Girls do you like a nice guy? You just friendzoned him
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I am happily married but in my 49 years I have seen and heard plenty. I do not believe in the good guy bad guy viewpoint in dating. I believe in the alpha male claims the playing field until maturity sets in. I for one, was in the sow your oats as a youth but matured into a man who respected himself first and all other living creatures next.
You cannot change the person you are but you can change the way you treat others and the perception you give to us. You can continue to be a jack$$$ and get dates and get laids but in the end it leaves you feeling empty and wanting more because you don't have something that you can hold onto or connected with. Been there and done that - having seven girl friends at once in my 20s but I was a fool and did not realize it until I met the one that change my heart and gave my soul a reason for exisiting.0 -
I don't. But most typically all around nice guys don't approach me. It seems like the guys that have liked me (and me, with my amazing social skills, didn't know that they liked me) were subtly flirty (knew him for 4+ years! how did I not see this one?) or the other ones were too immature and played junior high games (acting mean, etc.)
Yeah I did friendzone him. He was kinda cute too- I didn't get to know him outside of high school... I do regret that, because we would have definitely made some fun friends regardless.
But even when people are there in your life for even a short amount of time, they leave an impression on you- his was brightening my days. :') 0 -
This is a generalization...
I am actually dating a guy I've been friends with for 5 years. I was with someone for 2 and he had told me he liked me (and thought I knew the whole time) about 2 months before my ex and I broke up. He was "friend zoned" and he knows it because, at the time, I didn't want anything when we had met and I didn't know he actually liked me. Now that I know, I'm taking full advantage because he's an amazing guy! If I lose this friendship though, I will be pretty heart broken. Things are good so far... a weekend away with him in a couple weeks and see if it's good enough to make it official
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My hubby is a "nice guy" who constantly got "friend zoned". Once I started dating him, however, all the bishes came out the woodworks and started "seeing" him for the great guy he is.0
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I'm not sure where I fall on this issue. What I do know is that even though this is a chat forum and no one really cares, you should still use proper grammer. I mean seriously, if you're going to claim to have all of the girls on MFP confess their love to you, don't do it in one giant run on sentence.
Maybe I'm just not that sensitive. Sorry.
You should learn how to spell before giving advice to others.
lol yes... I believe it's 'grammar' and not 'grammer'
That is all0 -
"Nice guy" = entitled man with poor social skills who believes that women owe him sex (or a relationship if he's the type who insists that it's not about sex) if he displays the bare minimum of being (or pretending to be) a decent human being.
I'm sure this is what a lot of women tell themselves to rationalize behavior.
Because from this statement, there appears that there are no quality men. Nice guys are wolves in sheep's clothing, and bad boys are just wolves.0 -
Nope, I like nice guys... easier to train and less drama for me.0
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A nice guy is often confused with a pushover. Few ladies like a pushover.0
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Just because you think you're a nice guy and she won't sleep with you doesn't mean that you're A. Nice or B. Friend zoned. Maybe she finds you unattractive, maybe your personality doesn't mesh with hers, maybe you're an idiot, maybe you're feeling that girls are a machine you put nice coins into in exchange for sex turns her off.
Maybe all of the above. All I know is that guys who lead with "I'm a really nice guy." Or "why do women like jerks/bad boys?" Becomes an immediate non-sexual being in my eyes. Might as well be a Ken doll.0 -
A friend wrote this on my wall. So I am sharing.
Oh be my friend, i respect you, blah blah blah, hidden agenda to keep putting kindness into me until sex falls out, like Im some kind of slot machine who doesnt know what she wants. Just cause you're nice doesnt mean you're the one we want. there is more to it than nice. and besides its not Nice Guys vs Jerks - although there are two types for sure. Guys who are getting laid, and guys who arent.0 -
Nope, I like nice guys... easier to train and less drama for me.
Nice guys don't have to be wimps, soft, or "easy to train."
I think that's where people might get confused. Just because someone is nice, doesn't mean they are a pushover.0 -
You must not have seen any of his other posts before he quit. Almost every single one of them was about how girls only like jerks and how awful girls are for not liking "nice guys."In response to SailorKnightW's
"Why do people keep replying to this guy's posts? He's a deactivated troll."
That is not nice at all. We don't know him nor his story. He might have been really hurt by someone, who knows. He may have a broken heart. I do hope whatever his situation is that he learns from some of the advice given on here. He could have had a better delivery than how he posted it though.0 -
Your threads have a common theme... Come, sit on my couch and tell me about the woman who crushed you.
LOL!0 -
Not exactly. I never became a jerk, I just stopped being a doormat. I put the emphasis on bettering myself and managing my own needs...instead of trying to put her wants in front of my own. The way my relationships work now, everyone manages their own needs and if it doesn't hurt me to do so, I'll help out when I can. Less effort, better results, everybody is happier in the end. Everybody!
So you got push to the curb and became a jerk/ take what you want and leave them crying at the chapel?
This exactly!"Nice guy" = entitled man with poor social skills who believes that women owe him sex (or a relationship if he's the type who insists that it's not about sex) if he displays the bare minimum of being (or pretending to be) a decent human being.
As a "recovering nice guy", I was exactly this type of manipulative, self-serving loser...all while saying things like "nice guys finish last" and using terms like "friendzone". Once I shed my expectations on what I felt I was entitled to in my interactions with women, I got way more confident and way more successful. I view "nice guy" as an insult these days...and I'm never going back there.0 -
My husband is a "nice guy" and I never friendzoned him. We were introduced by mutual friends who just thought I needed to go out and have some fun. I had just gotten out of a 9 year abusive marriage and "nice", "patient", and "kind" were just what I was looking for. I fell for him immediately.
my story is similar to yours. I was in a toxic, abusive marriage for 4 years and when I got the nerve to leave, I started dating a nice guy. A genuine nice guy, not some entitled *kitten*. That's not to say I always get my way or that he's a doormat, far from it. But, he is patient, sweet, caring, brutally honest, kind, compassionate, protective, genuine, etc...0 -
nice guy swag ftw!!!
works evertime0 -
I spent most of my life as the friendzoned guy, seriously. My nickname "Just Al" comes from the fact that I was always perceived as the non-threatening brother like guy "I couldn't date him, he's Just Al" "I don't have to worry about going there with him, he's Just Al"
Seriously though, I'm still very good friends with most of the women who friend zoned me (except for the ones who moved away) and I found out after the fact that my now wife was threatened with grievous bodily harm by several of them if she broke my heart.
Doesn't matter I was ever friend zoned because I am very happy with where I am now and who I am with.
I have found someone I love more than my wife though, my daughter. Don't tell my wife she isn't my favorite...0 -
After a 4 1/2 year abusive relationship in which I was THISCLOSE to being killed....I too, fell for a "nice guy". He was everything that the abusive jerkwad was NOT and I fell hard for the kindness, patience, compassion and love that he showed me.
We've been together 13 years now, married in 2010 and our son is 11....he is my knight in shining armor and I've never looked back!!
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After a 4 1/2 year abusive relationship in which I was THISCLOSE to being killed....I too, fell for a "nice guy". He was everything that the abusive jerkwad was NOT and I fell hard for the kindness, patience, compassion and love that he showed me.
We've been together 13 years now, married in 2010 and our son is 11....he is my knight in shining armor and I've never looked back!! 0 -
You must not have seen any of his other posts before he quit. Almost every single one of them was about how girls only like jerks and how awful girls are for not liking "nice guys."In response to SailorKnightW's
"Why do people keep replying to this guy's posts? He's a deactivated troll."
That is not nice at all. We don't know him nor his story. He might have been really hurt by someone, who knows. He may have a broken heart. I do hope whatever his situation is that he learns from some of the advice given on here. He could have had a better delivery than how he posted it though.
Sorry about that. I guess I didnt then if that is the case then mfp is a better place with him gone. I did see someone make an entitlement statement and maybe it was a response to him. He has to earn and work for a woman's heart and go through life thinking he is entitled to it because he is nice. Heck, who knows, he might be nice at all. There is this one woman I am sweet on and Ill tell you what, I will work my tail off to win her over.0 -
There is no such thing as "friendzoning". Either both sides feel chemistry, or they don't. If one person is not attracted to the other, no amount of "nice" will make it happen. And that person is not putting the other in any zone, or giving them a consolation prize....they are simply not trying to force an attraction that isn't there.
We have all these movies and things where the girl falls for the guy she didn't look twice at because he never gives up, continually pursues her attention, and makes grand dramatic gestures. It makes for lovely fiction. But in the real world, that's called stalking.
As for the guys who believe they were rejected because they were "too nice"....no. Girls don't want to hurt your feelings. They want to let you down as easily as possible, and they want to try to raise your self esteem and make you feel good about yourself because they know rejection hurts. But really...it's you. It may or may not be your behaviour, it may or may not be your looks....very likely, it's because you just don't have that intangible quality that happens to be their attraction trigger. Just like you are not attracted to every female that comes along, we are not attracted to every male.
This is true for every single person in the world: When you leave your home in the morning, you walk out into a world full of people. Some of them will find you attractive. Most of them will not. Grooming, style, and HONEST kindness will increase the number who do, but even Johnny Depp would strike out if he tries to court someone in the second group.
So, to all the "nice guys" who believe they are always relegated to the "friendzone"...here is my advice. Stop and look around. Get out and meet people. Some girls you meet will be attracted to you, so narrow your focus to women who return your attention. And if a woman rejects you, take a deep breath, recognize that attraction is a complex thing, and turn your attention to someone else.
Because there's nothing quite so unattractive as whining about the "friendzone".0 -
In my experience, nice guys lack the confidence the jerks exude. While that confidence may not be shown in the best way, their bold actions, comments, etc make them stand above the other options.
The jerk shows that there is a promise of fulfilling your fantasies; the nice guy seems like he's going to be too timid about his own sexuality to sway from missionary. (IMHO)
For myself, the guy has to appeal to me intellectually, that seems enough of a challenge for most of the men I have met. At the end of the day, I friendzone everyone; it takes an epic feat for me to be even the slightest bit interested. (IE a confident nerd, I am convinced those do not exist.)0 -
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I've had just as many umm....relations with nice guys as I have naughty ones.
The difference?
Nice guys are marriage material.0 -
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Nice or not- if there is 0 attraction.. BAM; you're in the friendzone. Period.0
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Hate to say it but its the nice guys with no confidence and are willing to do whatever the girl asks him to do that have no shot. There are plenty of nice guys out there that stand for something and aren't willing to put up with every little piece of crap that is thrown at them.
Those are the guys that a girl can respect.0 -
I married the nice guy.....0
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There is no such thing as "friendzoning". Either both sides feel chemistry, or they don't. If one person is not attracted to the other, no amount of "nice" will make it happen. And that person is not putting the other in any zone, or giving them a consolation prize....they are simply not trying to force an attraction that isn't there.
Then why did multiple women say that they put men in the "friendzone" in this very thread?
I'm not really disputing what you are saying as much as asking why there is a discrepancy... could it be that some people have them and some people do not?
You know who I blame for all this "friendzone" nonsense? John Hughes0
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