Girls do you like a nice guy? You just friendzoned him

EngineerPrincess · February 2014

Thing is that I can only see girls as a friend that are not appealing to me in physical way, but than what it happens she makes a move on me. Sure, she can be interesting as a person, but if I do not feel sexual attraction that would be just me forcing myself in something I really do not want. I have to put her in "friendzone" and that just makes me feel bad, because she can be a really good friend, but I am not interested in that kind of way. When that did happened a couple of times I just said no to all this ever again.

Every woman you know has thrown herself at you, huh?

By what he typed it sounds like only the girls he isn't physically attracted to always throw themselves at him.

Dude, you need to stop flattering yourself. The problem isn't with women, it's with how you view them. They're people. You're people. Most won't want to date you, but by not being friends with women you're excluding 50% of the potential good friends you could make.

rml_16 · February 2014

Thing is that I can only see girls as a friend that are not appealing to me in physical way, but than what it happens she makes a move on me. Sure, she can be interesting as a person, but if I do not feel sexual attraction that would be just me forcing myself in something I really do not want. I have to put her in "friendzone" and that just makes me feel bad, because she can be a really good friend, but I am not interested in that kind of way. When that did happened a couple of times I just said no to all this ever again.

Every woman you know has thrown herself at you, huh?

By what he typed it sounds like only the girls he isn't physically attracted to always throw themselves at him.

Dude, you need to stop flattering yourself. The problem isn't with women, it's with how you view them. They're people. You're people. Most won't want to date you, but by not being friends with women you're excluding 50% of the potential good friends you could make.

Hush.

I think he's doing them a favor.

vuco1990 · February 2014

Thing is that I can only see girls as a friend that are not appealing to me in physical way, but than what it happens she makes a move on me. Sure, she can be interesting as a person, but if I do not feel sexual attraction that would be just me forcing myself in something I really do not want. I have to put her in "friendzone" and that just makes me feel bad, because she can be a really good friend, but I am not interested in that kind of way. When that did happened a couple of times I just said no to all this ever again.

Every woman you know has thrown herself at you, huh?

Not like that. It can start as a friendship, but always it was me liking her ( and not telling her that) or she liking me (and not telling me that) . Either, I want to stay on friendship level or she wants So, I just stopped with that all together. Generally, in area were I live this attitude is not uncommon. Of course I can be friend with some older neighbor women or something like that, but with girls of my age hardly. No, I am not even that good looking for girls to be "throwing them self on me", but I just have different point of view on male-female relationship and it did showed to be truth for me at least.

wolverine66 · February 2014

my favorite part of this thread is where people project the notion onto men that the ones who are nice, aren't actually nice but using it because they think that "being nice entitles them to sex."

i don't think i have ever seen a guy claim this... just people setting up that strawman to knock it down. it is a fun one, and easy... oh. i am sure that some guys do use this as a tactic, but there are also people out there who think that honking their car horn at a woman is a sure fire way to pique her interest.

although I admit, i haven't read the whole thread. it's hard to stick with it when most of it is based on a false premise that nice guys think that being nice entitles them to sex and that women never lead someone on just to take advantage of the niceness (and vice versa - i am just using the construct of the thread). So maybe, somewhere in here, a guy said something that implies his niceness should be rewarded with sex (or a relationship).

relationships - romantic, platonic, and otherwise - are not so simple and they are not uniform. i am sure there are an array of situations that are each different even in the most miniscule ways.

i am already regretting posting in this thread, and i haven't clicked "post" yet.

TheSeventiesGuy · February 2014

@wolverine66 Well said sir!!

EngineerPrincess · February 2014

Thing is that I can only see girls as a friend that are not appealing to me in physical way, but than what it happens she makes a move on me. Sure, she can be interesting as a person, but if I do not feel sexual attraction that would be just me forcing myself in something I really do not want. I have to put her in "friendzone" and that just makes me feel bad, because she can be a really good friend, but I am not interested in that kind of way. When that did happened a couple of times I just said no to all this ever again.

Every woman you know has thrown herself at you, huh?

Not like that. It can start as a friendship, but always it was me liking her ( and not telling her that) or she liking me (and not telling me that) . Either, I want to stay on friendship level or she wants So, I just stopped with that all together. Generally, in area were I live this attitude is not uncommon. Of course I can be friend with some older neighbor women or something like that, but with girls of my age hardly. No, I am not even that good looking for girls to be "throwing them self on me", but I just have different point of view on male-female relationship and it did showed to be truth for me at least.

Sadly I can certainly imagine that if you live many places in the US your viewpoints are indeed common. I like giving people new perspectives though, especially when the current social perspectives on male-female friendships are downright sexist and deny women any social power outside of sexual relations with men. So my post was food for thought for you! Never too late to try and change society for the better. It changes all the time. This viewpoint helps back a terrible social assumption that the female gender's entire worth to society is only sexual. By doing that you add to the struggles of 51% of the people on earth. Occasionally you'll meet a person you're attracted to, for you they'll likely be female, but treat other women your age the way you would treat men. With respect, as interesting people, who could potentially be your friend, coworker, superior, or anything else. THAT makes someone a nice person.

And I highly doubt every girl your age you've met that you're not attracted to has become attracted to you. Unless you're quite young, in which case ridiculous numbers of hormones make teens sexually attracted to all girls, some guys, and sometimes more than that. But even then. Generalizations will not help you in life.

EngineerPrincess · February 2014

my favorite part of this thread is where people project the notion onto men that the ones who are nice, aren't actually nice but using it because they think that "being nice entitles them to sex."

i don't think i have ever seen a guy claim this... just people setting up that strawman to knock it down. it is a fun one, and easy... oh. i am sure that some guys do use this as a tactic, but there are also people out there who think that honking their car horn at a woman is a sure fire way to pique her interest.

although I admit, i haven't read the whole thread. it's hard to stick with it when most of it is based on a false premise that nice guys think that being nice entitles them to sex and that women never lead someone on just to take advantage of the niceness (and vice versa - i am just using the construct of the thread). So maybe, somewhere in here, a guy said something that implies his niceness should be rewarded with sex (or a relationship).

relationships - romantic, platonic, and otherwise - are not so simple and they are not uniform. i am sure there are an array of situations that are each different even in the most miniscule ways.

i am already regretting posting in this thread, and i haven't clicked "post" yet.

I see your point, but I don't think that most people in this thread assume what you've said. Many if not most guys in life who are nice are actually just nice! But ones who complain on the internet about not getting girls they were friends with, especially if they only became friends to pursue a romantic relationship, usually aren't as nice as they try and convey. I think it really depends on the tone, but typically complaining about being a "nice guy" comes from a specific group of people who haven't yet figured out what they need to do to have a romantic relationship, and how to separate that from platonic yet caring feelings about people of the opposite gender.

BeckyGee84 · February 2014

Its fun to f(&% your friends.

Leonidas_meets_Spartacus · February 2014

Some of the comments belong to those HS teen comedies. LOL. Far from reality and typical stereotypes.

knittnponder · February 2014

I married a nice guy. He was in the friend zone for about a year but when he asked me out I said yes. We've been together for 25 years now and I have no regrets letting him out of the friend zone!

Sinisterly · February 2014

Do "noobs" count as "nice guys"???

Leonidas_meets_Spartacus · February 2014

Do "noobs" count as "nice guys"???

Only if they are virgin.

Sinisterly · February 2014

Do "noobs" count as "nice guys"???

Only if they are virgin.

But how can you tell???

Leonidas_meets_Spartacus · February 2014

they have virgin looks. i can tell..

ballert1 · February 2014

Everyone knows you get friend zoned if your a nice guy who is boring and an open book. Have some edge, be spontaneous, don't stick to a schedule a lllllll the time.

kuger4119 · February 2014

I certainly have not trudged through the whole thread but the reality is that studies have shown that women tend to want nice guys as friends and have sex with the jerks they meet. Of course, a lot of "nice guys" who get rejected by women often overlook "nice girls" while they are chasing after a hot piece of *kitten*. In many respects, there is often hypocrisy on both sides of the issue.

MysteriousMerlin · February 2014

I dunno if I replied to this one before...

I married a nice guy. We were friends at first, but after a year or so we started dating. I fell HARD for my pal. He's still my best friend over 20 years later. :drinker: