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is MFP more important than marriage?

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  • AnnPT77AnnPT77 Member, Premium Posts: 16,000 Member Member, Premium Posts: 16,000 Member
    There is a word missing - I take it 'died' - he died a little over 21 years ago?

    As OP of this thread which surprisingly has kept limping along since my wedding anniversary back in Feb - marriage is more important than MFP.

    If MFP collapsed tomorrow it would be disappointing but not devastating.

    If my husband died/left it would be more than mildly disappointing. :*

    Yes. Died. Oops. Freudian slip, denial? ;)

    For more clarity: I loved him, still miss and mourn him. But given that loss, and other things about how my life has rolled on since, I have no interest in another life-partner relationship. MFP is no substitute, but it's a nice thing for its own sake, in its own place.

    Ironically, my husband (a sweet and sensitive guy) had recently decided not to get another dog, because he didn't want to go through that kind of loss again. I don't think my reasoning is analogous, but it's still ironic.

    Apologies for the digression! :)
  • TonyB0588TonyB0588 Member Posts: 8,931 Member Member Posts: 8,931 Member
    My husband and I are on lucky number 13!! Definitely has not been easy & times when we both wanted to give up, but at the end of the day he really is my best friend and I couldn’t ask for a better father for our children!

    Giving up is not an option. Just hang in there and make it work.

    Congrats on your 13 years. Turn those digits around to 31 and add another, and that makes 32 happy years for us.
  • 4legsRbetterthan24legsRbetterthan2 Member, MFP Moderator, Greeter, Premium Posts: 17,783 MFP Moderator Member, MFP Moderator, Greeter, Premium Posts: 17,783 MFP Moderator
    If anything happened I dont think I would have any interest in another romantic partnership either - I sort of feel been there done that and once is it for me.

    I sort of feel the same. Maybe boyfriend or whatever if one grows on me, but I kind of feel like I would prefer living on my own again. But, maybe not and I would get lonely? I would definitely have a dog though!
    edited July 5
  • manderson27manderson27 Member Posts: 3,457 Member Member Posts: 3,457 Member
    I can't imagine having to train another husband. This one is pretty much perfect. So if anything happened to part us I think I would probably not go looking for a replacement. I am ok with my own company, however having said that I really do enjoy a good debate and I would miss that.
  • AnnPT77AnnPT77 Member, Premium Posts: 16,000 Member Member, Premium Posts: 16,000 Member
    I can't imagine having to train another husband. This one is pretty much perfect. So if anything happened to part us I think I would probably not go looking for a replacement. I am ok with my own company, however having said that I really do enjoy a good debate and I would miss that.

    While acknowledging that you phrased that in an amusingly provocative way (I assume intentionally ;) ), that's pretty much where I am on the question, too, deep into long-term widowhood. The first few years of living together - I would think - would always involve some working things out, to get into a mutually happy way of being together. (Did, for sure, in my marriage.) After that, it seems smoother sailing, though for some a change in circumstances can disrupt equilibrium, of course.

    The later years? Pretty sweet. People always say one shouldn't take their partner for granted, which is true in a certain way . . . but in another way, the stage where one can take them for granted - be certain of friendship, loyalty, support, more - is a great gift.

    Me, I'm not as flexible as I was at age 22, when I got married - much more set in my ways. Added to that, demographics limit the field, at my age (the thing people call "all the good men are taken, or gay" ;) , though I think that's a little extreme). I was a "difficult placement" in the first place even at 22, I'd say, and I doubt that's improved with age (now 64).
  • KosmosKittenKosmosKitten Member Posts: 7,911 Member Member Posts: 7,911 Member
    Hmm, 13 years last month. Our cats (2 of 3) are also 13 now.

    Not sure, but I don't think MFP existed back in 2007. If it did, apologies. However, even the other calorie counting site I was a member of, I didn't join until 2012. It is defunct, which is how I ended up here.

    As for divorce, well.. my folks were married for *almost* 25 years. Literally, they were less than a month away when they decided to divorce. So clearly, you can "survive" marriage after 7 years and still divorce. Not sure how they put up with it for that long if they were miserable. They are both remarried now and have each been remarried for over a decade at this point. Good on them as my step-parents are cool people.

    Got a question: Why is 7 years the magical number for most people to decide they are fed up with another person they had a contractual obligation to? You'd think they'd get bored/fed up sooner than that.
  • eatpolerepeateatpolerepeat Member Posts: 18,693 Member Member Posts: 18,693 Member
    I'd heard 3 and a half was the new 7. Good on you guys who've lasted longer 😏

    I've never been married but survived a 10 year relationship
  • 4legsRbetterthan24legsRbetterthan2 Member, MFP Moderator, Greeter, Premium Posts: 17,783 MFP Moderator Member, MFP Moderator, Greeter, Premium Posts: 17,783 MFP Moderator
    Hmm, 13 years last month. Our cats (2 of 3) are also 13 now.

    Not sure, but I don't think MFP existed back in 2007. If it did, apologies. However, even the other calorie counting site I was a member of, I didn't join until 2012. It is defunct, which is how I ended up here.

    As for divorce, well.. my folks were married for *almost* 25 years. Literally, they were less than a month away when they decided to divorce. So clearly, you can "survive" marriage after 7 years and still divorce. Not sure how they put up with it for that long if they were miserable. They are both remarried now and have each been remarried for over a decade at this point. Good on them as my step-parents are cool people.

    Got a question: Why is 7 years the magical number for most people to decide they are fed up with another person they had a contractual obligation to? You'd think they'd get bored/fed up sooner than that.

    There was probably some fed up or boredom before that. It's probably around the time you realize things are never going to change the way you want. I also wonder how much it has to do with some stage of having kids.
  • freshstart180213freshstart180213 Member Posts: 159 Member Member Posts: 159 Member
    my 10 year anniversary is on July 22nd we have survived my serious health issues, three children (one was premature and had time in hospital) three (now sadly two) dogs and a global pandemic i think we are still going strong lol
    edited July 8
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Member Posts: 883 Member Member Posts: 883 Member
    My nearly 25-year marriage ended in 2018. Partly it was about weight and health, but not just physical health. He was a hoarder, and a food addict, both, and after his heart attack he got much worse on both scores; I lasted five years after the heart attack before I realized trying to live with him under those conditions was making me suicidally depressed. We had 20 mostly good years and two wonderful sons, though.

    I'm with people now who make me feel much better about myself and which are much more healthy relationships.
  • Sunnysouth92Sunnysouth92 Member Posts: 30 Member Member Posts: 30 Member
    Divorce is not an option for us, we believe the Bible teaches that. We have been together nearly 11 years, married 8 and a half. I was converted over the time we got married. We had some growing pains. We had infertility struggle the first few years then 3 children in less than 5 years. I was young and immature, but i believe God put us together and he's perfect for me even if he isnt "perfect" and I'm glad he loves me but challenges me to do better too.
  • terrmaddenterrmadden Member Posts: 13 Member Member Posts: 13 Member
    My nearly 25-year marriage ended in 2018. Partly it was about weight and health, but not just physical health. He was a hoarder, and a food addict, both, and after his heart attack he got much worse on both scores; I lasted five years after the heart attack before I realized trying to live with him under those conditions was making me suicidally depressed. We had 20 mostly good years and two wonderful sons, though.

    I'm with people now who make me feel much better about myself and which are much more healthy relationships.

    I can relate. Same exact story with me, but instead of a heart attack, he was let go from his job of 25 years, which sent him into a depression spiral so strong that I almost killed myself just by living in the same house. That, and I was over the 3 years of sleeping in the guest room and living like unhappy, hateful roommates. I’m still dealing with my own food addiction and binging, but it’s on my own terms now. Hugs to you
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Member Posts: 883 Member Member Posts: 883 Member
    And just for the record, my view on divorce is that it's like cutting your leg off. You don't do it for a hangnail. You don't even do it for a broken toe or a dislocated ankle. You do it when the foot is dead, the rot is spreading up your leg and it's going to kill you if you don't. Given that I was beginning to get suicidal, it was time.
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