WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2019
Replies
-
Thanks, all, for the comments on the story. It was written some years back, but I re-read it myself, and still feel that way about him. I guess my grin says it all... And for me, he'll smile. He doesn't like the way he looks when he smiles, but I sure do. He still calls me "princess," too, and in fact, I'm listed that way in his phone.
On the other subject, I lived with a man who was emotionally unavailable for 27 years. In retrospect, I think the key was that I never adjusted to it, I just kept expecting that, if I cried enough, yelled enough, gave enough ultimatums, found whatever the key was, that he would change. I think he would have if he could have. So... I'll say the same thing I've said to others... they don't change. I honestly do not believe they can. I do believe they love us, honestly I do. But they cannot ever satisfy our expectations that they will be something they're not.
So it was either change my expectations, or change the situation. And I changed the situation, not because I thought Corey was out there, but because I honestly realized I would rather die alone than live with an emotionally (and physically) unavailable man. Until I got to that point, I couldn't leave--and it was like a light bulb going on inside a terribly dark room when I got there. Unmistakable, blinding realization.
And until I actually married again, I'm pretty sure he genuinely believed I'd go back to him.
He was wrong.
Love y'all,
Lisa in AR
7 -
Lisa: I have the happiest memory of meeting Corey and you about 3 years ago. We had a wonderful visit over breakfast and I got to observe how he looks at you, and it was pure love. 💘
Barbara: Happy anniversary to you and Joe 💕💕💕 I love the story of your journey and wonder if we were ever in the same town in S. California at the same time.
Karen in VA: You and your partner are very blessed. Many times I've wished I had a wife like me. 😁😄😎 It lifts my heart to read how happy you are because you are truly a special person.
Lanette: Yes, my brother is still living with us, and I am enjoying it. He starts his job on Monday, and has already been talking about getting his own place near the office in a few weeks. The bathroom reno was done in one week, so haven't seen our handyman Reuben for awhile. Would you like me to ask if he can fix a teleporter?
Woke up and stayed up due to pain in my left foot and big toe. I did a yoga routine yesterday and I may have over estimated how much my injured tendons have healed. 😫😫😫Took day off and keeping Calories In to a bare minimum. I've been sluggish all day. Sleep deprivation is not pretty.
Stay well. We can do this.
Rori
Colorado Foothills7 -
0 -
Rori - is it only three years ago? You're right, it was... Seems like a whole other life.
And I'm right, it was. Hope the tendons stop a'twangin'.
Love,
Lisa4 -
💁♀️0
-
Thanks everyone for the kind comments!
NYKAREN Finding my freshly laundered comforter and the TV remote waiting for me is better than flowers!
Rori I have to smile at your comment about wishing you had a wife like yourself...my mother told me once that I just needed a wife. I don't think she really meant it the way it eventually turned out, but I do know she would have loved my partner (once she recovered from the shock). I met my partner about a year after Mom died.
_______
One time I got a box of Harry & David pears for my pear-loving daughter-in-law for her birthday and she teared up and said how much she wished my son (her husband) had given them to her. I understood exactly what she meant. In that moment I wished so badly I had taught my son how to be a wonderful husband.
Karen in Virginia7 -
Michelle: I will be travelling to see my daughter in Illinois starting 10/9 & returning 10/15. DS and DDIL will arrive later, after I have returned home. I’m feeling a little bit overwhelmed but delighted to see my kids and grandkids.
I agree about the hug, [i}disagree[/i], etc, buttons. :flowerforyou:
Barbie: “A good friend of mine says that looking for empathy from your husband is like going to the hardware store looking for lemonade.” DH expects to get empathy from me, but he doesn’t seem to give any empathy back. He gives criticism. I think men are wired differently. :ohwell:
Rori: If your handyman can fix a teleporter, I want in on his skill and product. :bigsmile:
DS, DDL and DGS will be visiting us in later October. I am going to see DD and family before then. How I wish for a teleporter!!!!
Katla in Beautiful NW Oregon
5 -
stats for the day: no gym workout.
bike ride hm 2 gym- 7.51min, 12.1amph, 1.58mi= didn't record
apple watch- 89c
bike ride gym 2 dome- 5.16min, 135mhr, 17amph, 1.49mi= 57c
apple watch- 62c
bike ride puy 2 sumn station- 15.55min, 146mhr, 11.5amph, 3.04mi= 152c
apple watch- 145c
jog sta 2 wrk- 5.21min, 144mhr, 9.48min mi, .54mi= 66c
apple watch- 56c
jog wrk 2 sta- 4.27min, 150mhr, 9.57min mi, ..44mi= 73c
4apple watch- 63c
bike ride dome 2 hm- 20.51min, 7.4amph, 143c, 2.58mi= 206c
apple watch- 192c
total 643cal3 -
KetoneKaren wrote: »Lanette
"Fat fingers" LOL! 
Beth giggling at you hitting the Disagree button just to be sure
_______
For the record, sometimes my partner & I drive each other bats#it crazy.
Karen in Virginia
Karen ... "bats#it crazy" is a part of every relationship ...
4 -
KarenNY ... the furnace has been on for exactly 9 hours and my husband and I have already gone and "secretly" changed the temperature back and forth 3 times ...
Yes, yes, yes ... men ARE wired differently!
4 -
Hi Gals,
No notes today, just wanted to lose myself in the reading….
Lisa, I must have read the Corey story before, and much of it I do remember, but I don’t remember it as a whole - thank you so much for sharing.
As one of the few single never married gals on this thread it is always interesting to hear the challenges as often the grass looks greener on the married side of the fence from this single side…. I find that the thing most of the married gal pals I have never think about is how much more you need to pay for as a single gal. Any job that takes a second set of hands I end up paying for; a partner usually has some different skills than you so instead of tapping into a partner’s skills you buy those skills. And although I know folks with the skills, if it is the male side of a straight couple many many wives are too controlling/jealous to allow the husband to help. And trust me I do NOT want someone else’s current husband; that is not my jam at all!
Tomorrow is all embroidery, Saturday morning is back in the camp garden, afternoon embroidery then Sunday I am going to a you pick it apple ranch and then home to make apple turnovers and cake -for the freezer and to make and can applesauce.
Kim from N. California
6 -
Beth - LOL your hubby
Michele in NC2 -
Many times I've wished I had a wife like me. 😁😄😎 It lifts my heart to read how happy you are because you are truly a special person.
Rori
Colorado Foothills
When my husband first came home from the hospital, and for about 4 months after, he had a full-time carer who arrived at 8:30 am and left at 6 pm ... so arrived as I headed off to work and left when I came home from work. She also came with us to medical appointments etc.
She was wonderful!! And a lot like me ... did things the way I would do them. It was almost like having a wife like me! She (and my husband) kept the place clean and tidy, she organised things ... I could depend on her and talk to her. I've missed her a lot since she left!!
Maybe we all need a part-time "wife" to help us get things done from time to time.
M in Oz5 -
Hi Gals,
No notes today, just wanted to lose myself in the reading….
Lisa, I must have read the Corey story before, and much of it I do remember, but I don’t remember it as a whole - thank you so much for sharing.
As one of the few single never married gals on this thread it is always interesting to hear the challenges as often the grass looks greener on the married side of the fence from this single side…. I find that the thing most of the married gal pals I have never think about is how much more you need to pay for as a single gal. Any job that takes a second set of hands I end up paying for; a partner usually has some different skills than you so instead of tapping into a partner’s skills you buy those skills. And although I know folks with the skills, if it is the male side of a straight couple many many wives are too controlling/jealous to allow the husband to help. And trust me I do NOT want someone else’s current husband; that is not my jam at all!
Tomorrow is all embroidery, Saturday morning is back in the camp garden, afternoon embroidery then Sunday I am going to a you pick it apple ranch and then home to make apple turnovers and cake -for the freezer and to make and can applesauce.
Kim from N. California
I’m single, never married. I’ve had a very close relationship with a gay man (yes, like Will and Grace) which was very fulfilling emotionally. He and his husband are my daughter’s godfathers, and we still enjoy a very close friendship. He and his husband are my very best friends. I can’t imagine them not being in my life, but we live very separate lives now. I miss living under the same roof, but in other ways, I’m glad I have my space. Financially, two incomes are nice, but a spouse/partner is also a second set of expenses. The guys help out a lot with home maintenance that I can’t do alone.
I have to admit I have fat fingers too. I’ve accidentally hit the “disagree” button and had to remove my disagree. It easily could have been me. Also, I won’t be upset if anybody disagrees with this post. I know it may make some uncomfortable.
It’s after 1AM here. Cold front finally arrived, and the 90 degree heat is gone. Excited for Friday morning/afternoon. Hannah (my daughter) are visiting colleges this weekend. Hard to believe my baby is a high school junior!
Connie in KY10 -
📙October Goals Progress Update
— Thursday, 3rd Oct.
✖️1. Lose weight.
✔️2. Track every bite in MFP and complete the entry daily.
✔️3. Participate daily in a 30-Day Digital Detox Program.
• Overall Feeling. Rested. Took a nap today.
• Lose weight. Had a late night ice cream binge after posting my update. Stayed the same. Slept 2 hours then awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night.
• MFP - completed entry. Yes. Cal.1067, Carbs 49g. Fiber 18g. Water 90oz.
• Digital Detox Day 3 did okay. Screen time 12 hours with 14 pickups. . My task today was to put my devices out of sight in another room. Today’s screen time was higher because I used my iPad to get back to sleep in the middle of the night (Netflix) and during a 2 hour rest late afternoon (Youtube). I’ll get there.
• Bright Spot today. Mama (92) sent a quick video message to our sibling group text this morning. She said “Good morning children. I love you. Have a great day today!” My sibs get a kick from her video messages. Her 7 kids are ages 72-57. And all of us are grandparents. ❤️
• Today I’m grateful for:
1. Our sibling group text. So nice to check in briefly with each other. Just to say good morning. I love you. And good night. Sweet dreams.
2. My husband. Working on taking care of himself. Check-up and lab work today.
3. Our dishwasher and my habit of putting away clean dishes in the morning,
4. Fire TV. I can watch YouTube on TV instead of in isolation on my iPad.
5. The care of my Dad from the staff of his memory care facility. They are really good, kind and caring.
-- Ginger in Texas5 -
Enjoying reading the stories of spouses. Mine, bless his sweet heart, can be loving and thoughtful and then emotionally distant as well. I try to remember the thoughtful times when he’s getting on my last nerve.
I confess I don’t pay attention to the buttons very much. Like others, I wish there was a name attached like on Facebook. After Karen’s comment about the disagree, I did scroll back through looking for disagrees. My first thought was that people were hitting the disagree button by accident, because there were a couple of disagrees on totally non-controversial topics. For example, somebody disagreed on Barbie’s post saying she was glad my mother’s phone got fixed.
Today was a special day at our house. We paid off our mortgage! It was a long time coming. It took us 25 1/2 years. We’ve been hitting it heavy for the last couple of years. This should really open up the budget some.13 -
I've been under the weather with a cold and needing extra rest the last few days. I've got several pages to catch up with y'all. In the meantime, here's a summary of who I was, who I became, and who I am now.I'm Rhonda, and go by Rho and Rhoni. I was born into in a physically active family and raised in Southern California. In college I studied nursing, dropped out, then traveled for a few years before settling down and having children. I have two long term relationships from the past; i.e. an ex-husband and an ex-spouse.
My ex-husband and I grew up as neighbors, got married, had our eldest son, moved to Oregon, started a business, divorced amicably and happily shared joint custody. We have remained friends for more than fifty years, and since neither of us have extended family in Oregon we’ve helped each other weather various life challenges.
I met my ex-spouse at a very vulnerable point in my life. He was charming, a respected member of my church, and a single parent to his young son. We had a girl and boy together within thirteen months, and I learned he was also a liar, a cheater, a thief and abusive. With the focus on having a better life for myself and my children, I worked part-time jobs and took college courses in secrete while he was at work. During trial proceedings, my ex-spouse was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and I was awarded custody our two children and the son from his previous marriage. Thus, I raised three boys and a daughter albeit with help from my ex-husband.
I completed two bachelor degrees, worked in accounting related jobs in the corporate sector for many years, and my sons grew up to be very fine men. They live nearby, as does my ex-husband and his wife, and I have one grand-daughter. Individually and as an extended family we volunteer in various endeavors that serve the disadvantaged. My daughter, however, has substance abuse issues. She and I have been estranged for 15 years. My sons hear from her or see her when she’s in a crisis. We’ve come to accept with compassion that interests and priorities often differ between siblings, but also greatly differ between parent and child.
Over the years, I dated infrequently but avoided partnering again like a cat avoids water. That is until I met my boyfriend, whose personal background is similar to mine. We’ve been together five years and feel very fortunate we found each other. He’s thoughtful and keeps me smiling a lot. Oct 15 will mark two years living together on the southern edge of Portland, Oregon near forests, wildlife habitat and the Willamette River.
I was trim and in great shape until breaking my left foot in four places several years ago while playing basketball with two of my sons. Recovery took a long time, during which I became inactive, adopted poor eating habits and gained 60 lbs. I originally joined MFP in 2016, but was waylaid by undergoing five (not too serious, yet necessary) surgeries. I’m semi-retired and 66 now. The foot is fine. I became a member of this group in Sept 2019 with the goal of returning to having good health habits and shedding 50 pounds!3 -
9 -
Kate Yea! for mortgages getting paid off!
4 -
Hi all! I'm on my tablet today, so it should be a bit easier to type.
Interesting to read all the spouse stories. I have very high expectations of mine
and, most of the time, he lives up to them. I know he really, really loves me and he shows it regularly. Both of us have been in a previous marriage where the fit was not quite right and intimacy was missing. He then had a long relationship with a younger woman who died of breast cancer at 47. He was very happy in that relationship, although it was different to ours.
He gives great thought to little gifts, we talk about almost everything, we are best friends, he does his share of chores, he lets me control the heating , the tv, lighting, schedules etc but he very much has a mind of his own and loves an intellectual argument. Sometimes he drives me nuts, but not as often as I drive him! I am difficult to live with as I am a control freak and a bit OCD. He is patient with me.
My only problem with him is that he is very sensitive and can easily feel misunderstood, or disregarded. I have to apologise sometimes for being too sharp with him, or criticising him. He cries when he feels hard done by and sulks. He does get over it, but it tries my patience. It keeps me on my toes.
I think, looking back, that I was emotionally abusive to my first husband. Our married life was 'scrambled' to say the least. We met on my 18th birthday and were married at 20. I was the product of a sexually abusive father and it skewed my attitude to men. I needed to dominate them in retaliation. Let's just say I was not a happy person and I did not know how to love.
My DH and I met through online dating. He is the best ever step grandad to my three grandchildren. He is their beloved 'Johnny'. I think I am so lucky to have had this chance of love and happiness and I count my blessings every single day.
Through the years I had masses of counselling and treatment for severe depression and made sure I was well read up on my situation. I have written a memoir about my early years, ME I AM - Heather Eyles, available on Amazon, where I try to explain how my loving, sick, abusing father affected me. I am now writing about my teenage years.
One thing is sure. I am with the right person now .
Last night the crew had a problem with one of the lifeboat winches and had to get spare parts. Instead of leaving at 5.30 pm we didn't get away until 2.30 am. Of course, this morning we are still at sea, instead of on our trip around the archipelago. Further announcements will be made, but I guess we may not be able to go, or it will be curtailed. Oh well. I don't envy the shore directors trying to reschedule everything!
Hence the time to write my epistle here! :-)
Much love to all, Heather UK, on her way to Gothenburg, Sweden. Xxxxxxxx8 -
Our trip has been cancelled. We could have gone on something else, but we decided to take the refund and get ourselves around the city. There is a free shuttle bus.
We will have lunch on board first, rather than take the packed lunch they are providing.
It's a shame, but it happens. The weather is not so brilliant, so maybe it's for the best. I can see lots of islands from where I am sitting now. I'm sure it's gorgeous in the sunshine!!!!
Love to all, Heather UK XXXXXX, just coming in to Gothenburg harbour.5 -
Barbie - so neat you are easing back into strength training. I love reading your approach to life and exercise.
Yesterday I resumed my SWSY. 3# dumbbells and 2 1/2# ankle weights. Yes, they were easy, but as the book recommends, start out with really light weights to get the form and breathing down, then increase weights and begin getting some resistance. Light and slow. My plan is to keep at those weights tomorrow then gradually increase, doing a workout every other day.
Lanette
SW WA State
I'm working with 1.5 kg weights right now ... starting again.Workoutahloic50 wrote: »Oh more pictures
Is your place (the place you work) year round, or just in autumn? Looks like a nice place.Worked in transportation since childhood (Papa was a Railway Express Agent who taught me the names of the states and thier capitals before I was in kindergarten). Back in the late 70's when the first "mini" computers came on board, I was the only one in the office who could make it do what I wanted it to, so slid by the seat of my pants into an IT career in the shipping industry. That career moved us from the SF Bay Area to Boise Idaho in '97.
Interesting!! I can relate.
I was introduced to Macs back in the 1980s in high school ... back when you had to use Basic to program the things to do anything. Then I kind of lost interest in them for a while. When early word processors appeared, I dabbled a bit with them occasionally for assignments, but wasn't all that interested. Then, in a history class in the mid-1990s, I was "forced" to learn and use the word processing program we had. I tried to hand in a hand-written paper!!
Meanwhile I was kind of aiming for teaching or library or something like that ... and ended up in an Engineering Tech course which was a secondary interest because I didn't think I had the math/science skills. Turns out I didn't have good math/science teachers in high school and much better teachers in college. But I got onto computers for AutoCAD and an intro to MS Office. Then into Business Administration minoring in Accounting ... and learned a lot about the MS Office products and AccPac. Then into Software Development! And now tackling a Masters in IT.
But I do recall getting a job in an Engineering/Manufacturing firm (farm equipment) and being one of the few people in the office who could make the one PC in the office do what I wanted it to do. That was what sent me into the Business Admin and Software Dev.
I did eventually get a B-Ed but IT is where I've worked for the past 22 years.
Machka in Oz
4 -
Fun day in the glass studio yesterday. I'm busy making ornaments because I am taking off in the middle of November and won't be back until the end of the first week in December. That really cuts my ornament time down so I've got to make them now. Did I have my glass in an art gallery the last time I was around here? Well, I do now. I don't cover my expenses so I still consider it a hobby, but the gallery brings in what I spend on color a year so it's something in my pocket. The big plus as far as my husband is concerned is that I'm slowly getting rid of glass that has accumulated over the years.
You'll have to post some photos!
2 -
😊0
-
Top of the morning, afternoon, or evening to you all.
Ah, it’s Friday. I was really looking forward to a somewhat calm day at work. However, that is not going to happen since finance is a total day behind. Hopefully when I get in to the office finance will have completed the entries we need and we can start the day out jamming out tons of numbers. The problem with a Friday close it usually means I will have to work over the weekend to complete the accruals I need to get back to them.
On the subject of partners and challenges. When Charlie and I first started out we had a terrible time discussing highly-emotional topics. He was an English professor and could thrash me like no one’s business. I, on the other hand, am a numbers person (Master in Accounting). If it wasn’t a spreadsheet I was reviewing I struggled with getting my point across without being defensive and/or stumbling over my words. After a particular nasty bickering match (we just bought our home and I was painting one of the living room walls) I threw down the paint brush and simply stated, “Look I cannot do this anymore. If we cannot learn how to move forward I am more than willing to finish putting this house together, selling it, and going on our own separate ways.”.
After a sleepless night rolling things through my mind I came to the realization I loved Charlie more than the issues we were having. I decided to write him a letter which gave me time to respond in a more productive manner. When we write something down and are able to think outside of the moment we find the real issue. When you say this, you make me feel like xyz. It’s not they left their socks on the floor or did not wash the dishes to our expectations. At the end of the letter I asked him to please respond in writing.
Did I have to spend a little time agonizing over the reply? Yes. But, when I received his letter I found we were looking for the same things, but hot words and situations were clouding our vision of what life could be if we would just bend a little to each other’s needs and wants.
After a year of letter writing we were finally able to say to each other, “I need to talk. When will it be a good time to have a discussion?”. We also found, in the beginning, it was better for us to have discussions outside of our home (who wants to leave a negative imprint). So we would go out to lunch, take a walk, sit in the garden, or a host of other places to have discussions.
One small change in method can lead to lasting results. If it would have gone upside down for me I would have been fine going out on my own because I am extremely independent. A very tough thing for most men. I am so glad we were able to develop the skills needed for any successful partnership – open communication and compromise.
Charlie used to say, when we shove all of those little stones in our pocket eventually the weight will become too great to carry and we will lose the original reason the first stone was placed there. We both learned how not to put stones in our pockets and I am a happier person for those lessons. I miss him so much, but life moves forward.
It’s off to the races for me. Work beckons!
SuziQ – Broward County, FL
11 -
Morning, afternoon and evening, my friends,
I'm sooooo close to getting this grant finished, and that and the grinding feeling in my right knee (the new one) will keep me home this morning. So far, just taking a down day straightens it right up, but I may need to lay off the weight machines for a while, and just do the resistance that involves my own body weight. I'll play it by ear. Someone (Lanette?) asked if I ever worked with a trainer, and the short answer is "no" and the long answer is "sometimes."
I will ask them for a demo for an unfamiliar machine, but as I ran a Nautilus gym for a while and acted as a trainer during that time, I'm familiar with most standard machines. For those who need the discipline of classes, more power to you. I don't like someone telling me what to do at the best of times--and someone who doesn't know my body may force me into a move or position or lifting something that is not in my best interest. I also don't use powered machines, using "powered" in the sense that they move whether I do or not, such as treadmills or the stairsteppers with rolling, powered steps. If I stop moving on the elliptical or the arc trainer, the machine stops. If I trip on a treadmill, I'm face-planting. Just my own little phobic moment.
However, I will go in the living room and do all my flexibility stretches, as I know they make a huge difference for me. Plus, my living room is fairly empty at the moment... sold the recliners that I've always hated yesterday, and the new reclining love seat and new couch will get here this afternoon. Yay! Total self-indulgence on our part, honestly, but really looking forward to it.
Of course, I just realized, too, that I'm getting excited about what is, in all actuality, a chair. Adulting can be really stupid. But then again...
Cheers, y'all,
Lisa in AR9 -
0
-
7 -
3
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 424 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions