Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Imagine being offended/upset because someone dares to wear clothing you don't appreciate. It's not your body and doesn't affect you, so why do you care?
This goes in the same category of "concern trolling" I reserve for people who comment on my weight, or assume that because I'm overweight I automatically have health problems (I don't, my blood work and tests are perfect) or that because I don't wear makeup, I don't care about my appearance or take care of myself.
What a bunch of rude, condescending and petty people.
The concerned trolling comes to mind, thinking back to when my kids were small, especially as babies. Seemed I didn't have a clue how to care for babies because people were always commenting, especially little old ladies(of which I am one now) but I'd never profess to be the expert by telling moms how to parent right. At least not to their face.
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My dad is a fearful man. It seems that no matter what I do, he has to tell me after the fact how dangerous it could have been or how we could have gotten hurt or died.
It can be anything from going on a road trip (your car could have troubles, you'd get stranded and DIE), or going for a walk in the park (there are wild animals out there, you could get eaten and DIE), or going tobogganing (you could have an accident and break your next and be paralyzed or DIE). Going for a run alone (you could get kidnapped, raped and KILLED).
And it drives me crazy. I am so tired of him crapping on everything we do.
Last night I took the kids tobogganing at night at a park nearby. We had the time of our lives.
Today I get a message and he's telling me how there are wolves and cougars and they're nocturnal. And my irresponsibility could have gotten my kids killed.
Sigh. Thanks dad. At least we didn't break our necks and DIE.
FWIW... There hasn't been a report of either animal in a long time in that park. There were other people around. But I guess there was a remote chance. Now I'll be afraid to go again. 😒5 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »My dad is a fearful man. It seems that no matter what I do, he has to tell me after the fact how dangerous it could have been or how we could have gotten hurt or died.
It can be anything from going on a road trip (your car could have troubles, you'd get stranded and DIE), or going for a walk in the park (there are wild animals out there, you could get eaten and DIE), or going tobogganing (you could have an accident and break your next and be paralyzed or DIE). Going for a run alone (you could get kidnapped, raped and KILLED).
And it drives me crazy. I am so tired of him crapping on everything we do.
Last night I took the kids tobogganing at night at a park nearby. We had the time of our lives.
Today I get a message and he's telling me how there are wolves and cougars and they're nocturnal. And my irresponsibility could have gotten my kids killed.
Sigh. Thanks dad. At least we didn't break our necks and DIE.
FWIW... There hasn't been a report of either animal in a long time in that park. There were other people around. But I guess there was a remote chance. Now I'll be afraid to go again. 😒
There is a measure of risk in everything. I hope you choose to keep doing fun things anyway.
My mom just keeps telling me about how horrible aging is and that any day now my body is going to fall apart and be irreparable. I know I give far too much emotional weight to her opinions even when I intellectually know she isn’t right.3 -
@KickassAmazon76
FWIW my ds knocked out a tooth once while tobogganing.
Course for the rest of us, the fun was well worth it. 
It's just who your dad is, whether he's always been that way or whether it's a result of getting older. You're still his little girl who he wants and needs to protect and now the best way he can do that is through words.
Nod your head, say 'I know Dad' a lot and keep on keeping on. You can't sit inside forever worrying about what could happen.
Besides, if you guys are anything like we were going wicked fast down those hills, there was always lots of screaming involved so all those wild animals'd be long gone anyways. 1 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »It's funny. When I read this I see a Dad who cares. He's not necessarily articulating his real feelings for you and your children, but there's love and concern under all these messages.
My Dad wouldn't say any of this and I often wish he would have, then I'd realize how important I was to him. May he RIP. ❤️
I know he does. And I get it, I do. It's just hard because I don't want to always be afraid of stuff happening. I know there is risk in life, and that we need to take precautions... But sometimes the risky things are the most fun.
This is the same dad who took me up onto the roof when I was 5 and he was redoing the shingles. He stapled my pants to the unshingled part so I couldn't fall off, but could keep him company. He is the same man who built me the tallest climbing frame, who got me involved in baseball (now I could get a concussion), who got me using power tools (now I could cut off a finger).
I know his love shows in his concern, I just don't want to live life in fear and get to the point that I never do anything because I'm too afraid.
And I don't want to discourage my kids from experiencing life large either.
I also know that when he passes, he will leave a huge hole behind, and I'll miss those words. I just have a hard time hearing them. 😔twitchandshout wrote: »There is a measure of risk in everything. I hope you choose to keep doing fun things anyway.
My mom just keeps telling me about how horrible aging is and that any day now my body is going to fall apart and be irreparable. I know I give far too much emotional weight to her opinions even when I intellectually know she isn’t right.
There really is. And really it can be scary when you think of all the ways you can get hurt. He's happy for covid because it means you stay home, where it's safe.
I adore him. It's just hard because his primary language is criticism, and I end up feeling so unsure of myself after he's done with me.
As for the aging... It is so hard to watch their health fail...both on how it impacts them... And how it is inevitably our turn (unless we go out in a blaze of glory).2 -
@KickassAmazon76
FWIW my ds knocked out a tooth once while tobogganing. Course for the rest of us, the fun was well worth it.
It's just who your dad is, whether he's always been that way or whether it's a result of getting older. You're still his little girl who he wants and needs to protect and now the best way he can do that is through words.
Nod your head, say 'I know Dad' a lot and keep on keeping on. You can't sit inside forever worrying about what could happen.
Besides, if you guys are anything like we were going wicked fast down those hills, there was always lots of screaming involved so all those wild animals'd be long gone anyways.
Tobogganing is inherently dangerous. I mean... Going down a fast hill on a piece of plastic, (or in a plastic garbage bag - you should try it! Haha), hitting unexpected ramps, wiping out.
But.. It's also a thrill and great exercise, and we had some really great memories!
Finding that balance between seeing all the danger vs doing it anyways... It's harder to find as you get older.
Haha yes, lots of screaming! And laughing, yelling, singing. And other people in the general area having bonfires.1 -
I accidentally wrote a memoir. Sorry 😬KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Kashmir_314_ wrote: »It's funny. When I read this I see a Dad who cares. He's not necessarily articulating his real feelings for you and your children, but there's love and concern under all these messages.
My Dad wouldn't say any of this and I often wish he would have, then I'd realize how important I was to him. May he RIP. ❤️
I know he does. And I get it, I do. It's just hard because I don't want to always be afraid of stuff happening. I know there is risk in life, and that we need to take precautions... But sometimes the risky things are the most fun.
This is the same dad who took me up onto the roof when I was 5 and he was redoing the shingles. He stapled my pants to the unshingled part so I couldn't fall off, but could keep him company. He is the same man who built me the tallest climbing frame, who got me involved in baseball (now I could get a concussion), who got me using power tools (now I could cut off a finger).
I know his love shows in his concern, I just don't want to live life in fear and get to the point that I never do anything because I'm too afraid.
And I don't want to discourage my kids from experiencing life large either.
I also know that when he passes, he will leave a huge hole behind, and I'll miss those words. I just have a hard time hearing them. 😔twitchandshout wrote: »There is a measure of risk in everything. I hope you choose to keep doing fun things anyway.
My mom just keeps telling me about how horrible aging is and that any day now my body is going to fall apart and be irreparable. I know I give far too much emotional weight to her opinions even when I intellectually know she isn’t right.
There really is. And really it can be scary when you think of all the ways you can get hurt. He's happy for covid because it means you stay home, where it's safe.
I adore him. It's just hard because his primary language is criticism, and I end up feeling so unsure of myself after he's done with me.
As for the aging... It is so hard to watch their health fail...both on how it impacts them... And how it is inevitably our turn (unless we go out in a blaze of glory).
tldr: I’ve got mommy issues
Unfortunately, some things she attributes to aging are really due to obesity and a sedentary lifestyle. Putting no maintenance into the machine. She’s still relatively young and she’s been like this as long as I can remember.
I’ve talked before about how I don’t want to turn into my mother. She is a negative motivator for me. Nature and nurture being what they are, it is sometimes a battle.
It’s hitting me hard these past months because it’s so fatalistic and I have a milestone birthday coming up.
Never surrender! 😂1 -
@KickassAmazon76 it's official: I've adopted your dad. He had me at stapling his kid to the roof so you could spend time together 😭🥰
Dads are a dichotomy (so are moms, I suppose but allow me to be biased just this once).
The same guy who is critiquing you is the same guy who is concerned about you.
While you have time, energy and interest, it may be helpful to explore this with him: what he says vs what you hear.
I don't think people realize the power of their words or the impact of their relationship to another person.2 -
twitchandshout wrote: »I accidentally wrote a memoir. Sorry 😬
tldr: I’ve got mommy issues
Unfortunately, some things she attributes to aging are really due to obesity and a sedentary lifestyle. Putting no maintenance into the machine. She’s still relatively young and she’s been like this as long as I can remember.
I’ve talked before about how I don’t want to turn into my mother. She is a negative motivator for me. Nature and nurture being what they are, it is sometimes a battle.
It’s hitting me hard these past months because it’s so fatalistic and I have a milestone birthday coming up.
Never surrender! 😂
No apologies needed! I feel the same about my dad. I adore him, but he is horribly negative, and critical, and mean.
And I hate feeling that way because I love him and he means so much to me. In many ways I want to be like him, and in so many others, not a chance.
I think we both have a choice to fight against the traits we want to avoid, and nurture the ones we do. They started the work, now we get to refine it. ❤️3 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »KickassAmazon76 wrote: »My dad is a fearful man. It seems that no matter what I do, he has to tell me after the fact how dangerous it could have been or how we could have gotten hurt or died.
It can be anything from going on a road trip (your car could have troubles, you'd get stranded and DIE), or going for a walk in the park (there are wild animals out there, you could get eaten and DIE), or going tobogganing (you could have an accident and break your next and be paralyzed or DIE). Going for a run alone (you could get kidnapped, raped and KILLED).
And it drives me crazy. I am so tired of him crapping on everything we do.
Last night I took the kids tobogganing at night at a park nearby. We had the time of our lives.
Today I get a message and he's telling me how there are wolves and cougars and they're nocturnal. And my irresponsibility could have gotten my kids killed.
Sigh. Thanks dad. At least we didn't break our necks and DIE.
FWIW... There hasn't been a report of either animal in a long time in that park. There were other people around. But I guess there was a remote chance. Now I'll be afraid to go again. 😒
It's funny. When I read this I see a Dad who cares. He's not necessarily articulating his real feelings for you and your children, but there's love and concern under all these messages.
I see this too, probably because I have a dad who is completely disconnected from his emotions and has no clue how to express them.
I don't think I fully understood his limitations until my mum's funeral. As we were leaving the service he suddenly pointed to one of the boxes of Kleenex they had all over the chapel and asked me, "Do you need a tissue?" It was such a ludicrous question at that point I almost laughed but it hit me that this was the only way he could think of to offer support. Not hug me or hold my arm or any normal gesture, but offer me a damn Kleenex.
He's a fear-monger too, mainly about nutrition. Sugar is the Devil and I have to hear constantly about how I eat way too much of it, and what the consequences will be.
You're a smart woman, I'm sure you've assessed the potential risks of various activities and dismissed them as inconsequential. Go enjoy yourselves... just be prepared for him to suck the fun out of it when you tell him afterwards
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Imagine being offended/upset because someone dares to wear clothing you don't appreciate. It's not your body and doesn't affect you, so why do you care?
This goes in the same category of "concern trolling" I reserve for people who comment on my weight, or assume that because I'm overweight I automatically have health problems (I don't, my blood work and tests are perfect) or that because I don't wear makeup, I don't care about my appearance or take care of myself.
What a bunch of rude, condescending and petty people.
The concerned trolling comes to mind, thinking back to when my kids were small, especially as babies. Seemed I didn't have a clue how to care for babies because people were always commenting, especially little old ladies(of which I am one now) but I'd never profess to be the expert by telling moms how to parent right. At least not to their face.
Ugh. The amount of advice I "received" unsolicited about my child when most of them didn't even have children of their own is... astounding.2 -
@KickassAmazon76 it's official: I've adopted your dad. He had me at stapling his kid to the roof so you could spend time together 😭🥰
Dads are a dichotomy (so are moms, I suppose but allow me to be biased just this once).
The same guy who is critiquing you is the same guy who is concerned about you.
While you have time, energy and interest, it may be helpful to explore this with him: what he says vs what you hear.
I don't think people realize the power of their words or the impact of their relationship to another person.
He's an awesome man. Not without faults, but he's human. He would give his life in a heartbeat for us. Always sacrificed his time, energy, finances, and body anytime we were ever in need. He's a man of integrity. He is also racist, misogynistic, homophobic and can give a tongue lashing that will make you weep (and has, many times). He's far from perfect, but so am I. Aren't we all? He's my dad, and Iove him. ❤️
I try to remind myself that his motives are pure behind his worry, but I still have a hard time with reacting to the words sometimes. I appreciate this reminder to remember that message sent does not always equal message received...and that I need to listen for the heart behind the words. ❤️2 -
Video or no video?1
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I mean, not every time, but occasionally is great.1
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Replying to all the chats about difficult parents:
I say ignore them, love them, miss them.
Mine are both gone and I wish i'd ignored more of the criticism and just done my own thing. Stops the disagreements, which you will find meaningless when they are gone.4 -
Fellas, Chicas, Enbys, and allayall,
If he rarely compliments your appearance and frequently talks about poop... that’s a friend, right?2 -
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^^^^ sounds like a husband to me
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »^^^^ sounds like a husband to me
Well damn. It does.1 -
twitchandshout wrote: »Fellas, Chicas, Enbys, and allayall,
If he rarely compliments your appearance and frequently talks about poop... that’s a friend, right?
Nice khaki's
4
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