens, stress happens, & sex gets put on the back burner, communication breaks down..
As humans we are wired to be sexual, crave a connection, the desire to be wanted/needed. When our emotional or sexual needs aren’t being met then we branch out to fill that void.9 -
Sometimes people cheat because the two people in a relationship have different levels of sexual desire. You might have one spouse with a huge sex drive and the other wants no sex at all. And in some cultures this is expected and the spouse with the huge drive takes a "minor spouse", keeping the marriage intact.
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I cheated at Zelda4
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CaliValleyGirl wrote: »I cheated at Zelda
post reported.3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »CaliValleyGirl wrote: »I cheated at Zelda
post reported.
THAT book was SOLD BY Nintendo! IT WAS completed consensual cheating!
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I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Well said!!3 -
Sometimes people cheat because the two people in a relationship have different levels of sexual desire. You might have one spouse with a huge sex drive and the other wants no sex at all. And in some cultures this is expected and the spouse with the huge drive takes a "minor spouse", keeping the marriage intact.
Interesting point of view.0 -
Because like other animals, we instinctively aren't monogamous.Finishiitnow wrote: »According to an article I just read...
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
Humans actually aren't exactly like other animals, although some animals actually are monogamous. There are so many complex variables that go into human psychology/sociology/physiology. Researchers are finding genetic differences that make some people more monogamous "by nature" and some not. There's probably a spectrum. Many people struggle with staying faithful, and others find it easy.
I don't think marriage is for everyone. Lots of people get married for the wrong reasons (including feeling pressured to conform to social expectations.) Might be best not to commit to someone if you aren't the monogamous type. Why be miserable and struggle in a role that doesn't fit you? Monogamy might not be your thing. Just a thought...
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I cheated on Contra too, those unlimited lives were hot3
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CaliValleyGirl wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »CaliValleyGirl wrote: »I cheated at Zelda
post reported.
THAT book was SOLD BY Nintendo! IT WAS completed consensual cheating!
Cheating on Mario Cart ? Okay.
Cheating on Zelda ?
Not Alright By Any Means.
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Motorsheen wrote: »CaliValleyGirl wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »CaliValleyGirl wrote: »I cheated at Zelda
post reported.
THAT book was SOLD BY Nintendo! IT WAS completed consensual cheating!
Cheating on Mario Cart ? Okay.
Cheating on Zelda ?
Not Alright By Any Means.
So touchy0 -
CaliValleyGirl wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »CaliValleyGirl wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »CaliValleyGirl wrote: »I cheated at Zelda
post reported.
THAT book was SOLD BY Nintendo! IT WAS completed consensual cheating!
Cheating on Mario Cart ? Okay.
Cheating on Zelda ?
Not Alright By Any Means.
So touchy
I'm delicate.
*shrug0 -
cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Reading your post has me thinking: Of the 1/2 of all who married and are now divorcees, what percentage were circumstantial marital unions, what percentage were love marriages and which percentage were that of arranged marriages?
Some marriages, if asymptomatic, go unnoticed until boom.
I believe the 50% divorce statistic is North American so far fewer arranged marriages. And I think those cultures where arranged marriages are common are less tolerant of divorce.
I seem to recall that it isn't 50% of first marriages that end in divorce because the higher failure rate of second and subsequent marriages drives the rate up. More than half of first marriages survive (not sure of the duration measured though). Your odds get worse with multiple marriages though.
I remember this too, however, when looking at that spotlit 50% failure rate, what's worrying to me is, how some have observed that of the total number of failed marriages of North America, subsequent marriages included, love marriages are more at risk for failure when compared to the moderne arranged marital unions within our borders.2 -
This applies to relationships, transgressions and fitness.
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I cheat because sometimes those games can get long and boring.. like elder scrolls.. really.. do I really want to grind out blacksmithing to make dragon armor? it's just not worth it.3
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