Girls do you like a nice guy? You just friendzoned him

ItsCasey · February 2014

The lack of confidence isn't the real reason women hate the "nice guy" bull****, because we completely understand the lack of confidence and fear of rejection involved with making the first move.

Don't speak for all women. Lack of confidence and "But I'm scared of rejection" bull**** are way up there on my list of turn-offs, and it's not because it makes someone less of a man to not want to see his ego bruised; it's because he must be self-loathing to an almost pathological degree if he's going to give up without even trying.

Rejection is a part of life. People "apply" for things all the time that they know they might not get ... colleges, jobs/promotions, offers on homes, etc. Why is asking a woman out any different? If you are going to not go after something you want because there's a chance you might not get it, then honestly, I probably don't even want to be friends with you, let alone date you. I like people with ambition, people who believe they are good enough or are willing to put in whatever effort is required to BECOME good enough. I don't like people who default to the path of least resistance.

wheird · February 2014

It's true right?

Beta zone!

Vodka and pizza?

Annnnd that's how it's done

Entice your prey with delicious food and then give them booze so they make bad decisions.

Alcohol and offers of candy in my van have yet to work. Tranquilizer darts are next on the list.

Offer me PB or pretzel m&ms and I will be tossing my boxers at you.

There is a bag of pretzel m&ms in my car. No joke. One of those big giant bags.

*flings boxers*

RivenV · February 2014

I don't friendzone nice guys, I friendzone boring wussies.

Why do you want to be friends with boring wussies?

For their skills in magic.

My husband's blue/black deck gets me every time... no matter what color I play.

poultryofperil · February 2014

The lack of confidence isn't the real reason women hate the "nice guy" bull****, because we completely understand the lack of confidence and fear of rejection involved with making the first move.

Don't speak for all women. Lack of confidence and "But I'm scared of rejection" bull**** are way up there on my list of turn-offs, and it's not because it makes someone less of a man to not want to see his ego bruised; it's because he must be self-loathing to an almost pathological degree if he's going to give up without even trying.

Rejection is a part of life. People "apply" for things all the time that they know they might not get ... colleges, jobs/promotions, offers on homes, etc. Why is asking a woman out any different? If you are going to not go after something you want because there's a chance you might not get it, then honestly, I probably don't even want to be friends with you, let alone date you. I like people with ambition, people who believe they are good enough or are willing to put in whatever effort is required to BECOME good enough. I don't like people who default to the path of least resistance.

This is very true. I meant to add that I was speaking for me personally, but I got kind of caught up in the other part I was talking about. I'm slowly learning not to be a wuss, so really aggressive people alarm me a little bit. To each their own! But for real. I think a large part of the problem is thinking every woman wants the same thing. If you think one thing goes for all women across the board, you're not even trying to get to know her (this goes for anyone who likes women, not just men).

Addendum: This goes for anyone, period, to be honest. Everyone is different.

wheird · February 2014

I don't friendzone nice guys, I friendzone boring wussies.

Why do you want to be friends with boring wussies?

For their skills in magic.

My husband's blue/black deck gets me every time... no matter what color I play.

Oh you win. :laugh:

rew05d · February 2014

First, consider this, gentlemen: Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins in until sex falls out. We are human beings, just like you, with our own strengths, weaknesses, interests, personalities, and traits we are attracted to. You can not control the actions or attractions of anyone other than yourself.

There are a few camps of people in the "friendzone":
Group 1) You are not mature enough to accept lack of mutual compatibility (sad face).
Group 2) You like a horrible person and are just now realizing it (sad face).
Group 3)You are a horrible person and do not realize it (sad face).

{Group 1}
Feeling rejected sucks. But she hasn't actually rejected you as a human being. She still wants you in her life. She just turned you down for a date. You aren't what she likes (and that's okay). That says just as much something about her, as it does you. You are both separate individuals that did not match up in terms of similar interests and attractions. This is not a failing, it is a lack of compatibility. Chalk it up to that and move on to someone you have more in common. Finding and clicking with someone you actually have stuff in common with and likes you back is better than being bitter about liking the wrong person for you.

{Group 2}
Okay, so let's assume you are a well-rounded, self-aware, emotionally intelligent human being. You would love to date her, you have told her so in an upfront and immediate way, and she continues to let you do nice things for her that exceed normal friendship-level favors (i.e. anything you wouldn't do for any good friend). Then, she is using you and you do not like a good person. This person is not considerate of the feelings of others. This type of a person is only interested in what they can get from other people (like those who always claim they are friendzoned--b/c all they want is sex. See Group 3).

{Group 3}
If you only were her friend so that you could date her (to get the benefits of a girlfriend), then you were lying throughout the faux-friendship (and are being a Dbag-Mc****face). What you are really saying is that <i>her feelings are irrelevant</i> because they do not match up to the fantasy you have created in your head. Because her feelings do not matter as much as how this girl makes your dangling man-bits feel. That's not a woman you are attracted to, that's a fantasy and her saying no is her exerting her right as a human being. Maybe you are just into her because she is really pretty. That's very superficial and a relationship built solely on physical attraction is neither lasting nor fulfilling.

THE BOTTOM LINE
Sometimes people won't like you. Sometimes they won't want to date you. There are a million reasons why she/he doesn't want to either date and/or bang you. Being sad about a someone's lack of interest is a normal human way to respond to the feeling of rejection. Saying you were friendzoned is immature and girlfriendzoning someone is disrespectful to the person (not object) of your affection.

You have two options: keep pining and blame others for those unrequited feelings only you can control OR move on and find someone who will like you for you. **Please, above all things, stop saying you are friendzoned. It's really annoying blaming women for your bad feelings that you wish you didn't feel. **

RivenV · February 2014

I don't friendzone nice guys, I friendzone boring wussies.

Why do you want to be friends with boring wussies?

For their skills in magic.

My husband's blue/black deck gets me every time... no matter what color I play.

Oh you win. :laugh:

Well, I didn't say I lost.

contingencyplan · February 2014

Too many people who call themselves "nice guys" use that as an excuse to justify why they aren't forward or up front about what they want. I am a "nice guy." And I used to be friend zoned by every girl I was interested in. The only thing it took to fix that was to be forward and up front with them about my intentions, and have enough sense of self worth to walk away when the stress just wasn't worth it anymore. By changing just those two things--NOTHING ELSE--I stopped getting friend zoned.

Lettee4 · February 2014

in my experience every guy who i've "friendzoned" who has been a "nice guy" has actually been a bitter arsehole. they've been so nice to me until i said i only want to be friends, then were absolutely horrible to me. pleeeaaaase, you arent a nice guy if you're only nice to me if i want to be your girlfriend. being a nice guy does NOT give you any power over a woman's choice in a partner, get over it.

PtheronJr · February 2014

I don't think there's any faster way to make me want to not talk to someone than to unironically use the phrase "friendzone."
What's so terrible about being friends with a girl? If you have feelings for her that aren't reciprocated, either deal with it or stop hanging out with her if it's too much. It's as simple as that, there's nothing that anyone owes you, there is no amount of time or attention you give her that you can hope to exchange for what you want, it's as simple as that.

It's pretty much for the same reason that no matter how long someone knows me, or how nice they are to me, or how much they support me, will I ever let them piss on my face, even if that's what they desperately want. Seriously, your presence is not currency, your creepiness you misinterpret as "niceness" is not currency. There's no exchanging.

Also, there are plenty of girls I know that I find attractive, or that find me attractive, and even though one or the other has thought about having sex, we just don't act on it. Why? Because we're human beings with restraint, and because friends with benefits isn't something that work out in our friendship, so we just don't do it because it's the smartest and most sensible thing to be done.
We're not "friendzoning" each other by not acting on our base desires.

I think people that believe in that crap fundamentally misunderstand how human interaction works.
Also, when girls talk about dating *kitten* or *kitten*, they're talking about their ex, or idiots they've dated. Many of my exes are people I don't like very much and I refer to them as "jerks" in the past tense. It's not because I'm attracted to jerks, like so many men think women are, but because relationships have a tendency to end badly every now and then and your impressions of your ex are then negative. That's who those jerks are, they're exes, crappy dates or relationships, not a "type" of guy that exists, which, by the way, can be conclusively summarized as "the guy who is boning the girl that I have a desperate unrequited desire for."

TheSeventiesGuy · February 2014

Great points

SouthPawSings · February 2014

I don't know, but I'm going to marry my 'nice guy'!

Howdoyoufeeltoday · February 2014

I have two videos for this. 1 is a song by Chester See and Ryan Higa. The other is a very helpful video by Jenna Marbles. They sum up all I have to say on the matter.

Ryan Higa "Nice Guys Finish Last"

http://youtu.be/xfeys7Jfnx8

Jenna Marbles "Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last"

http://youtu.be/3VXXXX9iVPI

"You don't hear us moping around about how nice we are and how good we can cook sandwiches and *kitten*".

amy1612 · February 2014

I

Jenna Marbles "Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last" http://youtu.be/3VXXXX9iVPI

"You don't hear us moping around about how nice we are and how good we can cook sandwiches and *kitten*".

Too late, I posted this like 10 pages ago

(good taste)