WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2019
Replies
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Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!2
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Good morning Ladies:
I am a newbie, to both MFP and this community. I read all of the 11 pages of posts and wow....really enjoyed hearing about your goals, challenges, wins and losses.....so nice to find people keeping it real!
I am 56, an accountant, and mom to 2 young adults and a very needy 14 yr old pup. My husband and I were very sad when our son left for college in 2014 and and our daughter in 2016 (only 10 miles away but seemed like a continent) and that's when I saw the weight start coming on....also around when my peri-menopause started - big surprise.
After losing my parents to dementia/COPD and Colon Cancer, I started reading about disease, health, food, exercise etc. They are all connected. I have always exercised but my mindset has changed to be more about overall health, physically and mentally, versus strictly weight loss. I have invested in learning a lot about nutrition and aging and now I am focused on health. Food is medicine and I have a lot of habits to work on in that area. MFP logging will definitely help. My struggles of late revolve around drinking. It became so easy to add nights of the week. My husband and I self-medicated our sadness with our kids leaving with drinks every night and almost all of my friends drink so every get together involves alcohol and less than healthy foods. I find myself saying no to invitations because I don't want to be around it while I work on my goals. I know that's not the best way to approach it - I need to make the choice to not do it but its hard. I think once I see the benefits in weight loss and better sleep, it will get easier.
Starting Weight - 160
Current Weight - 157
Goal - 140
5'7"
My October Goals:
-Log every day and stay within my calories.
-Exercise (Run, Walk, Yoga, Gym) 6-7 days a week
-Drink in Moderation and log every drop.
-Eat lots of veggies every day
-Stick with my 12 week Challenge group and hit my goal weight of 140 by the end of Dec.
-Drink 8 glasses of water a day.
-Read for 30 min. minimum a day
October should be challenging....2 Weekends of Travel (A College Football game and a girls weekend😉)and a 3 day music festival. Yikes! And I am done with this 100 degree weather🔥.
Claire from Texas
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kelly yep, I'm back at work, the trip to VA was terrific. My DH and I do our best talking side by side in the car, like many men, he "talks good"
when we aren't face to face 
Can't wait to see a pic of Joaquin meeting his baby!!
Barbie your life is an inspiration to me.
NYKAREN5 -
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Blessings, Vicki GI NE 4
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Lanette - thanks for the compliments on the resistance routine. I try not to compare myself to anyone, as I'm short and stocky, and have always been "dense," as my mother put it... Bluntly, after hauling around 250 to 300 pounds of body weight for nearly 20 years of my life, I have a quite muscular substructure, so higher weights aren't as much of a problem for me as some.
I need a break from the grant, as the section on "maximizing strategic impact" just about fried my brainpan.
So, here's my Corey love story, but I'll put it in a spoiler, y'all feel free to skip. Seriously - it's a 1600-word chapter from my autobiography, so feel free to skip. Those of you who've been around for years definitely know the story already.
Once upon a time, in the month of May—I always wanted to write a story that starts with that—two women stood on a balcony overlooking a mechanic’s shop below. The sound of banging and clanging and power tools and engines filled the air. As they looked over the railing, one turned to the woman standing next to her and said, “Balconies always make me want to do the beauty queen wave,” and demonstrated the elbow-elbow-wrist-wrist-wrist wave she’d been taught so many years before when she was the National Honor Society Duchess for the Homecoming game her junior year of high school. The rather-dubious achievement occurred because she was the last girl left who wasn’t already the duchess of something else. It was a small school.
As she (OK, yes, yes it was me), as I stood waving like a complete idiot above the hustle and bustle below, a man walked over the concrete floor near us and looked up. Tall, slim, wide-shouldered, in a bright white shirt with one too many buttons undone for my blood pressure, jeans and a ball cap and shaded safety glasses, he was drop-dead gorgeous. He smiled up at me and said, “Well, hello, princess!”
As the weeks went by, he and I talked a bit nearly every morning, as we were both in to work by six a.m. every morning. He was dealing with the end stages of his divorce and of course I couldn't even get mine started yet... but we did some mild flirting. He grinned every time he saw me, and I'm sure I grinned back. I had to walk across the shop two or three
times a day to get to the ladies’ room, and somehow, nearly every time, I'd hear "Hello, Princess!" and there he'd be... I finally asked him why he kept calling me that and found out his ex-wife was also named Lisa. He immediately began a relationship with another lady when his divorce finalized, and I still wasn't divorced, so it was still hands-off. For both of us... he's not that kind of guy.
The months went by, and I moved over to my permanent office in a new building. Suddenly, I'm handling payroll, including his, so once again, hands-off. I only saw him occasionally, company parties, etc., until he came in to the company office in October to get his transfer papers signed to the parent corporation, to begin work as a lease operator. He was hanging around, waiting for the mandatory drug test, and stopped in my office just to visit. Joking, I asked him, "So, you got rid of that girlfriend yet?" He blinked at me, smiled, and said, "Well, actually...yes."
We talked a bit more, he walked outside, and I wrote my phone number down on a sticky note. Walked out right behind him and asked him if he was willing to look at the taillight on my car, which had been bashed in weeks before. I'd gotten the replacement but hadn't got it put in yet. When he said, "Sure!" I was shaking so hard I could barely talk...but I handed him the note with my number on it, asked him to call me before he came over, and I'd tell him how to get there.
That night, he came to my apartment, and we talked for hours. Eventually, he looked at my tail light, said not to worry about taking it to a body shop, he'd bring over his tools another time and fix it... and he kissed me before he left.
After being over at my apartment every night for a week and a half, he finally fixed the light... and I went into mourning, thinking I'd never see him again. But he called again the next night, and the next. Two weeks later, he told me he loved me, and I returned the sentiment. On November 16, I moved in with him, on November 19, my own divorce was final. He asked me to marry him December 1, and I said yes. We were married June 27 of the following year.
Those are the bare bones of the story, of course. In the middle of all that, he won my heart over and over again. The night I told my soon-to-be-ex-husband I was divorcing him—knowing he would take it badly, as he always believed it was just a separation and I’d come to my senses—Corey was there when I sobbed out my anger and heartbreak over what I considered my failure.
Instead of walking away from me when I started crying, as my ex- had done so many times over the years, Corey held out his arms, and I was lost. I asked him, once the flood subsided, why he didn’t run like a scared rabbit. He simply said, “Your tears don’t scare me.”
I was lost too, on the night in December when we found out his dad was going to have to have triple bypass surgery. The pain etched into his face made my chest ache. Somehow, we cobbled the money together and flew to Anchorage in January to be there for the surgery. The night before the surgery, I asked his dad to come to Texas in June to walk me down the aisle. Harold said yes, and five months later, escorted me down the tile floor of a civic hall in the tiny town of Fort Stockton, Texas, to the strains of “What a Wonderful World,” by Louis Armstrong. The song was Corey’s choice, because at heart, he’s a dyed-in-the-wool romantic. I’m still finding out how deep that river runs.
It was 103 degrees the day we got married, and half the town was at my wedding. Everyone was just enjoying the spectacle until my voice broke during my vows, and I heard pretty much every woman in the crowd start to cry. I hadn’t sung in public in years, but at some point, after the pictures—most of the day is a blur—I stood up and sang “At Last,” and no song has ever explained more about the way I was feeling.
At last, my love had come along.
There was another song while we were still dating that haunted me. Somehow, every time he showed up at my door, the Leona Lewis song was playing that put it all together for me then: “Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain / Once or twice was enough, and it was all in vain / Time starts to pass, before you know it you're frozen. / But something happened for the very first time with you / My heart melts into the ground, found something true / And everyone's looking round, thinking I'm going crazy.”
I felt crazy. I was forty-eight years old when I met him, he was thirty-eight. It was not possible that, at this advanced age, I could possibly have fallen in love, and not just fallen in love, but totally gonzo about a man nearly ten years younger than me.
I knew I was completely bats because, for the first time in thirty years, I was beset by jealousy. While we were still in the first weeks of our developing relationship, I made the mistake of asking Corey whether, if the girlfriend asked him to come back, if he would go. He said, “I don’t know.”
Wrong answer.
It left me utterly off-balance, afraid to risk my heart on someone if I was unsure whether it was forever. I risked it anyway, moved in with him, and we had lived together three weeks when she called. She wanted a candle that she’d left there, one with some sentimental meaning.
We had only a few weeks prior dealt with meeting my ex- in the truck stop parking lot, so he told her to meet him there, as well. I guess it just seemed appropriate to him. I had drunk a couple glasses of wine after dinner, and I was a little tipsy, but caught enough of his side of the conversation to understand what was happening. Then, he did the best thing he possibly could have done. He explained the conversation and asked me to go along to meet with her.
So, here we sit, in a dark parking lot, the two of us in his pickup truck. Not a lot was being said, but the emotional tension was sharp enough to slice through the night air. When her car pulls up, he said, “You getting out?” and I shook my head, no. It killed me, but I made sure not to hear their conversation. Once he got back in the truck, I asked him the only question that mattered right that minute. “Did she ask you to come back?” He nodded. “Are you going back?” He shook his head no, smiled, and reached out for my hand. “That won’t be happening,” is all he said.
An hour later, lying in bed with my elbows propped on his chest, we were talking. I could feel the fuzziness of the wine wearing off, and was sitting there grinning at him like some nutcase, because he had just asked, “So are you actually going to wear a dress at the wedding?” and I had told him, “What wedding? You haven’t asked me yet.”
He blinked at me a couple of times, and said “Will you marry me?” And that’s where life began again for me.
I set our wedding date for six days after his fortieth birthday. All I wanted was the first number of our ages to start with the same number. Unfortunately, we got the marriage license a week before his birthday, so the license says he’s thirty-nine. They were polite enough to simply leave my forty-nine-year-old status blank. Gotta love Texans.
Edit - 1. While we were dating. 2. and 3. at the wedding, and 4. last Christmas. I still think he's gorgeous, but that's actually not a really good picture of him.
OK, back to my doin's. Missing JanetR, hope you're peeking in girl, and everything's OK!
Love y'all,
Lisa in AR7 -
Barbara, AHMOD Happy Anniversary!!!
Lanette LOL!!! Keep us posted regarding your communication w/Elon.
Lisa That's a beautiful love story. I'm misty-eyed.
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I think the issue of spouses/partners who are emotionally distant is a thorny one. No partner can meet every need, however, I am fortunate that my partner has figured out some small ways to consistently show her ongoing support for me. I have a comforter that I pull over my lap late at night as I unwind in my recliner after a long work shift. Although she is sound asleep by the time I come home, there is a lamp on, my comforter is clean & folded near my chair, and the TV remote is within reach. She asks if she can make me a cup of tea or coffee almost every morning. She does my laundry, and she has taken responsibility for ordering all the supplies for the dogs. She keeps the deck clean/blown off and the birds fed. She does part of the household shopping and part of the yardwork. She is very good at figuring out what gifts to give me, and because I don't want more "stuff", she really has to be observant (a new pair of badly needed Crocs was my last birthday gift). She gently bugs me about mammograms & colonoscopies, but not too much (I am current on both). To top it off, we travel well together & collaborate well on most projects. I won't mention the things that drive me up a wall. I am certainly no picnic to live with. I know I am fortunate, and if either of us becomes infirm, the balance will change, but for now it works very well. There is something to be said for having a female partner, I think. I have had both.
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It will be interesting to see if I get a "Disagree" on this post, LOL! For the record, it wasn't me who "Disagreed" with Vicki or Pip.
Karen in Virginia16 -
Kate UK 2
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Rita-
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I went back and tucked some pics of us into the spoiler, if you're interested, one while we were dating, two of the wedding, and one taken last Christmas. I still grin like that any time I'm around him.
Later, y'all,
Lisa in AR7 -
Lisa ... I've read your story before ... and I read it again! I just love a good love story.
KarenVA ... how could anyone "disagree" with your post? I'm glad to know that you have someone who loves and cares for you.
I went off the rails eating today and I'm paying for it right now with a stomach ache. Purely emotional eating at its worst. I'm done now though ..
Beth near Buffalo where I had to turn on the furnace and I'm wearing a sweater inside ...5 -
Beth Awwwww! Thanks, Beth! xoxo Sorry for your tummy ache. I have had those days.2
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Claire ~ Welcome!
sh0tzz99 ~ What shall we call you?
Carol in GA2 -
Claire from TX: Welcome to a great group of women. Stop by often to give and get support. :flowerforyou:
Lisa: Love your tale of love and romance. The best part is that it isn’t fiction.
Barbara: Happy Anniversary! :flowerforyou:
Karen in VA: Your post is thoughtful and revealing. You’re lucky to have a partner with kindness and the ability to understand your needs. :bigsmile:
My left shoulder and arm are finally feeling a bit better. Power-washing is good. Being stupid about it gets you a sore shoulder. Lesson learned. I hope I remember it the next time I wash the boat—or the deck here at the house.
Katla in Beautiful NW Oregon
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KetoneKaren wrote: »Barbara, AHMOD Happy Anniversary!!!
Lanette LOL!!! Keep us posted regarding your communication w/Elon.
Lisa That's a beautiful love story. I'm misty-eyed.
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I think the issue of spouses/partners who are emotionally distant is a thorny one. No partner can meet every need, however, I am fortunate that my partner has figured out some small ways to consistently show her ongoing support for me. I have a comforter that I pull over my lap late at night as I unwind in my recliner after a long work shift. Although she is sound asleep by the time I come home, there is a lamp on, my comforter is clean & folded near my chair, and the TV remote is within reach. She asks if she can make me a cup of tea or coffee almost every morning. She does my laundry, and she has taken responsibility for ordering all the supplies for the dogs. She keeps the deck clean/blown off and the birds fed. She does part of the household shopping and part of the yardwork. She is very good at figuring out what gifts to give me, and because I don't want more "stuff", she really has to be observant (a new pair of badly needed Crocs was my last birthday gift). She gently bugs me about mammograms & colonoscopies, but not too much (I am current on both). To top it off, we travel well together & collaborate well on most projects. I won't mention the things that drive me up a wall. I am certainly no picnic to live with. I know I am fortunate, and if either of us becomes infirm, the balance will change, but for now it works very well. There is something to be said for having a female partner, I think. I have had both.
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It will be interesting to see if I get a "Disagree" on this post, LOL! For the record, it wasn't me who "Disagreed" with Vicki or Pip.
Karen in Virginia
Karen - I confess. It was ME who accidentally hit the disagree button. Fat fingers!
Was attempting to eat a bowl of chili, balance the dog and tablet all on my lap at the same time. Sorry ladies, all fixed now. Heck, I should disagree with myself, lol. I think you have found the perfect partner. She could probably give our DH's some lessons!
Lisa - thank you for posting your romantic Corey story. Like a teenage love affair only better, lol. Thank you for adding the photos.....Corey is a total hunk!!! And fixing the car tail-light.... who could ask for more? 
Here's a funny - my DH doesn't like me to try to chat with him while he's watching his favorite reruns on TV (Karen in NY - I had to laugh about your and your DH having a conversation in the car. SAME HERE!) Anyhow the past few nights I had the earbuds in and eyes glued onto the tablet where I was watching the "Top of the Lake". I noticed a couple times he looked at me, kind of puzzled. I think he was feeling ignored.
That's a wrap, supermodels. Carry on.
Lanette
SW WA State where we are expecting thunderstorms to roll thru this afternoon. Like it!
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Lanette ... if it makes you feel better ... I went and hit the "disagree" button to see if I had accidentally hit it and then immediately removed the second disagree when I saw it wasn't me ...
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Something about me: I grew up with an ordinary family that moved around every two years thanks to the Coast Guard. Moving so often, I made few attachments to people and greater attachments to books and dancing. My first marriage was to a man who turned out to be a bum. My description of the marriage is that he broke my heart, robbed me blind, and left. When last heard of, he was a lonely old man living in a trailer on his daughter's property. I met Jake when I wasn't looking and he has turned out to be the love of my life. Jake has children and I don't. I've helped raise them but don't feel a huge closeness to them or to their children. I have battled with my weight all my life going back to "The Special K Diet" that my mother imposed on my sister and me when we were teenagers. In 2009 my husband was introduced to Isagenix by his chiropractor. He needed to plan a 400-600 calorie meal each day and when I sought help on the internet for calorie count in foods, I found MFP. I'd never posted online about anything and I'd always rebelled at the idea of keeping track of my food as a weight loss tool. I tried doing both and my life changed. My rules at the beginning were to be open minded to new ideas take baby steps, and seek every opportunity to be active. Thanks to that, I created new habits, read amazing books that helped me change my life, made new friends, and found the strength to walk gracefully through many bumps in the road (surgery and illness for both me and Jake,a move to a new house. and the deaths of two beloved pets). My life is simple and I love it this way. I walk my dogs every morning for at least two hours and shorter times in the afternoon and evening. I go to line dance classes two mornings a week, I ride my recumbent exercise bike for several hours a day while watching TV, I do some simple gardening, and yard work. I am home with my husband most of the day because his health keeps him more sedentary and I want to spend as much time with him as I can. I gave up cooking and baking as recreation and avoid recreational eating. I've put in a lot of energy lately to clearing clutter in my house and living intentionally. "Hubby, dogs, dancing--who could ask for anything more" Barbie in NW WA
Thanks for this, Barbie. I also wanted to let you know that your example is a great inspiration to me. I love how you balance taking care of yourself with helping your husband feel valued and loved. And I also would love to live more intentionally, free of clutter.
Felicia
Willamette Valley, Oregon6 -
Felicia - I live with the same kind of man....doesn't really have much empathy for me or anyone else. So, I feel I am not allowed to have any sort of "episode," get upset about anything or have any type of strong reaction to anything. If I do, he "punishes" me for days by essentially ignoring me...which is better sometimes. He actually used to be somewhat empathetic with me, but not anymore. I guess it has a time limit.
Virtual hugs to all who need them and even if you don't need them.
My husband is the same way. I know exactly what you're experiencing!
He was diagnosed with Aspergers later in life and that cleared up a lot about who he is and why he behaves/reacts the way he does. Currently dealing with the fact that I don't feel he's emotionally connected to me. He agrees.Now what!? Having turned 60 in January I'm questioning if I want to spend my remaining years with an emotionally distant partner!? We love each other dearly so this is painful. But a heart can only take so much! Sigh....
Cheri
Tx
I have suspected that my husband may also be on the spectrum. But there's been no diagnosis. I have more patience with him if I just function as if he is.
Cheri I am sorry you are having to make such a painful choice at this stage of life.
Felicia
Willamette Valley, Oregon6 -
KetoneKaren wrote: »
_______
I think the issue of spouses/partners who are emotionally distant is a thorny one. No partner can meet every need, however, I am fortunate that my partner has figured out some small ways to consistently show her ongoing support for me. I have a comforter that I pull over my lap late at night as I unwind in my recliner after a long work shift. Although she is sound asleep by the time I come home, there is a lamp on, my comforter is clean & folded near my chair, and the TV remote is within reach. She asks if she can make me a cup of tea or coffee almost every morning. She does my laundry, and she has taken responsibility for ordering all the supplies for the dogs. She keeps the deck clean/blown off and the birds fed. She does part of the household shopping and part of the yardwork. She is very good at figuring out what gifts to give me, and because I don't want more "stuff", she really has to be observant (a new pair of badly needed Crocs was my last birthday gift). She gently bugs me about mammograms & colonoscopies, but not too much (I am current on both). To top it off, we travel well together & collaborate well on most projects. I won't mention the things that drive me up a wall. I am certainly no picnic to live with. I know I am fortunate, and if either of us becomes infirm, the balance will change, but for now it works very well. There is something to be said for having a female partner, I think. I have had both.
Karen in Virginia
Thanks for sharing this, Karen. I sometimes idealize same-sex relationships thinking that they don't have as many problems as different-sex relationships. I know you must also have relationship issues, of course, but I did get a little teary-eyed reading your loving description of your relationship, especially the part about the blanket and remote -- that's just paying attention, and so many people do not pay attention to what will make their partner feel loved and appreciated.
Felicia
Willamette Valley, Oregon8 -
Lanette "Fat fingers" LOL!
Beth giggling at you hitting the Disagree button just to be sure
_______
For the record, sometimes my partner & I drive each other bats#it crazy.
Karen in Virginia6 -
Did a Functional Intensity Training DVD. The plan for tomorrow is to take the water class.
I think I’ll probably leave the water class a bit early since I totally forgot that I was going there. Want to also hit the Salvation Army then see if Vince’s bread is at Big Lots. Anyway, one lady is coming back to the Green Room after a year and she feels a bit intimidated, so I told her I’d go there before the soup kitchen just to be with her while she takes phone calls.
Need to go to the library and have them put Overdrive back on (they did it a while ago and I honestly don’t remember how they did it). Our old tablets are so old that the data can’t be transferred from the old to the new. Well, I don’t have many apps that I’ll need to redownload. The main ones I use on my table are Overdrive and hoopla.
Debbie VA – I’m just in North Carolina and have 3 spare bedrooms (well, one is filled with Jess’ things but the other two are totally empty). Come for a visit and the way the weather is going, a swim or just the hot tub.
Gingerbeer – you are so so lucky to have such a gorgeous area so near you
It’s 95 today and I’m listening to TSO Christmas songs. Well, it’s supposed to be in the 70’s this Saturday. Crazy
KJ – Oh, I hear ya about making the baby food. But I also know Denise and she’s not going to do it. Maybe Pete will and then freeze it. Honestly, I don’t know that he’ll think of freezing it. Denise doesn’t even use her IP! I can’t wait to get mine. I also have the jars bought so I can make the yogurt. I make most of the food at home mainly so that I know what’s going into the food. I’ve gotten to the point where I can really detect the salt in restaurant food. Pete talks about organic food, but remember when I was there he said that he had organic things and he had things like peanutbutter, pancake mix, crackers -- nothing organic. So I guess we shall see. I suspect he wants things exactly like they were. Only everything changes, the only thing constant is change.
Barbie – thanks for your bio. I honestly didn’t realize that you’d been married before! You may have said it and I just don’t remember (not unusual)
JR – maybe you can have JR count M&M’s, put them in piles by certain colors, then as a reward he can eat them!
Katla - When will you DIL be visiting?
Roasted 2 spaghetti squashes last night. MMMMM
Ginger – thanks for the smile
Barbara – happy anniversary
Welcome everyone new!
The one thing I don’t like about those “hug” “disagree” etc buttons is that you can’t see who disagreed, liked, or what ever
Michele in NC
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1
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Does anyone know if there is a way to copy just one item from a meal?
Michele NC1 -
😂😂😂
Lanette: I have hit that darned button a few times myself, so was going to go back and check if it was me when I read your confession!
Lisa: 🥰🥰🥰 so romantic! And what a hunk!3 -
Beth the heat is on and you are inside wearing a sweater. Autumn in NY has arrived.
Soon the thermostat wars will begin between me and DH.
Anybody enjoy roasted sweet potato? I find it is a perfect sweet treat and doesn’t trigger my over eating, just satisfying- only need to eat half and that includes the peel—no added butter either. It is very satisfying. I do like seasonal eating, apples, butternut squash, stews and chili once the weather turns colder.
Lisa love a true love story, especially when written so beautifully
Karen va. What’s that called “love language “?? or something that lets you recognize other ways partners let you know they care? So critical to recognize all the different ways people express themselves.
NYKAREN6 -
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Heather - wishing you a very happy birthday. You look fabulous.
Exermom - Yup. I am now officially retired and am constantly wondering how I ever found the time to work.
Fun day in the glass studio yesterday. I'm busy making ornaments because I am taking off in the middle of November and won't be back until the end of the first week in December. That really cuts my ornament time down so I've got to make them now. Did I have my glass in an art gallery the last time I was around here? Well, I do now. I don't cover my expenses so I still consider it a hobby, but the gallery brings in what I spend on color a year so it's something in my pocket. The big plus as far as my husband is concerned is that I'm slowly getting rid of glass that has accumulated over the years.
I got a lovely sewing machine from my husband and MIL for Christmas almost 3 years ago. I declared I would never become a quilter. Well, guess who has finished her first quilt. I have 2 more in progress. So much for saying never.
Here's my beloved cat sitting on my quilt.
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A good friend of mine says that looking for empathy from your husband is like going to the hardware store looking for lemonade 9
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Lisa - I love your love story. The next time I am on the market (enjoying being single right now) I will have to try the "wave".
Karen - Your partner sounds wonderful. Your story brings fond memories of my DH, Charlie. I still miss all of the little things he used to do for me and it has been almost 11 years. I don't think orientation matters - I think it's finding the person who balances you as much as you balance them.
Best to all.
SuziQ - Broward County, FL6
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