Girls do you like a nice guy? You just friendzoned him

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  • MummyHungry
    MummyHungry Posts: 82 Member
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    There is no such thing as "friendzoning". Either both sides feel chemistry, or they don't. If one person is not attracted to the other, no amount of "nice" will make it happen. And that person is not putting the other in any zone, or giving them a consolation prize....they are simply not trying to force an attraction that isn't there.

    We have all these movies and things where the girl falls for the guy she didn't look twice at because he never gives up, continually pursues her attention, and makes grand dramatic gestures. It makes for lovely fiction. But in the real world, that's called stalking.

    As for the guys who believe they were rejected because they were "too nice"....no. Girls don't want to hurt your feelings. They want to let you down as easily as possible, and they want to try to raise your self esteem and make you feel good about yourself because they know rejection hurts. But really...it's you. It may or may not be your behaviour, it may or may not be your looks....very likely, it's because you just don't have that intangible quality that happens to be their attraction trigger. Just like you are not attracted to every female that comes along, we are not attracted to every male.

    This is true for every single person in the world: When you leave your home in the morning, you walk out into a world full of people. Some of them will find you attractive. Most of them will not. Grooming, style, and HONEST kindness will increase the number who do, but even Johnny Depp would strike out if he tries to court someone in the second group.

    So, to all the "nice guys" who believe they are always relegated to the "friendzone"...here is my advice. Stop and look around. Get out and meet people. Some girls you meet will be attracted to you, so narrow your focus to women who return your attention. And if a woman rejects you, take a deep breath, recognize that attraction is a complex thing, and turn your attention to someone else.

    Because there's nothing quite so unattractive as whining about the "friendzone".
  • BattleTaxi
    BattleTaxi Posts: 752 Member
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    In my experience, nice guys lack the confidence the jerks exude. While that confidence may not be shown in the best way, their bold actions, comments, etc make them stand above the other options.

    The jerk shows that there is a promise of fulfilling your fantasies; the nice guy seems like he's going to be too timid about his own sexuality to sway from missionary. (IMHO)

    For myself, the guy has to appeal to me intellectually, that seems enough of a challenge for most of the men I have met. At the end of the day, I friendzone everyone; it takes an epic feat for me to be even the slightest bit interested. (IE a confident nerd, I am convinced those do not exist.)
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
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  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
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    I've had just as many umm....relations with nice guys as I have naughty ones.

    The difference?

    Nice guys are marriage material.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    hFFA64E53
  • MyseriMapleleaf
    MyseriMapleleaf Posts: 81 Member
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    Nice or not- if there is 0 attraction.. BAM; you're in the friendzone. Period.
  • funforsports
    funforsports Posts: 2,656 Member
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    Hate to say it but its the nice guys with no confidence and are willing to do whatever the girl asks him to do that have no shot. There are plenty of nice guys out there that stand for something and aren't willing to put up with every little piece of crap that is thrown at them.

    Those are the guys that a girl can respect.
  • stephc0711
    stephc0711 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    I married the nice guy.....
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    There is no such thing as "friendzoning". Either both sides feel chemistry, or they don't. If one person is not attracted to the other, no amount of "nice" will make it happen. And that person is not putting the other in any zone, or giving them a consolation prize....they are simply not trying to force an attraction that isn't there.

    Then why did multiple women say that they put men in the "friendzone" in this very thread?

    I'm not really disputing what you are saying as much as asking why there is a discrepancy... could it be that some people have them and some people do not?

    You know who I blame for all this "friendzone" nonsense? John Hughes
  • jenjencin78
    jenjencin78 Posts: 4,415 Member
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    Bottom line there must be some level of physical attraction or yes you will be "friendzoned" Just the way it is.
  • chubby_checkers
    chubby_checkers Posts: 2,354 Member
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    The common denominator in all of your problems is you. Sorry women don't like you, OP. I think you should take a step back and chill by yourself for a while.
  • missyj1115
    missyj1115 Posts: 1,220 Member
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    I seem to find the bad ones or the over the top nice ones...
    Why can't there be a guy out there that has a nice, sweet side
    with a little bit of an edge!!
  • skrakalaka
    skrakalaka Posts: 338 Member
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    My husband was in the friend zone for years because we met in high school and he was 2 years younger than me. Several years later It took some alcohol but one night he busted out of the friend zone and we've been together for 12 years. Great relationships are based on a solid friendship IMO.
  • ArtsyGeekette
    ArtsyGeekette Posts: 29 Member
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    Okay, I'm throwing this out here: "Friendzoing" is a pathetic term for those who have ill-intentions of not even being a friend to the object of their affection.

    Guys and girls do it. Grow the eff up and accept not everyone wants to be invited to your personal pants party regardless of what you do "for them." When you actually care about someone to be their friend, perhaps you won't be the "nice guy" or "nice girl" and be a "good person" instead. Have some personal respect, treat people around you with dignity and if romance comes along, have fun.

    When you try to force things in the realm of dating, it's *kitten* and will always be *kitten*.

    So next time one of you complains of being "friendzoned", it's your own fault for living in a state of denial instead of being real and treating people with respect. Confidence, good attitude towards life and being a good, honest person goes a LONG way further than grand, flowery gestures.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    Okay, I'm throwing this out here: "Friendzoing" is a pathetic term for those who have ill-intentions of not even being a friend to the object of their affection.

    Guys and girls do it. Grow the eff up and accept not everyone wants to be invited to your personal pants party regardless of what you do "for them." When you actually care about someone to be their friend, perhaps you won't be the "nice guy" or "nice girl" and be a "good person" instead. Have some personal respect, treat people around you with dignity and if romance comes along, have fun.

    When you try to force things in the realm of dating, it's *kitten* and will always be *kitten*.

    So next time one of you complains of being "friendzoned", it's your own fault for living in a state of denial instead of being real and treating people with respect. Confidence, good attitude towards life and being a good, honest person goes a LONG way further than grand, flowery gestures.

    Do-not-think-it-means.jpeg
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    When asked what they want in a partner guys tend to not answer "A crazy *kitten* b***h with hourly mood swings and endless tantrums" while ladies usually won`t say "A real prick that barely talks to me,yells when he does and treats me like crap he owns".

    Instead they cite all the perfect qualities they think sound good and package it in an easy term like nice etc.

    When the things that actually attract them causes them to end up with the guy/gal described in my first sentence it creates a conundrum as to why when it turns to the almost inevitable disaster.
    Hence as an explanation they rationalize away what a true "nice" person is rather then face the reality of things.

    It is part of human nature and not really gender specific.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    There is no such thing as "friendzoning". Either both sides feel chemistry, or they don't. If one person is not attracted to the other, no amount of "nice" will make it happen. And that person is not putting the other in any zone, or giving them a consolation prize....they are simply not trying to force an attraction that isn't there.

    I'd say there is. I put plenty of guys in the "friendzone". I wasn't interested in dating and they were, but they were more like brothers to me, so.... "friendzone"...
  • Macgeek74
    Macgeek74 Posts: 298 Member
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    I seem to find the bad ones or the over the top nice ones...
    Why can't there be a guy out there that has a nice, sweet side
    with a little bit of an edge!!

    How you doin? ;)
  • rhia575
    rhia575 Posts: 212 Member
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    I hate the whole dating thing. The way people feel the need to act a certain way for the first few weeks/months or whatever. Eg pretend they like each other less or over think the things they do - I can't stand that. So I friend zone every guy and the 2 people i've had a serious relationship with were my best friend first before I would even consider dating. I think it works out better that way. Really deeply get to know someone before you add the pressure of a relationship.
    But I'm young, so what do I know...

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